Friend having gay affair | First Page | Forum

Gaia Forums » GAIA Community » Life Discussion » Life Issues

Skataforeva

(?)Community Member

Offline

Post: 94551543_1 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 18:46:41 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 18:46:41 +0000

Hey LD, so when I first started dating my boyfriend, he told me about his best friend, let's call him G and his other friend J having sex a few times. J is engaged to a woman in a far away country to get married soon. It turns out she doesn't know her future husband occasionally has gay sex with another friend. Every time I think about it, it really bothers me. I mean, I'm not supposed to know. It's a huge secret. My boyfriend isn't even supposed to know. I feel it's wrong this woman is marrying J and not knowing he has cheated on her. I feel I can do nothing though, otherwise everyone would hate me.

As you know LD, I have been cheated on many times. So I know the extreme pain it causes. Especially when it is hidden, and I end up finding out.

So what do I do? Just watch and do nothing?

nitznitz

(?)Community Member

Opinionated Lunatic

17,075 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_2 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 18:54:27 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 18:54:27 +0000

He should tell her. Unless he's 100% gay and lives in the Bible Belt, of course.

MarigoldMari

(?)Community Member

Adorable Fisher

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_3 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 18:56:55 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 18:56:55 +0000

Wait, was the cheating physical? If it wasn't then that's a whole different ballgame being emotional cheating. I get it, cheating is cheating but some people don't see it that way.

Skataforeva

(?)Community Member

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_4 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 18:58:21 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 18:58:21 +0000

MarigoldMari

Wait, was the cheating physical? If it wasn't then that's a whole different ballgame being emotional cheating. I get it, cheating is cheating but some people don't see it that way.

He's had sex with her and with G. Psychically.

MarigoldMari

(?)Community Member

Adorable Fisher

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_5 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 19:04:49 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 19:04:49 +0000

Skataforeva

MarigoldMari

Wait, was the cheating physical? If it wasn't then that's a whole different ballgame being emotional cheating. I get it, cheating is cheating but some people don't see it that way.

He's had sex with her and with G. Psychically.

Ohh I see. It definitely doesn't sound like he's ready to get married then.

Brother Kam

(?)Community Member

Original Regular

7,950 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_6 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 19:05:15 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 19:05:15 +0000

Hah gaay.

But in all seriousness, if my GF had an affair with a another girl I wouldn't care that much. What really matters is if he still loves his fiance and even WANTS to get married.

Pantsukon

(?)Community Member

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_7 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 19:53:31 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 19:53:31 +0000

I don't mind those things if everybody involved is consenting to it, open relationships and not total exclusivity aren't much of a big deal to me. But I know that most people aren't fine with such things, and if she's not aware of what's going on, I think it could really be a huge deal breaker.

Desi the fuzzy fluffhead

(?)Community Member

Questionable Prophet

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_8 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 20:40:10 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 20:40:10 +0000

I would just stay out of it.

Which, I think, is really messed up on my part, but I wouldn't want to out someone, especially if I didn't know the whole situation. Maybe she's marrying him to immigrate and it'll be perfect for her. Maybe they have an open relationship.

Naughty Thots

(?)Community Member

In a relationship with Peekabuwu

Sex Symbol

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_9 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 21:01:51 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 21:01:51 +0000

I mean they are your bfs friends but also its really wrong but Idk just act stupid and stay out if it, let it unfold on its own... Maybe he will tell her and he feels guilty about it and come out or they could have a happy marriage of 40 years and have children and grandchildren so like meh idk... I wouldn't do anything.

Edit: It's not your decision if he wants to tell her or not that sounds like his issue, if he wants to he will if he doesn't then its not your decision to tell her for him. But if u are friends with the girl and think the guys a douchebag then for all intensive purposes, go for it razz

CB_Young

(?)Community Member

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94551543_10 created on Tue, 21 Oct 2014 21:09:27 +0000
Posted: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 21:09:27 +0000

Are you sure that she doesn't know? I mean, she could just as easily be fine with it as a way for him to blow off some steam while they are apart.

You could always track her down and tell her, though that would certainly have its own consistences. Or you could just assume that if they are mature enough to be getting married, they are mature enough to deal with this on their own, and leave them to their own business?