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So I've been with my current boyfriend for a while now. Things are looking good. Love him a lot, dedicated, and honestly I'm starting to think I might be able to marry him. I'm even considering proposing myself. ( I know it is usually considered a man's place to propose, but the type of romantic he is, he'd eat that s**t up. )

Thing is, I was talking to him the other night, getting a feel for what he wants to do with his life in a roundabout way. (Don't want him knowing I'm interested in marriage just yet. ) Eventually the topic of kids came up, and it turns out we have some very different ideas about the subject.

Myself, I'm not sure I really want a kid. If I were to have kids, I'd only want one or two. In fact, I'd probably try and save myself the trouble of pregnancy and adopt.

On the other hand, he wants a boatload of kids. As in, four would be a minimum number for him. Further, he doesn't want to adopt. Now, this makes sense. He comes from a large family. He has 8 siblings. Last thanksgiving when I went to his parents place with him it was insane, and then you pile on the cousins, aunts, uncles, ect. His immediate family probably approaches 100 people. He says he wouldn't mind adopting, so long as it was down the line a bit, the last kid or two, totaling for 6-8 kids.

His insistence on having his own biological kids, especially sons, kind of baffles me. I've talked to my mom, dad, and aunt about it, and they all say some men are just like that. On his part he says there simply isn't any way he could love a b*****d he adopted the way he'd love his own son, which I can't understand.

When I asked him how he'd afford it all, he simply said he'd have to work his a** off. He's currently studying to be an engineer, and so money might not be terrible in the future, but with that many kids, it wouldn't be great anyways. He told me "that's the point of having a large family. If you have enough family, you always have enough. " .

Essentially he wants to live a middle class life with a large family in a decent house on 5-10 acres. I want to live an upper middle class life with a small family in a really nice place.

I understand ultimately it's my choice, since I'd have to be the one that is pregnant. I just have a hard time understanding how we can be so in tune on everything else and yet this issue we are as far apart as possible. I love him to death, and I know he loves me. I just don't know how to compromise on this.

Anyways, discussion time:

1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
7. Related Stuff.

Invisible Fatcat

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
I only plan on 2 thats my max.

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
Having more? Probably not I gre up in a family of 4 and it was a constant battle. I don't want that for my kids. I would agree to having one kid though.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
This would depend on who Im with my bf seems alright with just 2. If I was with someone who wanted more than 2 and was very inssitant I would have to break it off. I can't give them what they want so they should find it some where else.

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
I think its a cute idea, I wouldnt do it though. Mostly because Im not really romantic and find it hard to express my feelings.

5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
We usually have a long talk and "fix" the issue.

6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
Not really I really want to be a stay at home mother. My mother wasnt around for her childern and I dont want that to be the same issue.

7. Related Stuff.
Babies

Invisible Humorist

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Jesus Christ that guy is crazy

I can't imagine waking up and saying "time to wake up my son Darius"

That s**t scares the hell outta me

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GhostlyMark
Jesus Christ that guy is crazy

I can't imagine waking up and saying "time to wake up my son Darius"

That s**t scares the hell outta me


Are you saying he's crazy simply because he wants to have kids? Tons of people want to have kids.

Precious Hellraiser

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
Zero

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
There would be no compromise. You can live a childless life with me, or you can kick rocks and find someone else if you really want kids because obviously I'm not the one for you, and you aren't the one for me.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
Yes, absolute deal breaker. Especially if I had a partner like yours that wanted a huge family. NOPE! buh-bye! Like I said before, there can't be a compromise. You can't compromise nothing.

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
If my partner wanted me to do something I don't want to, then they wouldn't stay my partner for long...

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)?
-Another one at the most.

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
-With my boyfriend, we don't argue over my child. We have similar opinions and talk s**t out. My child's father has no say because he doesn't pay, doesn't have a job, and doesn't do anything to contribute to his child's life.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
-If my partner made it an ultimatum, yes.

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
-Don't care.

5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
-We haven't had a disagreement yet, and we have been living together for over 2 years.

6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner?
-Nope. I am never going to be a stay at home mom. If a partner wants that, I will gladly throw him and his s**t out the door.

Tipsy Kitten

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Yeah that kind of talk would break the relationship for me.

Hallowed Lunatic

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)

None. I had a little sister born when I was fourteen, and it fell on my shoulders to take care of her most of the time, since I did my schooling from home. I've been pretty much raising her for seven years, so any parenting potential I had was sucked out of me before I turned seventeen. But that isn't to say that I wouldn't be a ******** rad parent. Because I'd raise the best kid on the planet.

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)

That's a tricky question. Maybe I'll only have one at some point, but as of right now I have no interest in having children or even entering into a relationship. Intimacy isn't my thing.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?

Not entirely. It depends on how they would handle the situation. Considering HE'S not the one who has to go through the nine months of discomfort and then birth and recovery, not to mention breastfeeding, it's not his choice to decide how many kids he wants to pump out of me. He would have to compromise with me.

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?

It doesn't matter who proposes. Like. What does it matter. Seriously. It doesn't mean anything other than they want to get married to the person they love. I mean. Why. Why is this a question. Why am I supposed to be uncomfortable.

5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?

We either work to accept the issue somehow or compromise in a way where it won't be a personal burden to either of us. If they aren't willing to compromise, because I always am, then that's the end of that.

6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)

I don't have to do anything for my partner that I don't want to. Being nice and selfless is one thing, but giving something up just because they want me too isn't going to fly. There has to be some sort of trade off. If it's temporary, then yes, that's fine. If it's for health reasons, yes, that's fine. But no one is going to be lazy or bossy when it doesn't have to be that way. One person can't take on 100% of the home or work responsibilities without mental stress.

7. Related Stuff.

Compromise is your friend. But it's not always a nice friend. If a pair can't compromise or accept differences in something as life changing as children, that pair probably isn't going to last very long. Compromise is your friend. Your ugly, ugly friend.

Invisible Conversationalist

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
At least two but no more then five. Not "five sounds perfect" but five that's it I'm getting my tubes tied and other pregnancy that might happen after is getting aborted. And two is, lets see how I'm feeling after the first one.

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
No to more. Because ******** you good sir. You want more, fine we'll adopt and you can take the paternity leave (It's a thing where I live) because ******** no to more more pain and I'm sure as ******** don't want to be a house spouse. But I also want a kid so if he can't accept that, then I'm out.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
So long as at least one kid was involved.

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
Whatever makes the couple happy.

5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
We tend to just let life happen and see what's more feasible at a later date.

6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
Probably not. I like working. Even if we got super rich and I didn't have to work I probably still would even if I had to open my own store to do get the hours I'd want. Plus I get kinda sad if I don't get out of the house regularly. Walk is okay but I need to go to the mall and just be around strangers. If I could go into work at 8:30 and ******** off at noon, I'd be super into that.

7. Related Stuff.
Families

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)?
    None or two, ideally.

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would
you agree to have less?)
    I can't say for absolute certain that I would refuse to have more, because it would depend on our circumstances; as it currently stands, I have no intention of going through pregnancy more than twice and intend to get my tubes tied or whatever after the second. If we later decide we want more, we can adopt.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
    It would, ultimately, depend on what their stance is as well. Them being vehemently opposed to having any, or likewise vehemently insistent on 3+ would probably be a deal breaker because neither are options I'm willing to commit to at this point. While I'm not entirely set on wanting children, I'm not ready for the option to be completely off the table, and as I haven't done the whole pregnancy/raising a child thing yet, the most I'm willing to solidly commit to is one; more will seriously depend on where we're at after that.


4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
    It's not something I would be likely to do, but to each their own - if that's what works for you, go for it

Spoopy Kitten

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
Were planning for 2 kids. More or less would be fine too

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
Course. Good thing we both agree on ~2 kids

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
In a way. Birth is terrifying, so if i had a partner who needed a minimum of 4? Hell no, id run out of there

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
Doesnt matter who proposes, its adorable

5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
Compromise /shrug Its not that hard to compromise

6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
I have to be a stay at home parent. Im disabled and cannot work

meiishu's Partner

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
Preferably two.

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
I could deal with only having one kid even though it's not my preference. The most I would be willing is three. Granted, I haven't had kids yet, so that could change, but I don't see myself wanting anything other than two kids.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
He could disagree all he wanted, at the end of the day, it's my body and choice so he would probably leave me because my decision would be final lol My boyfriend right now wants one or two, so we are pretty well matched in that regard.

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
My friend's ex proposed to him and he thought it was chill. Do what feels right I guess.

5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
So far, we've been fairly well matched. I think the only area we so far disagree about is the time frame for marriage/kids. We just talk about it often and keep it from becoming a battle, so we don't raise our voices or name call or any other communication killers. Compromise is probably inevitable anyways.

6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
Depends on the time frame. I would not be a stay at home mom when my kids are in elementary school for instance. When they are little, I would consider it, but when they are school age, hell no, I would be bored out of my mind.

Invisible Humorist

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GhostlyMark
Jesus Christ that guy is crazy

I can't imagine waking up and saying "time to wake up my son Darius"

That s**t scares the hell outta me


Are you saying he's crazy simply because he wants to have kids? Tons of people want to have kids.


He wants 4+ kids

Dangerous Ladykiller

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
I already have a child, a son. I dont plan on having more children now or ever. Im a "one and done" kind of parent.

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
No, I dont compromise with my parenting because Im a single parent. If I were to marry, my child is still my responsibility and mine alone. No sense on fixing something that isnt broken.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
Yes. Ive made it very clear that I do not want to bear more children. However, I am open to fostering because its about helping children in need. But fostering is also different from adopting, which Im not really open to adoption.

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
Its whatever, but I would never propose to a guy and Im nevet expecting to be married.

5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
Depends on how serious the disagreement is. If my SO was determined to want to have his own biological children with me, then I would spare wasting my life telling him "No" over & over again ; and end the relationship.

6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
How do I say this nicely...hrm, hell fricken no! I was a stay at home mom with help from family for the first year of my son's life and I hated it. Dont get me wrong, I enjoyed my son's baby years. What I didnt enjoy was being broke and feeling trapped. I love working and supporting myself too much to ever become dependant on someone else ever again. Imho, its not healthy to depend on someone for everything.

Adventuring Explorer

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1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
Ideally 2-4.

2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
Uhh... maybe. More, sure if they're willing to work for it. Less, eh, no less than one for sure.

3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
Yes, not wanting any kids would have a good chance of ending a relationship for me.

4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
Really hot razz Honestly, I think conforming too much with stereotypes is lame.

5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
Not sure yet razz Last time I was in a relationship I tried to dodge it for the time being as there was no good short-term solution. It ended up breaking the relationship, but I couldn't have done much about it really.

6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.
Uh, I would be pretty flexible to begin with, willing, or maybe even preferring, to do part time. Not working at all? Not sure. I'm not sure I can work full time due to a work injury in any case, so I might not be able to compromise to more hours than I'd be comfortable with.

7. Related Stuff.
How important is the social status part to you? I'd personally prefer middle class+family the size I want over "upper middle class in a really nice place". It sounds like social status is more important to you than him.
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