Welcome to Gaia! ::

stupider than everyone else. I totally freaked out yesterday after I got home from orientation, and had to find a way to quell my nerves. Two strangers, out of the blue, automatically assumed I was from Baltimore. I hate when people do that. I mean, I used to be okay when people at my old school thought I was Ethiopian (most at least asked first) , because I have Ethiopian looking features and really can't deny it myself. But when they just started talking to me while I was filling out paperwork with my dad and assumed I was from Baltimore, I politely corrected them, but I really did wonder what it was about me that gave them the sense that I was from there. Maybe it's that hard facial expression I have that makes me look like I've been through a lot of s**t or something?? Idk. And afterwards I was penalizing myself so hard for every mistake I made in front of the group which made it worse, even though today I noticed that it wasn't just me that made some mistakes. I really just didn't want to embarrass myself in front of all these white people and make them think that I'm just here because I'm black, y'know? It kind of feels like I have to prove something to them, when I really don't. But aside from that, I think I made a friend.

TL;DR- i'm penalizing myself extra hard on little mistakes just because im black and dont want people to think im only here on affirmative action, and doubting my competence just based on orientation... and unintentionally being racist towards myself.
+ i made a friend

yep

I hate people...
So I'm doing college online.
emotion_donotwant
I hated orientation, people kept trying to talk to me.