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What types of social situations scare you, and why? Also do you have any goals after college (they don't need to be set in stone, but just some career ideas)


Talking over a phone, talking to random people and people I don't know, and job interviews but the weird thing is that i'm fine with typing. For the reason I truly don't know why it's just something that built up over time.Then for goals after college i'm at a lost also.

blah i'm just at a loss with everything.


Can you talk over the phone calmly with someone you know, or is it specific situations?
For example I get nervous when making appointments or something like that, so what helps me is writing down what I'm going to say.

Another important thing is repetition, the more you do something that makes you nervous the less nervous you will be because you have an idea of what to expect. What would always make me nervous is the fear of the unknown.

What are the things that you are interested in? :3


I can talk to family members and to a few people like my therapist and my 2 friends just fine but when I have to talk in real life, call, or someone is trying to call me and I don't know them. I will freak out badly. What happens is that my legs will start giving out, I start breathing heavy, I get headaches, feel light headed, and become petrified. Then if I somehow manage to talk to someone, I rush the conversation as fast as I can, I mumble, use one word answer's and I can't finish my sentences.

Then my interests are playing music, drawing, writing, recently cooking, and I have a lot of other intrerests to tell you the truth but those are my top ones.

Ahh okay. Have you tried sitting down while talking on the phone? My mom told me that you're more relaxed when you are sitting than when you're standing. One way I got better was when I kept calling various stores to ask if they were hiring. It's a pretty simple routine but it made me very nervous. After I got a few attempts in I slowly realized that I was okay.

What type of instruments do you like to play? :3 Have you ever thought of looking into maybe being in an orchestra? (lol I'm just throwing ideas out there, you by no means have to try any of my suggestions). For me I deep down knew what I wanted to do, but I was afraid. See I want to teach English in South Korea, but before that I want to study abroad there (a two month commitment gives you a good idea, before I take the decision to make a one year commitment to teach). And I was so afraid to admit this because of a fear I have of being judged. But when I told my mom and got her and my dad's support, suddenly I felt this confidence that I could do it. I also felt more comfortable talking to my mom about things that I wouldn't usually tell anyone that I'm close to.

EDIT: Also by "real life call" do you mean strangers?


Nope I haven't tried sitting down during a phone call I guess i'll try that next time.

I play the flute, I played the flute in concert band and marching band until my sophmore year of high school. I basically threw a lot of things away at the end of my sophmore year. I threw a way band, friends, things I enjoyed, and left school for a school I never wanted to go to but then my senior year I tried to fix things and went back to my original high school, got my friends back, and started doing things I enjoyed again, well not all of it but most of it though. Another thing was that my senior year, at the end like the last 2 months of it I was finally coming out of my shell and talking to people, trying to make friends, and was more active in class disscusion's,

Then after I graduated I was fine, focused on finding a job and everything but then as months went by without finding a job. I reverted back to my old self and has gotten worst since then. Now my therapist says I have social anxiety, which is true. I keep trying to get rid of this anxiety but nothing has worked yet but i'm sure I can get rid of this anxiety especially, since I started getting a little bit better at the end of my senior year but what I can't believe is that I was getting better then it changed to worst.

I can't help but think that maybe having a seizure in 2009 (freshman year, happened on my way to a marching band performance) and 2011 (I was just siting at home but I really don't think this one was truly a seizure though. Since my parents just said I was unconscious and blue in the face but the emergency room doctor chalked it up to a seizure though) maybe the seizure/seizures triggered something in my head/brain. Since I get headaches every single day and I have been to the emergency room and doctors for the constant headaches but haven't found anything wrong though.

Blah 100% sorry about this I didn't mean to get side tracked, I get carried away when i'm typing.

Anyway for you're last question what I meant by real life was that it I freak out badly for every social situation in general with people that I don't know. Then for the call part, call had a comma in front of it.

Sorry if I sounded rude in anyway if I did I really didn't mean to.

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DJ Twissta
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DJ Twissta
What types of social situations scare you, and why? Also do you have any goals after college (they don't need to be set in stone, but just some career ideas)


Talking over a phone, talking to random people and people I don't know, and job interviews but the weird thing is that i'm fine with typing. For the reason I truly don't know why it's just something that built up over time.Then for goals after college i'm at a lost also.

blah i'm just at a loss with everything.


Can you talk over the phone calmly with someone you know, or is it specific situations?
For example I get nervous when making appointments or something like that, so what helps me is writing down what I'm going to say.

Another important thing is repetition, the more you do something that makes you nervous the less nervous you will be because you have an idea of what to expect. What would always make me nervous is the fear of the unknown.

What are the things that you are interested in? :3


I can talk to family members and to a few people like my therapist and my 2 friends just fine but when I have to talk in real life, call, or someone is trying to call me and I don't know them. I will freak out badly. What happens is that my legs will start giving out, I start breathing heavy, I get headaches, feel light headed, and become petrified. Then if I somehow manage to talk to someone, I rush the conversation as fast as I can, I mumble, use one word answer's and I can't finish my sentences.

Then my interests are playing music, drawing, writing, recently cooking, and I have a lot of other intrerests to tell you the truth but those are my top ones.

Ahh okay. Have you tried sitting down while talking on the phone? My mom told me that you're more relaxed when you are sitting than when you're standing. One way I got better was when I kept calling various stores to ask if they were hiring. It's a pretty simple routine but it made me very nervous. After I got a few attempts in I slowly realized that I was okay.

What type of instruments do you like to play? :3 Have you ever thought of looking into maybe being in an orchestra? (lol I'm just throwing ideas out there, you by no means have to try any of my suggestions). For me I deep down knew what I wanted to do, but I was afraid. See I want to teach English in South Korea, but before that I want to study abroad there (a two month commitment gives you a good idea, before I take the decision to make a one year commitment to teach). And I was so afraid to admit this because of a fear I have of being judged. But when I told my mom and got her and my dad's support, suddenly I felt this confidence that I could do it. I also felt more comfortable talking to my mom about things that I wouldn't usually tell anyone that I'm close to.

EDIT: Also by "real life call" do you mean strangers?


Nope I haven't tried sitting down during a phone call I guess i'll try that next time.

I play the flute, I played the flute in concert band and marching band until my sophmore year of high school. I basically threw a lot of things away at the end of my sophmore year. I threw a way band, friends, things I enjoyed, and left school for a school I never wanted to go to but then my senior year I tried to fix things and went back to my original high school, got my friends back, and started doing things I enjoyed again, well not all of it but most of it though. Another thing was that my senior year, at the end like the last 2 months of it I was finally coming out of my shell and talking to people, trying to make friends, and was more active in class disscusion's,

Then after I graduated I was fine, focused on finding a job and everything but then as months went by without finding a job. I reverted back to my old self and has gotten worst since then. Now my therapist says I have social anxiety, which is true. I keep trying to get rid of this anxiety but nothing has worked yet but i'm sure I can get rid of this anxiety especially, since I started getting a little bit better at the end of my senior year but what I can't believe is that I was getting better then it changed to worst.

I can't help but think that maybe having a seizure in 2009 (freshman year, happened on my way to a marching band performance) and 2011 (I was just siting at home but I really don't think this one was truly a seizure though. Since my parents just said I was unconscious and blue in the face but the emergency room doctor chalked it up to a seizure though) maybe the seizure/seizures triggered something in my head/brain. Since I get headaches every single day and I have been to the emergency room and doctors for the constant headaches but haven't found anything wrong though.

Blah 100% sorry about this I didn't mean to get side tracked, I get carried away when i'm typing.

Anyway for you're last question what I meant by real life was that it I freak out badly for every social situation in general with people that I don't know. Then for the call part, call had a comma in front of it.

Sorry if I sounded rude in anyway if I did I really didn't mean to.

oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.

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I used to have really bad social anxiety. Like it was so bad. I couldn't call anyone on the phone. I couldn't answer the phone. My hands were always ALWAYS sweating when I was at school or out shopping (which was also a nightmare). I couldn't have a conversation with someone without stuttering. When I stuttered by face would turn bright red, then they'd be like "why are you turning red" so I'd get even more red, it was just a disaster.

But I needed money, so I got a job.
The interview was so s**t, but I was nice and dressed okay, and apparently that's all you need when you're working a minimum wage job.
It was just a retail job in the mall, but it really really helped me. It forced me to talk to people and it's a lot easier to be a worker rather than a customer, in my opinion. People are coming to you for help instead of the other way around..

Anyway, yeah, getting a job will help you a lot with your anxiety. I'm fine with people now.


As for your school, I'm in college, too. I go to community college instead of a big university because it's a hell of a lot cheaper. My parents don't pay for any of it, which is fine, they spoiled me enough and I need to learn how to pay for my own things. But what I'm saying is, it is possible.
Quit the online classes, they are s**t. I've taken a couple because the in-person classes wouldn't fit in with my schedule, and I will never again in my entire life take an online course.
If I were you, I would enroll in the community college system in your state (assuming you live in the us). It's much better than just online and you will be a more rounded person who can manage at least a quick conversation with someone.

My bill this semester is around $2700 for tuition and five classes. Which is amazing. Look into community colleges and then transfer to a university after a couple years or when your general studies are out of the way. That way, you get to a university and all you have to take are the courses that are required for your major and you won't be side-tracked with required classes that have nothing to do with your major.

Hope this helps at least a little.

Friendly Gaian

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Can you talk over the phone calmly with someone you know, or is it specific situations?
For example I get nervous when making appointments or something like that, so what helps me is writing down what I'm going to say.

Another important thing is repetition, the more you do something that makes you nervous the less nervous you will be because you have an idea of what to expect. What would always make me nervous is the fear of the unknown.

What are the things that you are interested in? :3


I can talk to family members and to a few people like my therapist and my 2 friends just fine but when I have to talk in real life, call, or someone is trying to call me and I don't know them. I will freak out badly. What happens is that my legs will start giving out, I start breathing heavy, I get headaches, feel light headed, and become petrified. Then if I somehow manage to talk to someone, I rush the conversation as fast as I can, I mumble, use one word answer's and I can't finish my sentences.

Then my interests are playing music, drawing, writing, recently cooking, and I have a lot of other intrerests to tell you the truth but those are my top ones.

Ahh okay. Have you tried sitting down while talking on the phone? My mom told me that you're more relaxed when you are sitting than when you're standing. One way I got better was when I kept calling various stores to ask if they were hiring. It's a pretty simple routine but it made me very nervous. After I got a few attempts in I slowly realized that I was okay.

What type of instruments do you like to play? :3 Have you ever thought of looking into maybe being in an orchestra? (lol I'm just throwing ideas out there, you by no means have to try any of my suggestions). For me I deep down knew what I wanted to do, but I was afraid. See I want to teach English in South Korea, but before that I want to study abroad there (a two month commitment gives you a good idea, before I take the decision to make a one year commitment to teach). And I was so afraid to admit this because of a fear I have of being judged. But when I told my mom and got her and my dad's support, suddenly I felt this confidence that I could do it. I also felt more comfortable talking to my mom about things that I wouldn't usually tell anyone that I'm close to.

EDIT: Also by "real life call" do you mean strangers?


Nope I haven't tried sitting down during a phone call I guess i'll try that next time.

I play the flute, I played the flute in concert band and marching band until my sophmore year of high school. I basically threw a lot of things away at the end of my sophmore year. I threw a way band, friends, things I enjoyed, and left school for a school I never wanted to go to but then my senior year I tried to fix things and went back to my original high school, got my friends back, and started doing things I enjoyed again, well not all of it but most of it though. Another thing was that my senior year, at the end like the last 2 months of it I was finally coming out of my shell and talking to people, trying to make friends, and was more active in class disscusion's,

Then after I graduated I was fine, focused on finding a job and everything but then as months went by without finding a job. I reverted back to my old self and has gotten worst since then. Now my therapist says I have social anxiety, which is true. I keep trying to get rid of this anxiety but nothing has worked yet but i'm sure I can get rid of this anxiety especially, since I started getting a little bit better at the end of my senior year but what I can't believe is that I was getting better then it changed to worst.

I can't help but think that maybe having a seizure in 2009 (freshman year, happened on my way to a marching band performance) and 2011 (I was just siting at home but I really don't think this one was truly a seizure though. Since my parents just said I was unconscious and blue in the face but the emergency room doctor chalked it up to a seizure though) maybe the seizure/seizures triggered something in my head/brain. Since I get headaches every single day and I have been to the emergency room and doctors for the constant headaches but haven't found anything wrong though.

Blah 100% sorry about this I didn't mean to get side tracked, I get carried away when i'm typing.

Anyway for you're last question what I meant by real life was that it I freak out badly for every social situation in general with people that I don't know. Then for the call part, call had a comma in front of it.

Sorry if I sounded rude in anyway if I did I really didn't mean to.

oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.


I always say sorry if I think I was rude or mean in anyway even though most of the time, I never did anything wrong.

Anyway for school, I was told I wouldn't be able to graduate in 2012, Like I was supposed to because my junior year I failed miserably. I failed 4 classes but since I had a lot of credits from my freshman and sophmore year. I was able to make up those 4 classes even though my school counselor told me I wouldn't be able to do it but I ended up passing with A's and B's in all my classes. I'm not trying to brag or anything if it sounds like I am, i'm absolutely sorry I truly don't mean to, but anyway I seriously never studied my senior year and somehow everything, just clicked but the thing is I listened to my ipod throughout classes.

The school stopped caring about electronics because to many of them where being taken away. So when I was able to bring my ipod and listen to music throughout school. I did 100% better in classes and was actually understanding the information and I developed an attitude that I could do it and just had a better outlook on life and high hopes for the future.

The weirdest thing is that It feels like there's seriously a constant tug of war in my head. Since I constantly change moods easily. I'm happy for a few minutes then i'm depressed and it switches back and fourth but the weird thing is that when I listen to music my brain is just calm and relaxed.

So that's why I highly think the seizure/seizures did something especially since the one in 2009 caused me to lose my memory though but after a few days it come back completely but every xray/scan of my brain shows nothing weird though, only time it did was in 2009 when I first had a seizure there was a giant grey patch in the middle of my brain and the doctor's couldn't tell what it was what was causing that grey patch and the weird thing is that it hasn't been seen since though and nothing unusual but I don't know though even though it's possible. there's just really no way to tell.

anyway i'm not ending the conversation unless you want to but thanks for reading and responding

O.G. Gaian

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DJ Twissta
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DJ Twissta


Can you talk over the phone calmly with someone you know, or is it specific situations?
For example I get nervous when making appointments or something like that, so what helps me is writing down what I'm going to say.

Another important thing is repetition, the more you do something that makes you nervous the less nervous you will be because you have an idea of what to expect. What would always make me nervous is the fear of the unknown.

What are the things that you are interested in? :3


I can talk to family members and to a few people like my therapist and my 2 friends just fine but when I have to talk in real life, call, or someone is trying to call me and I don't know them. I will freak out badly. What happens is that my legs will start giving out, I start breathing heavy, I get headaches, feel light headed, and become petrified. Then if I somehow manage to talk to someone, I rush the conversation as fast as I can, I mumble, use one word answer's and I can't finish my sentences.

Then my interests are playing music, drawing, writing, recently cooking, and I have a lot of other intrerests to tell you the truth but those are my top ones.

Ahh okay. Have you tried sitting down while talking on the phone? My mom told me that you're more relaxed when you are sitting than when you're standing. One way I got better was when I kept calling various stores to ask if they were hiring. It's a pretty simple routine but it made me very nervous. After I got a few attempts in I slowly realized that I was okay.

What type of instruments do you like to play? :3 Have you ever thought of looking into maybe being in an orchestra? (lol I'm just throwing ideas out there, you by no means have to try any of my suggestions). For me I deep down knew what I wanted to do, but I was afraid. See I want to teach English in South Korea, but before that I want to study abroad there (a two month commitment gives you a good idea, before I take the decision to make a one year commitment to teach). And I was so afraid to admit this because of a fear I have of being judged. But when I told my mom and got her and my dad's support, suddenly I felt this confidence that I could do it. I also felt more comfortable talking to my mom about things that I wouldn't usually tell anyone that I'm close to.

EDIT: Also by "real life call" do you mean strangers?


Nope I haven't tried sitting down during a phone call I guess i'll try that next time.

I play the flute, I played the flute in concert band and marching band until my sophmore year of high school. I basically threw a lot of things away at the end of my sophmore year. I threw a way band, friends, things I enjoyed, and left school for a school I never wanted to go to but then my senior year I tried to fix things and went back to my original high school, got my friends back, and started doing things I enjoyed again, well not all of it but most of it though. Another thing was that my senior year, at the end like the last 2 months of it I was finally coming out of my shell and talking to people, trying to make friends, and was more active in class disscusion's,

Then after I graduated I was fine, focused on finding a job and everything but then as months went by without finding a job. I reverted back to my old self and has gotten worst since then. Now my therapist says I have social anxiety, which is true. I keep trying to get rid of this anxiety but nothing has worked yet but i'm sure I can get rid of this anxiety especially, since I started getting a little bit better at the end of my senior year but what I can't believe is that I was getting better then it changed to worst.

I can't help but think that maybe having a seizure in 2009 (freshman year, happened on my way to a marching band performance) and 2011 (I was just siting at home but I really don't think this one was truly a seizure though. Since my parents just said I was unconscious and blue in the face but the emergency room doctor chalked it up to a seizure though) maybe the seizure/seizures triggered something in my head/brain. Since I get headaches every single day and I have been to the emergency room and doctors for the constant headaches but haven't found anything wrong though.

Blah 100% sorry about this I didn't mean to get side tracked, I get carried away when i'm typing.

Anyway for you're last question what I meant by real life was that it I freak out badly for every social situation in general with people that I don't know. Then for the call part, call had a comma in front of it.

Sorry if I sounded rude in anyway if I did I really didn't mean to.

oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.


I always say sorry if I think I was rude or mean in anyway even though most of the time, I never did anything wrong.

Anyway for school, I was told I wouldn't be able to graduate in 2012, Like I was supposed to because my junior year I failed miserably. I failed 4 classes but since I had a lot of credits from my freshman and sophmore year. I was able to make up those 4 classes even though my school counselor told me I wouldn't be able to do it but I ended up passing with A's and B's in all my classes. I'm not trying to brag or anything if it sounds like I am, i'm absolutely sorry I truly don't mean to, but anyway I seriously never studied my senior year and somehow everything, just clicked but the thing is I listened to my ipod throughout classes.

The school stopped caring about electronics because to many of them where being taken away. So when I was able to bring my ipod and listen to music throughout school. I did 100% better in classes and was actually understanding the information and I developed an attitude that I could do it and just had a better outlook on life and high hopes for the future.

The weirdest thing is that It feels like there's seriously a constant tug of war in my head. Since I constantly change moods easily. I'm happy for a few minutes then i'm depressed and it switches back and fourth but the weird thing is that when I listen to music my brain is just calm and relaxed.

So that's why I highly think the seizure/seizures did something especially since the one in 2009 caused me to lose my memory though but after a few days it come back completely but every xray/scan of my brain shows nothing weird though, only time it did was in 2009 when I first had a seizure there was a giant grey patch in the middle of my brain and the doctor's couldn't tell what it was what was causing that grey patch and the weird thing is that it hasn't been seen since though and nothing unusual but I don't know though even though it's possible. there's just really no way to tell.

anyway i'm not ending the conversation unless you want to but thanks for reading and responding

oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).

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Ahh okay. Have you tried sitting down while talking on the phone? My mom told me that you're more relaxed when you are sitting than when you're standing. One way I got better was when I kept calling various stores to ask if they were hiring. It's a pretty simple routine but it made me very nervous. After I got a few attempts in I slowly realized that I was okay.

What type of instruments do you like to play? :3 Have you ever thought of looking into maybe being in an orchestra? (lol I'm just throwing ideas out there, you by no means have to try any of my suggestions). For me I deep down knew what I wanted to do, but I was afraid. See I want to teach English in South Korea, but before that I want to study abroad there (a two month commitment gives you a good idea, before I take the decision to make a one year commitment to teach). And I was so afraid to admit this because of a fear I have of being judged. But when I told my mom and got her and my dad's support, suddenly I felt this confidence that I could do it. I also felt more comfortable talking to my mom about things that I wouldn't usually tell anyone that I'm close to.

EDIT: Also by "real life call" do you mean strangers?


Nope I haven't tried sitting down during a phone call I guess i'll try that next time.

I play the flute, I played the flute in concert band and marching band until my sophmore year of high school. I basically threw a lot of things away at the end of my sophmore year. I threw a way band, friends, things I enjoyed, and left school for a school I never wanted to go to but then my senior year I tried to fix things and went back to my original high school, got my friends back, and started doing things I enjoyed again, well not all of it but most of it though. Another thing was that my senior year, at the end like the last 2 months of it I was finally coming out of my shell and talking to people, trying to make friends, and was more active in class disscusion's,

Then after I graduated I was fine, focused on finding a job and everything but then as months went by without finding a job. I reverted back to my old self and has gotten worst since then. Now my therapist says I have social anxiety, which is true. I keep trying to get rid of this anxiety but nothing has worked yet but i'm sure I can get rid of this anxiety especially, since I started getting a little bit better at the end of my senior year but what I can't believe is that I was getting better then it changed to worst.

I can't help but think that maybe having a seizure in 2009 (freshman year, happened on my way to a marching band performance) and 2011 (I was just siting at home but I really don't think this one was truly a seizure though. Since my parents just said I was unconscious and blue in the face but the emergency room doctor chalked it up to a seizure though) maybe the seizure/seizures triggered something in my head/brain. Since I get headaches every single day and I have been to the emergency room and doctors for the constant headaches but haven't found anything wrong though.

Blah 100% sorry about this I didn't mean to get side tracked, I get carried away when i'm typing.

Anyway for you're last question what I meant by real life was that it I freak out badly for every social situation in general with people that I don't know. Then for the call part, call had a comma in front of it.

Sorry if I sounded rude in anyway if I did I really didn't mean to.

oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.


I always say sorry if I think I was rude or mean in anyway even though most of the time, I never did anything wrong.

Anyway for school, I was told I wouldn't be able to graduate in 2012, Like I was supposed to because my junior year I failed miserably. I failed 4 classes but since I had a lot of credits from my freshman and sophmore year. I was able to make up those 4 classes even though my school counselor told me I wouldn't be able to do it but I ended up passing with A's and B's in all my classes. I'm not trying to brag or anything if it sounds like I am, i'm absolutely sorry I truly don't mean to, but anyway I seriously never studied my senior year and somehow everything, just clicked but the thing is I listened to my ipod throughout classes.

The school stopped caring about electronics because to many of them where being taken away. So when I was able to bring my ipod and listen to music throughout school. I did 100% better in classes and was actually understanding the information and I developed an attitude that I could do it and just had a better outlook on life and high hopes for the future.

The weirdest thing is that It feels like there's seriously a constant tug of war in my head. Since I constantly change moods easily. I'm happy for a few minutes then i'm depressed and it switches back and fourth but the weird thing is that when I listen to music my brain is just calm and relaxed.

So that's why I highly think the seizure/seizures did something especially since the one in 2009 caused me to lose my memory though but after a few days it come back completely but every xray/scan of my brain shows nothing weird though, only time it did was in 2009 when I first had a seizure there was a giant grey patch in the middle of my brain and the doctor's couldn't tell what it was what was causing that grey patch and the weird thing is that it hasn't been seen since though and nothing unusual but I don't know though even though it's possible. there's just really no way to tell.

anyway i'm not ending the conversation unless you want to but thanks for reading and responding

oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).


Sorry forgot to include that anyway I truly have no idea I listen to music and watch anime. My friends we only email now because they are usually really busy now, one friend moved to california and my one friend is moving there also next year to go to a computer animation school but all that matters to me is that we keep in touch.

Then College the program I was originally taking for online university was computer science I only got into it because my parents always told me to go to college for computers. So i did in all reality I never wanted to do that but figured they where right but now I'm switching to something I would like to try and do and that is graphic arts but the price is throwing me off from even wanting to do that now.

and yeah you're there's really nothing we can do about medical issues we have to leave that up for the doctor's but still I truly would like to know if the seizure/seizures did mess up my head/brain but I guess I truly won't know unless medical technology gets advanced enough to find but still the constant switching from happy to depressed is a bit annoying.

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Ahh okay. Have you tried sitting down while talking on the phone? My mom told me that you're more relaxed when you are sitting than when you're standing. One way I got better was when I kept calling various stores to ask if they were hiring. It's a pretty simple routine but it made me very nervous. After I got a few attempts in I slowly realized that I was okay.

What type of instruments do you like to play? :3 Have you ever thought of looking into maybe being in an orchestra? (lol I'm just throwing ideas out there, you by no means have to try any of my suggestions). For me I deep down knew what I wanted to do, but I was afraid. See I want to teach English in South Korea, but before that I want to study abroad there (a two month commitment gives you a good idea, before I take the decision to make a one year commitment to teach). And I was so afraid to admit this because of a fear I have of being judged. But when I told my mom and got her and my dad's support, suddenly I felt this confidence that I could do it. I also felt more comfortable talking to my mom about things that I wouldn't usually tell anyone that I'm close to.

EDIT: Also by "real life call" do you mean strangers?


Nope I haven't tried sitting down during a phone call I guess i'll try that next time.

I play the flute, I played the flute in concert band and marching band until my sophmore year of high school. I basically threw a lot of things away at the end of my sophmore year. I threw a way band, friends, things I enjoyed, and left school for a school I never wanted to go to but then my senior year I tried to fix things and went back to my original high school, got my friends back, and started doing things I enjoyed again, well not all of it but most of it though. Another thing was that my senior year, at the end like the last 2 months of it I was finally coming out of my shell and talking to people, trying to make friends, and was more active in class disscusion's,

Then after I graduated I was fine, focused on finding a job and everything but then as months went by without finding a job. I reverted back to my old self and has gotten worst since then. Now my therapist says I have social anxiety, which is true. I keep trying to get rid of this anxiety but nothing has worked yet but i'm sure I can get rid of this anxiety especially, since I started getting a little bit better at the end of my senior year but what I can't believe is that I was getting better then it changed to worst.

I can't help but think that maybe having a seizure in 2009 (freshman year, happened on my way to a marching band performance) and 2011 (I was just siting at home but I really don't think this one was truly a seizure though. Since my parents just said I was unconscious and blue in the face but the emergency room doctor chalked it up to a seizure though) maybe the seizure/seizures triggered something in my head/brain. Since I get headaches every single day and I have been to the emergency room and doctors for the constant headaches but haven't found anything wrong though.

Blah 100% sorry about this I didn't mean to get side tracked, I get carried away when i'm typing.

Anyway for you're last question what I meant by real life was that it I freak out badly for every social situation in general with people that I don't know. Then for the call part, call had a comma in front of it.

Sorry if I sounded rude in anyway if I did I really didn't mean to.

oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.


I always say sorry if I think I was rude or mean in anyway even though most of the time, I never did anything wrong.

Anyway for school, I was told I wouldn't be able to graduate in 2012, Like I was supposed to because my junior year I failed miserably. I failed 4 classes but since I had a lot of credits from my freshman and sophmore year. I was able to make up those 4 classes even though my school counselor told me I wouldn't be able to do it but I ended up passing with A's and B's in all my classes. I'm not trying to brag or anything if it sounds like I am, i'm absolutely sorry I truly don't mean to, but anyway I seriously never studied my senior year and somehow everything, just clicked but the thing is I listened to my ipod throughout classes.

The school stopped caring about electronics because to many of them where being taken away. So when I was able to bring my ipod and listen to music throughout school. I did 100% better in classes and was actually understanding the information and I developed an attitude that I could do it and just had a better outlook on life and high hopes for the future.

The weirdest thing is that It feels like there's seriously a constant tug of war in my head. Since I constantly change moods easily. I'm happy for a few minutes then i'm depressed and it switches back and fourth but the weird thing is that when I listen to music my brain is just calm and relaxed.

So that's why I highly think the seizure/seizures did something especially since the one in 2009 caused me to lose my memory though but after a few days it come back completely but every xray/scan of my brain shows nothing weird though, only time it did was in 2009 when I first had a seizure there was a giant grey patch in the middle of my brain and the doctor's couldn't tell what it was what was causing that grey patch and the weird thing is that it hasn't been seen since though and nothing unusual but I don't know though even though it's possible. there's just really no way to tell.

anyway i'm not ending the conversation unless you want to but thanks for reading and responding

oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).


Sorry forgot to include that anyway I truly have no idea I listen to music and watch anime. My friends we only email now because they are usually really busy now, one friend moved to california and my one friend is moving there also next year to go to a computer animation school but all that matters to me is that we keep in touch.

Then College the program I was originally taking for online university was computer science I only got into it because my parents always told me to go to college for computers. So i did in all reality I never wanted to do that but figured they where right but now I'm switching to something I would like to try and do and that is graphic arts but the price is throwing me off from even wanting to do that now.

and yeah you're there's really nothing we can do about medical issues we have to leave that up for the doctor's but still I truly would like to know if the seizure/seizures did mess up my head/brain but I guess I truly won't know unless medical technology gets advanced enough to find but still the constant switching from happy to depressed is a bit annoying.


Okay I feel like we're getting somewhere :3
So originally your parents wanted you into college for computers, you weren't interested, then later switched to Graphic design which you are interested in. The price is pretty expensive for you, and you also get nervous around social situations to which you're not familiar with right?

oh by the way for college, have you tried community college? it's so much cheaper. the one that I go to is like around 600 dollars for 12 credits. Where as at a public university, it's 4000 something dollars for 12 credits. depending on the school you can generally transfer around 72 credits from community college to a public university, but you have to check their course equivalency guide to see if they will transfer, and also e-mail an adviser with the major department that you are interested in to make sure that hte classes fulfill the requirement. (can be a pain).

oh by the way Starbucks has a program with an online college in arizona to where if you work there they can take care of a lot of your tuition for schooling :3 it was a pretty recent thing.

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oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.


I always say sorry if I think I was rude or mean in anyway even though most of the time, I never did anything wrong.

Anyway for school, I was told I wouldn't be able to graduate in 2012, Like I was supposed to because my junior year I failed miserably. I failed 4 classes but since I had a lot of credits from my freshman and sophmore year. I was able to make up those 4 classes even though my school counselor told me I wouldn't be able to do it but I ended up passing with A's and B's in all my classes. I'm not trying to brag or anything if it sounds like I am, i'm absolutely sorry I truly don't mean to, but anyway I seriously never studied my senior year and somehow everything, just clicked but the thing is I listened to my ipod throughout classes.

The school stopped caring about electronics because to many of them where being taken away. So when I was able to bring my ipod and listen to music throughout school. I did 100% better in classes and was actually understanding the information and I developed an attitude that I could do it and just had a better outlook on life and high hopes for the future.

The weirdest thing is that It feels like there's seriously a constant tug of war in my head. Since I constantly change moods easily. I'm happy for a few minutes then i'm depressed and it switches back and fourth but the weird thing is that when I listen to music my brain is just calm and relaxed.

So that's why I highly think the seizure/seizures did something especially since the one in 2009 caused me to lose my memory though but after a few days it come back completely but every xray/scan of my brain shows nothing weird though, only time it did was in 2009 when I first had a seizure there was a giant grey patch in the middle of my brain and the doctor's couldn't tell what it was what was causing that grey patch and the weird thing is that it hasn't been seen since though and nothing unusual but I don't know though even though it's possible. there's just really no way to tell.

anyway i'm not ending the conversation unless you want to but thanks for reading and responding

oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).


Sorry forgot to include that anyway I truly have no idea I listen to music and watch anime. My friends we only email now because they are usually really busy now, one friend moved to california and my one friend is moving there also next year to go to a computer animation school but all that matters to me is that we keep in touch.

Then College the program I was originally taking for online university was computer science I only got into it because my parents always told me to go to college for computers. So i did in all reality I never wanted to do that but figured they where right but now I'm switching to something I would like to try and do and that is graphic arts but the price is throwing me off from even wanting to do that now.

and yeah you're there's really nothing we can do about medical issues we have to leave that up for the doctor's but still I truly would like to know if the seizure/seizures did mess up my head/brain but I guess I truly won't know unless medical technology gets advanced enough to find but still the constant switching from happy to depressed is a bit annoying.


Okay I feel like we're getting somewhere :3
So originally your parents wanted you into college for computers, you weren't interested, then later switched to Graphic design which you are interested in. The price is pretty expensive for you, and you also get nervous around social situations to which you're not familiar with right?

oh by the way for college, have you tried community college? it's so much cheaper. the one that I go to is like around 600 dollars for 12 credits. Where as at a public university, it's 4000 something dollars for 12 credits. depending on the school you can generally transfer around 72 credits from community college to a public university, but you have to check their course equivalency guide to see if they will transfer, and also e-mail an adviser with the major department that you are interested in to make sure that hte classes fulfill the requirement. (can be a pain).

oh by the way Starbucks has a program with an online college in arizona to where if you work there they can take care of a lot of your tuition for schooling :3 it was a pretty recent thing.


No it was more of a recommended thing, They would see a commercial for a local university offering computer classes and would say you should do that since you're great with electronics and my cousin called since she used to work at the university and signed people up for school asked if I was intrested and figured why not i'm doing nothing else. So I took what my parents recommnded and signed up for that. According to the school I'm 55% complete with taking computer science but it just eventually got frustrating having to memorize all these wires and cables was starting to get to me and since it wasn't something I didn't want to do to begin with. I just wanted to quit and told my parents I never wanted to do computer science to start with and just wanted to quit but they got mad but then my dad suggested switching to something I actually want to do.

So I did took me like 3 days to figure out if I wanted a bachlor's degree or an associate degree so I went with the cheapest and that was the associate degree for 32 grand while the bachlor's was 77grand. So I went with the cheapest when I switched. I have no idea when I start the graphic arts classes since no has sent me anymore information other than the enrollment papers for the graphic arts class. So i signed those and it's been like a week since I signed them. Right now i'm still in computer science but i'm not doing any of the assignments or work.Oh the enrollment papers where done electonically so they where sent through email. So I would think I would have gotten something back by now.

Then nope I haven't tried community college just went straight to university. Which probably wasn't a good idea especially since this school is way to expensive. Then another reason I don't have a way to get there I don't have a car and my parents work throughout the day. So I have no way to get to an actual campus.

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oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.


I always say sorry if I think I was rude or mean in anyway even though most of the time, I never did anything wrong.

Anyway for school, I was told I wouldn't be able to graduate in 2012, Like I was supposed to because my junior year I failed miserably. I failed 4 classes but since I had a lot of credits from my freshman and sophmore year. I was able to make up those 4 classes even though my school counselor told me I wouldn't be able to do it but I ended up passing with A's and B's in all my classes. I'm not trying to brag or anything if it sounds like I am, i'm absolutely sorry I truly don't mean to, but anyway I seriously never studied my senior year and somehow everything, just clicked but the thing is I listened to my ipod throughout classes.

The school stopped caring about electronics because to many of them where being taken away. So when I was able to bring my ipod and listen to music throughout school. I did 100% better in classes and was actually understanding the information and I developed an attitude that I could do it and just had a better outlook on life and high hopes for the future.

The weirdest thing is that It feels like there's seriously a constant tug of war in my head. Since I constantly change moods easily. I'm happy for a few minutes then i'm depressed and it switches back and fourth but the weird thing is that when I listen to music my brain is just calm and relaxed.

So that's why I highly think the seizure/seizures did something especially since the one in 2009 caused me to lose my memory though but after a few days it come back completely but every xray/scan of my brain shows nothing weird though, only time it did was in 2009 when I first had a seizure there was a giant grey patch in the middle of my brain and the doctor's couldn't tell what it was what was causing that grey patch and the weird thing is that it hasn't been seen since though and nothing unusual but I don't know though even though it's possible. there's just really no way to tell.

anyway i'm not ending the conversation unless you want to but thanks for reading and responding

oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).


Sorry forgot to include that anyway I truly have no idea I listen to music and watch anime. My friends we only email now because they are usually really busy now, one friend moved to california and my one friend is moving there also next year to go to a computer animation school but all that matters to me is that we keep in touch.

Then College the program I was originally taking for online university was computer science I only got into it because my parents always told me to go to college for computers. So i did in all reality I never wanted to do that but figured they where right but now I'm switching to something I would like to try and do and that is graphic arts but the price is throwing me off from even wanting to do that now.

and yeah you're there's really nothing we can do about medical issues we have to leave that up for the doctor's but still I truly would like to know if the seizure/seizures did mess up my head/brain but I guess I truly won't know unless medical technology gets advanced enough to find but still the constant switching from happy to depressed is a bit annoying.


Okay I feel like we're getting somewhere :3
So originally your parents wanted you into college for computers, you weren't interested, then later switched to Graphic design which you are interested in. The price is pretty expensive for you, and you also get nervous around social situations to which you're not familiar with right?

oh by the way for college, have you tried community college? it's so much cheaper. the one that I go to is like around 600 dollars for 12 credits. Where as at a public university, it's 4000 something dollars for 12 credits. depending on the school you can generally transfer around 72 credits from community college to a public university, but you have to check their course equivalency guide to see if they will transfer, and also e-mail an adviser with the major department that you are interested in to make sure that hte classes fulfill the requirement. (can be a pain).

oh by the way Starbucks has a program with an online college in arizona to where if you work there they can take care of a lot of your tuition for schooling :3 it was a pretty recent thing.


No it was more of a recommended thing, They would see a commercial for a local university offering computer classes and would say you should do that since you're great with electronics and my cousin called since she used to work at the university and signed people up for school asked if I was intrested and figured why not i'm doing nothing else. So I took what my parents recommnded and signed up for that. According to the school I'm 55% complete with taking computer science but it just eventually got frustrating having to memorize all these wires and cables was starting to get to me and since it wasn't something I didn't want to do to begin with. I just wanted to quit and told my parents I never wanted to do computer science to start with and just wanted to quit but they got mad but then my dad suggested switching to something I actually want to do.

So I did took me like 3 days to figure out if I wanted a bachlor's degree or an associate degree so I went with the cheapest and that was the associate degree for 32 grand while the bachlor's was 77grand. So I went with the cheapest when I switched. I have no idea when I start the graphic arts classes since no has sent me anymore information other than the enrollment papers for the graphic arts class. So i signed those and it's been like a week since I signed them. Right now i'm still in computer science but i'm not doing any of the assignments or work.Oh the enrollment papers where done electonically so they where sent through email. So I would think I would have gotten something back by now.

Then nope I haven't tried community college just went straight to university. Which probably wasn't a good idea especially since this school is way to expensive. Then another reason I don't have a way to get there I don't have a car and my parents work throughout the day. So I have no way to get to an actual campus.

Community college also has online classes btw :3 waaaaaayyyy cheaper o- o
32 grand is so expensive for an associates @_@ way too much. I understand doing what people reccomend though. I would do that too, I guess I was afraid to disappoint them and say no. But when I learned that I wanted to teach English in South Korea, and projected my educational goals towards that, things got very clear for me.

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oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.


I always say sorry if I think I was rude or mean in anyway even though most of the time, I never did anything wrong.

Anyway for school, I was told I wouldn't be able to graduate in 2012, Like I was supposed to because my junior year I failed miserably. I failed 4 classes but since I had a lot of credits from my freshman and sophmore year. I was able to make up those 4 classes even though my school counselor told me I wouldn't be able to do it but I ended up passing with A's and B's in all my classes. I'm not trying to brag or anything if it sounds like I am, i'm absolutely sorry I truly don't mean to, but anyway I seriously never studied my senior year and somehow everything, just clicked but the thing is I listened to my ipod throughout classes.

The school stopped caring about electronics because to many of them where being taken away. So when I was able to bring my ipod and listen to music throughout school. I did 100% better in classes and was actually understanding the information and I developed an attitude that I could do it and just had a better outlook on life and high hopes for the future.

The weirdest thing is that It feels like there's seriously a constant tug of war in my head. Since I constantly change moods easily. I'm happy for a few minutes then i'm depressed and it switches back and fourth but the weird thing is that when I listen to music my brain is just calm and relaxed.

So that's why I highly think the seizure/seizures did something especially since the one in 2009 caused me to lose my memory though but after a few days it come back completely but every xray/scan of my brain shows nothing weird though, only time it did was in 2009 when I first had a seizure there was a giant grey patch in the middle of my brain and the doctor's couldn't tell what it was what was causing that grey patch and the weird thing is that it hasn't been seen since though and nothing unusual but I don't know though even though it's possible. there's just really no way to tell.

anyway i'm not ending the conversation unless you want to but thanks for reading and responding

oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).


Sorry forgot to include that anyway I truly have no idea I listen to music and watch anime. My friends we only email now because they are usually really busy now, one friend moved to california and my one friend is moving there also next year to go to a computer animation school but all that matters to me is that we keep in touch.

Then College the program I was originally taking for online university was computer science I only got into it because my parents always told me to go to college for computers. So i did in all reality I never wanted to do that but figured they where right but now I'm switching to something I would like to try and do and that is graphic arts but the price is throwing me off from even wanting to do that now.

and yeah you're there's really nothing we can do about medical issues we have to leave that up for the doctor's but still I truly would like to know if the seizure/seizures did mess up my head/brain but I guess I truly won't know unless medical technology gets advanced enough to find but still the constant switching from happy to depressed is a bit annoying.


Okay I feel like we're getting somewhere :3
So originally your parents wanted you into college for computers, you weren't interested, then later switched to Graphic design which you are interested in. The price is pretty expensive for you, and you also get nervous around social situations to which you're not familiar with right?

oh by the way for college, have you tried community college? it's so much cheaper. the one that I go to is like around 600 dollars for 12 credits. Where as at a public university, it's 4000 something dollars for 12 credits. depending on the school you can generally transfer around 72 credits from community college to a public university, but you have to check their course equivalency guide to see if they will transfer, and also e-mail an adviser with the major department that you are interested in to make sure that hte classes fulfill the requirement. (can be a pain).

oh by the way Starbucks has a program with an online college in arizona to where if you work there they can take care of a lot of your tuition for schooling :3 it was a pretty recent thing.


Well get this the university only has 1 month of classes so you have to learn as much as possible within 1 month. you're supposed to get you're degree in 1- 2 years. So I don't get why it's so expensive i'm not even supposed to be in school for a long time.

Well the thign with that is if I where to switch to a community online college I don't have a computer that would be able to handle that kind of stuff I have a 2001 windows xp computer. the university i'm going to gives you a free laptop and if you graduate you get to keep it so it's like a bribe in a way. If you don't graduate you have to return the computer in the condition it was recieved or else you're paying for the full price of the computer and possible repairs. I should of gone to an actual university if possible or as you said a community college not some online thing but I also figured the school would be good since my cousin used to work there and claims to have graduated from it.

In all reality i'm staring to think this university is a scam. From what you said is that community college is cheaper and you said an associate degree doesn't cost that much.

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oh don't worry you didn't sound rude at all, but I really appreciate how considerate you are!
You told me something that really stood out, when you went back to the things you enjoyed, you improved. Would you say today, that you are closer or farther away from the things you enjoy compared to your senior year? I notice for me that I"m the happiest when I'm doing the things I love (even though they require patience and effort) then when I'm farther away from them.


I always say sorry if I think I was rude or mean in anyway even though most of the time, I never did anything wrong.

Anyway for school, I was told I wouldn't be able to graduate in 2012, Like I was supposed to because my junior year I failed miserably. I failed 4 classes but since I had a lot of credits from my freshman and sophmore year. I was able to make up those 4 classes even though my school counselor told me I wouldn't be able to do it but I ended up passing with A's and B's in all my classes. I'm not trying to brag or anything if it sounds like I am, i'm absolutely sorry I truly don't mean to, but anyway I seriously never studied my senior year and somehow everything, just clicked but the thing is I listened to my ipod throughout classes.

The school stopped caring about electronics because to many of them where being taken away. So when I was able to bring my ipod and listen to music throughout school. I did 100% better in classes and was actually understanding the information and I developed an attitude that I could do it and just had a better outlook on life and high hopes for the future.

The weirdest thing is that It feels like there's seriously a constant tug of war in my head. Since I constantly change moods easily. I'm happy for a few minutes then i'm depressed and it switches back and fourth but the weird thing is that when I listen to music my brain is just calm and relaxed.

So that's why I highly think the seizure/seizures did something especially since the one in 2009 caused me to lose my memory though but after a few days it come back completely but every xray/scan of my brain shows nothing weird though, only time it did was in 2009 when I first had a seizure there was a giant grey patch in the middle of my brain and the doctor's couldn't tell what it was what was causing that grey patch and the weird thing is that it hasn't been seen since though and nothing unusual but I don't know though even though it's possible. there's just really no way to tell.

anyway i'm not ending the conversation unless you want to but thanks for reading and responding

oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).


Sorry forgot to include that anyway I truly have no idea I listen to music and watch anime. My friends we only email now because they are usually really busy now, one friend moved to california and my one friend is moving there also next year to go to a computer animation school but all that matters to me is that we keep in touch.

Then College the program I was originally taking for online university was computer science I only got into it because my parents always told me to go to college for computers. So i did in all reality I never wanted to do that but figured they where right but now I'm switching to something I would like to try and do and that is graphic arts but the price is throwing me off from even wanting to do that now.

and yeah you're there's really nothing we can do about medical issues we have to leave that up for the doctor's but still I truly would like to know if the seizure/seizures did mess up my head/brain but I guess I truly won't know unless medical technology gets advanced enough to find but still the constant switching from happy to depressed is a bit annoying.


Okay I feel like we're getting somewhere :3
So originally your parents wanted you into college for computers, you weren't interested, then later switched to Graphic design which you are interested in. The price is pretty expensive for you, and you also get nervous around social situations to which you're not familiar with right?

oh by the way for college, have you tried community college? it's so much cheaper. the one that I go to is like around 600 dollars for 12 credits. Where as at a public university, it's 4000 something dollars for 12 credits. depending on the school you can generally transfer around 72 credits from community college to a public university, but you have to check their course equivalency guide to see if they will transfer, and also e-mail an adviser with the major department that you are interested in to make sure that hte classes fulfill the requirement. (can be a pain).

oh by the way Starbucks has a program with an online college in arizona to where if you work there they can take care of a lot of your tuition for schooling :3 it was a pretty recent thing.


Well get this the university only has 1 month of classes so you have to learn as much as possible within 1 month. you're supposed to get you're degree in 1- 2 years. So I don't get why it's so expensive i'm not even supposed to be in school for a long time.

Well the thign with that is if I where to switch to a community online college I don't have a computer that would be able to handle that kind of stuff I have a 2001 windows xp computer. the university i'm going to gives you a free laptop and if you graduate you get to keep it so it's like a bribe in a way. If you don't graduate you have to return the computer in the condition it was recieved or else you're paying for the full price of the computer and possible repairs. I should of gone to an actual university if possible or as you said a community college not some online thing but I also figured the school would be good since my cousin used to work there and claims to have graduated from it.

In all reality i'm staring to think this university is a scam. From what you said is that community college is cheaper and you said an associate degree doesn't cost that much.


well like community college you're paying about 1,200 a year for 24 credits.
two years is about 2,400.
University about 8000 a year for 24 credits (after you tansfer)
and then over two years thats 16,000

so total is - 18,400

(of course it's natural to graduate after five years, it's becoming more common and I'm doing that as well) . but this was just to give you an idea of prices.

and the community college is actually a real physical campus, however you can do online classes from your home, and the library also has free computers you can use. but I wouldn't recommend for timed test because at my library you have a time limit on how long you can use it and sometimes it's slow.

I'm always surprised that people don't take advantage of community college and public universities because you save so much money for basically the same degree.

EDIT: to me I think that graduating longer with little to no debt is better than the speedy option that is way over priced.

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oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).


Sorry forgot to include that anyway I truly have no idea I listen to music and watch anime. My friends we only email now because they are usually really busy now, one friend moved to california and my one friend is moving there also next year to go to a computer animation school but all that matters to me is that we keep in touch.

Then College the program I was originally taking for online university was computer science I only got into it because my parents always told me to go to college for computers. So i did in all reality I never wanted to do that but figured they where right but now I'm switching to something I would like to try and do and that is graphic arts but the price is throwing me off from even wanting to do that now.

and yeah you're there's really nothing we can do about medical issues we have to leave that up for the doctor's but still I truly would like to know if the seizure/seizures did mess up my head/brain but I guess I truly won't know unless medical technology gets advanced enough to find but still the constant switching from happy to depressed is a bit annoying.


Okay I feel like we're getting somewhere :3
So originally your parents wanted you into college for computers, you weren't interested, then later switched to Graphic design which you are interested in. The price is pretty expensive for you, and you also get nervous around social situations to which you're not familiar with right?

oh by the way for college, have you tried community college? it's so much cheaper. the one that I go to is like around 600 dollars for 12 credits. Where as at a public university, it's 4000 something dollars for 12 credits. depending on the school you can generally transfer around 72 credits from community college to a public university, but you have to check their course equivalency guide to see if they will transfer, and also e-mail an adviser with the major department that you are interested in to make sure that hte classes fulfill the requirement. (can be a pain).

oh by the way Starbucks has a program with an online college in arizona to where if you work there they can take care of a lot of your tuition for schooling :3 it was a pretty recent thing.


Well get this the university only has 1 month of classes so you have to learn as much as possible within 1 month. you're supposed to get you're degree in 1- 2 years. So I don't get why it's so expensive i'm not even supposed to be in school for a long time.

Well the thign with that is if I where to switch to a community online college I don't have a computer that would be able to handle that kind of stuff I have a 2001 windows xp computer. the university i'm going to gives you a free laptop and if you graduate you get to keep it so it's like a bribe in a way. If you don't graduate you have to return the computer in the condition it was recieved or else you're paying for the full price of the computer and possible repairs. I should of gone to an actual university if possible or as you said a community college not some online thing but I also figured the school would be good since my cousin used to work there and claims to have graduated from it.

In all reality i'm staring to think this university is a scam. From what you said is that community college is cheaper and you said an associate degree doesn't cost that much.


well like community college you're paying about 1,200 a year for 24 credits.
two years is about 2,400.
University about 8000 a year for 24 credits (after you tansfer)
and then over two years thats 16,000

so total is - 18,400

(of course it's natural to graduate after five years, it's becoming more common and I'm doing that as well) . but this was just to give you an idea of prices.

and the community college is actually a real physical campus, however you can do online classes from your home, and the library also has free computers you can use. but I wouldn't recommend for timed test because at my library you have a time limit on how long you can use it and sometimes it's slow.

I'm always surprised that people don't take advantage of community college and public universities because you save so much money for basically the same degree.


If I had known that before I would have never gone to this scam of a school. This actually makes me a bit mad why doesn't this online university have the same prices then other schools. Then the prices you listed I wouldn't be so freaked out, especially if I qualified for a full grant like I do with this school the price would be even more lowered. I seriously want send this school an email saying they are a scam and forget I quit this scam of a school.

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oh I understand the apologizing part because you don't want to be misunderstood :3
It's okay for you to keep apologizing if it feels natural to you, I forgive you lol.

You brought up a lot of points, but I'm still curious on whether or not you are closer to the things you love now as you were in your years when you were the most happy. The reason why I'm focusing on that is because that is an area that you can control. Medical things to me are out of our control to a degree when Doctors only have a limited amount of information. So for this reason I don't worry about things out of my control. Doing this can really reduce your stress :3 No need to be more stressed than you need to be (a natural amount of stress is fine, same goes with nerves lol).


Sorry forgot to include that anyway I truly have no idea I listen to music and watch anime. My friends we only email now because they are usually really busy now, one friend moved to california and my one friend is moving there also next year to go to a computer animation school but all that matters to me is that we keep in touch.

Then College the program I was originally taking for online university was computer science I only got into it because my parents always told me to go to college for computers. So i did in all reality I never wanted to do that but figured they where right but now I'm switching to something I would like to try and do and that is graphic arts but the price is throwing me off from even wanting to do that now.

and yeah you're there's really nothing we can do about medical issues we have to leave that up for the doctor's but still I truly would like to know if the seizure/seizures did mess up my head/brain but I guess I truly won't know unless medical technology gets advanced enough to find but still the constant switching from happy to depressed is a bit annoying.


Okay I feel like we're getting somewhere :3
So originally your parents wanted you into college for computers, you weren't interested, then later switched to Graphic design which you are interested in. The price is pretty expensive for you, and you also get nervous around social situations to which you're not familiar with right?

oh by the way for college, have you tried community college? it's so much cheaper. the one that I go to is like around 600 dollars for 12 credits. Where as at a public university, it's 4000 something dollars for 12 credits. depending on the school you can generally transfer around 72 credits from community college to a public university, but you have to check their course equivalency guide to see if they will transfer, and also e-mail an adviser with the major department that you are interested in to make sure that hte classes fulfill the requirement. (can be a pain).

oh by the way Starbucks has a program with an online college in arizona to where if you work there they can take care of a lot of your tuition for schooling :3 it was a pretty recent thing.


Well get this the university only has 1 month of classes so you have to learn as much as possible within 1 month. you're supposed to get you're degree in 1- 2 years. So I don't get why it's so expensive i'm not even supposed to be in school for a long time.

Well the thign with that is if I where to switch to a community online college I don't have a computer that would be able to handle that kind of stuff I have a 2001 windows xp computer. the university i'm going to gives you a free laptop and if you graduate you get to keep it so it's like a bribe in a way. If you don't graduate you have to return the computer in the condition it was recieved or else you're paying for the full price of the computer and possible repairs. I should of gone to an actual university if possible or as you said a community college not some online thing but I also figured the school would be good since my cousin used to work there and claims to have graduated from it.

In all reality i'm staring to think this university is a scam. From what you said is that community college is cheaper and you said an associate degree doesn't cost that much.


well like community college you're paying about 1,200 a year for 24 credits.
two years is about 2,400.
University about 8000 a year for 24 credits (after you tansfer)
and then over two years thats 16,000

so total is - 18,400

(of course it's natural to graduate after five years, it's becoming more common and I'm doing that as well) . but this was just to give you an idea of prices.

and the community college is actually a real physical campus, however you can do online classes from your home, and the library also has free computers you can use. but I wouldn't recommend for timed test because at my library you have a time limit on how long you can use it and sometimes it's slow.

I'm always surprised that people don't take advantage of community college and public universities because you save so much money for basically the same degree.


If I had known that before I would have never gone to this scam of a school. This actually makes me a bit mad why doesn't an online university have the same prices then other schools then the prices you listed I wouldn't be so freaked out especially if I qualified for a full grant like I do with this school the price would be even more lowered.


College is a business, and if you aren't careful you can find yourself at the wrong end of it. You can learn a lot, not just about various subjects, but how to manage your time, budget, stress.
The best part about community college is that your first few years are general courses, which gives you a lot of time to pick your major and explore various fields through those general courses and electives.
I didn't even have to decide my major in community college till like my second year. Once that was set then it was easy to transfer into a public university btw plan six months in advance, there's a lot more stuff then you think such as paper work, orientation , seeing an adviser, all that stuff.

I just really find it crazy that so many students fall into the trap of overpriced colleges too early.
Especially when quite a few are undecided on their major.

To go back to the social fears, I was afraid of going into a regular class because I was thinking that people would judge me since I was homeschooled for my high school years. but I found out people didn't care at all lol. We all came from different walks of life and enjoy each other. I was also worried when I got my mickey mouse watch that it would cause negative attention, but I get so many positive compliments from it. I had all of these worries in my head, but the truth was that none of those worries came true. When I realized that my fears were irrational it helped me conquer them.
What is interesting is that many people think like this "oh I'm worried what other people will think"
they're too concerned about themselves to worry about you. I also have a saying that when I've made my mind about doing something I'm afraid of, I can either enjoy the new experience or be afraid, and If I have a positive approach, my result will be positive too :3

I hope if anything I helped in some way haha, I really appreciate you opening up to me about your thoughts and fears because I understand that can be difficult to do (but surprisingly easy on the Internet with people you don't know haha).

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Okay I feel like we're getting somewhere :3
So originally your parents wanted you into college for computers, you weren't interested, then later switched to Graphic design which you are interested in. The price is pretty expensive for you, and you also get nervous around social situations to which you're not familiar with right?

oh by the way for college, have you tried community college? it's so much cheaper. the one that I go to is like around 600 dollars for 12 credits. Where as at a public university, it's 4000 something dollars for 12 credits. depending on the school you can generally transfer around 72 credits from community college to a public university, but you have to check their course equivalency guide to see if they will transfer, and also e-mail an adviser with the major department that you are interested in to make sure that hte classes fulfill the requirement. (can be a pain).

oh by the way Starbucks has a program with an online college in arizona to where if you work there they can take care of a lot of your tuition for schooling :3 it was a pretty recent thing.


Well get this the university only has 1 month of classes so you have to learn as much as possible within 1 month. you're supposed to get you're degree in 1- 2 years. So I don't get why it's so expensive i'm not even supposed to be in school for a long time.

Well the thign with that is if I where to switch to a community online college I don't have a computer that would be able to handle that kind of stuff I have a 2001 windows xp computer. the university i'm going to gives you a free laptop and if you graduate you get to keep it so it's like a bribe in a way. If you don't graduate you have to return the computer in the condition it was recieved or else you're paying for the full price of the computer and possible repairs. I should of gone to an actual university if possible or as you said a community college not some online thing but I also figured the school would be good since my cousin used to work there and claims to have graduated from it.

In all reality i'm staring to think this university is a scam. From what you said is that community college is cheaper and you said an associate degree doesn't cost that much.


well like community college you're paying about 1,200 a year for 24 credits.
two years is about 2,400.
University about 8000 a year for 24 credits (after you tansfer)
and then over two years thats 16,000

so total is - 18,400

(of course it's natural to graduate after five years, it's becoming more common and I'm doing that as well) . but this was just to give you an idea of prices.

and the community college is actually a real physical campus, however you can do online classes from your home, and the library also has free computers you can use. but I wouldn't recommend for timed test because at my library you have a time limit on how long you can use it and sometimes it's slow.

I'm always surprised that people don't take advantage of community college and public universities because you save so much money for basically the same degree.


If I had known that before I would have never gone to this scam of a school. This actually makes me a bit mad why doesn't an online university have the same prices then other schools then the prices you listed I wouldn't be so freaked out especially if I qualified for a full grant like I do with this school the price would be even more lowered.


College is a business, and if you aren't careful you can find yourself at the wrong end of it. You can learn a lot, not just about various subjects, but how to manage your time, budget, stress.
The best part about community college is that your first few years are general courses, which gives you a lot of time to pick your major and explore various fields through those general courses and electives.
I didn't even have to decide my major in community college till like my second year. Once that was set then it was easy to transfer into a public university btw plan six months in advance, there's a lot more stuff then you think such as paper work, orientation , seeing an adviser, all that stuff.

I just really find it crazy that so many students fall into the trap of overpriced colleges too early.
Especially when quite a few are undecided on their major.

To go back to the social fears, I was afraid of going into a regular class because I was thinking that people would judge me since I was homeschooled for my high school years. but I found out people didn't care at all lol. We all came from different walks of life and enjoy each other. I was also worried when I got my mickey mouse watch that it would cause negative attention, but I get so many positive compliments from it. I had all of these worries in my head, but the truth was that none of those worries came true. When I realized that my fears were irrational it helped me conquer them.
What is interesting is that many people think like this "oh I'm worried what other people will think"
they're too concerned about themselves to worry about you. I also have a saying that when I've made my mind about doing something I'm afraid of, I can either enjoy the new experience or be afraid, and If I have a positive approach, my result will be positive too :3

I hope if anything I helped in some way haha, I really appreciate you opening up to me about your thoughts and fears because I understand that can be difficult to do (but surprisingly easy on the Internet with people you don't know haha).


Yeah like me plus my cousin made it sound like this was the best school ever only to find out later all she cared about was filling her quota for signing people up for school.

Yeah makes sense but there is still those few people who do care if you fit in with them or not but for the most part they really don't do anything that much the worst thing is that they can talk about you but then as my friends always told me it doesn't matter what other people think as long as you're happy that's all that matters and plus you will more than likely never see those people again. Plus you're right if you think positive things will more than likely turn out but for me it's a bit hard to think like that actually due to my mood swings but all I can do is try my best.

Yeah you did help a lot, to tell you the truth, this is the first time I have actually talked about everything on here. My other topics, I mostly used a shorten downed version of the things bothering me.I never actually talked about the issue fully. Yeah i gave lengthy posts but never really talked about everything before. Tomorrow, i'll try and talk to my parents about going to an actual college and leave this scam of an university. Then yeah writing and typing is my specialty I go all out wish i could do the same with talking but maybe if I can go to an actual college that would help.

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I just emailed my friend her tuition for the whole semester is only 1 grand while mine is 9,500 i'm definetly leaving and sending the school an email saying that it's a scam and i quit.
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