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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 7 months, but we’ve known each other for over four years. We’ve been best friends for a long time, and around this time last year, we both made a new friend. His name was Aaron. My bf and I weren’t dating at this time, so as we spent more and more time with Aaron, he became a big part of our lives. Aaron became best friends with my bf while Aaron and I realized we had feelings for each other. We never dated because both of us had our own reasons for not wanting to be in a committed relationship, but we had the most amazing, fun, casual, nonjudgmental relationship filled with passionate, spontaneous, satisfying sex.

Eventually, I realized that I wanted more from Aaron but because he didn’t want to commit, I spent time seeing other people and broadening my options. After my boyfriend confessed to having feelings for me, I took a chance and we began seeing each other as “more than friends”. After several months of taking things slow and really working on building a good foundation for a relationship, he asked me out. I remember asking Aaron as a friend for his opinion on whether or not it was a good idea for me to date someone I considered my best friend. He encouraged me to date my boyfriend because a) my bf is an amazing guy and b) I deserve someone who would give me 100% of himself.

So that’s how I came to be with my bf right now and I’ve never been happier in my life with anyone. We even plan on moving in together next year if everything works out in our favor. We still hang out with Aaron constantly. He’s still a big part of both of our lives (even though my bf knows we used to have a past) and things have never gotten weird between the three of us. My bf loves Aaron and understands that Aaron is a great friend to me as well. We proved to him that we could put our past and our feelings behind us and be nothing but friends, so he trusts us.

But today, I feel like I violated that trust. My bf is out of town for the whole semester because he needed to take off to help out with money issues at home (which is 2 hours away from our campus). Aaron and I still hang out often, since we live in the same apartment building, but things aren’t the same without my boyfriend around. Today, we played games and talked and hung out like we always did. But while we were laying in his bed playing games, Aaron started to suddenly come onto me. He talked about all the things we used to do when we used to have sex and how much fun we had. He talked about how I was the only person he wanted to hang out with (after I joked that if he wanted to hook up, he should have called one of his ******** buddies and not his best friend’s girlfriend). When he tried to kiss me and touch me, I pushed him away and told him to stop being ridiculous. After a few awkward moments of silence, he apologized for being out of line but asked if he could “just hold me.”

So he held me in his arms and we laid in his bed and talked. He confessed to how much he had liked me and how much he had wanted to go out with me the year before, but that he knew he couldn’t commit himself to me. He told me that, now, he’s ready to be serious with someone (and he slightly hinted to the idea that he wished he would have been going out with me). I encouraged him to get to know girls and really give them his time and effort, and that I was here for him whenever.

After that, he joked that I was his “cuddle buddy” and we ate ice cream together and talked for a few more hours. After I went back to my apartment, I started to think a lot and now I feel like absolute s**t. I shouldn’t have let him cuddle me, and I shouldn’t have let myself get so close to him. I’m not tempted in any way to cheat on my bf and it was never my intention. Though, I guess I just wanted Aaron to feel better and (I’ll admit to it) it did feel kind of nice to be that close to him again. We had something great that could’ve turned into something more amazing, but we had our time and that has passed. I’m not interested in reconsidering Aaron as someone I would date. We’re friends. But I just feel so disgusted with myself and I feel ashamed because I know that if my bf cuddled with another girl who he had sex with (even if it was before me), it would bother me like hell.

I’m not sure how I should be feeling right now. I told Aaron that nothing like this night will ever happen again and that he needs to understand that, aside from being friends, we are over. He agrees and we both apologized to each other for being out of line.

But I can’t shake the feeling that I just cheated on my boyfriend. Or that, at the very least, I have been disloyal.

You didn't invite Aaron's coming onto you, and you outright rejected his more intimate advances. You let him know that it wasn't going to happen again. All of that is good.

Yeah, the cuddling is a weird borderline thing, but it wasn't done with bad intentions. It was just testing the boundaries of the friendship, what you can and can't do.

I would only think of it as cheating if you and your boyfriend established very clear boundaries and you broke them. It sounds like this was grey area, in which case, you had no way of knowing the correct response.

It might be worth coming clean to your boyfriend and just tell him the same thing you told us. If he finds out in any other way to could look worse than it actually is on your part, and really he deserves to know that his so called best friend holds his own d**k closer than good intentions to his friend.
Things don't have to get ugly, you just see less of him, or nothing at all and you must definitely never put yourself in that position where he can abuse that trust or do worse. He couldn't get what he wanted so he settled for the next best thing, which isn't ********. But if I heard my fiance cuddled another girl... that counts as emotional cheating in my book. Everyone's tolerance is different.

I personally dont see cuddling as cheating, but for SURE your buddy aaron does and thats why he did it. And while you may not have any intention of doing things with him, this changes your friendship. Because it is no longer oh I have a guy who is my good friend, no its I have this guy who sees my boyfriend as competition.

Take matters into your own hands, and distance yourself from this guy. He is bad news and him coming onto you while knowing you have a boyfriend means he doesnt care that you are taken. He is going to try it again. He is NOT your friend.

You didn't cheat (anyone who says cuddling is cheating is likely to be insecure and prob shouldnt be giving relationship advice).

My best advice is stay away from Aaron when you're alone.

I was in a similar situstion last year. I had a fwb, after that turned sour I started to date his friend. My fwb acted like it was cool but over time started acting super weird. He used to continuously try and sleep with me and in the end it got too creepy so were no longer friends. I think its cool if you can continue to hang with someone after being fwbs, but for me he was too persistent.

Since he tried to make you cheat on your boyfriend with him, I'll say this guy is not really a good friend of either you.

He was testing the waters and he wanted to see how far you would get. Which means you should have backed away completely because if you cuddle you might give him the impression that with a bit of pressure or insistence he can make you change your mind, that even though you say no, you still let him cuddle so maybe you're not so sure after all. As soon as you knew what he intended you should have cut the physical contact so he knew you were really serious.

You risked it a lot, you even admit you felt good, that it make you think about the past with him and how great it could have been. That's why you felt bad you doubted your relationship if only for a while and not fully.(For me that's cheating, but this is beyond the point, for everyone is different).

If you want to be friends with this guy, don't let him have a chance to do the same again. Make sure you set boundaries and that he gets clearly that you don't want to be with him. Please don't cuddle with him because you're messing with him too and you're abusing your boyfriends trust.

Talk to your boyfriend about the events, I think hiding it would be a betrayal but talking it out could strengthen your bounds.