pinchot
(?)Community Member
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- Posted: Mon, 29 Dec 2014 02:35:00 +0000
█ █ █THE FIRE CHIEF OFFICER
applicants... Justified Grudges
Really good job! Seriously, amazing. Your application read smoothly and I got a great blend of personality and history. I was finding myself pretty jealous of your writing skill since I did not have nearly as smooth of a blend in my application. Makes me wanna go back and rework mine. Haha. Anyways, you're 100% accepted. There are a few small things you need to edit and I cannot think of any general things for you to consider. The character should fit in seamlessly.
Notice. Anything bolded needs to be reworded. Anything striked needs to be deleted. Anything colored red is an edit of some kind that I made.
Kazashi's early life was not so different from the average civilian living in the Fire Nation. He was educated and conditioned to give his loyalty to his country and his honor to its cause. Despite this, Kazashi remained aimless with no motivations or dreams. Apathy plagued him. Following in the footsteps of his optimistic, engineering, parents only seemed more trouble than it was worth, so he joined the military instead, thinking that it'd be easier to have others tell him what to do with his life. (run-on) For a while, that was true. Kazashi quickly adapted to the life of a solider and assembled into the routine of deployment once his training was finished. His obedience seldom made him anything special but his new found curiosity did. His first deployment to the Earth Kingdom gave him quite the culture shock, but the culture was interesting to him. Eventually, Kazashi saw those of the Earth kingdom as a people who only needed to be properly lead rather than inferior. He observed their culture rather than participate in its erasure. Learning to walk a fine line between being merciful to Earth kingdom citizens while ensuring the success of the Fire Nation colonies, Kazashi became a master of compromise and balance. Proving to be both a good leader and a good follower, Kazashi slowly climbed up the ranks and was stationed in Jilin Ma. There was no urgency or gloating; he was just doing his job. Becoming a chief officer opened many doors and Kazashi was soon mingling with those with an enormous amount of power.
As an enforcer of order, Kazashi has come to believe that violence will not achieve that order, which greatly contrasts with the Fire Nation Army's practices. This doesn't make him some humanitarian anti-war revolutionary; he just believes that there are smarter, less cumbersome ways to do things. Because of this, Kazashi picked up a habit of finding out the objectives of his superiors and acting them out in a way that requires less bloodshed. To Kazashi, this does not count as disobeying anyone, but rather as doing the work for them. For example, rather than executing prisoners to establish dominance, Kazashi would put them to work as servants or builders for Fire Nation artillery. Still, being ahead of everyone when it comes to plans has lead to some paranoia on his part. Light footsteps and fluid movements allow him to know more than he really should, but Kazashi is still weary of the consequences of being caught snooping. While Kazashi desires to keep order among people, he still does not trust them and will rarely give special treatment to anyone, neither poor nor noble. His eyes are always watching, observing, for information that he can use in the future, as well as just waiting for something bad to happen. To most, and like any chief officer should be, Kazashi seems composed but he is actually quite tense. Again, this is due to his fear of of trouble finding him in more ways than one; standing too close to him will even earn the offender a relentless stare off and touching him suddenly will be rewarded with a kick to the face.
Kazashi's bending is much like himself: controlled, elegant, skilled, but not really used to its full potential. He's very well aware of this and prefers to keep his explosive power bottled up inside. Actually, Kazashi is reluctant to result to bending when it comes to conflict and often relies on a sword or his own hands. This leads to others commonly mistaking him for a non bender and his fights to appear more evenly matched. Only when Kazashi is sure that he can't reach a target's pressure point to incapacitate them is when he will used his fire against them. As a believer of upholding honor, Kazashi won't go out of his way to dishonor an opponent and will intervene if he witnesses unnecessary humiliation.
Kazashi has yet to fully realize that he values the lives of all people, and despite not trusting them, he enjoys learning about them. His occupation has finally given him a purpose that he has pride working towards, so while he's not as much aimless as before, he still struggles with discovering with what he wants and should do with the authority that said occupation has given him.
applicants... Justified Grudges
Really good job! Seriously, amazing. Your application read smoothly and I got a great blend of personality and history. I was finding myself pretty jealous of your writing skill since I did not have nearly as smooth of a blend in my application. Makes me wanna go back and rework mine. Haha. Anyways, you're 100% accepted. There are a few small things you need to edit and I cannot think of any general things for you to consider. The character should fit in seamlessly.
Notice. Anything bolded needs to be reworded. Anything striked needs to be deleted. Anything colored red is an edit of some kind that I made.
Justified Grudges
Kazashi's early life was not so different from the average civilian living in the Fire Nation. He was educated and conditioned to give his loyalty to his country and his honor to its cause. Despite this, Kazashi remained aimless with no motivations or dreams. Apathy plagued him. Following in the footsteps of his optimistic, engineering, parents only seemed more trouble than it was worth, so he joined the military instead, thinking that it'd be easier to have others tell him what to do with his life. (run-on) For a while, that was true. Kazashi quickly adapted to the life of a solider and assembled into the routine of deployment once his training was finished. His obedience seldom made him anything special but his new found curiosity did. His first deployment to the Earth Kingdom gave him quite the culture shock, but the culture was interesting to him. Eventually, Kazashi saw those of the Earth kingdom as a people who only needed to be properly lead rather than inferior. He observed their culture rather than participate in its erasure. Learning to walk a fine line between being merciful to Earth kingdom citizens while ensuring the success of the Fire Nation colonies, Kazashi became a master of compromise and balance. Proving to be both a good leader and a good follower, Kazashi slowly climbed up the ranks and was stationed in Jilin Ma. There was no urgency or gloating; he was just doing his job. Becoming a chief officer opened many doors and Kazashi was soon mingling with those with an enormous amount of power.
As an enforcer of order, Kazashi has come to believe that violence will not achieve that order, which greatly contrasts with the Fire Nation Army's practices. This doesn't make him some humanitarian anti-war revolutionary; he just believes that there are smarter, less cumbersome ways to do things. Because of this, Kazashi picked up a habit of finding out the objectives of his superiors and acting them out in a way that requires less bloodshed. To Kazashi, this does not count as disobeying anyone, but rather as doing the work for them. For example, rather than executing prisoners to establish dominance, Kazashi would put them to work as servants or builders for Fire Nation artillery. Still, being ahead of everyone when it comes to plans has lead to some paranoia on his part. Light footsteps and fluid movements allow him to know more than he really should, but Kazashi is still weary of the consequences of being caught snooping. While Kazashi desires to keep order among people, he still does not trust them and will rarely give special treatment to anyone, neither poor nor noble. His eyes are always watching, observing, for information that he can use in the future, as well as just waiting for something bad to happen. To most, and like any chief officer should be, Kazashi seems composed but he is actually quite tense. Again, this is due to his fear of of trouble finding him in more ways than one; standing too close to him will even earn the offender a relentless stare off and touching him suddenly will be rewarded with a kick to the face.
Kazashi's bending is much like himself: controlled, elegant, skilled, but not really used to its full potential. He's very well aware of this and prefers to keep his explosive power bottled up inside. Actually, Kazashi is reluctant to result to bending when it comes to conflict and often relies on a sword or his own hands. This leads to others commonly mistaking him for a non bender and his fights to appear more evenly matched. Only when Kazashi is sure that he can't reach a target's pressure point to incapacitate them is when he will used his fire against them. As a believer of upholding honor, Kazashi won't go out of his way to dishonor an opponent and will intervene if he witnesses unnecessary humiliation.
Kazashi has yet to fully realize that he values the lives of all people, and despite not trusting them, he enjoys learning about them. His occupation has finally given him a purpose that he has pride working towards, so while he's not as much aimless as before, he still struggles with discovering with what he wants and should do with the authority that said occupation has given him.