zenfairy
NotAnUndercoverCop
I'm just saying because I'm like you, I like when people give me their opinions and help me make decisions, because other perspectives can be super important- but in the end it is your decision and you might make up and break up a hundred times over before you decide for yourself anything at all. People might say that's crazy; I say its part of the growing process. We all learn at different speeds, it's okay, you'll know what's best for you in the end.
it makes a lot of sense. Ive came across that thought many times. But id be so jealous to see couples who can actually tlk things out. I think this is the end of the road for me. If he comes out of the army and he still loves me and im single. Maybe ill try again. But i cant get my feelings tied anymore, he needs to know what being real can reward u with. I know hes learned from us just as much as I have, but my emotional strength cant handle the frequency of our conflicitions based on the fact tht his attitude is solidly mean to me. & no other person.
hes a pisces and im a scorpio supposidely. They say we either crash and burn or stay forever. We've crashed many times.. this time i just want it to end smoothly so i broke it off with him in simple terms . I thought he was honestly my soulmate. He said i was his too. but apparently that wasnt enough to learn how to communicate even when i gave hijm my vulnerability. He took advantage. Im hurt that someone who had so much in common with me couldnt just work suck it up and work things out. but lately, ive found people who have the same things in common. some things they knew already when i had to show my boyfriend. it opened my eyes.
Mmm... Yeah, Pisces are my least favorite of the astrological bunch (no offense to any Pisces in this forum, you're great on your own but TOTALLY undateable for me, hehe) to date, simply because I require a lot of emotional attention, and so do they. My boyfriend is a Taurus, which is truly my astrological opposite so, it kind of makes sense that we are literally opposites in almost everything we do- but our communication is growing stronger and stronger each week. He's totally down to read relationship books with me, communication books- you name it, we sit and talk about what works for us and we scrap ideas that don't. In the beginning he was a shy little guy who never ever spoke up for himself; and now even on the worst days he holds me accountable for my s**t. I always felt the strength in him, but now I see it.
So when people tell you that people "don't change", I'm just going to go out on a limb and say they're wrong. People change when they want to change. People change when they want something so badly they're willing to turn down their ego and turn up their humility. It's a beautiful thing when done properly; so long as it's not being taken advantage of.
Your best bet is to continue talking about it. Just saying, as a Scorpio, if you're anything like me, you have to cope properly. Talking and sorting out your crazy brain is top priority. I kickbox and run when I'm angry, I cry and sob for a good hour at least once every two weeks; I cope by allowing myself to feel all my emotions as they are and not pretending that I am "strong" or "emotionless". I am very much an emotional being, and I think I am stronger because of it. Break ups hurt but so do bad relationships; gauge the level of toxicity and sometimes it's not worth it anymore. I understand you want to stick it out with one person but, you don't have your partner doing the same for you. You deserve someone who puts in the same level of effort; now I'm not saying that effort will look the same. For example, my boyfriend and I fight VERY differently, so when we gauge our own or each other's progress, we can't base it off of our own style of coping, fighting, or thinking. You may be able to do that for your boyfriend, but if he can't, nothing will ever change in a million years. Ignorance is not bliss; ignorance kills.
For example, you may go out of your way to do things for him and expect the same back, but he may have a different love language. It's unfair for you to expect things out of him that he can't provide; just as its unfair if he says he'll try to put in more effort and doesn't. It's give and take and when it's unbalanced, I say leave it. You'll find someone who wants the balance and will work for it and value you and the relationship.
Also, relationships aren't be-all-end-alls. I know they feel like it and I get really wrapped up in mine as well, ESPECIALLY when I was younger. Oh man, my ex-boyfriends were my life, I wanted to sacrifice EVERYTHING for them; but as you said, I met people who treated me differently, in ways that felt more comfortable or better, and I began to learn that in my relationships, if I was unhappy because I felt the imbalance, because I felt like I was doing all the work or that they were being Avoidant, I knew that I could find something else in the future that was better for me. I see nothing wrong with wanting relationships; in modern society there is a lot of value put into independence, but I believe that humans are social creatures who crave and need human interaction on so many levels. You might get one level of interaction with friends and one level with family, but you also need another level with someone else.
Need is the wrong word- but if you feel it inside you that you need someone in your life to stabilize you or provide you with purpose or make you feel okay, just make sure you don't settle for second best when you deserve first. I'm not saying put people down and make them into monsters just because you didn't work out; no, because your boyfriend could be a good person but we're only seeing the shitty side of him (which is fine because I'll never meet him and we're here for your support), and he could have dreams and value things that we'll never know anything about. But again, I think it comes back to wellbeing. You know what's best for your emotional stability, for your mental and physical wellbeing. Don't let people tear it down for too long, because you're gonna have to build it back up again. Find someone who builds you up even stronger than before.
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