Wtphu
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- Posted: Mon, 01 Oct 2012 22:54:21 +0000
Recently things have ended between me and this girl (lets call her Jonelle), and I know it's partially my fault.
It was during of the summer last year. I've just recently graduated high school, Jonelle just got out of the 8th grade. We met on this one cruise that was 7 days long. Things happened and we became friends; more things happened and I find out from a cruise friend (that we've made, we had a group of 7 cruisers at the time including us 2) that Jonelle, towards the end of the cruise, liked me. I've had a feeling that I know she liked me, I just wasnt confident enough to straight up and ask her if she did like me. Before we left our seperate ways all of us exchanged contacts, hoping to see each other sometime in the future.
For the first three months Jonelle and I talked to each other a lot: everyday to everyother day, texting/emailing each other. Within that time we discovered a few things: we shared interests, ideals, etc., and that we were less than 5 years apart. At the time i didn't think much about it: we've assumed the roles of "big brother, little sister." Sometimes she would ask me for advice and I would give my honest opinion about the subject (which she prefered rather than sugar-coating answers). At the time I thought this relationship was fine: I had no other feelings for her except those of a best friend, and she prefered datable guys who were closer to her age (Though what surprised me was that certain forms had random questions that was asked. Some of the questions involved things that were personal (i.e. "would you...." and then the question was asked). Some asked about relationships and when i gave this form to her she answered w/the general idea that she wouldnt have minded being in a relationship with me (which had me flustered in a way).)We had a good relationship at the time.
When school started for the both of us, we've gotten pretty busy with being students and we talked less frequently, didnt mean that we stoped talking to each other. We continued to talk about how we would hang out during the breaks, go to each others graduations, just plans between friends. Then Jonelle would message me less and less, till there was a time she never replied. The next message she gave me said, "I can't talk to you anymore, my parents say that your too old to be friends with." and that was it.
The first month I wanted to aswers as to why things had to end that way. Next, I diagnosed that she was the kind of person who kept her parents concerns and values pretty high Then, i started accepting it wishing that she would continue to be happy w/o me, and that i was lucky to have met her. But at the same time, it came to the point that after three months, i found myself saying "i loved (past tense here) jonelle." *It wasn't the kind of love that said "hey i want to marry you", not "i want you to be my girlfriend", but was something else.* I didn't know how to explain this love, only that it was the kind that said "i love you, just because". I remembered that during the cruise Jonelle and I had a lot of fun by just being with each other. It wasn't from the conversations that we had or the activities that we did, it was like when we were with each other, there wasnt any awkward tension that stoped us from being ourselves. Being in each others company was good enough.
So fast forward, this week was the funeral of my late grandpa. Two days ago, I recieved a random text from Jonelle that gave me the general idea that she thought she texted a guy who was taking her to homecoming and that she texted about it to the wrong number. I texted her, reminding her who i was and (hoping that we could talk to each other again) said that i was happy she moved on and what not, not mentioning my feelings for her. Her last texted to me was "im sorry that i texted the wrong number", and that was that again.
Having her text me that day brought back old memories and regrets. I was thinking of calling her sometime soon to confess what i wanted (that i didnt want to lose her and that i didnt wanted to be a memory) and to forgive her for how things ended. "Was thinging", though I never decided as to when to call.
I'm not sure as to what to do, even though in one perspective I feel like I've Jonelle forever
i've been trying to move on, and its been really hard on me. i guess what i really want out of this is answers and, if theres no hope for friendship anymore, some closure *for myself saying "hey im finally over this friendship, and im ready to forget about her"*
It was during of the summer last year. I've just recently graduated high school, Jonelle just got out of the 8th grade. We met on this one cruise that was 7 days long. Things happened and we became friends; more things happened and I find out from a cruise friend (that we've made, we had a group of 7 cruisers at the time including us 2) that Jonelle, towards the end of the cruise, liked me. I've had a feeling that I know she liked me, I just wasnt confident enough to straight up and ask her if she did like me. Before we left our seperate ways all of us exchanged contacts, hoping to see each other sometime in the future.
For the first three months Jonelle and I talked to each other a lot: everyday to everyother day, texting/emailing each other. Within that time we discovered a few things: we shared interests, ideals, etc., and that we were less than 5 years apart. At the time i didn't think much about it: we've assumed the roles of "big brother, little sister." Sometimes she would ask me for advice and I would give my honest opinion about the subject (which she prefered rather than sugar-coating answers). At the time I thought this relationship was fine: I had no other feelings for her except those of a best friend, and she prefered datable guys who were closer to her age (Though what surprised me was that certain forms had random questions that was asked. Some of the questions involved things that were personal (i.e. "would you...." and then the question was asked). Some asked about relationships and when i gave this form to her she answered w/the general idea that she wouldnt have minded being in a relationship with me (which had me flustered in a way).)We had a good relationship at the time.
When school started for the both of us, we've gotten pretty busy with being students and we talked less frequently, didnt mean that we stoped talking to each other. We continued to talk about how we would hang out during the breaks, go to each others graduations, just plans between friends. Then Jonelle would message me less and less, till there was a time she never replied. The next message she gave me said, "I can't talk to you anymore, my parents say that your too old to be friends with." and that was it.
The first month I wanted to aswers as to why things had to end that way. Next, I diagnosed that she was the kind of person who kept her parents concerns and values pretty high Then, i started accepting it wishing that she would continue to be happy w/o me, and that i was lucky to have met her. But at the same time, it came to the point that after three months, i found myself saying "i loved (past tense here) jonelle." *It wasn't the kind of love that said "hey i want to marry you", not "i want you to be my girlfriend", but was something else.* I didn't know how to explain this love, only that it was the kind that said "i love you, just because". I remembered that during the cruise Jonelle and I had a lot of fun by just being with each other. It wasn't from the conversations that we had or the activities that we did, it was like when we were with each other, there wasnt any awkward tension that stoped us from being ourselves. Being in each others company was good enough.
So fast forward, this week was the funeral of my late grandpa. Two days ago, I recieved a random text from Jonelle that gave me the general idea that she thought she texted a guy who was taking her to homecoming and that she texted about it to the wrong number. I texted her, reminding her who i was and (hoping that we could talk to each other again) said that i was happy she moved on and what not, not mentioning my feelings for her. Her last texted to me was "im sorry that i texted the wrong number", and that was that again.
Having her text me that day brought back old memories and regrets. I was thinking of calling her sometime soon to confess what i wanted (that i didnt want to lose her and that i didnt wanted to be a memory) and to forgive her for how things ended. "Was thinging", though I never decided as to when to call.
I'm not sure as to what to do, even though in one perspective I feel like I've Jonelle forever
i've been trying to move on, and its been really hard on me. i guess what i really want out of this is answers and, if theres no hope for friendship anymore, some closure *for myself saying "hey im finally over this friendship, and im ready to forget about her"*
