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On Friday night, my girlfriend's 10 year old cousin went trick or treating. On Saturday morning, he collapsed and was later pronounced brain dead after doctors found a tumor on his lungs that had prevented oxygen from getting to his brain and other vital organs. Hours after that, he was taken off life support and died. Today, I find myself mourning for him, my girlfriend, and her incredible family who are facing the most difficult time of their lives. They are very religious Catholics and I promised them I would pray for the family's strength and peace. I don't pray. I was baptized a Methodist but have not been to a church since my mother passed away when I was six. My family is not religious and I have always had a complicated relationship with God. But in light of recent events, I have found myself praying with all my might and feeling so conflicted. I am friends with my girlfriend's aunt on Facebook and when I see people comment, "God needed another angel so he took your son home to Him", I get SO angry. I want to yell and scream at those people and ask them how the ******** they came to that conclusion. What God takes a ten year old boy? Or a mother from a six year old? I am so angry... but at the same time, I have this tremendous urge to find faith. I recently reached out to the Minister of the Protestant chapter on my campus and we are going to meet either today or tomorrow just to talk. All day, I have been introspecting about religion and God and what it all means but I haven't found any answers. I feel like I'm going crazy. I know we often turn to religion in times of need or crisis, but I have never really had that comfort and it has never really been a priority for me until now. Part of making this thread was just to vent, but I'm open to and curious about other people's experiences with loss and faith, maybe to help me figure out my own.

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Loss definitely promotes faith. It's easier to deal with a great tragedy if you tell yourself it's some part of a celestial puppeteer's grand design.

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My brother-in-law died just under two weeks ago.

The way I figure it, death is just death. There's nothing special or magical or transformative about it. You don't magically survive death and go, in the form of a physically unobservable body which serves no other apparent purpose than to facilitate this, to an otherwise-inaccessible realm in an alternate dimension.

You just die, and that sucks. Things like what happened to that kid just kind of happen, and there's nothing to blame for it but simple bad luck, or coincidence if you dislike the word "luck".

You find ways to live with it, however. I don't imagine there's anything anyone could've done to stop it, and even if they could have previously, they can't now. The only thing you can do, then, is move forward and continue living.

I can't resurrect my brother-in-law (and even if I could, he'd still have all the things wrong with him that killed him in the first place, so he'd just be up for a few minutes and then die again), and I don't need to find anything or anyone to blame for his being dead. He's simply dead, and my efforts wouldn't change that. So, I'm not sad about it. I just put it behind me, appreciate having had him around previously, and move on.

You'll figure something out, I'm sure.

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I left the Christian faith path after realizing my aspirations, and who I am, weren't welcome. That and I am diametrically apposed to most teachings about sex, and the body, within Christian doctrine. I knew my thoughts, and actions were unwanted, so I left.

What really got me was when all the Catholic churches around here held a huge rally against same-sex marriage, paired with their dubious and violent images used in abortion picketing, I was off put and left for good.

I really settled into witchcraft after a few amazing, long, and detailed dreams. Also blueberry plants. Why blueberry plants? Blueberries need male and female plants to create blueberries - creation needs two forces to fuse and become one. I never bought the one god creation myth dealio.

On your experience. ******** I am so sorry. That is a doozy to handle. I experienced something similar with my favorite aunty. She had a stroke, went to the hospital, and was diagnosed with stage 4 lung and blood cancer. She had several hundred small strokes, then finally stroked out. All within about a month. Horrible way to go. I handled it in stride. I miss her, but in the end I am glad she finally passed, she was in a coma for a while, I imagine it was a shitty suspension of life. Glad she out of suffering now.

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If the boy died "It was a part of Gods plan" if he lived "Praise the lord he healed our son!"

Do you not see the issue there?

Try looking at things from the outside. Take "God" out of the picture and look at it that way. Life is full of pain and loss but god has nothing to do with it. People die, s**t happens, thats life.

I used to be deeply religious. I read the Bible every night, I prayed everyday and for every meal and anyone that asked for my help, I went to church, and groups that met on a day that was not Sunday. But then I realized how stupid it all is. We pray and pray and pray and pray and for what? Nothing. Why? Because there is no one there! I got tired of crying in bed on rough days just praying for some sort of response, I got tired of "fearing" god. Besides what kind of god wants its followers to fear it? Hardly loving if you ask me.

Seriously, how religious are you? Do you go to church on Sunday but barely think about such things any other day? Do you fallow the rules of the old testament or do you just ignore it? Your probably only religious because you were raised religious.

Im sorry for your loss but maybe you should just deal with it by leaving religion out of it. What did that person mean to you? How did you feel about them? What was good about them? Just focus on those positive things about the person and if you need help confide in your closest friends and family.

Hope you get through it. Best of luck~

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Blackrose_Knight
I left the Christian faith path after realizing my aspirations, and who I am, weren't welcome. That and I am diametrically apposed to most teachings about sex, and the body, within Christian doctrine. I knew my thoughts, and actions were unwanted, so I left.

What really got me was when all the Catholic churches around here held a huge rally against same-sex marriage, paired with their dubious and violent images used in abortion picketing, I was off put and left for good.

I really settled into witchcraft after a few amazing, long, and detailed dreams. Also blueberry plants. Why blueberry plants? Blueberries need male and female plants to create blueberries - creation needs two forces to fuse and become one. I never bought the one god creation myth dealio.

On your experience. ******** I am so sorry. That is a doozy to handle. I experienced something similar with my favorite aunty. She had a stroke, went to the hospital, and was diagnosed with stage 4 lung and blood cancer. She had several hundred small strokes, then finally stroked out. All within about a month. Horrible way to go. I handled it in stride. I miss her, but in the end I am glad she finally passed, she was in a coma for a while, I imagine it was a shitty suspension of life. Glad she out of suffering now.


So what was the biggest thing that really made you see things differently if you dont mind me asking? O.o

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I don't believe God took this young man. Bear with me here with this statement.

We live in a world where sin (aka Death if you want to look at it that way) destroys our bodies. Some people get more time on this earth and other people don't. We live so short of lives that we have to make the best of it.

Yes, he was called home but maybe because his time on Earth was done? Who knows why this young man left so early.

It was a tragic thing that happened but I do not believe God had a hand in his death.

We all deal with death differently and his family and girlfriend are trying their best to move on from their pain by praising God for the time that this young man had on Earth.

Don't blame God. Blame Death. Blame this evil in the world.

At lest he is at peace and home right?

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makes sense I guess

I mean its the same way I was in the worst years of my life really
be under someone cant breathe an in ya head you jus look up an start thinking maybe thats enough suffering now
yknow? like you think maybe now you earned the right to ask for a favor
never comes though

or like
say the guyd take his knife an start runnin long cuts down my back an Im jus thinkin
if Im nice to him he might stop

like it jus dont make no sense to me when I think bout it now
someone like god or a sadist is doin horrible things to you or people round you
an you start lookin up to em? start givin more in to em? like why is that

iunno if I can tell myself that theres a god who loves me
or maybe he does
last person who told me they loved me was a nasty hurtful person too

Aged Humorist

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Sorry to hear about the loss. I don't have any opinion to add that isn't contrived or probably wrong, so... sorry to hear about the loss. As little as that actually means, coming from a stranger on the internet.

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The idea of god taking the life of a young boy because it was his plan is sick. However, people of religious faith, like to believe that their loved ones are in a happy place and someday they’ll be reunited with them, in that happy place. This comforts people, because, they don’t want to believe that when they die, nothing happens, you’re dead and rotting in the ground and that’s that. Some people can’t grip this concept, it brings them no comfort.

I personally think that believing in a blind faith is ridiculous. There is so much that can comfort someone, such as the presence of loving friends and family, hobbies, accomplishments, nature, literature, music, etc.

When I was growing up, I was terrified of going to hell because, I was never baptized. It wasn’t until I got older, I realized that all of it is just bullshit. I look at those belonging to the church as fraudulent liars, manipulating young children into believing that they’ll burn in hell if they don’t follow some ancient book, written by different people, over hundreds of years and translated from several different languages. Not only does the bible contradict itself many times, but if the god that is portrayed in the bible the god that Christians believe in, then he isn’t someone I want to meet. He’s a jealous, cruel, egotistical, hateful god.

A lot of it just doesn’t make sense. If you’re already having doubts, and questioning your faith, maybe you should start exploring different subjects such as philosophy, anthropology, science, and history. It will answer a lot of questions you may have.

I recommend an excellent book called godless by Dan Barker. He was a former evangelical preacher turned atheist. He talks about the struggle of losing his faith and why he eventually became an atheist.

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Common sense tells us there is a God (of some sort). Why people die? Alot of reasons. But I do know this. All of the s**t around you, and just the existence of our consciousness; it has to be for something. We don't live through all this s**t without there being a purpose.

Cancer is ******** awful. But if you look at the statistics. The reason cancer is a common illness in todays times is because there are too many "IMPATIENT" people. And then there is the whole greed process that exposes us to chemicals that are killing us off with this terrible disease. Gluttony.

I don't believe in the bible. But the Seven Deadly Sins and the Ten Commandments are worth the read.

Demonic Ally

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how can god be real
if our eyes aren't real

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User Image this is why i hate religious fanatics

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First, anyone who says, "Heaven needed another angel," or "God needed your son more than you did" when confronted with the untimely death of a child is a shitlord, plain and simple. That isn't comforting the mourner. That's someone projecting their need for an orderly universe onto someone else's tragedy -- mostly so they can feel reassured that it won't happen to them. That's not about any God. That's about people wanting to feel secure that bad things happen to other folks, and dealing with it badly.

Secondly, I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Loss, tragedy, difficult times, they all tend to turn people towards religious questions. Religion is how human beings navigate a complicated world where senseless, awful things happen, as well as beautiful, wonderful things. It's a way of understanding what's happening around us and giving ourselves an identity that helps us move through it. It's a natural, reasonable thing that you're reaching out to campus ministry to give you support. One of the things about professional ministers is that many of them go through training on grief and loss, so they have the skills to help you work through your grief as well as find answers that are comforting to you. The choice to go to campus ministry is a good one, because it'll help you have people who can work with you through your loss and struggles.

Lastly, I'm Jewish and I have a complicated relationship with God. It isn't helped by working on religious studies as an academic -- the world is full of religions and religious people, some of which are better and more compassionate than others. But I do believe that religion, and by extension the divine as it reveals itself to us, can be a powerful force for hope and peace. I hope you find some support and some answers to your questions that are personally meaningful. And I hope that you, and everyone mourning this young man, are comforted.
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