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Remy is back again....

Please don't kill me. D: 0.13836948391922 13.8% [ 185 ]
I'll be nice, I promise. 0.23186237845924 23.2% [ 310 ]
I'm back for now, we're all good right? 0.14210919970082 14.2% [ 190 ]
Wait... What are you doing with that knife? 0.48765893792072 48.8% [ 652 ]
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Buggy Punk

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Name: Mere
Age: Twenty-fiiiive.
Transgender: nope, cis straight chick
Reason for being here: Learning~
Anything else: I like cats and I'm working on swearing less?

Hi trans thread. I have a kind of goofy Gaia-related question for anyone interested in answering. There's a user-run event soon called Spirit Week where a lot of people get together and do themed avatars and hang out, like spirit weeks in schools. One of the days is up in the air (but will probably be) Pride/Equality Day. I plan to equip the little Ally flag to my avatar, but I also care about transgender issues in particular. Would it be gauche to represent that on my avatar too?

Hope everyone is doing alright.

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MarigoldMari
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Name: Twi
Age: 25 years, Aquarius.
Transgender?: Agender.
Reason for being here: trying to come out more assertively in my life, and go through a transition (albeit more of a social one than a physical one), and feel entirely lost.
Anything else: uh.... hola? sweatdrop
Hello, welcome (: any questions you may have, we'll try to help you on your journey ^.^


thing is, I don't really know what questions to ask. I guess I just want some guidance and support, ya know?

one thing, is.... how do I come out to people I've already come out to but who seem to have ignored it?

or, how do I bring it up to my family?


How are they ignoring it? Are they not calling you by the correct pronouns or the name you prefer?

As for your family, its usually best to bring up general gender topics, but be careful not confuse them even more. For agender, I don't suggest bringing up a transgender celebrity because then they will associate what you're saying with that celebrity's own transgender identity and how they got there, and you'll be fighting that first impression the whole way. It may be up to you to figure out how to bring it up. How do you think they'd react?


not only not using my correct pronouns, but also forgetting I ever told them in the first place. everytime I say it, it's some huge surprise, with congratulations and "I'll try to remember these changes", and then the next time they talk to me it's like the conversation never happened.

as for my family? they are all the stereotypical "we're all just humans, and race and gender and sexuality don't matter, we're all the same, and blah blah blah" kinda folks. completely ignorant of, and in some cases in denial of, privilege and oppression, and think that the way to not be racist or sexist is to "not see" race or gender. and if I try to explain why it doesn't work that way, they say I'm being "too sensitive" and that I'm just looking for reasons to be offended.

they can talk a big game about Caitlyn Jenner. how supportiv ethey are of her. how great her coming out and transitioning is, and what a big deal it is. but they remain unmotivated to understand the struggles and circumstances of Trans folks in America who aren't celebrities.

my teenage sister is the only one in my family who is more sensitive and understanding of LGBT issues, mostly because of her exposure to kids her age who are Trans and Queer, and she is the most adamantly anti-politics person in my family (besides my brother).

Benevolent Phantom

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Mereluna
Name: Mere
Age: Twenty-fiiiive.
Transgender: nope, cis straight chick
Reason for being here: Learning~
Anything else: I like cats and I'm working on swearing less?

Hi trans thread. I have a kind of goofy Gaia-related question for anyone interested in answering. There's a user-run event soon called Spirit Week where a lot of people get together and do themed avatars and hang out, like spirit weeks in schools. One of the days is up in the air (but will probably be) Pride/Equality Day. I plan to equip the little Ally flag to my avatar, but I also care about transgender issues in particular. Would it be gauche to represent that on my avatar too?

Hope everyone is doing alright.


if anything, I think t would be even more appropriate. smile

Adorable Fisher

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Valthier Twilight Shadow


not only not using my correct pronouns, but also forgetting I ever told them in the first place. everytime I say it, it's some huge surprise, with congratulations and "I'll try to remember these changes", and then the next time they talk to me it's like the conversation never happened.

as for my family? they are all the stereotypical "we're all just humans, and race and gender and sexuality don't matter, we're all the same, and blah blah blah" kinda folks. completely ignorant of, and in some cases in denial of, privilege and oppression, and think that the way to not be racist or sexist is to "not see" race or gender. and if I try to explain why it doesn't work that way, they say I'm being "too sensitive" and that I'm just looking for reasons to be offended.

they can talk a big game about Caitlyn Jenner. how supportiv ethey are of her. how great her coming out and transitioning is, and what a big deal it is. but they remain unmotivated to understand the struggles and circumstances of Trans folks in America who aren't celebrities.

my teenage sister is the only one in my family who is more sensitive and understanding of LGBT issues, mostly because of her exposure to kids her age who are Trans and Queer, and she is the most adamantly anti-politics person in my family (besides my brother).
Well, it sounds to me like you'll keep having to introduce yourself until they remember. That's unfortunately all you can do there. I think a more serious problem is that your friends don't seem to care enough to remember. But that's another issue.

Your family actually sounds pretty open to these things, so try them. Try your sister first and perhaps enlist her to help you explain it to the rest of your family. Sometimes a family member who understands in order to help you explain is what can convince. If they don't get it, at least they're not aware and you can go along your own business out of the closet. It may be a struggle to fully get them to understand in the long run, but the most important thing is that you get to be you without having to hide.

Buggy Punk

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if anything, I think t would be even more appropriate. smile
I was thinking it'd be a nice gesture, but it's not really my imagery to use, you know? So I just wanted to check in that it wouldn't offend people. 3nodding

Benevolent Phantom

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not only not using my correct pronouns, but also forgetting I ever told them in the first place. everytime I say it, it's some huge surprise, with congratulations and "I'll try to remember these changes", and then the next time they talk to me it's like the conversation never happened.

as for my family? they are all the stereotypical "we're all just humans, and race and gender and sexuality don't matter, we're all the same, and blah blah blah" kinda folks. completely ignorant of, and in some cases in denial of, privilege and oppression, and think that the way to not be racist or sexist is to "not see" race or gender. and if I try to explain why it doesn't work that way, they say I'm being "too sensitive" and that I'm just looking for reasons to be offended.

they can talk a big game about Caitlyn Jenner. how supportiv ethey are of her. how great her coming out and transitioning is, and what a big deal it is. but they remain unmotivated to understand the struggles and circumstances of Trans folks in America who aren't celebrities.

my teenage sister is the only one in my family who is more sensitive and understanding of LGBT issues, mostly because of her exposure to kids her age who are Trans and Queer, and she is the most adamantly anti-politics person in my family (besides my brother).
Well, it sounds to me like you'll keep having to introduce yourself until they remember. That's unfortunately all you can do there. I think a more serious problem is that your friends don't seem to care enough to remember. But that's another issue.

Your family actually sounds pretty open to these things, so try them. Try your sister first and perhaps enlist her to help you explain it to the rest of your family. Sometimes a family member who understands in order to help you explain is what can convince. If they don't get it, at least they're not aware and you can go along your own business out of the closet. It may be a struggle to fully get them to understand in the long run, but the most important thing is that you get to be you without having to hide.


I guess... but how do I even start to talk to them about it? it's scary. a hell of alot more scary then when I came out as Bisexual.

Benevolent Phantom

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if anything, I think t would be even more appropriate. smile
I was thinking it'd be a nice gesture, but it's not really my imagery to use, you know? So I just wanted to check in that it wouldn't offend people. 3nodding


it can be a touchy issue. alot of the time, I can get pretty angry about people waving around flags and calling themselves allies when they contribute to our oppression. being s**t allies, basically. just don't make it about yourself, and be willing to listen and take advice from Trans folks when we call you out on any mistakes, and it's all good. smile

Adorable Fisher

Offline
Valthier Twilight Shadow
MarigoldMari
Valthier Twilight Shadow


not only not using my correct pronouns, but also forgetting I ever told them in the first place. everytime I say it, it's some huge surprise, with congratulations and "I'll try to remember these changes", and then the next time they talk to me it's like the conversation never happened.

as for my family? they are all the stereotypical "we're all just humans, and race and gender and sexuality don't matter, we're all the same, and blah blah blah" kinda folks. completely ignorant of, and in some cases in denial of, privilege and oppression, and think that the way to not be racist or sexist is to "not see" race or gender. and if I try to explain why it doesn't work that way, they say I'm being "too sensitive" and that I'm just looking for reasons to be offended.

they can talk a big game about Caitlyn Jenner. how supportiv ethey are of her. how great her coming out and transitioning is, and what a big deal it is. but they remain unmotivated to understand the struggles and circumstances of Trans folks in America who aren't celebrities.

my teenage sister is the only one in my family who is more sensitive and understanding of LGBT issues, mostly because of her exposure to kids her age who are Trans and Queer, and she is the most adamantly anti-politics person in my family (besides my brother).
Well, it sounds to me like you'll keep having to introduce yourself until they remember. That's unfortunately all you can do there. I think a more serious problem is that your friends don't seem to care enough to remember. But that's another issue.

Your family actually sounds pretty open to these things, so try them. Try your sister first and perhaps enlist her to help you explain it to the rest of your family. Sometimes a family member who understands in order to help you explain is what can convince. If they don't get it, at least they're not aware and you can go along your own business out of the closet. It may be a struggle to fully get them to understand in the long run, but the most important thing is that you get to be you without having to hide.


I guess... but how do I even start to talk to them about it? it's scary. a hell of alot more scary then when I came out as Bisexual.
With courage. You could write a letter? A lot of my friends write letters to come out because the person can read it at their own pace and you can get a lot of precise meanings in a letter that you can't vocally and on the spot. Sometimes my friends take years to write their letters to find the write words. Hopefully if you choose that path, it won't take as long. Usually its a letter followed by a safe discussion. Keep your safety in mind also.

Benevolent Phantom

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MarigoldMari
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MarigoldMari
Valthier Twilight Shadow


not only not using my correct pronouns, but also forgetting I ever told them in the first place. everytime I say it, it's some huge surprise, with congratulations and "I'll try to remember these changes", and then the next time they talk to me it's like the conversation never happened.

as for my family? they are all the stereotypical "we're all just humans, and race and gender and sexuality don't matter, we're all the same, and blah blah blah" kinda folks. completely ignorant of, and in some cases in denial of, privilege and oppression, and think that the way to not be racist or sexist is to "not see" race or gender. and if I try to explain why it doesn't work that way, they say I'm being "too sensitive" and that I'm just looking for reasons to be offended.

they can talk a big game about Caitlyn Jenner. how supportiv ethey are of her. how great her coming out and transitioning is, and what a big deal it is. but they remain unmotivated to understand the struggles and circumstances of Trans folks in America who aren't celebrities.

my teenage sister is the only one in my family who is more sensitive and understanding of LGBT issues, mostly because of her exposure to kids her age who are Trans and Queer, and she is the most adamantly anti-politics person in my family (besides my brother).
Well, it sounds to me like you'll keep having to introduce yourself until they remember. That's unfortunately all you can do there. I think a more serious problem is that your friends don't seem to care enough to remember. But that's another issue.

Your family actually sounds pretty open to these things, so try them. Try your sister first and perhaps enlist her to help you explain it to the rest of your family. Sometimes a family member who understands in order to help you explain is what can convince. If they don't get it, at least they're not aware and you can go along your own business out of the closet. It may be a struggle to fully get them to understand in the long run, but the most important thing is that you get to be you without having to hide.


I guess... but how do I even start to talk to them about it? it's scary. a hell of alot more scary then when I came out as Bisexual.
With courage. You could write a letter? A lot of my friends write letters to come out because the person can read it at their own pace and you can get a lot of precise meanings in a letter that you can't vocally and on the spot. Sometimes my friends take years to write their letters to find the write words. Hopefully if you choose that path, it won't take as long. Usually its a letter followed by a safe discussion. Keep your safety in mind also.


the letter-writing trick.... I could try that. I did it before with other things I tried to say. it was awkward and sloppy, but eh. maybe this time will have better results.

Buggy Punk

Offline
Valthier Twilight Shadow
Mereluna
Valthier Twilight Shadow


if anything, I think t would be even more appropriate. smile
I was thinking it'd be a nice gesture, but it's not really my imagery to use, you know? So I just wanted to check in that it wouldn't offend people. 3nodding


it can be a touchy issue. alot of the time, I can get pretty angry about people waving around flags and calling themselves allies when they contribute to our oppression. being s**t allies, basically. just don't make it about yourself, and be willing to listen and take advice from Trans folks when we call you out on any mistakes, and it's all good. smile
Will do!

Adorable Fisher

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Valthier Twilight Shadow

the letter-writing trick.... I could try that. I did it before with other things I tried to say. it was awkward and sloppy, but eh. maybe this time will have better results.
I hope you have good luck (:

Benevolent Phantom

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Mereluna
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Mereluna
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if anything, I think t would be even more appropriate. smile
I was thinking it'd be a nice gesture, but it's not really my imagery to use, you know? So I just wanted to check in that it wouldn't offend people. 3nodding


it can be a touchy issue. alot of the time, I can get pretty angry about people waving around flags and calling themselves allies when they contribute to our oppression. being s**t allies, basically. just don't make it about yourself, and be willing to listen and take advice from Trans folks when we call you out on any mistakes, and it's all good. smile
Will do!


^_^ and thankyou for your support. good allies are always welcome.

Benevolent Phantom

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the letter-writing trick.... I could try that. I did it before with other things I tried to say. it was awkward and sloppy, but eh. maybe this time will have better results.
I hope you have good luck (:


thanks, I hope it turns out well.

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Valthier Twilight Shadow
MarigoldMari
Valthier Twilight Shadow
MarigoldMari
Valthier Twilight Shadow


not only not using my correct pronouns, but also forgetting I ever told them in the first place. everytime I say it, it's some huge surprise, with congratulations and "I'll try to remember these changes", and then the next time they talk to me it's like the conversation never happened.

as for my family? they are all the stereotypical "we're all just humans, and race and gender and sexuality don't matter, we're all the same, and blah blah blah" kinda folks. completely ignorant of, and in some cases in denial of, privilege and oppression, and think that the way to not be racist or sexist is to "not see" race or gender. and if I try to explain why it doesn't work that way, they say I'm being "too sensitive" and that I'm just looking for reasons to be offended.

they can talk a big game about Caitlyn Jenner. how supportiv ethey are of her. how great her coming out and transitioning is, and what a big deal it is. but they remain unmotivated to understand the struggles and circumstances of Trans folks in America who aren't celebrities.

my teenage sister is the only one in my family who is more sensitive and understanding of LGBT issues, mostly because of her exposure to kids her age who are Trans and Queer, and she is the most adamantly anti-politics person in my family (besides my brother).
Well, it sounds to me like you'll keep having to introduce yourself until they remember. That's unfortunately all you can do there. I think a more serious problem is that your friends don't seem to care enough to remember. But that's another issue.

Your family actually sounds pretty open to these things, so try them. Try your sister first and perhaps enlist her to help you explain it to the rest of your family. Sometimes a family member who understands in order to help you explain is what can convince. If they don't get it, at least they're not aware and you can go along your own business out of the closet. It may be a struggle to fully get them to understand in the long run, but the most important thing is that you get to be you without having to hide.


I guess... but how do I even start to talk to them about it? it's scary. a hell of alot more scary then when I came out as Bisexual.
With courage. You could write a letter? A lot of my friends write letters to come out because the person can read it at their own pace and you can get a lot of precise meanings in a letter that you can't vocally and on the spot. Sometimes my friends take years to write their letters to find the write words. Hopefully if you choose that path, it won't take as long. Usually its a letter followed by a safe discussion. Keep your safety in mind also.


the letter-writing trick.... I could try that. I did it before with other things I tried to say. it was awkward and sloppy, but eh. maybe this time will have better results.


*huggles* If you like, Mistress or i are willing to read the letter and offer any insight we may have to help you along the way. Just let us know!

And our angels are up so its time to go. Bye-bye!

Benevolent Phantom

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Her chloe kitten
Valthier Twilight Shadow
MarigoldMari
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MarigoldMari
Valthier Twilight Shadow


not only not using my correct pronouns, but also forgetting I ever told them in the first place. everytime I say it, it's some huge surprise, with congratulations and "I'll try to remember these changes", and then the next time they talk to me it's like the conversation never happened.

as for my family? they are all the stereotypical "we're all just humans, and race and gender and sexuality don't matter, we're all the same, and blah blah blah" kinda folks. completely ignorant of, and in some cases in denial of, privilege and oppression, and think that the way to not be racist or sexist is to "not see" race or gender. and if I try to explain why it doesn't work that way, they say I'm being "too sensitive" and that I'm just looking for reasons to be offended.

they can talk a big game about Caitlyn Jenner. how supportiv ethey are of her. how great her coming out and transitioning is, and what a big deal it is. but they remain unmotivated to understand the struggles and circumstances of Trans folks in America who aren't celebrities.

my teenage sister is the only one in my family who is more sensitive and understanding of LGBT issues, mostly because of her exposure to kids her age who are Trans and Queer, and she is the most adamantly anti-politics person in my family (besides my brother).
Well, it sounds to me like you'll keep having to introduce yourself until they remember. That's unfortunately all you can do there. I think a more serious problem is that your friends don't seem to care enough to remember. But that's another issue.

Your family actually sounds pretty open to these things, so try them. Try your sister first and perhaps enlist her to help you explain it to the rest of your family. Sometimes a family member who understands in order to help you explain is what can convince. If they don't get it, at least they're not aware and you can go along your own business out of the closet. It may be a struggle to fully get them to understand in the long run, but the most important thing is that you get to be you without having to hide.


I guess... but how do I even start to talk to them about it? it's scary. a hell of alot more scary then when I came out as Bisexual.
With courage. You could write a letter? A lot of my friends write letters to come out because the person can read it at their own pace and you can get a lot of precise meanings in a letter that you can't vocally and on the spot. Sometimes my friends take years to write their letters to find the write words. Hopefully if you choose that path, it won't take as long. Usually its a letter followed by a safe discussion. Keep your safety in mind also.


the letter-writing trick.... I could try that. I did it before with other things I tried to say. it was awkward and sloppy, but eh. maybe this time will have better results.


*huggles* If you like, Mistress or i are willing to read the letter and offer any insight we may have to help you along the way. Just let us know!

And our angels are up so its time to go. Bye-bye!


oh, jeez. ._. that is very nice of you, but I already wrote it last night and left it on the table. I dunno if they've read it or not. I was pretty to the point.

I started with "mom, dad, I have an anouncement." and then I got right into it. said I am agender. explaine dthat that means I have no gender. that I am not a man. I told them to please refer to me with they/them pronouns instead of he/him pronouns, said it was a demand not a request, and that it isn't rude for me to demand to be referred to with the correct pronouns. and I explained that I have been out as agender for years now but haven't been assertive about and I want to be more assertive now. and I signed it with my name (which is the same name they already call me by, my given name).

do you think that was good? it's probably too late to actually make any changes, but if you wanna give me your advice anyway I will gladly hear it. suggetsions, whatever.
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