Phantasm1313
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- Posted: Wed, 03 Oct 2012 01:31:53 +0000
Full title: Delusions of a Supposedly Deceased man
Author: Phantasm1313
This is the first time I have ever been alone. Really, truly, alone. My head tilts up, but it barely registers. Skies are supposed to be blue and cheerful. Instead, I find pink and orange hues splattered across it like oddly colored blood. Is that my blood? Nothing makes sense anymore. Nobody is here but me. Am I the first one to be sent to this dimension? It's so vast and seemingly never ending. I do not doubt that there are others here. Will I ever be able to find them? If they do exist?
Grasses blow every which way in the wind, tickling my arms that are holding up my torso. I was sent here not long after my “death”. I want to die I want to die I want to die. My lips tremble as the beginnings of words dance on them. The moment I open then, however, they die. Will I die? This place loses track of time and all semblance of normalcy, the one thing I had always craved. I watch the sun travel across the night sky, stars changing colors rapidly, and wonder why I have not gone blind.
Will I ever see another human being again? I am even human? The want, no, need, to stand up and run overtakes me and I almost cave in. My legs shake as I pull myself off the ground. Rain droplets pound onto my head creating a rhythm that I want to forget. The sounds of his fingers drumming on the bar counter top.
I want to remember his face, his name, anything other than that memory. Come to think about it, what was my name?
I'm standing up. This world seems smaller now that I have gotten on my unstable legs. Thunder booms but no lightning ever comes. This horrible world passes by like a flash as I run, like someone who has never run before in their life. The wind blows against my hair, whipping it wildly into my mouth. Even the wind has no sanity. Have I lost mine? I want to die I want to die I want to die. A rock materializes out of nowhere. My momentum is lost and I trip and land, hard, on the ground. I cannot feel anything, even though I feel the blood trickling down my face.
How long have I been here? Who was that man I frequently daydream about? What is my name? What is my gender? Unanswered questions rise up into my throat like bile. “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I scream into the bloody, good for nothing, sky. “I'm scared! I don't know myself anymore. Don't know anything anymore...” As soon as the words leave my lips, they are lost in the thunder, non-existent lightning, and now pouring rain.
I crawl over to a tree, hoping to keep dry under its leaves. If possible, it is raining even harder under here. Crack. I lift my hand and find an old vodka bottle, smashed into pieces by my limb. Picking up a shard carefully, I cradle it into my chest as a mother would an infant baby.
He is important. How? I don't know. The words I said next ring in my ears, overpowering the whipping wind, evil thunder, and pounding rain.
I shouldn't have said that. True to his word, I never heard of him again. The tree rustles gently. The rain stopped while I was lost in thought, and the moon is out. Big and white, cratered and bright. I wonder if this is the same moon that watches over my home. This place will never be home. The haze in my mind lifts, just a little, and I hear footsteps.
For a minute, I am almost sorry for this stranger that I have not even seen, only heard distantly. As if in a dream. A happening in another room. I want to die I want to die I want to die. Hollowness enters my heart like a nightmare intrudes on a peaceful dream, almost unperceived, until it makes itself known.
My thoughts derail easily, like I think has happened so many times before. I can't be sure... of anything. A mess of black appears over the slanted horizon, bobbing up and down strangely. I want to go see what it is. I lack the power. It comes closer, is it bad? Will it hurt me? To be able to feel pain again would be a pleasant change. “Hello?” I ask tentatively, my voice returning for the first time in a long time. Or was it recently that I had spoken?
I don't know what that is. I think I know. I know. I know for certain. I am one-hundred percent sure! Realization dawns on me as it has not in all my time here, and that I know for certain. I get out of the oversized bonsai tree's shade and run towards the blackness. I know what you are! I remember you! Or is this just a trick? Forcing myself to push that weaseling uncertainty out of my newly sharpened mind, I crack a grin. The stars fade away into the pink and orange sky, and I barely take notice.
Concrit is welcomed. heart Thank you for reading! heart
Author: Phantasm1313
This is the first time I have ever been alone. Really, truly, alone. My head tilts up, but it barely registers. Skies are supposed to be blue and cheerful. Instead, I find pink and orange hues splattered across it like oddly colored blood. Is that my blood? Nothing makes sense anymore. Nobody is here but me. Am I the first one to be sent to this dimension? It's so vast and seemingly never ending. I do not doubt that there are others here. Will I ever be able to find them? If they do exist?
Grasses blow every which way in the wind, tickling my arms that are holding up my torso. I was sent here not long after my “death”. I want to die I want to die I want to die. My lips tremble as the beginnings of words dance on them. The moment I open then, however, they die. Will I die? This place loses track of time and all semblance of normalcy, the one thing I had always craved. I watch the sun travel across the night sky, stars changing colors rapidly, and wonder why I have not gone blind.
Will I ever see another human being again? I am even human? The want, no, need, to stand up and run overtakes me and I almost cave in. My legs shake as I pull myself off the ground. Rain droplets pound onto my head creating a rhythm that I want to forget. The sounds of his fingers drumming on the bar counter top.
“Hurry up, dude! You take forever to get ready!“
I want to remember his face, his name, anything other than that memory. Come to think about it, what was my name?
I'm standing up. This world seems smaller now that I have gotten on my unstable legs. Thunder booms but no lightning ever comes. This horrible world passes by like a flash as I run, like someone who has never run before in their life. The wind blows against my hair, whipping it wildly into my mouth. Even the wind has no sanity. Have I lost mine? I want to die I want to die I want to die. A rock materializes out of nowhere. My momentum is lost and I trip and land, hard, on the ground. I cannot feel anything, even though I feel the blood trickling down my face.
How long have I been here? Who was that man I frequently daydream about? What is my name? What is my gender? Unanswered questions rise up into my throat like bile. “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I scream into the bloody, good for nothing, sky. “I'm scared! I don't know myself anymore. Don't know anything anymore...” As soon as the words leave my lips, they are lost in the thunder, non-existent lightning, and now pouring rain.
I crawl over to a tree, hoping to keep dry under its leaves. If possible, it is raining even harder under here. Crack. I lift my hand and find an old vodka bottle, smashed into pieces by my limb. Picking up a shard carefully, I cradle it into my chest as a mother would an infant baby.
“Hey, it's not my fault if you die one day 'cuz of that stuff.” An orange blur shrugs, and helps me up.
“.....-san, I am not a drunk.” “Are too.” “I am not.” “Just admit it already! Do you want to see me cry as I watch you drink yourself dead?” The bottle is ripped out of my hand; his eyes are suddenly visible amongst a blurry face. Harsh brown eyes with red specks, yet caring
. “.....-san, I am not a drunk.” “Are too.” “I am not.” “Just admit it already! Do you want to see me cry as I watch you drink yourself dead?” The bottle is ripped out of my hand; his eyes are suddenly visible amongst a blurry face. Harsh brown eyes with red specks, yet caring
He is important. How? I don't know. The words I said next ring in my ears, overpowering the whipping wind, evil thunder, and pounding rain.
“I hate you …...-san! You cannot keep me from living my life! Go away, I don’t care if I never see your face again!"
I shouldn't have said that. True to his word, I never heard of him again. The tree rustles gently. The rain stopped while I was lost in thought, and the moon is out. Big and white, cratered and bright. I wonder if this is the same moon that watches over my home. This place will never be home. The haze in my mind lifts, just a little, and I hear footsteps.
“Hatori...I'm so sorry! Sorry I didn't stay with you the entire time! I could have saved you,” the voice breaks at the end and soft sobbing is heard. Rustling, and then the sound of something being placed on a soft surface. The sobbing stops abruptly, and the footsteps resume, but in the other direction.
For a minute, I am almost sorry for this stranger that I have not even seen, only heard distantly. As if in a dream. A happening in another room. I want to die I want to die I want to die. Hollowness enters my heart like a nightmare intrudes on a peaceful dream, almost unperceived, until it makes itself known.
My thoughts derail easily, like I think has happened so many times before. I can't be sure... of anything. A mess of black appears over the slanted horizon, bobbing up and down strangely. I want to go see what it is. I lack the power. It comes closer, is it bad? Will it hurt me? To be able to feel pain again would be a pleasant change. “Hello?” I ask tentatively, my voice returning for the first time in a long time. Or was it recently that I had spoken?
I don't know what that is. I think I know. I know. I know for certain. I am one-hundred percent sure! Realization dawns on me as it has not in all my time here, and that I know for certain. I get out of the oversized bonsai tree's shade and run towards the blackness. I know what you are! I remember you! Or is this just a trick? Forcing myself to push that weaseling uncertainty out of my newly sharpened mind, I crack a grin. The stars fade away into the pink and orange sky, and I barely take notice.
I want to live I can live I will live!
Concrit is welcomed. heart Thank you for reading! heart
