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Hi, Li. A little over a month ago, my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. Since then, she has been nothing but toxic, texting me when she's drunk for sex, writing nasty posts about me on Tumblr, messaging me on OkCupid, even after I told her to leave me alone. Every single day is a struggle because I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. I can't say that I don't miss her because I do. So very much... But she made it very clear that, as she put it, she "closed this chapter of her life and needs us both to move on". And I'm trying, but she makes it difficult when she yo-yo's me around. Anyway, she called me yesterday. She had left a jacket of hers in my friend's car. She called me to tell me she wants the jacket back...by Thursday. I told her that it was impossible, that my friends both work and, since I don't have a car, getting to their place a half hour away before Thursday wouldn't happen. She threw a tantrum, saying really hurtful things like how "difficult" I am and how "complicated" things have always been with me. Finally, I told her I'd take a bus out there and get her jacket and mail it to her express. She didn't like that idea either. Freaked out again, told me she NEEDED it by Thursday and it wouldn't get there on time and demanded that I meet her at a Starbucks and give her the jacket. I told her no, that it would absolutely wreck me and that if she could do things for herself now that we've broken up, I can too and not seeing her is something I'm doing for me. Another tantrum. Threats this time, telling me she'd wait at that Starbucks all day if she had to and if she didn't have the jacket by Thursday, I'd owe her a $150 dollars. I panicked, told her I'd call her back, and rang a friend who agreed to give her the jacket in my place. She wasn't happy about that, either, but finally agreed. After all that, though, I'm now having second thoughts. I have no idea if I should just leave things the way they are, and have my friend hand the jacket off and never, ever see her again, or if I should just suck it up and give her the jacket myself so I won't have potential regrets of not getting closure by seeing her. I've been going back and forth since yesterday and she wants the jacket tomorrow so I need to figure this out. What would you do?

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Bonjour Belle
Hi, Li. A little over a month ago, my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. Since then, she has been nothing but toxic, texting me when she's drunk for sex, writing nasty posts about me on Tumblr, messaging me on OkCupid, even after I told her to leave me alone. Every single day is a struggle because I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. I can't say that I don't miss her because I do. So very much... But she made it very clear that, as she put it, she "closed this chapter of her life and needs us both to move on". And I'm trying, but she makes it difficult when she yo-yo's me around. Anyway, she called me yesterday. She had left a jacket of hers in my friend's car. She called me to tell me she wants the jacket back...by Thursday. I told her that it was impossible, that my friends both work and, since I don't have a car, getting to their place a half hour away before Thursday wouldn't happen. She threw a tantrum, saying really hurtful things like how "difficult" I am and how "complicated" things have always been with me. Finally, I told her I'd take a bus out there and get her jacket and mail it to her express. She didn't like that idea either. Freaked out again, told me she NEEDED it by Thursday and it wouldn't get there on time and demanded that I meet her at a Starbucks and give her the jacket. I told her no, that it would absolutely wreck me and that if she could do things for herself now that we've broken up, I can too and not seeing her is something I'm doing for me. Another tantrum. Threats this time, telling me she'd wait at that Starbucks all day if she had to and if she didn't have the jacket by Thursday, I'd owe her a $150 dollars. I panicked, told her I'd call her back, and rang a friend who agreed to give her the jacket in my place. She wasn't happy about that, either, but finally agreed. After all that, though, I'm now having second thoughts. I have no idea if I should just leave things the way they are, and have my friend hand the jacket off and never, ever see her again, or if I should just suck it up and give her the jacket myself so I won't have potential regrets of not getting closure by seeing her. I've been going back and forth since yesterday and she wants the jacket tomorrow so I need to figure this out. What would you do?


Well, I didn't expect all of that over a jacket to be perfectly frank. Not to make light of your situation, of course (sorry :c). I just thought a little light-hearted comment might be nice during a time of stress. Anyhow, I feel like you have been well within your rights to stay away from your ex-girlfriend since she seems to be absolutely livid, not to mention manipulative. I would advise that you keep your distance from her and block her on all those things you were saying she contacts you with. It may be hard on you emotionally, but it seems like she is trying intentionally to pull you back and hurt you. Those types of behavior are not something that should be in any way reciprocated or taken lightly. They are not fair, nor are they proper of a person: even to an ex-significant other. Also, she broke up with you. There is no reason for her to be acting so vile and manipulative to you. Technically the same should be true of the reverse, but it seems to get more sympathy.

I wouldn't worry too much about everything here, but I would definitely break of contact with her. She seems to be acting in a very irrational and immature fashion, and you should not have to suffer for it. I think you should stay with your original plan of having your friend return the jacket. She accepted the terms and it was the best you could do to meet her strict demands. Besides, there is no real reason you should feel like you have to go take it to her yourself. After all, you did say "I told her no, that it would absolutely wreck me and that if she could do things for herself now that we've broken up, I can too and not seeing her is something I'm doing for me." These are all valid and rational things to feel and say, and there is no reason that she should not be able to respect them. Stick to what you feel is right and will make you happy.

I hope this helps! ^^ If you need more talking/help, feel free to quote or PM me.

Viele Grüss und Bis Bald,
-Yoshi

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Yoshielite
Bonjour Belle
Hi, Li. A little over a month ago, my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. Since then, she has been nothing but toxic, texting me when she's drunk for sex, writing nasty posts about me on Tumblr, messaging me on OkCupid, even after I told her to leave me alone. Every single day is a struggle because I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. I can't say that I don't miss her because I do. So very much... But she made it very clear that, as she put it, she "closed this chapter of her life and needs us both to move on". And I'm trying, but she makes it difficult when she yo-yo's me around. Anyway, she called me yesterday. She had left a jacket of hers in my friend's car. She called me to tell me she wants the jacket back...by Thursday. I told her that it was impossible, that my friends both work and, since I don't have a car, getting to their place a half hour away before Thursday wouldn't happen. She threw a tantrum, saying really hurtful things like how "difficult" I am and how "complicated" things have always been with me. Finally, I told her I'd take a bus out there and get her jacket and mail it to her express. She didn't like that idea either. Freaked out again, told me she NEEDED it by Thursday and it wouldn't get there on time and demanded that I meet her at a Starbucks and give her the jacket. I told her no, that it would absolutely wreck me and that if she could do things for herself now that we've broken up, I can too and not seeing her is something I'm doing for me. Another tantrum. Threats this time, telling me she'd wait at that Starbucks all day if she had to and if she didn't have the jacket by Thursday, I'd owe her a $150 dollars. I panicked, told her I'd call her back, and rang a friend who agreed to give her the jacket in my place. She wasn't happy about that, either, but finally agreed. After all that, though, I'm now having second thoughts. I have no idea if I should just leave things the way they are, and have my friend hand the jacket off and never, ever see her again, or if I should just suck it up and give her the jacket myself so I won't have potential regrets of not getting closure by seeing her. I've been going back and forth since yesterday and she wants the jacket tomorrow so I need to figure this out. What would you do?


Well, I didn't expect all of that over a jacket to be perfectly frank. Not to make light of your situation, of course (sorry :c). I just thought a little light-hearted comment might be nice during a time of stress. Anyhow, I feel like you have been well within your rights to stay away from your ex-girlfriend since she seems to be absolutely livid, not to mention manipulative. I would advise that you keep your distance from her and block her on all those things you were saying she contacts you with. It may be hard on you emotionally, but it seems like she is trying intentionally to pull you back and hurt you. Those types of behavior are not something that should be in any way reciprocated or taken lightly. They are not fair, nor are they proper of a person: even to an ex-significant other. Also, she broke up with you. There is no reason for her to be acting so vile and manipulative to you. Technically the same should be true of the reverse, but it seems to get more sympathy.

I wouldn't worry too much about everything here, but I would definitely break of contact with her. She seems to be acting in a very irrational and immature fashion, and you should not have to suffer for it. I think you should stay with your original plan of having your friend return the jacket. She accepted the terms and it was the best you could do to meet her strict demands. Besides, there is no real reason you should feel like you have to go take it to her yourself. After all, you did say "I told her no, that it would absolutely wreck me and that if she could do things for herself now that we've broken up, I can too and not seeing her is something I'm doing for me." These are all valid and rational things to feel and say, and there is no reason that she should not be able to respect them. Stick to what you feel is right and will make you happy.

I hope this helps! ^^ If you need more talking/help, feel free to quote or PM me.

Viele Grüss und Bis Bald,
-Yoshi


Thank you so much... I told my friend if I had to go alone, I'd walk away from her and walk right in front of a train and I meant it. I haven't been well emotionally or mentally though this whole breakup and she is making things so much worse. Like I said, there is still a part of me that misses her terribly every single day, and an even deeper part that is hopeful that one day, we might get back together. But I know she has no idea what she wants and I don't want to get wrapped up in that. I appreciate you validating my feelings, though. She never did that, for as long as we were together, and I'm learning that it's okay to feel again.

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Bonjour Belle
Thank you so much... I told my friend if I had to go alone, I'd walk away from her and walk right in front of a train and I meant it. I haven't been well emotionally or mentally though this whole breakup and she is making things so much worse. Like I said, there is still a part of me that misses her terribly every single day, and an even deeper part that is hopeful that one day, we might get back together. But I know she has no idea what she wants and I don't want to get wrapped up in that. I appreciate you validating my feelings, though. She never did that, for as long as we were together, and I'm learning that it's okay to feel again.


Not a problem, I'm glad I could be of some help/consolation. However, I must implore that if you find yourself having a lot of troubles with coping with the situation or suicidal thoughts- please seek the help of a licensed practitioner such as a psychologist, social worker, or therapist. If you feel like you need the help, check out Psychology Today's website. They have a lot of people with their specialties, areas, experience, degrees, and insurance companies they will work with posted. I'm glad to hear you're coming out of it alright and letting your emotions open up again, that's very healthy.

Cheers!

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What kind of closure are you hoping to get out of someone that isn't thinking clearly or rationally?

Look, I've been in the same situation as you and believe me, there isn't anything worthwhile that'll come out of seeing her again.

But, if you really want to see her again I think you know as well as I do that it's your choice at the end of the day what you're actually going to do.

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It sounds like this tantrum thing she pulled had nothing to do with the actual item, to be honest. It sounded more like she wanted to take control over your life again, and make you keep coming back to her. I am sure that she will figure out more things that she wants back, so that you will keep in contact with her. Don't worry about paying her s**t all for it, since she would have to prove that is the value of the jacket, and also keep in mind that it is now used, and has depreciated in value. She is just looking for a way to pull you back into her toxic shithole of a life. Don't fall for it.. I have been through the EXACT same thing.

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If it were me I would have blocked all forms of contact looooong ago and stopped picking up the phone and responding to texts. She literally cannot do anything except threaten you and you're taking them seriously. If she was that bothered she could arrange to see this friend of yours herself but she'd much sooner bully you and get other people to wipe her bum for her, and this cannot continue.
If she needs it so bad, she would have taken you up on one of the other suggestions and actually treated you like a human being to get what she wanted, but if she can't do that then you have no obligation to waste your time and have a huge amount of heartache over someone who has no respect for you, so just ignore her and get her blocked on everything you have.

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I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that she couldn't care less about the jacket. What she wants is another shot at harassing you.

All seeing her in person again is going to do is give her another shot at you. You aren't going to get closure from it. Mail her the jacket, then block any way she could have to contact you. It is not your problem if it does not get to her by the day she wanted it.

II Earl Grey II's Darling

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You shouldnt talk to her at all. Cut all ties and change your screenames and all that.
Also id tell her to get her own damn coat since she left it, not you.

Dont see her.... It sounds like all this is heading in a bad direction. ><
You also wouldnt be responsable for her coat so dont worry about owing her.^^

Demonic Shapeshifter

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Bonjour Belle
Hi, Li. A little over a month ago, my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. Since then, she has been nothing but toxic, texting me when she's drunk for sex, writing nasty posts about me on Tumblr, messaging me on OkCupid, even after I told her to leave me alone. Every single day is a struggle because I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. I can't say that I don't miss her because I do. So very much... But she made it very clear that, as she put it, she "closed this chapter of her life and needs us both to move on". And I'm trying, but she makes it difficult when she yo-yo's me around. Anyway, she called me yesterday. She had left a jacket of hers in my friend's car. She called me to tell me she wants the jacket back...by Thursday. I told her that it was impossible, that my friends both work and, since I don't have a car, getting to their place a half hour away before Thursday wouldn't happen. She threw a tantrum, saying really hurtful things like how "difficult" I am and how "complicated" things have always been with me. Finally, I told her I'd take a bus out there and get her jacket and mail it to her express. She didn't like that idea either. Freaked out again, told me she NEEDED it by Thursday and it wouldn't get there on time and demanded that I meet her at a Starbucks and give her the jacket. I told her no, that it would absolutely wreck me and that if she could do things for herself now that we've broken up, I can too and not seeing her is something I'm doing for me. Another tantrum. Threats this time, telling me she'd wait at that Starbucks all day if she had to and if she didn't have the jacket by Thursday, I'd owe her a $150 dollars. I panicked, told her I'd call her back, and rang a friend who agreed to give her the jacket in my place. She wasn't happy about that, either, but finally agreed. After all that, though, I'm now having second thoughts. I have no idea if I should just leave things the way they are, and have my friend hand the jacket off and never, ever see her again, or if I should just suck it up and give her the jacket myself so I won't have potential regrets of not getting closure by seeing her. I've been going back and forth since yesterday and she wants the jacket tomorrow so I need to figure this out. What would you do?

Wait, so SHE left the jacket in SOMEBODY ELSE'S car, and says that YOU will owe her money if she doesn't get it back?! No. Just no. You are not responsible, and frankly, you should refuse to be involved. It's not your fault, not your problem, and you don't owe her ANYTHING. Block her on every device you have, ignore her, and move on with your life. That's it, the end. No ifs, ands, or buts. You need to be solid on that.

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Bonjour Belle
Hi, Li. A little over a month ago, my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. Since then, she has been nothing but toxic, texting me when she's drunk for sex, writing nasty posts about me on Tumblr, messaging me on OkCupid, even after I told her to leave me alone. Every single day is a struggle because I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. I can't say that I don't miss her because I do. So very much... But she made it very clear that, as she put it, she "closed this chapter of her life and needs us both to move on". And I'm trying, but she makes it difficult when she yo-yo's me around. Anyway, she called me yesterday. She had left a jacket of hers in my friend's car. She called me to tell me she wants the jacket back...by Thursday. I told her that it was impossible, that my friends both work and, since I don't have a car, getting to their place a half hour away before Thursday wouldn't happen. She threw a tantrum, saying really hurtful things like how "difficult" I am and how "complicated" things have always been with me. Finally, I told her I'd take a bus out there and get her jacket and mail it to her express. She didn't like that idea either. Freaked out again, told me she NEEDED it by Thursday and it wouldn't get there on time and demanded that I meet her at a Starbucks and give her the jacket. I told her no, that it would absolutely wreck me and that if she could do things for herself now that we've broken up, I can too and not seeing her is something I'm doing for me. Another tantrum. Threats this time, telling me she'd wait at that Starbucks all day if she had to and if she didn't have the jacket by Thursday, I'd owe her a $150 dollars. I panicked, told her I'd call her back, and rang a friend who agreed to give her the jacket in my place. She wasn't happy about that, either, but finally agreed. After all that, though, I'm now having second thoughts. I have no idea if I should just leave things the way they are, and have my friend hand the jacket off and never, ever see her again, or if I should just suck it up and give her the jacket myself so I won't have potential regrets of not getting closure by seeing her. I've been going back and forth since yesterday and she wants the jacket tomorrow so I need to figure this out. What would you do?


Your ex is ******** with you and trying to manipulate you. It's her own fault she forgot her jacket in someone's car, it's not your business nor responsibility just because the person happens to be a friend of yours. She's a lying c**t and you don't owe her s**t. She's just trying to use you for things like sex, a possible plan B. She may have even left it there on purpose, but this is all obviously a contrived excuse to try to make you see her.

Closure? Bullshit. You're playing into her sick game if you give into her. She's trying to prevent you from moving on. Tell your friend to give it to her when it's convenient, don't tell her to go out of her way for this b***h. Your ex can get her own a** over to your friend's place and try to get her damn jacket. ******** her.

Ignore her and block her, perhaps get a restraining order.

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Bonjour Belle
Hi, Li. A little over a month ago, my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. Since then, she has been nothing but toxic, texting me when she's drunk for sex, writing nasty posts about me on Tumblr, messaging me on OkCupid, even after I told her to leave me alone. Every single day is a struggle because I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. I can't say that I don't miss her because I do. So very much... But she made it very clear that, as she put it, she "closed this chapter of her life and needs us both to move on". And I'm trying, but she makes it difficult when she yo-yo's me around. Anyway, she called me yesterday. She had left a jacket of hers in my friend's car. She called me to tell me she wants the jacket back...by Thursday. I told her that it was impossible, that my friends both work and, since I don't have a car, getting to their place a half hour away before Thursday wouldn't happen. She threw a tantrum, saying really hurtful things like how "difficult" I am and how "complicated" things have always been with me. Finally, I told her I'd take a bus out there and get her jacket and mail it to her express. She didn't like that idea either. Freaked out again, told me she NEEDED it by Thursday and it wouldn't get there on time and demanded that I meet her at a Starbucks and give her the jacket. I told her no, that it would absolutely wreck me and that if she could do things for herself now that we've broken up, I can too and not seeing her is something I'm doing for me. Another tantrum. Threats this time, telling me she'd wait at that Starbucks all day if she had to and if she didn't have the jacket by Thursday, I'd owe her a $150 dollars. I panicked, told her I'd call her back, and rang a friend who agreed to give her the jacket in my place. She wasn't happy about that, either, but finally agreed. After all that, though, I'm now having second thoughts. I have no idea if I should just leave things the way they are, and have my friend hand the jacket off and never, ever see her again, or if I should just suck it up and give her the jacket myself so I won't have potential regrets of not getting closure by seeing her. I've been going back and forth since yesterday and she wants the jacket tomorrow so I need to figure this out. What would you do?



I would ignore her TOTALLY peroid...I would not respond I would not talk to her....but...if you have feelings for her? all bets are off...

gramps

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If she so direly NEEDS this jacket then let her find a way to get it herself.

You shouldn't have to do anything, she's just being a whiny b***h.

It's her fault for leaving her s**t in someones car. NOT yours. You owe her NOTHING.

You obviously need to move on, there's someone better out there for you.

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If she needs the jacket, she can go and get it herself. She's the one that left it, after all. You aren't her girlfriend anymore. You aren't even her friend anymore. You owe her nothing. Cut contact with her. She's a toxic piece of s**t and she's just gonna keep pulling s**t like this with you for that sense of control. Cut the b***h out of your life. Block her on all social media, block her number, block her email. Tell her never to contact you again because you love yourself enough to not put up with her bullshit. Tell your friends not to tell you about her, tell them not to tell her about you. You need her out of your life completely. You can't get over a break-up like that when the toxic person is still in your life, messaging you all the time, talking 'behind your back' in a manner that you will find out about it. And yeah, she'll probably either blow up at you about it or break down crying saying she'll change. Don't fall for the bullshit. Kick her out of your life and heal. Forget about her. She doesn't even have the decency to respect you now, and she's the one that ended it. I hate to think how she was when you two were together. So stop being her whipping b***h and tell her to ******** off. Then move on with your life and work on you doing you.
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