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I kind of just want to focus on one subject within this topic: Is it really selfish to choose not to have a child for reasons that are considered selfish?

I'll give you a little background of myself. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I missed out on a lot of fun things during my early twenties (and in my late teens). I didn't get to go out for late nights with friends, date a lot, or experience a lot of new things. Years back, I thought I would want kids, but now the idea appeals less to me. I'm just now getting to experience new things, travel, meet new and interesting people, etc. When I think about having kids, I think about having to hold off on this even longer because I would have to devote my life to taking care of someone else for 18+ years. Every once in a while, I think I might change my mind. The last guy I dated wanted kids and he was a fun person, and for a while, I thought if it worked out, I could see myself being the mother of his kids and being pretty happy...but unfortunately, it did not, and I am back to not seeing myself as a mother again.

Then there is the fact that I like sleeping in on days I don't have to work, I like coming home from work and being free to choose what I want to do rather than worry about other people, and the little money that's left over after putting the rest towards living expenses can be used for shopping for makeup and clothes, going to see a movie, video games, and whatever else interests me. If I found myself with a kid, I know I could take care of the kid, but I also know I probably wouldn't want to (I would, despite this, but hopefully you get the idea). I have been told that this is a selfish reason to not want kids for these reasons, but wouldn't it be more selfish to have a kid because other people think it's selfish not to and end up being a mother who doesn't like being a mother? I mean, that couldn't be good for any child I brought into this world.

Thoughts?
roman isnt dead yet
The only people who have any right to care about whether or not you have kids are your parents and your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.

So...basically everyone in your life? :/
roman isnt dead yet
The Peppermint Bunny
roman isnt dead yet
The only people who have any right to care about whether or not you have kids are your parents and your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.

So...basically everyone in your life? :/


What? Your parents and your current or potential, future spouse. Not your friends. Not your non-immediate relatives. Not the homeless guy with the eyepatch and dancing koala on the corner of 5th and 67th.


I don't think it's any of my parents's business.
roman isnt dead yet
The Peppermint Bunny
roman isnt dead yet
The Peppermint Bunny
roman isnt dead yet
The only people who have any right to care about whether or not you have kids are your parents and your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.

So...basically everyone in your life? :/


What? Your parents and your current or potential, future spouse. Not your friends. Not your non-immediate relatives. Not the homeless guy with the eyepatch and dancing koala on the corner of 5th and 67th.


I don't think it's any of my parents's business.


Lol, why is that mindset so widespread? If they're not s**t parents, of course they have the right to care about your future happiness and voice their opinions on what they think is best for you.


It's not up to them to decide if having children is going to make me happy or pressure me to have them. Shitty parents or not.

Questionable Prophet

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I've considered this thought, too. I mean, I like kids, I guess. They're cute and fun... But also dirty and expensive and stressful and messy. When I was younger, I thought that having kids would be a top priority at this point in my life. But really... I'm not even sure if I want them. I have a birth control implant that's good for three years, and I figure I'll use that thing until it runs out of juice, then I'll reconsider.

Being childfree isn't a selfish choice. It's just a choice. Actually, having kids you don't want is the selfish choice.
Shark Bacon
I've considered this thought, too. I mean, I like kids, I guess. They're cute and fun... But also dirty and expensive and stressful and messy. When I was younger, I thought that having kids would be a top priority at this point in my life. But really... I'm not even sure if I want them. I have a birth control implant that's good for three years, and I figure I'll use that thing until it runs out of juice, then I'll reconsider.

Being childfree isn't a selfish choice. It's just a choice. Actually, having kids you don't want is the selfish choice.


That's exactly how I feel! I mean, why have kids if you didn't think you'd be happy with them? That can't be good for a kid to know their mother does what they need to do but is not happy about it, and you can try to hide it, but I think kids pick up on those types of things. Too many people insult the intelligence of children by thinking they can't.

I like kids too. I've worked with kids and they can be a blast to be around, but I can't see caring for a child 24/7.
roman isnt dead yet
The Peppermint Bunny
roman isnt dead yet
The Peppermint Bunny
roman isnt dead yet


What? Your parents and your current or potential, future spouse. Not your friends. Not your non-immediate relatives. Not the homeless guy with the eyepatch and dancing koala on the corner of 5th and 67th.


I don't think it's any of my parents's business.


Lol, why is that mindset so widespread? If they're not s**t parents, of course they have the right to care about your future happiness and voice their opinions on what they think is best for you.


It's not up to them to decide if having children is going to make me happy or pressure me to have them. Shitty parents or not.


So they just shouldn't care about your happiness then? What's the point of having kids if you're not going to care about them or their future? Don't you see how ridiculous that is?

Do you think they'd push you to have kids if they though it'd make you miserable?


Never said they couldn't care about me. What I'm saying is it is not for them to decide that having kids is going to make me happy. Want to make your kid miserable? Tell them over and over again that they should have kids when they already said they don't want to. Tell them it's just a phase. Tell them they are selfish for not wanting them.

Blessed Prophet

I prefer the term "child-free"

Questionable Prophet

I too was stuck playing grown-up for my teen years and I can't imagine giving up the freedom I have now to raise kids, like, ever.

I don't think it's selfish at all.
I think people having kids is kind of selfish. I mean, at the rate that humans consume resources is kind of destroying the Earth, and you can do your best to have a small impact on the environment, but the best you can do is not create another human being. By not having kids you don't want your freeing up future resources.

And there are so many kids that need to be adopted as well.

Cluttered Cutesmasher

I don't think its selfish at all to go 'I quite like my life without children' whether this would be forever or even a short time.

In my opinion most people who say that show that they've thought about the subject at depth, and most people understand what it takes to raise a child properly and realize they don't want their lives to change (forever or for the mean time) or cannot provide that for a child.

Many people have children that really shouldn't. In fact my career surrounds that working with foster children and I see it day in day out. That is what is truely selfish, in fact having a baby because you want one is also a pretty selfish act in itself.

I'm like that at the moment. I'm about to be married, but both me and my soon-to-be husband like our lives the way they are for now. We both enjoy our careers, earn well (more than his parents ever did raising four children!) and enjoy the time just to ourselves. There is a lot more we want to do before having children, we want to make sure we feel that we are fulfilled before making that choice. We may decide we don't want children at all. We just take that as it comes. Could we raise a child now? Yes, but not in a way we would like without giving something up we don't want to just yet.

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