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Hello! I'm new to Gaia and browsing the forums. I thought this would be a good place to ask some questions and get to know people.


I have two things bothering me of late.

The biggest I think is the loss of self. I read all this stuff I had written when I was really young and feel I lost a lot of my spunk and creativity. Beaten by life? I dunno. I feel like I'm having to conform to survive but it is putting out that spark that makes me well me. I begin to find myself being a sheep instead of the unicorn I want to be razz And I have started relying on others and being less independent. I don't like it but to survive in my life I feel I must conform. How do you not lose your spark with mundane life crushing it?

The second thing is I am totally a late bloomer so the dating scene is...very intimidating. I am not a Tinder girl or a social butterfly. Doesn't really appeal to me and I'm a romantic at heart and don't really want a series of flings. I actually am fascinated with people around me who are able to fall in love or have crushes easily. I know I should work on myself and leave myself open. But, any advice for a late bloomer? Any stories how you met your loves?

Welcome to Gaia Ms Super Wow, I find having a hobby or two helps preserve a sense of individuality while feeling a sense of belonging with the people who share the same interests. You don't necessarily have to conform to what everyone else is doing, but if you find your niche it's easier to get inspired and be creative. If there's any advice I could ever give to you about dating it's not going to be easy and it's not going to be fast if you want a genuine relationship. Real love doesn't come out overnight, usually people who have a firm basis in friendship over a long period of time are able to work at their relationships better because they're able to communicate and understand each other better. Now, this isn't always the case, but your chances of a long term relationship that you feel safe, happy and secure in is important. I've had so many experiences in the dating scene and the pattern goes something like this...

Most men who have sex on the first date will lose respect for the person and most likely will never call them back, unless the two really connected mentally or emotionally, even then they might only see the person as either a booty call, ******** buddy or someone they can just string along until they find someone they like more.

Most men who don't have sex with the person on the first date might actually have some respect for the person, dislike them, aren't attracted to them or can't see them as anything more than a friend, associate or co-worker. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it can tell what they're actually looking for might be just sex and if the other person doesn't put out after a few months of dating they're off trying to have sex with the next girl. It's rare that a guy becomes friends with a girl for years and once he has sex with her he dumps her, but it's real, so to avoid that a person shouldn't keep the guy guessing by taking to long to test the sexual waters.

If he stays after sex and is genuinely friendly towards the person and says he wants a serious relationship he won't make sex the biggest deal, he won't pressure the person or demand that the person do him favours, he won't guilt trip or play games, talk behind the persons back or be distrusting. He will wait.

If he leaves after sex and never contacts the person unless they contact him first, generally, that's a sign he probably didn't like having sex with the person, so he lost his drive and he lost his sense of the chase. He's most likely the guy who only likes the thrill of the chase, once he has the person interested in him or has them in the sac he's nowhere in sight. Never trust this guy to be by a persons side when they're sick or when they need a shoulder to cry on or advice or help with anything, he'll most likely reply with "uh huh" one words answers and give you a cute pet name like "babe" and won't give one s**t if they ever text him again.

So you see, my dear, there are a lot of a** holes in this world that just want to have sex. Guard yourself, don't expect too much from men unless they prove themselves worthy of respect, love and attention. If you expect too much you're going to be let down continuously and be hurt, like me, but in my case I'm literally use to the whole sex scene. Not many guys want a relationship either for various reasons, job security, mental health, consequences of divorce, etc. so don't be discouraged to find that most guys are looking for a girl to bust their nuts for one night, maybe in several nights before ignoring her (AKA phasing) her out of his life. Just take it as a learning experience and find someone else whose stable and has a lot more to offer than that scrub in the corner of the parking lot.

Thank you! I was nodding all the time to your advice and laughed to at the truth of it. And I think that is why I'm afraid since I don't want to deal with a bunch of a** holes. But, I also don't want to shut myself away. I guess since I'm a late bloomer I'm thinking if I stay indifferent I might miss out.

I just hope I don't just become a people watcher and watch my life go by....but people watching is fun. blaugh

You are going to change as you grow up, you at a teenager is not going to be you forever and you shouldnt see it as a loss. It is you changing. We are all hormonal crazy people when we are young. You dont need to conform to survive. You adapt, but you should always try to make your situation feel like you are being yourself. Now of course you may want to conform for certain situations to make your life easier, but that should not be how you are all the time. Such as how you are at work is not how you should be out of work.

You can use tindr to get a relationship. THe whole point is that you can talk to people in your area without having to give them your number. So whether you go and set up a date soonish after a match or you talk a lot and see how it goes, many people use it for not hookup stuff but more. The big thing no matter how you do it is to put yourself out there. You arent going to fall into a relationship. You have to be willing to date, willing to get to know people, willing to try out things. I personally met my boyfriend through gaming/anime club at my uni. We were friends at first, then we were casually seeing eachother and that led to sex, and then eventually a relationship. It would not have happened if I was passive in the interaction though.

I wouldn't say your a late bloomer. To be honest, I think waiting and not having a crush so easily is a sign of maturity. I chased after love too early. What did it get me? Heartbreaks and bad memories. I had to kiss quite a bit of frogs to get my prince. Now everything's great and I have a boyfriend who treats me very well. If I could go back, I would've waited until college to start a relationship because then I could have skipped everyone who was a waste of my time.