Tenshi Yaminade
(?)Community Member
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- Posted: Thu, 04 Oct 2012 05:59:37 +0000
Welly well, I've recently had some trouble with the beginning of a story (the legendary one I've been writing for two years). It has come to my attention that it might be too typical and I realize I have to give some details, but be warned that I will not spread everything on the table just yet.
Anyway, aside from the very beginning that I intend to keep (it's an introduction, a very short and very awesome one that will not be changed which sort of lays out the setting and the beginning of the plot and storyline) the rest of the beginning seems unsurprising or just plain to me.
The beginning I intended to have was just basically the MC's first day of school and ends with her comparing her new circumstances to her old ones (in the ghetto). It starts with three (snobby, rich) girls who are talking about the "new guy" who got into the academy (there are such things as American academies so this wasn't drawn from Japanese culture) solely on a all-funds paid scholarship (which is explained later as something happened for a reason and through logic etc, so it's not plot convenience or something randomly happening). Well, the girl's late to class (she's typically on time and never early but once in a while she's late) and everyone's surprised that the new student is a girl because the rumor was that it was a guy. Not only that, but they're wondering why she's (the new student) wearing the guy's uniform and not the girl's uniform (so she's a cross dresser sort of but more for practicality than for not liking her own gender; plush she hates wearing skirts). Anyway, despite this, she makes friends throughout the day until at lunch, those three girls from the beginning with the ring leader in the lead reveal that she's from the District 2 (which marks her as a sort of criminal in the minds of the students because District 2 is the ghetto and District 1 is the "East Side" or the upper class domain). Anyway, after that, her friends are restricted to two really good friends who are significant throughout the rest of the plot.
Later that day, she goes home and the mother is introduced and through dialogue between them, it's obvious there's a problem with their mother/daughter relationship though it's not apparent at first what the problem is or why it's there. That comes out later (something which is also not going to change).
I guess what I'm asking is:
Is this a stupid/typical/awful/could-be-better beginning?
Do you have any suggestions for a different beginning as far as introducing the main characters (and two main supporting roles)?
If this beginning is "okay", what would you change to make it better?
Any questions? Just ask and I may or may not be able to answer them depending on my level of paranoia for the day. ^_^
EDIT: I posted this elsewhere and didn't get much variety (or rather not very quickly which is important to me at this point because I wanna nail this before I move on). ^_^ Shanks in advance.
Anyway, aside from the very beginning that I intend to keep (it's an introduction, a very short and very awesome one that will not be changed which sort of lays out the setting and the beginning of the plot and storyline) the rest of the beginning seems unsurprising or just plain to me.
The beginning I intended to have was just basically the MC's first day of school and ends with her comparing her new circumstances to her old ones (in the ghetto). It starts with three (snobby, rich) girls who are talking about the "new guy" who got into the academy (there are such things as American academies so this wasn't drawn from Japanese culture) solely on a all-funds paid scholarship (which is explained later as something happened for a reason and through logic etc, so it's not plot convenience or something randomly happening). Well, the girl's late to class (she's typically on time and never early but once in a while she's late) and everyone's surprised that the new student is a girl because the rumor was that it was a guy. Not only that, but they're wondering why she's (the new student) wearing the guy's uniform and not the girl's uniform (so she's a cross dresser sort of but more for practicality than for not liking her own gender; plush she hates wearing skirts). Anyway, despite this, she makes friends throughout the day until at lunch, those three girls from the beginning with the ring leader in the lead reveal that she's from the District 2 (which marks her as a sort of criminal in the minds of the students because District 2 is the ghetto and District 1 is the "East Side" or the upper class domain). Anyway, after that, her friends are restricted to two really good friends who are significant throughout the rest of the plot.
Later that day, she goes home and the mother is introduced and through dialogue between them, it's obvious there's a problem with their mother/daughter relationship though it's not apparent at first what the problem is or why it's there. That comes out later (something which is also not going to change).
I guess what I'm asking is:
Is this a stupid/typical/awful/could-be-better beginning?
Do you have any suggestions for a different beginning as far as introducing the main characters (and two main supporting roles)?
If this beginning is "okay", what would you change to make it better?
Any questions? Just ask and I may or may not be able to answer them depending on my level of paranoia for the day. ^_^
EDIT: I posted this elsewhere and didn't get much variety (or rather not very quickly which is important to me at this point because I wanna nail this before I move on). ^_^ Shanks in advance.
