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say you were split

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Post: 85564449_1 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:24:56 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:24:56 +0000

I worked things out. Thank you to everyone who responded.

K-r-e-v-y-e-t-k-a

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Post: 85564449_2 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:40:48 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:40:48 +0000

You don't really give a s**t about this guy, OP. You just want to hang out, have fun, and enjoy the rest of highschool before you leave for college. That's perfectly acceptable, but you can also do that with your other friends and perhaps another casual love interest.

This guy obviously can't take this "I enjoy your company" thing you two have. He wants more, he's lonely, and he's depressed and wants a commitment from anyone because of that. He's... actually going to be your "downer" the closer to august it gets. If you want what's best for both of you, you should break up with him for the cheating -- let him know that it's not okay, ever -- and continue to enjoy your time in your home city. You should also let him get a chance with his overly zealous friend; perhaps they would be a better match. If you do this: you'll have a clean history of never forgiving cheating, he'll get his shot at "love," and you'll have a clean emotional slate for college. Everyone wins. Just never have pity sex with the guy after you two break up.

say you were split

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Post: 85564449_3 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:47:05 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:47:05 +0000

K-r-e-v-y-e-t-k-a

Yeah, I guess I don't give that much of a s**t about him, but I still like him. The thing is, I feel like he may be able to handle the "I enjoy your company" thing now that he doesn't have to pretend he doesn't like me as much as he does, and even if I break up with him, he has no interest in his friend (according to him, it was only ever about me, and he isn't even attracted to her) and can't stand to see her because it reminds him of what he did, so he's cutting off his friendship with her forever. But having a clean slate of never forgiving cheating is probably a good idea, too.

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Post: 85564449_4 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:56:54 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:56:54 +0000

He sounds like way more trouble than he is worth.

It is never your fault when you are cheated on. He is being manipulative by making it seem like your fault. It's not THAT hard to keep your pants zipped and your hands off. If he really loved you as much as he claims he would have NEVER cheated on you once....let alone three times. If he really wasn't attracted to her, then why even bother having sex with her if he loved you? That just does not make any sense.

He is also just going to be a ball of emotions that will be more annoying than easy to deal with on a daily basis.

You are a strong and independent woman. Don't waste a second on him. If you are in a relationship with him, you could miss out on a real chance with someone else who will treat you with more respect.

He just sounds like a pathetic whiny piece of s**t. It's his fault for the way things turned out.

Merely

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Post: 85564449_5 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:00:58 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:00:58 +0000

Uh, screw that. Do you see what he did there? "It's YOUR fault I cheated on you, so feel bad for me!!!" He's responsible for his actions, and he knowingly cheated on you three times without telling you for a month. There were more honorable ways of trying to redirect his feelings like he did, like asking first, or breaking up with you first, or letting you know what was wrong and then making a decision together, but he didn't choose to do any of those things, he chose to disrespect you. And he was not going to tell you, he was going to regale you with mix CD's and flowers like it never happened.

Don't get back together with him unless you really don't care about the cheating and disrespect and just want someone kinda fun to hang out with. If you do care about him, it's also a bad idea to get back with him because you're giving him false hope and he's only going to be more hurt when you leave. He might also try to manipulate you into staying.

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Post: 85564449_6 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:01:23 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:01:23 +0000

The reason people think of thigns as one of those 2 things because really whats the point of dating someone you pretty much KNOW you wont want to do anything serious like have a future together? That is casual dating and isnt really the reason most people date at all. So already your 'relationship' isnt much at all to begin with, especially if you had a expiry date set there.

So really while I usually am all for ******** the cheater...this wasnt a relationship, This was an excuse to fool around with a guy and you both knew it was going to end in a few months. So go him for doing what he wants instead of being 'tied down' to a dead relationship. I dont agree with this sudden I love you so much so i had sex with someone else excuse, but you were ******** him over by being in a relationship with him but refusing to take ti as seriously as he wanted.

Stop playing around with this guy and let him go. Let him be single so he doesnt have to cheat, he can go and ge t with a girl if he wants to and be with someone who ACTUALLY wants to be with him for him, not because they are bord.

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Post: 85564449_7 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:06:45 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:06:45 +0000

It seems like you're just with him just for the fun. If you truly can't see being with him in the future, then why waste your time worrying about this drama? You're still in High School, just worry about making the best out of it. Let him free so he can find somebody else who would be able to love him fully. The same goes for you too, whenever you're interested.

say you were split

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Post: 85564449_8 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:20:14 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:20:14 +0000

You guys might be right. I definitely don't think what he did was my fault, and him being so weak and handling things so badly made me lose my respect for him, which is why I could never be with him for good. However, right now, I don't want a real relationship with someone else, or with someone who is way great, because I'm leaving in a few months anyway. I don't want to have to deal with getting attached to someone before I leave, so maybe that's why part of me wants to stay with him: I know he won't have any impact on my plans to leave.

"Don't get back together with him unless you really don't care about the cheating and disrespect and just want someone kinda fun to hang out with." I guess this is what I need to figure out. I mean, if I'm just going to be dating casually until I leave, I might as well find someone who isn't going to turn everything into a huge dramafest and act like an a*****e. There's not really much reason for me to put up with him. But on the other hand, I like the way it feels to be around someone who cares about me, even if they handle it in ridiculous and awful ways, and I do like him more than most of the people I've casually dated. It just seems kind of like I'm more likely to enjoy spending the summer with him than with anyone else I might end up seeing in that time, but I don't know if I can just not care about the cheating enough for that to be a good idea.

say you were split

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Post: 85564449_9 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:23:26 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 20:23:26 +0000

angel_259236102

So really while I usually am all for ******** the cheater...this wasnt a relationship, This was an excuse to fool around with a guy and you both knew it was going to end in a few months. So go him for doing what he wants instead of being 'tied down' to a dead relationship. I dont agree with this sudden I love you so much so i had sex with someone else excuse, but you were ******** him over by being in a relationship with him but refusing to take ti as seriously as he wanted.

I agree with you that this is a reason why him cheating wasn't as bad as it would have been if things were serious, but it's still bad. He knew how I felt and decided to stay with me anyway; I had no way of knowing that he wanted something more serious, because he never told me. He, on the other hand, broke the agreement that we had made. If he didn't want to be "tied down," he should have broken up with me instead.

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Post: 85564449_10 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 21:28:12 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 21:28:12 +0000

Break up with him. You can have fun with someone else. This guy wants nothing more than to guilt trip you into staying with him, which sounds like the exact opposite of fun.

It was not your fault that he cheated on you. He has to take responsibility for his own actions. He could have broke up with you before anything happened. He could have told her to back off well before he was even tempted to kiss her. He CHOSE to cheat three times.

So, break up with him and enjoy the remainder of your high school experience with friends, until you leave for college. The longer you stay with this guy, the worse the drama will get. Staying with him is a beacon of hope that he has not completely ******** up and there is a chance the relationship will work out. What he did was awful, but so is leading him on.

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Post: 85564449_11 created on Mon, 15 Apr 2013 22:52:42 +0000
Posted: Mon, 15 Apr 2013 22:52:42 +0000

You two don't sound like you're right for each other right now, and while that is completely okay, it's also a great reason to stay separated. It sounds like you're thinking about your future a lot right now, and romance is not a huge priority. He, on the other hand, pretty clearly needs a bigger emotional connection, and would maybe make different choices than you would when it comes to school versus romance. Those things are not going to go away if you try to shake the Etch-A-Sketch and start over. You're still going to be two people with big changes on the horizon, and very different needs/goals. There's nothing wrong with that, but there would be a lot wrong with trying to cram both of you into different molds over some weird feelings or an idea of what you "should do." There's no should except what works for you, and right now, that's not being with this guy.

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Post: 85564449_12 created on Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:01:39 +0000
Posted: Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:01:39 +0000

phantomchild2891

I fully agree with this if he really LOVED you he wouldnt be fooling around with someobe else. Some people are too blind to see that. Dont be the same way. You are better than that.

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Post: 85564449_13 created on Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:07:38 +0000
Posted: Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:07:38 +0000

So he cheated on you because he loves you?

*face palm.

Don't believe that. Actions speak louder than words.

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Post: 85564449_14 created on Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:14:47 +0000
Posted: Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:14:47 +0000

He wasn't a boyfriend to you to begin with.

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Post: 85564449_15 created on Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:41:59 +0000
Posted: Tue, 16 Apr 2013 00:41:59 +0000

I'm not going to speak to the legitimacy of his love for you. If you didn't see a future with him and he loved you a lot and you clearly didn't love him back, I can see where that can lead into depression. I'm not saying it was the mature thing to do, hiding it from you and such, but I know how much the feeling of being much more in love with someone than they are with you sucks.

I still think him cheating on you is completely disrespectful and an utterly unacceptable reaction. I don't think you should let it slide, and I especially don't think you should string him along again if you know you don't love him.

But just ... I guess this is for other posters' benefit more than yours, but ... don't think you can't believe him when he says he loves you, that's all.

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