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Lightning Fireflies
opdf
Lightning Fireflies
If you ever get a girlfriend, let her do whatever the ******** she wants because she is an autonomous human being with the right to make her own goddamn decisions and you don't get to control what she does or doesn't do.
If she gets into Tumblr and then decides she doesn't want to date you, that's her right to do so. If she gets into Tumblr and still wants to date you, that's also her right. If she decides she doesn't want to date you regardless of Tumblr, that is also her right.
You do not have any right to control her actions. You can advise her against things, you can say you don't think what she's doing is a good idea, but the moment you decide that you need to stop her from doing things she wants to do that are perfectly harmless, then you need to get your head out of your a** and realize that she is a person too and is allowed to enjoy things you might not enjoy.
Ew, you sound like my ex. You know what I say? ******** free will, and ******** autonomous human beings. Relationships are partnerships and both people should have a say in what happens. A person stops being their own person as soon as they tell someone else that they love them. Its a contract of binging souls and everything you do will henceforth effect that person. I greatly dislike your ideals, but im glad you have your opinions, it helps open my mind a bit.
I get what you mean about relationships, but being in a relationship DOES NOT ever give someone the right to control someone else. You are still a human being with the right to make up your own mind, even if you are in a relationship. Should you talk about it with your partner? of course! A relationship dies when one person never talks to their partner about things that affect them. But you know what? you can exist as two separate people even if you say "I love you," because you are not one being with two heads. Both partners can make their own choices.
Yes, they should talk about things and discuss things. But two people in a relationship are still their own people with a right to decide what they do. One partner does not get to veto what the other partner wants just because it doesn't perfectly please them.
You know what it's called when two people can't do anything without consulting each other? Co-dependence. And it's a bad thing. Relationships where the involved parties are entirely fused together like you suggest are often manipulative and abusive.
I'm sorry for snapping, but this just sort of struck a nerve with me. I have friends who have been in very controlling relationships, whose partners cut them off from all their friends and completely isolated them, and "I'm not going to let you join this website and make a blog for fun because I'm afraid you'll break up with me" is often a slippery slope to "I'm not going to let you have your own friends or talk to people I have pre-approved."
I think it does give you the right to control someone else. If you're willing to do anything that person asks for in a moments notice then they should be willing to do the same, although they both should have the respect not to ask for anything the other wouldn't like. And heh. I suppose that's why my relationship died. But no, partners cannot make their own choices, that's not what a relationship is for. That's what a friendship is for.
And you know what? I would love someone who has no friends, that way I could have all their attention and love. People are fickle, and the moment they feel lonely, they WILL ******** someone else. Im one of those co-dependent ******** you speak of who cant live without someone, cant breath without permission. And I suppose that's why im on a suicidal slope, but im not going to change my opinions just because a few of your friends had a bad strike with luck and love.
It absolutely does NOT give you the right to control somebody else. The moment you start telling someone what they can and can't do because you are their boyfriend/girlfriend is the moment you start a disgustingly unhealthy relationship. And partners SHOULDN'T be willing to do anything for each other at a moment's notice. They should be perfectly capable of considering whether what their partner asks is legal, morally and ethically sound, and SAFE.
Occasionally, a partner is going to have to request something the other doesn't like. "No, I don't want to have sex tonight, please don't touch me," "No, I am not comfortable with that, as it crosses my personal boundaries and goes against what I feel is morally right" things of that nature.
Partners should always be able to make their own choices if the other is doing something that they feel is wrong or unsafe, or if the other partner is making them afraid or very uncomfortable or something they are doing is triggering traumatic memories or unsafe behaviors. I feel that you should always be friends with the person you are dating/married to.
Dating someone with no friends just because they have to friends is very manipulative and I am personally very put off by the idea. I would never, ever want to date someone who "can't live" without me, because people who say that are often manipulative and even abusive. I'm sorry you are feeling suicidal, and I urge you to get professional help if it is a serious problem, but I can only recommend that co-dependency such as yours is a sign of serious psychological trouble and I hope that you can work through it given time, and that you eventually find a safe and happy relationship where you can both make decisions and don't have to pretend to be merged into one being because that isn't healthy.
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