twinkle snow powdery snow
(?)Community Member
- Posted: Tue, 02 Jun 2015 21:06:01 +0000
So I've been with my current boyfriend for a while now. Things are looking good. Love him a lot, dedicated, and honestly I'm starting to think I might be able to marry him. I'm even considering proposing myself. ( I know it is usually considered a man's place to propose, but the type of romantic he is, he'd eat that s**t up. )
Thing is, I was talking to him the other night, getting a feel for what he wants to do with his life in a roundabout way. (Don't want him knowing I'm interested in marriage just yet. ) Eventually the topic of kids came up, and it turns out we have some very different ideas about the subject.
Myself, I'm not sure I really want a kid. If I were to have kids, I'd only want one or two. In fact, I'd probably try and save myself the trouble of pregnancy and adopt.
On the other hand, he wants a boatload of kids. As in, four would be a minimum number for him. Further, he doesn't want to adopt. Now, this makes sense. He comes from a large family. He has 8 siblings. Last thanksgiving when I went to his parents place with him it was insane, and then you pile on the cousins, aunts, uncles, ect. His immediate family probably approaches 100 people. He says he wouldn't mind adopting, so long as it was down the line a bit, the last kid or two, totaling for 6-8 kids.
His insistence on having his own biological kids, especially sons, kind of baffles me. I've talked to my mom, dad, and aunt about it, and they all say some men are just like that. On his part he says there simply isn't any way he could love a b*****d he adopted the way he'd love his own son, which I can't understand.
When I asked him how he'd afford it all, he simply said he'd have to work his a** off. He's currently studying to be an engineer, and so money might not be terrible in the future, but with that many kids, it wouldn't be great anyways. He told me "that's the point of having a large family. If you have enough family, you always have enough. " .
Essentially he wants to live a middle class life with a large family in a decent house on 5-10 acres. I want to live an upper middle class life with a small family in a really nice place.
I understand ultimately it's my choice, since I'd have to be the one that is pregnant. I just have a hard time understanding how we can be so in tune on everything else and yet this issue we are as far apart as possible. I love him to death, and I know he loves me. I just don't know how to compromise on this.
Anyways, discussion time:
1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
7. Related Stuff.
Thing is, I was talking to him the other night, getting a feel for what he wants to do with his life in a roundabout way. (Don't want him knowing I'm interested in marriage just yet. ) Eventually the topic of kids came up, and it turns out we have some very different ideas about the subject.
Myself, I'm not sure I really want a kid. If I were to have kids, I'd only want one or two. In fact, I'd probably try and save myself the trouble of pregnancy and adopt.
On the other hand, he wants a boatload of kids. As in, four would be a minimum number for him. Further, he doesn't want to adopt. Now, this makes sense. He comes from a large family. He has 8 siblings. Last thanksgiving when I went to his parents place with him it was insane, and then you pile on the cousins, aunts, uncles, ect. His immediate family probably approaches 100 people. He says he wouldn't mind adopting, so long as it was down the line a bit, the last kid or two, totaling for 6-8 kids.
His insistence on having his own biological kids, especially sons, kind of baffles me. I've talked to my mom, dad, and aunt about it, and they all say some men are just like that. On his part he says there simply isn't any way he could love a b*****d he adopted the way he'd love his own son, which I can't understand.
When I asked him how he'd afford it all, he simply said he'd have to work his a** off. He's currently studying to be an engineer, and so money might not be terrible in the future, but with that many kids, it wouldn't be great anyways. He told me "that's the point of having a large family. If you have enough family, you always have enough. " .
Essentially he wants to live a middle class life with a large family in a decent house on 5-10 acres. I want to live an upper middle class life with a small family in a really nice place.
I understand ultimately it's my choice, since I'd have to be the one that is pregnant. I just have a hard time understanding how we can be so in tune on everything else and yet this issue we are as far apart as possible. I love him to death, and I know he loves me. I just don't know how to compromise on this.
Anyways, discussion time:
1. How many kids would you like to have in the future (or now)
2. Would you compromise/agree to have more kids for your lover/husband? (and reverse, would you agree to have less?)
3. Do you feel strongly enough about the number of kids you want to have that it would be a deal breaker if your partner disagreed?
4. Women proposing to men, how do you feel about it? Romantic? Out of place? Meh?
5. How do you manage when you and your partner disagree about something critically important regarding your relationship?
6. Would you opt out from your desired role for your partner? (Choosing to be a stay at home parent, or choosing to be a breadwinner, even though it isn't really what you originally wanted.)
7. Related Stuff.