Welcome to Gaia! ::

Guy here.

I did somewhat have this problem in high school. I was pretty shy, so any girls I got came up to me. I was a football player, so I was lucky enough to have a number of girls approach me, but that just meant that I never really dealt with my shyness issues. In college, when I was no longer in a situation where everybody knew me, things were much different. It did suck a bit, at first, when I was too nervous to talk to some girls at parties, and I generally just hung out with the guys instead of trying to pick girls up.

However, as soon as I really got a handle on why this was making me unhappy, I decided to change. The only way to do it is to jump in feet first. The best part about college is that a) there's lots of booze, and b) there's lots of people you'll never see again. Go to parties and hit on drunk girls. What's the worst that happens? You can work out every stupid line and every bit of nervousness, because if worst comes to worst and they don't go home with you, then you're just back where you would've been anyways.

Now, as soon as you're comfortable spouting off whatever and chatting up drunk girls, you can advance some more. The beauty of college (and, frankly, any community bigger than a small town) is that you'll most likely not see people again, outside of your group of friends. So, go to a part of town or campus that you don't normally go, find a girl who looks attractive, and simply ask her out to dinner/coffee/whatever you're comfortable with. Again, what's the worst that happens? If she turns you down, you're no worse off.

A problem that a lot of guys have is a fear of rejection, but face it, you're no Brad Pitt. Girls don't want to drop their panties as soon as you walk in the room. So, you just have to get used to rejection. Keep asking girls out, and you'll inevitably get rejected a lot. However, you just let that roll off your back and move on. Even if you only get one hit for every 20 girls you asked out, so what? That's a date! Good for you!

And, here's the big bad secret: girls ******** love confidence. Even if you're nervous as hell inside, fake it til you make it! Nervous isn't attractive. Walk up to a girl and say "Hi, excuse me, hope I'm not bothering you, but I noticed you from across the cafe, and you're just incredibly beautiful. I'd love to get coffee with you sometime, if you're free." That's confidence. If she says no, just say "Well, that's too bad, sorry to have bothered you. Have a nice day." Say it with a smile, and just walk away. No begging, no desperation, just cool confidence. I've had multiple girls reconsider as I walked away, and I'm not exactly a model or anything.

The more you do this in your daily life, just plunge right in to the world of talking to girls, the more you'll find yourself growing. You'll start getting more confident, you'll start realizing "hey, I CAN talk to women!" and women, in turn, will start saying "yes" when you ask them out. While I would normally say "there's no time to waste", I want to qualify by saying that rushing is desperate. Your time will come, and the girls with it. Just work on building yourself up, and good things will happen.

So, to summarize:

1. Get out there and jump right in.
2. Don't be afraid of rejection - embrace it and learn to ignore it.
3. CONFIDENCE = SEXY.
4. Don't be desperate - if a girl rejects you, move on with a smile, there's other fish in the sea.
5. Your time will come, don't try to rush it. Things will start to happen as you get more comfortable.

Honestly, quit feeling like you have to be something other than you are. Once you're comfortable with your personality now, you'll grow more confident and outgoing naturally.