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Hello everyone. Recently I lost the one thing that gave my life purpose, my little Maltipoo. Her name was Bella. We got her from a man that said he found her on the side of the highway running in the bushes, covered in blue paint and sores. He shaved her, and fed her but said he couldn't keep her. And said if we didn't take her, he would have to shoot her.

Of course, we took her. She was very scared at first, so I assumed she ran away from a puppy mill or an abusive owner. Since then she was my baby. She was the best dog I've ever encountered. She listened, comforted me, didn't care what I looked like or whatever, she loved me for me.

I'd had her for about 5-6 years. She got me through most of my depression and stuff. And by this time I had it drilled in my head that wherever she went, I went too. If she got lost, I wouldn't sleep until I found her.

But on September 15, she just kind of... stopped everything. She didn't want to jump up on the couch, and she wasn't herself. She wouldn't play, and physically couldn't bend her head down to eat or drink. Her head was stuck upward, and sometimes she would twitch her head. We couldn't afford a visit to the vet until the beginning of October. Her condition got worse, then better, then worse again. It got to the point to where she couldn't even move to go pee or stand up on her own, I had to hold her up, she even accidentally peed on my arm trying to get up while I was asleep. Then the heaving breaths and choking started on the 20th, and we figured she was just coughing and needed water.

We went to sleep, and she woke me up with her heaving. I took her to go pee, and she just fell over. And laid there. My mom said she had congestive heart failure for dogs, I still don't know if this is true, and she was dying. That she was drowning in her own saliva and blood and vomit.

It was about 8:30 a.m. on the 21st, and I couldn't stop crying. She had been drowning for 5 hours straight, suffocating while I was asleep, and she suffered that alone while I was oblivious.

She died at 9:10 a.m. that morning. It had now been two months. I still sob all the time, I visit her grave whenever I can. I feel so guilty for not spending as much time with her as I could during her last few weeks alive because I was staying the night with my neighbor.

I have a new dog now, her name is Joey, she is about a month and a half old and she is the exact opposite of the kind of dogs I like, fluffy, calm, and comforting. She is none of those.

I can't help but feel resentment toward her and the fact I'm now stuck with a dog I could never like, because the only option we have is to throw her out and I'm totally against that.

Does anyone have any coping advice, and to help with my resentment to this new dog? I know she is not Bella, never will be. I have to love her for her own unique personality, but I'm just the type of person who prefers a dog that doesn't need constant exercise. (Joey's a chihuahua/terrier mix)

Any advice is appreciated. Please don't be rude ;-;

Well we got her from my brother's now ex girlfriend. Her grandmother's dog just kept on and kept on having babies, and she was the only baby in this litter (idk if that is unusual or not). They had to get rid of her because she was getting to where she could run around, and older people don't really watch where they step most times, so she could have gotten squashed.

I just checked and shes about 8 weeks old now, but she was 5 weeks when we got her. We have her brother, who was born about 4 months before her, and I still don't like him. But sadly, I cannot trade Joey out while she is still young because my parents won't buy me a Maltese, Miniature Poodle, or anything of the sort because they believe the prices are ridiculous for a dog.

I am stuck with her, but I guess I could train her as best I can. Who knows? She may grow on me better than her brother did.