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The reason why I'm so giddy about hanging with this person is because I absolutely have no friends . Never have. Here's some background information on yours truly:

I've never had friends. I'm almost 28 and I can say honestly that I never had a friend for more than one year. I was attacked and molested by 18 people when I was 15 and my "friends" sided with them. Family and extended family said that it's because I'm not a likable person. Went to a shrink and I'm on meds blah blah blah.

So basically people don't like me for whatever reason. I don't know if it's I'm mentally retarded or something off putting about me. I just want to have a normal hangout with this person. What I'm worried about is that I might think that we can actually be friends and then suddenly I'll be ignored like many times before. It usually hurts me deeply when I suddenly start believe that I can make friends and then it blows up on my face.


Any advice on how to be likable?

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I wish I had advice for you, but I have like no friends either...

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I went through a long period of having no friends, before that period I was always the shy not very cool kid. Currently, I have a fair amount of friends, and they all seem to think i am cool (a VERY foreign concept to me). The one thing that helped me the most was a behavior I noticed my now best friend had. I had met her one time, a few months later I came into her work (she's a barista) and she recognized me. She said hello very warmly and told her coworkers that she knew me and knew how to spell my name. I was so flattered that I instantly became more fond of her. I realized that her seeming to want my friendship made me want her friendship more. From that moment on, I had a perspective shift. Instead of looking at others as people who were in charge of the friendship status, I looked at myself in that role. I decided to test things out. I made an effort to welcome the new people at my work, say hi to acquaintances in a friendly way(even if i was not positive they remembered me). I invited people to do things with me(always something I have been terrified to do). What I found was that the other people were just not making the move themselves, but always wanted to do things. I decided to think of a bunch of questions I could ask people while we went out and did said activity, questions that could spark a new conversation if things got boring. I found that people LOVE to answer questions about themselves. After about a year I ended up with a few groups of friends and some really close ones, who all seemed to genuinely like me.

Good luck to you! You can do this! Don't think about if people will like you, know they will!

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Sometimes it really isn't you. I have no friends I can hang out with physically except at conventions, other than that it's purely online. But I've been there. I've had people just drop me for no reason and over the years I agonised over it, looked at it from every different direction, I never did anything to them and treated them well... so where was the problem?
Then I started adding things leading up to it, they'd hang out but not invite me, they'd 'forget' that I was meant to be picked up, one would tell another a lie about me just to stir s**t up. And that was when I realised it wasn't because I was a bad friend, it's because I had just so happened to make shitty friends who have no consideration for others. They still have me on their facebooks and never bothered to remove me and it allowed me to see how sad their lives and new interests really were, and I probably wouldn't have fitted into it at all.
In your situation, it's probably a case of them being too afraid to do the right thing, not wanting to rock the boat - and you dont want that. You dont want friends who would abandon you in your time of need and run scared. You're better than that.
Sometimes people think that just because someone is nice that they're always 'on the fence' or 'fake'. They cant fathom the idea of a person being genuinely nice because their lives are fuelled by drama and peg them down to being a pushover, a doormat, or even boring. It just means that you have to find people like that who are happy to do things without sticking your nose into everyone elses business. Like who is screwing who behind the backs of others and so on. People can really be that fickle, but I wouldnt give up just because of a few bad eggs.

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It could just be the people you're meeting. I didn't have friends for a long while and even now I only have about four friends. One of which I know in real life that I don't see anymore after having my daughter (busy mommy) and the rest are online friends that I plan to meet in the near future. Just keep being yourself, honestly. I always assumed people didn't like me because of my personality or something of the sort but it turns out I am very likable. The only problem I have, to where I don't have many friends, is I am quite shy and get nervous when people try to speak to me but I open up eventually. Keep being you.

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One thing I could mention is that you are very quick to bring out the heavy/negative things that happened in your life. To be honest, not everyone can handle hearing that kind of information, and that could be a reason why friends have not stuck around. Probably for the next while it could be best to not mention those things right off of the bat, because it could be disturbing to hear.

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It isnt true to say you never had frend,s it just ended up that your friends didnt stick with you. It doenst erase the friendship from existing.

I also wonder if they actually 'ignore' you and not that they just are busy now and then? There are tons of people I dont talk to everday who I still see as friends, me being antisocial doesnt mean I dont like them, I just do my own thing.

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quayla666
One thing I could mention is that you are very quick to bring out the heavy/negative things that happened in your life. To be honest, not everyone can handle hearing that kind of information, and that could be a reason why friends have not stuck around. Probably for the next while it could be best to not mention those things right off of the bat, because it could be disturbing to hear.


I don't ever bring it up. Not sure how I gave the impression that I bring it up.

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legnanellaf5
It isnt true to say you never had frend,s it just ended up that your friends didnt stick with you. It doenst erase the friendship from existing.

I also wonder if they actually 'ignore' you and not that they just are busy now and then? There are tons of people I dont talk to everday who I still see as friends, me being antisocial doesnt mean I dont like them, I just do my own thing.


I genuinely don't have any. The reason why I don't include the ones from when I was 15 is because I was so betrayed that I didn't think they qualified as such.

The reason why I know they're not particularly busy is because they always hang out with other mutual friends. Having friends is all I ever wanted in life and it's the one thing I can't have (I've been to 3 shrinks but they had no resolution).

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SadGhost1999
The reason why I'm so giddy about hanging with this person is because I absolutely have no friends . Never have. Here's some background information on yours truly:

I've never had friends. I'm almost 28 and I can say honestly that I never had a friend for more than one year. I was attacked and molested by 18 people when I was 15 and my "friends" sided with them. Family and extended family said that it's because I'm not a likable person. Went to a shrink and I'm on meds blah blah blah.

So basically people don't like me for whatever reason. I don't know if it's I'm mentally retarded or something off putting about me. I just want to have a normal hangout with this person. What I'm worried about is that I might think that we can actually be friends and then suddenly I'll be ignored like many times before. It usually hurts me deeply when I suddenly start believe that I can make friends and then it blows up on my face.


Any advice on how to be likable?



well my friend, you have a good excuse for not having friends and I applaud you for trying now. after what you went through you were very leary about people, all people. I am sorry you had to go throught that.....really sorry.
But you are now at an age that there is no reason to suspect all people and I will bet you have an insight that most don't. Please don't be afraid and now if you are excited thats wonderful.....I hope it all works out and now you have 2 friends.

gramps

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waifu buns

It could just be the people you're meeting. I didn't have friends for a long while and even now I only have about four friends. One of which I know in real life that I don't see anymore after having my daughter (busy mommy) and the rest are online friends that I plan to meet in the near future. Just keep being yourself, honestly. I always assumed people didn't like me because of my personality or something of the sort but it turns out I am very likable. The only problem I have, to where I don't have many friends, is I am quite shy and get nervous when people try to speak to me but I open up eventually. Keep being you.


I'll try. I'm always worried that my personality is a major deterrent. That's why I wish I was rich so I can actually pay for friends. Even if it's fake, at least the idea is comforting.

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SadGhost1999
quayla666
One thing I could mention is that you are very quick to bring out the heavy/negative things that happened in your life. To be honest, not everyone can handle hearing that kind of information, and that could be a reason why friends have not stuck around. Probably for the next while it could be best to not mention those things right off of the bat, because it could be disturbing to hear.


I don't ever bring it up. Not sure how I gave the impression that I bring it up.
Because it is the very first thing that you posted about in your OP.

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SadGhost1999
legnanellaf5
It isnt true to say you never had frend,s it just ended up that your friends didnt stick with you. It doenst erase the friendship from existing.

I also wonder if they actually 'ignore' you and not that they just are busy now and then? There are tons of people I dont talk to everday who I still see as friends, me being antisocial doesnt mean I dont like them, I just do my own thing.


I genuinely don't have any. The reason why I don't include the ones from when I was 15 is because I was so betrayed that I didn't think they qualified as such.

The reason why I know they're not particularly busy is because they always hang out with other mutual friends. Having friends is all I ever wanted in life and it's the one thing I can't have (I've been to 3 shrinks but they had no resolution).


They count, shitty friends that you arent friends with now ar still friends you had.

I think you need to not compare yourself to other people so much. If they have known longer or are closer to some people, yes they will hang out more. It also is easier to hang out with some people who are nearby or someoen you see often. It doesnt mean they arent friends with everyone else, or that they are ignoring you.
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