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Or I don't know if it really is dating related? There's a lot of things I don't know, and I would really appreciate help! I've asked my mother, but she's pretty biased.

So to spare me from blabbering about the details, today I received a phone number from a super chill guy. And because I'm not use to this gesture, I literally asked him "Sure you can call, but why?" Cue super awkward explanation that he was interested in me.

I'm twenty-two and have extremely low self-esteem. I'm over-weight, have depression, and generally don't look so good in the looks department. I'm very stubborn of me being an atheist and this super cute Christian guy just rolls up and actually wants to talk more outside of what he visited my house for. I don't know why, but he seems adamant about it.

I don't know if I should just give him a chance? I've never been really interested in dating before, and I am still trying to piece together my sexuality. I'm afraid that my views of religion would be a big issue later, and don't know if I should bring that up early or not. And honestly? I feel that he could do so much better.

My mother seems to think that I am searching for comments such as "you're actually really pretty and have a great personality!" I know my self-esteem is going to become a huge issue later, so I sorta want him to be able to avoid my issues before (or if) things get serious.

I'm very sorry if this opening post doesn't make much sense, I'm not entirely use to posting much. I'm more of a silent lurker online, and mostly just silent in real life. Until someone talks to me about my fandoms, then I blab about Mass Effect then later get a guy's number.

Spoopy Kitten

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Its possible that everything you dislike about yourself, he likes about you. Learn to love yourself before you both get serious, if you both decide to date. Id start with giving yourself atleast one compliment per day. It can be about your looks or your personality - it just needs to be something you find attractive with yourself. If you only like one thing, point it out to yourself repeatedly

Id say give him a try and see how it goes. If you still feel nothing after a few unofficial dates, then let him know youd rather be friends instead

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xChibi Cannibalx


I don't know anything about talking with people, to be honest. Pathetic, but I don't really have friends haha sweatdrop I actually lost one of my few friends when I admitted to being an atheist, so I'm also worried about that. He seems like a guy with a lot of interests, and I'm so ...bland with conversation topics.

I'm not confident even being just a friend. I honestly am trying to work on my anxiety and self-esteem, but it's just....not ready, I think. Or I'm just super scared.

Am I even making any sense? I am really sorry if I'm not.

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Well, did he know that you're an atheist before he asked for your phone number? If so, it may not be as big of an issue as you might think. But if he tries to convert you, there's a good chance you'd have to leave him.

but for now, a good idea might be to trust him, keep talking with him and see how it goes. no reason to shoot the boat out of the water before it's even left the dock.

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Toodles Galore


He did not, he and my mother were talking about something very spiritual and I didn't want to interrupt them. And I couldn't find a proper way to bring it up without sounding like "Hi thank you for selling me a vacuum! I'm an atheist btw."

It sounds really weird to say that a door-to-door salesman randomly gives me his number, but he was here for a long while and after the sale was finished, we mostly chatted about random things and he's hilarious.

Would it be appropriate to bring it up if he invites me to his church again?
My mother is still under the impression that "The right guy will convert you :)" so is being extremely pushy about me talking more with him.

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XxX-Taka-XxX

He did not, he and my mother were talking about something very spiritual and I didn't want to interrupt them. And I couldn't find a proper way to bring it up without sounding like "Hi thank you for selling me a vacuum! I'm an atheist btw."

It sounds really weird to say that a door-to-door salesman randomly gives me his number, but he was here for a long while and after the sale was finished, we mostly chatted about random things and he's hilarious.

Would it be appropriate to bring it up if he invites me to his church again?
My mother is still under the impression that "The right guy will convert you :)" so is being extremely pushy about me talking more with him.

Well, it seems that all you can do about your mother is just brush it off. mothers will be mothers after all and they always think they know what's best even after you're an adult with your own life.

I say it would be important to bring it up before another invitation. Because it sounds like he's being really sweet by trying to incorporate you into his personal life like this. But if it makes you uncomfortable to be in churches, it's very important for him to know why. Just let him know that you're still willing to get to know him even though you both have different views. If he doesn't like your atheism, at least you know before you get emotionally invested and so you can let go of him easier.

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Toodles Galore
Well, it seems that all you can do about your mother is just brush it off. mothers will be mothers after all and they always think they know what's best even after you're an adult with your own life.

I say it would be important to bring it up before another invitation. Because it sounds like he's being really sweet by trying to incorporate you into his personal life like this. But if it makes you uncomfortable to be in churches, it's very important for him to know why. Just let him know that you're still willing to get to know him even though you both have different views. If he doesn't like your atheism, at least you know before you get emotionally invested and so you can let go of him easier.

Oh gosh, then I'm back to learning conversation skills haha. Thank you so much for your posts, it has given me a bit to think of.

I will most likely follow with what you suggested, and also xChibi Cannibalx.

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XxX-Taka-XxX


I'm twenty-two and have extremely low self-esteem. I'm over-weight, have depression, and generally don't look so good in the looks department. I'm very stubborn of me being an atheist and this super cute Christian guy just rolls up and actually wants to talk more outside of what he visited my house for. I don't know why, but he seems adamant about it.

I don't know if I should just give him a chance? I've never been really interested in dating before, and I am still trying to piece together my sexuality. I'm afraid that my views of religion would be a big issue later, and don't know if I should bring that up early or not. And honestly? I feel that he could do so much better.

My mother seems to think that I am searching for comments such as "you're actually really pretty and have a great personality!" I know my self-esteem is going to become a huge issue later, so I sorta want him to be able to avoid my issues before (or if) things get serious.

I'm very sorry if this opening post doesn't make much sense, I'm not entirely use to posting much. I'm more of a silent lurker online, and mostly just silent in real life. Until someone talks to me about my fandoms, then I blab about Mass Effect then later get a guy's number.


Yes, you should give him a chance! It sounds like you haven't done much dating before, and the only way to get comfortable and figure out what you do/don't want is by getting some practice.

You don't have to understand why he likes you -- you just have to accept that it's true. He's presumably in his early-mid twenties, like you -- he's old enough to make decisions about who he wants to date.

Religion may be an issue, or may not be. I'd mention it sometime in the first 3 dates, but it doesn't have to be a big deal.

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I think you should talk to him just because you need that practice, bt stop getting your hopes up. It dosnt sound like it is a date. It sounds like an invitation to his religion. If he already asked you about going to his church, if your mother was talking religious stuff to him...wouldnt it make sense that his interest is spiritual?

Beyond that, I would say you shouldnt be trying to date because you are a wreck and it shouldnt be his thing to deal with. You need to get your s**t together about sexuality and self esteem before you can even think about having another person close in your life.

Spoopy Kitten

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XxX-Taka-XxX
xChibi Cannibalx


I don't know anything about talking with people, to be honest. Pathetic, but I don't really have friends haha sweatdrop I actually lost one of my few friends when I admitted to being an atheist, so I'm also worried about that. He seems like a guy with a lot of interests, and I'm so ...bland with conversation topics.

I'm not confident even being just a friend. I honestly am trying to work on my anxiety and self-esteem, but it's just....not ready, I think. Or I'm just super scared.

Am I even making any sense? I am really sorry if I'm not.


You are making sense, im very similar to you it seems c:

If you lose friends over stupid reasons like that, they were never your friends. Ask him about his interests and be ready to learn about them. Ask him what he likes, his interests, his hobbies, ect. Ask a lot of questions like "how did you get started in *insert hobby here*?" or "how long have you been doing/playing *insert hobby here*?"

You are probly afraid of your anxiety, to be honest. It is only as big of an issue as you let it be. With that said, sometimes you cant let it control you and you need to dive out of your comfort zone. You might actually end up finding something new you like

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Give it a chance! Even if you're not compatible, you can still get to know each other and make a friend. If he asks you on a date why not go for it? Dating experience is a positive thing and will build up your social skills.

Bashful Bookworm

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One thing that's going to be hard to accept is that people will like you, despite everything you hate about yourself.
And let me tell you, if one person can have an interest, a bunch of others can as well, nevermind the people who are too nervous to express that interest.
Everyone has their share of baggage with them, it's just a matter of time until you find out what it is and if you can deal with it, and he won't be excluded from that.

Honestly it's worth a shot. He said he's interested, if you are too, go on a few dates.
It doesn't have to be anything serious, just some fun hangouts to get to know each other.
If things start getting serious and you guys want to make it official, get things on the table that you think need to be there.
He's Christian, you're atheist, you need to find a common ground or a way to respect each others views.

If you guys are okay to continue after things are on the table, take things one day at a time.

If for any reason you don't want a relationship or aren't interested in him in that way, either right off the bat, after a few dates, or even at any point later in the relationship, let him know. Be polite about it, maybe offer to be friends, but don't peruse it if you don't want to.


As far as your depression and low self esteem goes you should be working on those for yourself.
If you're not seeing a therapist, consider it.
And take things one day at a time with yourself.
Learn to love, appreciate and care for yourself as well. One day at a time.

Edit: I absolutely love the picture in your signature. It makes me laugh ever time.

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first off give it chance.

You need to understand sometimes people like you despite how much you don't like yourself.
We all have different standards and interest of what we like in a person.

That aside if you don't like something about yourself I'd say just work on fixing that then until you feel content about yourself.
Try to find other people who can help you on new looks.
I think confidence comes after you feel better about yourself.

Anyway as for talking I'd just say be yourself and ask him about his interests and learn more about him by asking questions.
Some people tend to not know what to say when you ask them to share about themselves.

Honestly if religion is that important to you then get it off your chest.
Just tell him that you're not a very religious person and if that is ok with him. That you respect his beliefs but they're not the same as yours and you hope that it won't be an issue.
That you prefer not to discuss religious beliefs to avoid disagreements.
If its not important then I don't see why you need to bring it up.

Generous Kitten

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XxX-Taka-XxX


I noticed someone said that you should focus on yourself first before dating. I just wanted to say that I was damaged goods when my fiance and I started dating. I had confidence issues, weight issues, anxiety issues, you name it. But still, he stuck with me through it all. I've done a lot of healing over the time we've been together, and most of it I have him to thank for. To quote pink "I let him see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty, and with every touch he fixed them." Sometimes, we just have to find the right person to help us learn how to be happy before we can be happy. On conversation, I second the asking questions about his hobbies. Getting to know someone is the hardest part. Good luck!

O.G. Gaian

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What would you regret more? Not going out with him, or going out with him? Just remember that this specific moment, with this specific person, may not ever repeat itself again. If you feel like "he could do so much better." then tell him no, don't wait. Just when you make your decision, whatever that is, don't hesitate, don't do things half way.
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