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I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GAY OHMYGODOHMYGOD.

actually, that's not it. i knew all along. i just... didn't know it consciously.
and i didn't expect him to tell me. or... i don't know, okay? i have no freaking idea!
he's... i mean, it doesn't bother me that he's gay, how could it? my whole ******** family's made of sexually queer people -- myself included.
it bothers me that... well, first off, it bothers me that he used the word "bisexual".
i mean, what the ********! what the ******** ********! he's not interested in girls not interested in me...
and he probably never was! even when we were freaking dating!
i mean, if you can even consider that dating. you know, not that we ever kissed, or went out, or you know, talked.
second off -- i'm pissed off because... well he says it just like that, like it's that ******** simple!
( like... like i haven't had a crush on him for, what? a YEAR?! )
like we're just supposed to treat it as if it wasn't important, like we're supposed to just smile and wave it off.
ironic, because that's EXACTLY what i'm ******** doing!
UGHHHHH. what a p***k.
and third off -- it bothers me that i... GOD, I WAS SO STUPID!! goddammit!
why... why did i have to waste a ******** year of my life on that b*****d!
i mean... i knew, didn't i? and yet, i still went and freaking... obsessed over the guy!
damn you... i... was always thinking about you... every goddamn thought was for you...
you.... you were supposed to be with me.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MINE
damn you... i freaking hate you...
you know what i hate the ******** most?
i hate myself. i hate myself for loving you.
I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME LOVE YOU. FOR BEING SO DAMN GREAT.
FACE IT. YOU WERE LEADING ME ON, YOU CRUEL, CRUEL SON OF A b***h.
if it was anyone else... i would be okay. i would be my normal happy self.
why the ******** did it have to be you?


/ sigh. ******** ******** ********. i need to just... not think about this.
photoshop has been a suprisingly good outlet for me.
even if i'm not editting anything having to do with this, i think it helps.
like in these pictures. they're fun, they're a little flity, goofy.
kinda like i used to be before you decided to be gay. |E





they're for a character in a onexone i'm in.
it's fantasy, which is rare for me, but it seems like a good change.
i don't even know his name yet, but i'm real excited about him. <3
he's a little bit like einstein from afterschool charisma, but with more emphasis on the sexual part. c:
we'll see how it goes. <3

grin grin grin.i know what you're looking for. elephants that know and fly into the sky. we're growing
plants with growing pains. royalty who seek advise. betrayals that know no anger. widows parade
their sorrows outside my door. angry husbands shouting "how dare you". my brother, sister at my killer's
wedding day. heed no pain, learn to plea. like beggars laughing at richboy's misfortune. my only swerving
has gone astray. like the path to forgiveness in a guilty soul. criminals that don't know peace. i once had
a cage full of boxes full of ashes. it's a sickness of absolute happiness. ecstasy in words of boring old
men. indians singing "hallelujah" to their firstborn. my first beginning and his last memory went back like
the eyes of a blind man. the beauty he saw was unimaginable, but also incomprehensible, shunned
by those who desired half-priced truth above most things. but some, like the blind man, could see! see
it in the mirror, that pristine gateway to forgiveness of self, of others who took our guilt, only to dump it
in a pit full of wondrous lies. do you know? you have been there. it is a new place where the old come to
begin again, to see again. it's a different kind of ugly, the kind that makes you swoon with temporary
indifference. but only temporary, like the ephemeral soul we find in the mirror. do you wait? magical
sense won't lay still for a hopeless flower, doomed to causes of fatality and, of course, there's death.
grinning like the ambush of the night, weighing us down with a pillow of led. we fight with restraint,
for we know naught of whim we might be hurting. death is a chain, a domino effect taking the breath of
unfulfilled mothers. sons who did no wrong, jails of grinning "fish-out-of-water" types. the everyman
to your heroic sitcom. dead, killed by the grin on his face, and "why the long face?" he will ask. the ginger
touch of a monster who evolved into you. are you sure? will you go through? through to the other side, with
walking sorrow who finds no solace. is this it? we're finally at the bottom, but we're done waiting. i will not
wait in a jar full of flies and mice. this is it. what we waited for. was it worth it? did you enjoy the ride? no
flies will speak my words, but beware the rat, little ox, he is cunning, and you, gullible without treason
expected. perhaps the rat will sail, away to the exotic land of forgiveness, maybe to find that it was not
worth it, that the ox had played a trick of his own, if only to gain peace of the soul in the rat. but no! this
is not what you promised. i have gained nothing, and you broke the deal, you wonderful, lying ox.suddenly,
the night ambushes the day, making flies grin hopefully. a night, what is it without the day to earnestly
quarrel with? a vessel? a toy? a monster? it is peace who seeks the wild side to no avail, but i ask you,
is it worth it? will you cherish the result, regardless of the arduous wait? the predecessor dies in the jar
ruled by flies and a betrayed king rat. but maybe it was all the ox ever wanted. my kind gives hate for
the ones i love. for that, they must suffer, but can i forgive? perhaps butterflies will lose their will, give into
king rat and his winged, grinning jesters. dragons and tigers, together again. the jesters will cry a river of
ashes, and boxes inside cages. will you wait? will it be what you hoped for? i refuse to take another
sip of your sweet venom. if love is blind, is hate deaf? the blind can hear, but can he understand?
complex equations with infinite variables. my x is waiting for the perfect y. it will be worth it, i'm sure, but
how will i know when the wait is over? being the burger, i love the coal, but his burning agony is too much
to overcome. "let's switch places" said the loving blind to the hateful deaf. perfect synchronicity became my
flawed ally. perhaps that day will come. my wait will end with a bang or a flower's fatality. impatient,
the rat sent his flies to battle the tiger, who had finally forgiven the ox. tattered wings defeated bloodied
fangs. but dear dragon, where are you? have you gone through to the other side? i hope, the rat hoped, with
all my heart, that you will wait for me. the exotic land of forgiveness, enraged by the sinfully disguised
acts of treason, gave the ox a choice. an ultimatum of sorts, will you make the right choice? will your blind
jealousy get the better of you again? the dragon never liked you to begin with, so is it worth it? an abyss
corrupts the green trees, they become my willing ashtray. but night that is without day, what are you?

emperor of flies, and nothing more.

- joo ji hoon
- yoon, jin-wook
- shin, min-chul
- kim, young-kwang
- hong, jong-hyun
- kim, ryeo-wook
- kim, ki-bum
- park, jung-min
- lee, tae-min
- kim, ki-bum (KEY)
- choi, min-hwan
- ok, taec-yeon
- song, seung-hyun
- lee, jae-jin
- choi, jong-hoon
- lee, jun-ho
- choi, dong-wook
- jeong, ji-hoon

BRO I HAVEN'T WATCHED THE HOUROU MUSUKO ANIME ADAPTATION.
i'm about to watch it now.
lololol i'm sure it will suck major a**, compared to the manga. = u = ~
i feel so hipster
THEN AGAIN NOTHING COMPARES TO THE MANGA DDD:
on the plus side, it'll be easier to find pictures for teh roleplaying tiemz. 8D
AND it gets the series more attention, & that makes me happy. c:
FFFFFFFFF, DO I SPY SHUU/DOI?? OTP, DO WANT. DO WANT. DO WAAAANNNTTT.

ROLEPLAY IDEAS -

chatroom -

- oc school: basically, an oc chatroom. except in regular oc chats, all the oc's are different; they live in different places, they have different occupations, etc, etc. i had the idea that instead of just randomly spewing out oc's that have absolutely no relation to each other -- they would all attend the same school! i would probably allow students, and teachers to join. pre-planned connections (friendships, enemies, etc) are key! events would be the usual (possibly), plus some new, school-specific ones, like school elections, prom, spirit week, and the like.

- zombie apocalypse xover: THIS HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE - semi successful. your average xover where you can choose whatever fandom muses you can find yourself, plus the zombies. 8|||| you would have to go around running away from and killing dem zombies. 8D less fluff than you would expect.

- oc zombie apocalypse: just like the above idea, but with oc's. <--- this one needs developing.

- gaia chat: in idea i've had for a while now. it's pretty self explanatory, really. a chatroom specifically for gaiaonline characters -- ian, edmund, sasha, all those peeps! 8D i'm not sure if many people would go for this, but i think it's worth a shot. o:

- stereotype chat: <-- THIS. I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS. essentially an oc chat, except the characters don't need much thought put into them. > u > you just take a stereotype (bad as it may be), and make that your character. example: all indians own a convenience store, all rich people are conceited snobs, all native americans own a casino and/or run around a fire screaming like a savage, etc. i reeeaaaallyyy want to do this one! the reason i'm iffy about it is because i'm afraid people might be offended, or turn it into a trolling thread and get me banned. :/


THIS LIST IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION b***h