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Post: 96258899_1 created on Wed, 11 Mar 2015 07:22:08 +0000
Posted: Wed, 11 Mar 2015 07:22:08 +0000

I wish my words weren't constant
complaints spewing out like fire
from a torch. Maybe if I cooled
down for even a hot second,
the odds of me setting
my surroundings ablaze
would decrease.

But cool thoughts
are like frostbite in my mouth
that leaves my tongue raw --
useless in every sense.
I could just cut it out,
force myself to quit,
but the pain would be hell.

I don't know
how to not breathe fire.

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Post: 96258899_2 created on Wed, 18 Mar 2015 09:48:25 +0000
Posted: Wed, 18 Mar 2015 09:48:25 +0000

That was great c:
What sparked it?

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Post: 96258899_3 created on Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:09:45 +0000
Posted: Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:09:45 +0000

I really like this. I feel like you are describing how it feels to be pissed of and spewing expletives. The way you talk about setting fire to your surroundings is like how everyone else starts getting pissed off too. Then you try to say reasonable things but you feel bitter about it cause you just want to RAAGGGEEE. Anyways what I'm saying is good imagery. 3nodding

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Post: 96258899_4 created on Sun, 22 Mar 2015 03:25:15 +0000
Posted: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 03:25:15 +0000

Thanks, guys. :}

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Post: 96258899_5 created on Sun, 22 Mar 2015 07:28:31 +0000
Posted: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 07:28:31 +0000

It seems familiar.

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Post: 96258899_6 created on Sun, 22 Mar 2015 15:30:10 +0000
Posted: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 15:30:10 +0000

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It seems familiar.

surprised

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Post: 96258899_7 created on Sun, 22 Mar 2015 18:15:09 +0000
Posted: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 18:15:09 +0000

I read it one night when I binged on your collective, I think.

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Post: 96258899_8 created on Sun, 22 Mar 2015 18:22:33 +0000
Posted: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 18:22:33 +0000

I've also written my past couple of poems dealing with topics like speaking and words. <5

Also, I tend to post a topic and then update my collective afterward.

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Post: 96258899_9 created on Sun, 22 Mar 2015 18:29:38 +0000
Posted: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 18:29:38 +0000

Fair play. How's life? Haven't talked to you in quite some time.

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Post: 96258899_10 created on Sun, 22 Mar 2015 18:44:36 +0000
Posted: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 18:44:36 +0000

It's pretty good. Getting a masters in English with a concentration in linguistics. Unfortunately, I don't like writing papers, so this is awkward. lol

Other than that, can't complain. And you?

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Post: 96258899_11 created on Mon, 23 Mar 2015 16:02:08 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Mar 2015 16:02:08 +0000

Very cool poem, especially the end : I don't know how to NOT breathe fire

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Post: 96258899_12 created on Wed, 08 Apr 2015 02:42:08 +0000
Posted: Wed, 08 Apr 2015 02:42:08 +0000

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I wish my words weren't constant
complaints spewing out like fire I think that the use of this word is stronger later, so maybe come up with something else here to represent fire? If you're saying it's coming out of a torch, we're going to understand that you're likening it to fire. And then you get a more awesome image and won't have repeated a word that sticks out so much.
from a torch. Maybe if I cooled
down for even a hot second,
the odds of me setting
my surroundings ablaze
would decrease. Eh. This whole point right here is kind of like... "No dip, Sherlock," but I can't see a way of connecting the forethought to the afterthought without some sort of transition that sounds something like this, so I think what I'm trying to get at here is that it just sounds really bland and obvious and I'm looking for something hotter in terms of imagery. Yeah, that's where I was going with that ramble/rant.

But cool thoughts I'm sure you can just leave the "But" out and it will be totally fine.
are like frostbite in my mouth
that leaves my tongue raw -- Maybe go for a semi-colon after "mouth" and change "that" to "they." I mean, that's just a suggestion, but I feel like you need to do /something/ here to manage the awkward grammar, because no matter how many times I read it, it still sounds funny. And I'm read this poem like twenty times now- because I kept feeling like I should have something to say, but I never did until now.
useless in every sense.
I could just cut it out,
force myself to quit,
but the pain would be hell. I keep going back and forth about whether or not I like this line. I think it's a little of both. I love it for the simplicity and the honesty of the language, but I hate it for the lack of something to compare it to- considering Hell means something different to everyone. Ya dig? With that being said, I'm not saying you should change it. I think I'm just nitpicking at this point. But yeah. That's how I feel about this line. lol

I don't know
how to not breathe fire.

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Post: 96258899_13 created on Fri, 10 Apr 2015 00:04:53 +0000
Posted: Fri, 10 Apr 2015 00:04:53 +0000

Oh thanks. I wasn't expecting an actual c/c on this. Thanks for taking the time, though. <5

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Post: 96258899_14 created on Fri, 10 Apr 2015 00:12:16 +0000
Posted: Fri, 10 Apr 2015 00:12:16 +0000

Of course. heart This piece was really yummy, and I just kept coming back to it.

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