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Huge personal rant, but better yet, what do you do when they do it and refuse to acknowledge it and give you closure. I can't just pretend the past three years never happened, as much as I wish I could. But really, the whole situation is taxing me emotionally and physically, resulting in severe bouts of depression, insomnia, cardiac problems, night terrors and so on..when I allow myself to think about the situation and her blatant disregard for her actions too much, the problems simply escalate. She won't even admit that she cheated after I pointed out that she consciously went to the effort to hide it and lie about it. I know that her actions speak to issues with her character and not mine, but really, that does nothing to mend any of the effects it is having on me. For so long I built my life around this other person and a future with them, and in an instant, poof, it was gone, both the person I thought I knew and the future I had spent so long constructing. It genuinely feels like my life is in shambles and I'm doing nothing but letting days fly by that I can never get back just brooding...and I'm tired of it...but it's a rut for me. What's more, I'm genuinely scared of trusting anyone anymore and it hurts because in my heart I know everyone isn't the ******** up mess that she is..I talk about this over and over with people that are close to me, and for a while it helps...but then I'll think about it and the stitches just tear..I'm tired of feeling like I've lost my passion for life because of the vibrant and joyful person I normally am, so I guess what I'm asking is how do I get back there when there is no chance of closure with someone that won't acknowledge their hurtful decisions?

It's true, it is over, and I don't want her back. All I wanted was for her to admit to what she did and give me that closure, but all I got was excuses for her actions. But you're right, the world I built around myself is gone and I do feel lost. Before, I could picture my goals in life so clearly, but now I'm so immersed in trying to find myself that I don't know what I want anymore..It's hard to even get enthusiastic about the things I'm passionate about, my friends and hobbies included. How do I get back the energy and drive I had before..?

I think somewhere in the back of my mind I convinced myself if she admitted what she did we could work towards being together again. Now...I don't know why...maybe so I can say I was right, I guess..but I guess that's a bit self-righteous. I think the problem I'm having with staying busy is simply my phone..to me, it's an outlet to reach out to her over and over and end up hurting myself over and over but I can't moderate myself in all honesty and I don't feel like burdening the people in my life with my personal problems, not to mention I feel...embarrassed that I was taken for a ride like this..

Trust me, I get what you're saying, but even if I can bring myself to accept that things didn't work out, not thinking about her is the hard part. I spent three years incorporating this person into my life, including the things i enjoyed most. Now whenever I would have the impulse to partake in those things, the anticipation is replaced with the sensation of sadness at the memories of doing those things together not so long ago. I think that is probably where the difficulty lies for me when it comes to getting to the point where I no longer think about her, if that makes sense.

Cry.

Cry giant buckets of tears until you can't breathe anymore. Then take a deep breath and cry some more. And when you're all cried out, take a nap. A nice, relaxing nap.

And when you wake up refreshed (it's still okay to cry), you go about your day. Start focusing on yourself. learn how to trust again. Go out with some friends, find some new hobbies. And when the memories hit you, go for a walk to clear your head.

And when or if you do get into another relationship, don't compare it to your previous. Because the next relationship is your fresh start. It's another chance to start over with someone new and some who, hopefully, would never hurt you.

It's your risk to take, but at least you'll feel ready to take it.

You got your closure. Like the person cheated, you found out, and it ended. That is the end. It doesnt mean that you shoudl forget that you had a relationship, but you need to stop obsessing over something that is over and done with. There is no working it out if the person doesnt want to talk about it, nor should you want to if they did.

Of course right now it is going to hurt, you woudlnt have gotten over it sooner if you knew all the reasons why they cheated, it would probably just be worse. It takes time to move on, you cant rush that. You need to find yourself again.

As was I, because I truly loved her. But what can you do when they show no remorse, toy with your emotions, and refuse to acknowledge their mistakes for the sake of their own pride?