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Firebreathing Comrade

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britt1110
Jana Lebedeva
Correct me if I'm wrong(I'm asexual myself so may have a poor understanding of how sexual attraction works), but doesn't a large chunk of sexual attraction stem from what sort of genitals a person has? I know there's exceptions, such as Pansexuals, but for everybody else I doubt it's transphobic to accept what are normal bodily urges.

Again, I could be wrong on this since I'm not exactly an expert on sexual attraction, not experiencing it myself.


I ,me personally, define sexuality as attraction to a person based on the physical sex they are. So whether they have a p***s or v****a and their gender can also play a factor. Then you also have to take into account romantic attraction. Most people's sexual attraction and romantic attraction are the same, but then there are people like me whose sexual attraction/sexuality is homo/bi-sexual but my romantic attraction is hetero-romantic which means I'm only attracted to people of the opposite sex and gender from me.

It's pretty complex.


Th whole differing sexual/romantic attraction thing I am familiar with. Most asexuals tend to also be aromantic, but I have come across heteroromantic, homoromantic, and even biromantic aces. Me personally? I seem to be somewhere between demiromantic and aromantic.

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The Willow Of Darkness
britt1110
I've seen this thinking going around a lot lately amongst some trans people I know and fellow allies, and it's usually towards homosexual people. For example, I've seen some trans girls say it's transphobic for a lesbian not to be attracted to them [them being transwomen in general]. However, it's typical of lesbians to date and/or have sex with other women with vaginas. (not saying that all cisgender lesbians are like this but that's usually how it's seen). How is it transphobic to not want to be with someone who has a p***s when you're attracted to individuals [girls] with vaginas?

I understand that in a real life situation where a cis person encounters a trans person, things would turn out in a number of way. But overall, is it wrong to not be attracted to/not want to date a transgender person because of their genitals being different from their gender? I know there are a lot of factors that go into thinking this way, like sexuality, gender and sex, and preference, and how people define these things.

Basically, if you do feel it's transphobic not to want to be with a trans person could you explain why?
Also if this is new to you, or even if it's not, share your opinions.

**DISCLAIMER: I really am interested in this and want to try to understand this. I'm not just here trying to spew opinions. I know that I may have worder things in a way that may sound funny or not okay, but please try to bear with me. I want this topic to open up understanding for everyone.**


Depends what you are talking about. No-one is obligated to be attracted to anyone else. If someone doesn't find a given trans person attractive, there is nothing wrong with that. It is not really any different, for example, heterosexual person not being attracted to someone of the opposite sex.

People do, however, tend to make big proclamations about how they are only attracted to people with certain traits. In this context, which is appears you are talking about, it is absolutely transphobic. One cannot go around saying: "There is no way I could be attracted to a trans person." without taking the assumption trans people are disgusting because of their identity and body, to a point where the person making the statement could never be attracted to a trans person.

And the specific example you talked about, lesbians and trans women, is transphobic because it denies the womanhood of trans women. If someone says: "I'm lesbian. I'm attracted to women." and then claims the cannot be attracted to trans women because their genitals/physiology, they are placing trans women outside the category of women.


Ohhh I see now. So in this case, if a lesbian wanted to state how she's attracted to women with vaginas would she just say that? Or just say cis women? I assume it's not terriblely wrong to state that you're only into cis-women.

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Jana Lebedeva
britt1110
Jana Lebedeva
Correct me if I'm wrong(I'm asexual myself so may have a poor understanding of how sexual attraction works), but doesn't a large chunk of sexual attraction stem from what sort of genitals a person has? I know there's exceptions, such as Pansexuals, but for everybody else I doubt it's transphobic to accept what are normal bodily urges.

Again, I could be wrong on this since I'm not exactly an expert on sexual attraction, not experiencing it myself.


I ,me personally, define sexuality as attraction to a person based on the physical sex they are. So whether they have a p***s or v****a and their gender can also play a factor. Then you also have to take into account romantic attraction. Most people's sexual attraction and romantic attraction are the same, but then there are people like me whose sexual attraction/sexuality is homo/bi-sexual but my romantic attraction is hetero-romantic which means I'm only attracted to people of the opposite sex and gender from me.

It's pretty complex.


Th whole differing sexual/romantic attraction thing I am familiar with. Most asexuals tend to also be aromantic, but I have come across heteroromantic, homoromantic, and even biromantic aces. Me personally? I seem to be somewhere between demiromantic and aromantic.


I see, but to answer your first question, sometimes people try to deny the fact or ignore that sexual attraction has a lot to do with the genitals of the other person when it does in fact have to do with it.

Firebreathing Comrade

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britt1110


I see, but to answer your first question, sometimes people try to deny the fact or ignore that sexual attraction has a lot to do with the genitals of the other person when it does in fact have to do with it.


Then my point stands. It's not inherently transphobic to not be attracted to a trans person. At least when they're in their pre-op stage since at that point they do not have the genitals that match their gender.

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britt1110
The Willow Of Darkness
britt1110
I've seen this thinking going around a lot lately amongst some trans people I know and fellow allies, and it's usually towards homosexual people. For example, I've seen some trans girls say it's transphobic for a lesbian not to be attracted to them [them being transwomen in general]. However, it's typical of lesbians to date and/or have sex with other women with vaginas. (not saying that all cisgender lesbians are like this but that's usually how it's seen). How is it transphobic to not want to be with someone who has a p***s when you're attracted to individuals [girls] with vaginas?

I understand that in a real life situation where a cis person encounters a trans person, things would turn out in a number of way. But overall, is it wrong to not be attracted to/not want to date a transgender person because of their genitals being different from their gender? I know there are a lot of factors that go into thinking this way, like sexuality, gender and sex, and preference, and how people define these things.

Basically, if you do feel it's transphobic not to want to be with a trans person could you explain why?
Also if this is new to you, or even if it's not, share your opinions.

**DISCLAIMER: I really am interested in this and want to try to understand this. I'm not just here trying to spew opinions. I know that I may have worder things in a way that may sound funny or not okay, but please try to bear with me. I want this topic to open up understanding for everyone.**


Depends what you are talking about. No-one is obligated to be attracted to anyone else. If someone doesn't find a given trans person attractive, there is nothing wrong with that. It is not really any different, for example, heterosexual person not being attracted to someone of the opposite sex.

People do, however, tend to make big proclamations about how they are only attracted to people with certain traits. In this context, which is appears you are talking about, it is absolutely transphobic. One cannot go around saying: "There is no way I could be attracted to a trans person." without taking the assumption trans people are disgusting because of their identity and body, to a point where the person making the statement could never be attracted to a trans person.

And the specific example you talked about, lesbians and trans women, is transphobic because it denies the womanhood of trans women. If someone says: "I'm lesbian. I'm attracted to women." and then claims the cannot be attracted to trans women because their genitals/physiology, they are placing trans women outside the category of women.


Ohhh I see now. So in this case, if a lesbian wanted to state how she's attracted to women with vaginas would she just say that? Or just say cis women? I assume it's not terriblely wrong to state that you're only into cis-women.


Not exactly. While that doesn't assert trans women aren't really women, it's still proclaiming there is no way someone could be attracted to a trans person, as if being trans was a trait which somehow made impossible for a person to be attractive.

Saying one is only into cis women is sort of a problem. It positions the trans woman as of lesser value when compared to other women. Why does someone need to proclaim to the world that trans women (supposedly) could never be attractive to them? One does not need to assert such a thing to express how they aren't attracted to a given trans women. If someone says they "only into X," they are talking about the attraction irrespective of any existing person. They are asserting a rule of who is valuable enough to possibly be of interest to them.

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The Willow Of Darkness
britt1110
The Willow Of Darkness
britt1110
I've seen this thinking going around a lot lately amongst some trans people I know and fellow allies, and it's usually towards homosexual people. For example, I've seen some trans girls say it's transphobic for a lesbian not to be attracted to them [them being transwomen in general]. However, it's typical of lesbians to date and/or have sex with other women with vaginas. (not saying that all cisgender lesbians are like this but that's usually how it's seen). How is it transphobic to not want to be with someone who has a p***s when you're attracted to individuals [girls] with vaginas?

I understand that in a real life situation where a cis person encounters a trans person, things would turn out in a number of way. But overall, is it wrong to not be attracted to/not want to date a transgender person because of their genitals being different from their gender? I know there are a lot of factors that go into thinking this way, like sexuality, gender and sex, and preference, and how people define these things.

Basically, if you do feel it's transphobic not to want to be with a trans person could you explain why?
Also if this is new to you, or even if it's not, share your opinions.

**DISCLAIMER: I really am interested in this and want to try to understand this. I'm not just here trying to spew opinions. I know that I may have worder things in a way that may sound funny or not okay, but please try to bear with me. I want this topic to open up understanding for everyone.**


Depends what you are talking about. No-one is obligated to be attracted to anyone else. If someone doesn't find a given trans person attractive, there is nothing wrong with that. It is not really any different, for example, heterosexual person not being attracted to someone of the opposite sex.

People do, however, tend to make big proclamations about how they are only attracted to people with certain traits. In this context, which is appears you are talking about, it is absolutely transphobic. One cannot go around saying: "There is no way I could be attracted to a trans person." without taking the assumption trans people are disgusting because of their identity and body, to a point where the person making the statement could never be attracted to a trans person.

And the specific example you talked about, lesbians and trans women, is transphobic because it denies the womanhood of trans women. If someone says: "I'm lesbian. I'm attracted to women." and then claims the cannot be attracted to trans women because their genitals/physiology, they are placing trans women outside the category of women.


Ohhh I see now. So in this case, if a lesbian wanted to state how she's attracted to women with vaginas would she just say that? Or just say cis women? I assume it's not terriblely wrong to state that you're only into cis-women.


Not exactly. While that doesn't assert trans women aren't really women, it's still proclaiming there is no way someone could be attracted to a trans person, as if being trans was a trait which somehow made impossible for a person to be attractive.

Saying one is only into cis women is sort of a problem. It positions the trans woman as of lesser value when compared to other women. Why does someone need to proclaim to the world that trans women (supposedly) could never be attractive to them? One does not need to assert such a thing to express how they aren't attracted to a given trans women. If someone says they "only into X," they are talking about the attraction irrespective of any existing person. They are asserting a rule of who is valuable enough to possibly be of interest to them.

It's to not give false hope, Willow.

Sexually, I'm not even a little bit flexible - a fully functioning d**k must be present for Foxy to take an interest.

Anyone of any persuasion is completely welcome as a friend, but the lesbians/trans-folk have no shot in hell at a sexual relationship with me. I like males with male-bits in the bedroom. Period.

I think it's cruel to lead someone on, & if the folk of not-my-sexual-interest want nothing to do with me because I won't sleep with them? Fine.

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The thing about trans people is that (aside from physical attraction issues) a lot of social and mental strength may be necessary to date them. Not only are there people out there who may harass you for doing such, but if your lover decides to go through physical changes there may be problems to work through regarding that (both physically and mentally.) It could potentially be more than someone can handle.

I am not attracted to trans people (or at least have not been so far in the past) but even if I were I'd have to consider a relationship carefully in this day and age.

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I think it'd be unfair to say that it's transphobic to not be attracted to someone that doesn't have the genital set that you're attracted to. If it's someone post op and you don't have another reason not to be, then maybe.

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i dont find no plastic surgery attractive 1 time this b***h with silicone tits hit on me in the bar and i barfed for 5 hours from the thoght of my d**k in that bimbo whor's mouth

Precious Hellraiser

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it's transphobic. simple as that. i mean most straight or bi or gay cis people have been attracted to a trans person at one point, you might of not known they were trans but u were still attracted to them... suddenly because you learn they're trans your attraction ends? it's strange. but i realize it's not on us as trans people. cis people who feel ashamed and guilty over there attraction to us need to get over it. it's not a big deal. like even in this forum you're acting like it's be so obscene of a cis lesbian woman to love a trans woman. Why? because of the assumptions you're making around this hypothetical trans girls genitals. e...tons of trans lesbians and gay trans men have plenty of luck with cis lesbian and gays...same for straight trans women and trans men...why do you guys act like we're so unlovable lol stare


I kind of get what you are saying. But it's not that fact that someone is trans, therefore they are unattractive. I'm speaking in terms of sexual attraction incase that wasn't clear. It's not that you are unloveable, I'm sure romantic attraction/relations don't run into this snag, but if you were to want to develop a sexual relationship through a romantic relationship... If you want to date and be sexually involved with someone with the same genitals as you (if you're homosexual), you run into a slight issue.

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britt1110
goldenpothos
it's transphobic. simple as that. i mean most straight or bi or gay cis people have been attracted to a trans person at one point, you might of not known they were trans but u were still attracted to them... suddenly because you learn they're trans your attraction ends? it's strange. but i realize it's not on us as trans people. cis people who feel ashamed and guilty over there attraction to us need to get over it. it's not a big deal. like even in this forum you're acting like it's be so obscene of a cis lesbian woman to love a trans woman. Why? because of the assumptions you're making around this hypothetical trans girls genitals. e...tons of trans lesbians and gay trans men have plenty of luck with cis lesbian and gays...same for straight trans women and trans men...why do you guys act like we're so unlovable lol stare


I kind of get what you are saying. But it's not that fact that someone is trans, therefore they are unattractive. I'm speaking in terms of sexual attraction incase that wasn't clear. It's not that you are unloveable, I'm sure romantic attraction/relations don't run into this snag, but if you were to want to develop a sexual relationship through a romantic relationship... If you want to date and be sexually involved with someone with the same genitals as you (if you're homosexual), you run into a slight issue.


I'm pretty sure I said I was done with this entire debate because it was making me dysphoric but thanks for deciding to drag me back in two days later. Gay/bi trans folks exist and have been having successful sexual relationships with cis gay/bi folk since before either of us were alive. I'm a bisexual trans man and I do FINE in that department. Your assumptions about homosexual relationships are not even outdated they're just useless and cheap. Your same genitals argument is bullshit and I'm tired of hearing it. If you want to write off ever being with a trans person, fine. whatever. live it up in boring cisgender paradise. I don't care but the methods and lengths and excuses you guys go thru to say "I don't want to sleep with you because I'm afraid of your genitals" is annoying. Just say you like other cis people and ignore us!

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It's the same logic that states that bisexuals don't belong in the community because they currently have het partners or you're racist if you're not dating poc (or are racist because you are idk).

There's a difference between not being attracted to someone and not considering someone to be man or woman because they're trans. One is clearly transphobic and one is not.


Actually the race things isn't quite the same things and is a completly different topic on it's own that would require it's own thread. There are factors that go into that which aren't present here in this topic.

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goldenpothos
britt1110
goldenpothos
it's transphobic. simple as that. i mean most straight or bi or gay cis people have been attracted to a trans person at one point, you might of not known they were trans but u were still attracted to them... suddenly because you learn they're trans your attraction ends? it's strange. but i realize it's not on us as trans people. cis people who feel ashamed and guilty over there attraction to us need to get over it. it's not a big deal. like even in this forum you're acting like it's be so obscene of a cis lesbian woman to love a trans woman. Why? because of the assumptions you're making around this hypothetical trans girls genitals. e...tons of trans lesbians and gay trans men have plenty of luck with cis lesbian and gays...same for straight trans women and trans men...why do you guys act like we're so unlovable lol stare


I kind of get what you are saying. But it's not that fact that someone is trans, therefore they are unattractive. I'm speaking in terms of sexual attraction incase that wasn't clear. It's not that you are unloveable, I'm sure romantic attraction/relations don't run into this snag, but if you were to want to develop a sexual relationship through a romantic relationship... If you want to date and be sexually involved with someone with the same genitals as you (if you're homosexual), you run into a slight issue.


I'm pretty sure I said I was done with this entire debate because it was making me dysphoric but thanks for deciding to drag me back in two days later. Gay/bi trans folks exist and have been having successful sexual relationships with cis gay/bi folk since before either of us were alive. I'm a bisexual trans man and I do FINE in that department. Your assumptions about homosexual relationships are not even outdated they're just useless and cheap. Your same genitals argument is bullshit and I'm tired of hearing it. If you want to write off ever being with a trans person, fine. whatever. live it up in boring cisgender paradise. I don't care but the methods and lengths and excuses you guys go thru to say "I don't want to sleep with you because I'm afraid of your genitals" is annoying. Just say you like other cis people and ignore us!

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to read through the whole thread before I posted this, and I saw a post of yours that kind of explained what I was trying to understand. Again, I'm really truely am sorry.

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goldenpothos
britt1110
goldenpothos
it's transphobic. simple as that. i mean most straight or bi or gay cis people have been attracted to a trans person at one point, you might of not known they were trans but u were still attracted to them... suddenly because you learn they're trans your attraction ends? it's strange. but i realize it's not on us as trans people. cis people who feel ashamed and guilty over there attraction to us need to get over it. it's not a big deal. like even in this forum you're acting like it's be so obscene of a cis lesbian woman to love a trans woman. Why? because of the assumptions you're making around this hypothetical trans girls genitals. e...tons of trans lesbians and gay trans men have plenty of luck with cis lesbian and gays...same for straight trans women and trans men...why do you guys act like we're so unlovable lol stare


I kind of get what you are saying. But it's not that fact that someone is trans, therefore they are unattractive. I'm speaking in terms of sexual attraction incase that wasn't clear. It's not that you are unloveable, I'm sure romantic attraction/relations don't run into this snag, but if you were to want to develop a sexual relationship through a romantic relationship... If you want to date and be sexually involved with someone with the same genitals as you (if you're homosexual), you run into a slight issue.


I'm pretty sure I said I was done with this entire debate because it was making me dysphoric but thanks for deciding to drag me back in two days later. Gay/bi trans folks exist and have been having successful sexual relationships with cis gay/bi folk since before either of us were alive. I'm a bisexual trans man and I do FINE in that department. Your assumptions about homosexual relationships are not even outdated they're just useless and cheap. Your same genitals argument is bullshit and I'm tired of hearing it. If you want to write off ever being with a trans person, fine. whatever. live it up in boring cisgender paradise. I don't care but the methods and lengths and excuses you guys go thru to say "I don't want to sleep with you because I'm afraid of your genitals" is annoying. Just say you like other cis people and ignore us!

edit: as a matter of fact since you seem to care about trans folks so much why don't you talk about our more pressing issues at hand like black and latina trans women being murdered by their lovers or the fact that people are creating bathroom bills to keep us in the bathroom of our assigned gender? this obsession with our genitals and preoccupation with these hypothetical situations of trans people trying to manipulate you into dating us are ******** ridiculous and in my opinion useless to bring up when we're being denied healthcare and ******** dying but instead you guys are too preoccupied in us trying to do you. get over our genitals and open you ******** eyes to real issues at hand.

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britt1110
goldenpothos
britt1110
goldenpothos
it's transphobic. simple as that. i mean most straight or bi or gay cis people have been attracted to a trans person at one point, you might of not known they were trans but u were still attracted to them... suddenly because you learn they're trans your attraction ends? it's strange. but i realize it's not on us as trans people. cis people who feel ashamed and guilty over there attraction to us need to get over it. it's not a big deal. like even in this forum you're acting like it's be so obscene of a cis lesbian woman to love a trans woman. Why? because of the assumptions you're making around this hypothetical trans girls genitals. e...tons of trans lesbians and gay trans men have plenty of luck with cis lesbian and gays...same for straight trans women and trans men...why do you guys act like we're so unlovable lol stare


I kind of get what you are saying. But it's not that fact that someone is trans, therefore they are unattractive. I'm speaking in terms of sexual attraction incase that wasn't clear. It's not that you are unloveable, I'm sure romantic attraction/relations don't run into this snag, but if you were to want to develop a sexual relationship through a romantic relationship... If you want to date and be sexually involved with someone with the same genitals as you (if you're homosexual), you run into a slight issue.


I'm pretty sure I said I was done with this entire debate because it was making me dysphoric but thanks for deciding to drag me back in two days later. Gay/bi trans folks exist and have been having successful sexual relationships with cis gay/bi folk since before either of us were alive. I'm a bisexual trans man and I do FINE in that department. Your assumptions about homosexual relationships are not even outdated they're just useless and cheap. Your same genitals argument is bullshit and I'm tired of hearing it. If you want to write off ever being with a trans person, fine. whatever. live it up in boring cisgender paradise. I don't care but the methods and lengths and excuses you guys go thru to say "I don't want to sleep with you because I'm afraid of your genitals" is annoying. Just say you like other cis people and ignore us!

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to read through the whole thread before I posted this, and I saw a post of yours that kind of explained what I was trying to understand. Again, I'm really truely am sorry.


I truly hope you're actually listening to what i'm saying!
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