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Duuurn's Wife

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surprised

Does like (pretend) rape apply here.

My hubby about a year ago started telling me how he had a "dark side" and yada yada

I was like im into that xD

I did not know it was actually quite a big thing.


Consensual non-consent is a roleplay scenario, there's lots more to BDSM than just wanting some good 'ol rape-play. smile

I suggest going to beginner's sites and look around, make sure he KNOWS what he is doing, too. BDSM can be fun and safe, but please make sure he's well-learned and not just a DomlyDom with no experience, because then things can get messy in the accidents dept. Maybe go to a playparty first, and have him watch someone else do ties if that's what you guys might be doing, or waxplay, or barbed wire suspension, even! Watching is learning ~

Here are some links:

BDSM for Dummies
Absolute Beginner's Guide to Dominance (for your bf if he needs it)
BDSM 101
Fetlife, facebook for kinksters, it has a good essays area and as long as you ignore all the desperate vanilla men posing as Dominant you'll learn a thing or two, and may even end up going to a local munch!

Now have a good time ~ !

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MistressxLithia
Alexandre_D-Angerville
MistressxLithia
Alexandre_D-Angerville
MistressxLithia
Alexandre_D-Angerville


She knows all about this, she's been into stuff like this before and she's pretty dominant, but I'm scared that she will not like... be ok with it because of the relationship I just out of. I want this to continue, she's been talking about getting married for a while, and to my surprise I'm thinking of it as well, I'm just scared of going too fast and of her not wanting to engage in this to protect me. Does that even make any sense? hahaha.


It makes perfect sense. You were hurt, and you're worried she'll think you're trying to move things too quickly as a way to forget. You just have to assure her that's not the case. You want to submit to her, not because you were abused before, but because you trust her, love her, and want to honor her with your submission. Sometimes we Dominants can get overly-protective and not see what's in front of us. When we brought kitten into our home, all I was thinking about was protecting her from her abuser, not Domming her, but that was what she needed and when she expressed it to me, point blank, a light bulb came on in my head. By not giving her what she needed, I wasn't helping her to feel safe. Just talk to her about your concerns and your desires. Communication is always an important thing in relationships, BDSM related ones even more so. I have to be logging off now, but I will be on tonight at some point if you respond again. And please do keep me updated, little one, so I don't worry that things didn't go well. Its the nature of a Dominant to worry.


Thank you for your advice!! I'll try to follow it, I'm really nervous and scared, but I do trust her. She has the password to everything I own, she can look into my stuff and for the first time I don't feel like the person I'm with will get angry if I'm honest with them or if I keep a secret, so I think it will work.
Thanks a bunch and I will surely keep you updated! 3nodding



You're very welcome, little one, and good luck.


Sorry, I hit submit instead of preview. XD

Well, I told her. Apparently what I thought had been a D/s relationship was actually an abusive one, so she had no real idea what it was about. x___x I'm a very shy person and I'm scared of people thinking I'm weird because it's happened before; she hates me comparing her but I can't help it, my BPD won't allow me not to most of the time... But she said we could try and see what happens... I dunno, I'm really really scared. She's a teacher, so she understands the whole punishment/reward system, but I dunno if she understands the rest of it because I dunno if I could explain meself. It doesn't help the real and good info is in English... I dunno what else to do, tbh.


If she's willing to talk with me via PM, and she's willing to make an account her or has one, tell her I will gladly answer any questions she has. If she can get access to it, a really good book for her to start off with is When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton. Another good one would be The Loving Dominant by John Warren. Both of those would go a long way in helping her to understand what it is you need and help her to discover whether or not she's capable of filling that need.


Is any of thosein Spanish? She can defend herself in English, but she doesn't have enough practice to read a whole book or talk to someone normally. x___x That's the biggest issue in trying to explain to her. I live in Mexico but my primary language is English, hers is Spanish, and there's no trustworthy, meaningful info in Spanish, who knows why. x_x I will look for those books, even so, I might want to read them myself, as well. XPP

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ok kind of weird serious question

have any of you had trouble dealing with what turns you on? like trouble accepting it. trouble figuring out why it's what you want and what to do with it. I'm in my second kinky relationship. my first was pretty abusive so a lot of the kink stuff was just me trying to fulfill my gf's needs and ignoring my own. the relationship I'm in now is really healthy, and my current gf is a dream come true. she's also a sub. I identify as a top rather than a domme because I like some input from my partner on what to do during. I like her to say what she wants so I know what to do. but I have to be on the giving end. I can't handle even being touched much during. I don't know why, it's just the way things are. but I'm having trouble dealing with these facts about myself.

did anyone take a while to accept their kinky side? what helped you do that?

sorry if this is a little personal. I just didn't really know where else to go

Romantic Phantom

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I just wanted to announce my master (of 2 years)
bought me a brand new collar and name tag for it that says I'm owned by him, I'm so excited!!! biggrin we even have a leash and everything!!! ^.^ hope you all are having a great day!!!


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❝ Sounds good! Have you got any photos of it? smile

My Master's got a pet project in mind for a proper collar that he wants to make me. He works with maille, so he wants to make something fiddly and complicated, but durable enough to stand up to play in purple, black and gold. ❞
I'll be sure to take a picture ASAP of it biggrin
That's awesome by the way!! smile I love those colors!

Revered Vampire

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SlashRomance
spellslave
SlashRomance
I just wanted to announce my master (of 2 years)
bought me a brand new collar and name tag for it that says I'm owned by him, I'm so excited!!! biggrin we even have a leash and everything!!! ^.^ hope you all are having a great day!!!


User Image

❝ Sounds good! Have you got any photos of it? smile

My Master's got a pet project in mind for a proper collar that he wants to make me. He works with maille, so he wants to make something fiddly and complicated, but durable enough to stand up to play in purple, black and gold. ❞
I'll be sure to take a picture ASAP of it biggrin
That's awesome by the way!! smile I love those colors!


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help me with firestarter?

❝ At the moment we are using a short-studded/blunt-spiked leather thing with a buckle that I bought as a fashion item about 6 years ago but, the meaning of it is more important than the looks until he gets the materials and design together smile ❞

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MistressxLithia
Alexandre_D-Angerville
MistressxLithia
Alexandre_D-Angerville
MistressxLithia
Alexandre_D-Angerville


Thank you for your advice!! I'll try to follow it, I'm really nervous and scared, but I do trust her. She has the password to everything I own, she can look into my stuff and for the first time I don't feel like the person I'm with will get angry if I'm honest with them or if I keep a secret, so I think it will work.
Thanks a bunch and I will surely keep you updated! 3nodding



You're very welcome, little one, and good luck.


Sorry, I hit submit instead of preview. XD

Well, I told her. Apparently what I thought had been a D/s relationship was actually an abusive one, so she had no real idea what it was about. x___x I'm a very shy person and I'm scared of people thinking I'm weird because it's happened before; she hates me comparing her but I can't help it, my BPD won't allow me not to most of the time... But she said we could try and see what happens... I dunno, I'm really really scared. She's a teacher, so she understands the whole punishment/reward system, but I dunno if she understands the rest of it because I dunno if I could explain meself. It doesn't help the real and good info is in English... I dunno what else to do, tbh.


If she's willing to talk with me via PM, and she's willing to make an account her or has one, tell her I will gladly answer any questions she has. If she can get access to it, a really good book for her to start off with is When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton. Another good one would be The Loving Dominant by John Warren. Both of those would go a long way in helping her to understand what it is you need and help her to discover whether or not she's capable of filling that need.


Is any of thosein Spanish? She can defend herself in English, but she doesn't have enough practice to read a whole book or talk to someone normally. x___x That's the biggest issue in trying to explain to her. I live in Mexico but my primary language is English, hers is Spanish, and there's no trustworthy, meaningful info in Spanish, who knows why. x_x I will look for those books, even so, I might want to read them myself, as well. XPP


When I googled 'Are there any BDSM books in Spanish' I got a link to Amazon, not sure if any of them are how to type or just erotica, since I don't speak Spanish. But even erotica may help a bit.


It's erotica, ma'am. I'm scared of it, though. What with the 50 shades of gray hipe, I'm scared erotica now will be horrible. x_x

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Alexandre_Mule
MistressxLithia
Alexandre_D-Angerville
MistressxLithia
Alexandre_D-Angerville


Sorry, I hit submit instead of preview. XD

Well, I told her. Apparently what I thought had been a D/s relationship was actually an abusive one, so she had no real idea what it was about. x___x I'm a very shy person and I'm scared of people thinking I'm weird because it's happened before; she hates me comparing her but I can't help it, my BPD won't allow me not to most of the time... But she said we could try and see what happens... I dunno, I'm really really scared. She's a teacher, so she understands the whole punishment/reward system, but I dunno if she understands the rest of it because I dunno if I could explain meself. It doesn't help the real and good info is in English... I dunno what else to do, tbh.


If she's willing to talk with me via PM, and she's willing to make an account her or has one, tell her I will gladly answer any questions she has. If she can get access to it, a really good book for her to start off with is When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton. Another good one would be The Loving Dominant by John Warren. Both of those would go a long way in helping her to understand what it is you need and help her to discover whether or not she's capable of filling that need.


Is any of thosein Spanish? She can defend herself in English, but she doesn't have enough practice to read a whole book or talk to someone normally. x___x That's the biggest issue in trying to explain to her. I live in Mexico but my primary language is English, hers is Spanish, and there's no trustworthy, meaningful info in Spanish, who knows why. x_x I will look for those books, even so, I might want to read them myself, as well. XPP


When I googled 'Are there any BDSM books in Spanish' I got a link to Amazon, not sure if any of them are how to type or just erotica, since I don't speak Spanish. But even erotica may help a bit.


It's erotica, ma'am. I'm scared of it, though. What with the 50 shades of gray hipe, I'm scared erotica now will be horrible. x_x


I thought the books "The Submissive" "The Dominant" and "The Training" were pretty decent erotica. They are of the 50 Shades era, and almost like it is a remastered version of 50 Shades by someone who actually knew what she was talking about. I would look into it. It's written in a kinda cool way. The first book, you see everything from the sub's point of view. The second, it is the same story, but from the Dom's view, the third is what happens after the story of the first two with sections from both.

Ornate Star

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Mystic White Raven


I thought the books "The Submissive" "The Dominant" and "The Training" were pretty decent erotica. They are of the 50 Shades era, and almost like it is a remastered version of 50 Shades by someone who actually knew what she was talking about. I would look into it. It's written in a kinda cool way. The first book, you see everything from the sub's point of view. The second, it is the same story, but from the Dom's view, the third is what happens after the story of the first two with sections from both.


I'll look for them in spanish so my GF takes a look at it.

We created a Contract already, and it's gonna be more based off Mummy Domme, but without the titles and stuff... I'm a bit nervous, but she's so sweet and such a nice person, I'm confident I won't get abused again. OwO

Duuurn's Wife

Backwoods Hiker

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TipTop10
ok kind of weird serious question

have any of you had trouble dealing with what turns you on? like trouble accepting it. trouble figuring out why it's what you want and what to do with it. I'm in my second kinky relationship. my first was pretty abusive so a lot of the kink stuff was just me trying to fulfill my gf's needs and ignoring my own. the relationship I'm in now is really healthy, and my current gf is a dream come true. she's also a sub. I identify as a top rather than a domme because I like some input from my partner on what to do during. I like her to say what she wants so I know what to do. but I have to be on the giving end. I can't handle even being touched much during. I don't know why, it's just the way things are. but I'm having trouble dealing with these facts about myself.

did anyone take a while to accept their kinky side? what helped you do that?

sorry if this is a little personal. I just didn't really know where else to go


Dommes still take input. Topping from the bottom is a lame excuse made up by Domly Doms to make their exes look like assholes.

Okay, now to the actual post. I am like you as well. When I am servicing I don't like being touched, and my Sir knows that. If you're having issues accepting this then it's just a matter of time. This is your second kinky relationship, so it may just be a time issue you have on your hands. It may settle after a few months pass by. I have some very ******** up fetishes, which will remain fantasies and they just needed time before I could consider them as a part of my sexual nature - what I like and don't like. You are you, if you like something you can eventually - and with a lot of time and ignoring - reduce that fetish, but it won't go away IMO/IME. Communication with your sub is your best bet, talking things over always seems to help me set things in stone better for myself.

Mostly time passing, communication, self-examination.

Pure-hearted Vampire

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TipTop10
ok kind of weird serious question

have any of you had trouble dealing with what turns you on? like trouble accepting it. trouble figuring out why it's what you want and what to do with it. I'm in my second kinky relationship. my first was pretty abusive so a lot of the kink stuff was just me trying to fulfill my gf's needs and ignoring my own. the relationship I'm in now is really healthy, and my current gf is a dream come true. she's also a sub. I identify as a top rather than a domme because I like some input from my partner on what to do during. I like her to say what she wants so I know what to do. but I have to be on the giving end. I can't handle even being touched much during. I don't know why, it's just the way things are. but I'm having trouble dealing with these facts about myself.

did anyone take a while to accept their kinky side? what helped you do that?

sorry if this is a little personal. I just didn't really know where else to go
I have times of struggling with dealing with my act of, and submission to, my Husband. I have always worn the proverbial boots and its hard for me to even get my head around the fact I allow him the lead, That I -wanted- him in the lead.
He was a first(in SO many ways). I struggle with it...quiet often.
As my partner puts it...I havent fully unlaced my boots razz
When I first had the feelings of wishing it from him....I fought it...hard. I thought it a type of madness due to how it felt. It was utterly, completely new to me and I just didnt understand it. I almost walked away from the relationship due to me being so confused and fearful of how I felt.
I am blessed by the fact he is very patient and....Naturally Dominant. He is abit like a mountain...he just =is= and weathers my tossing my head and balking. It still amazes me that just a certain look he gives can make me go "eh..ok..." and ends a dispute or how something as simple as "good girl" can send a tension releasing thrill down to my toes. Particularly if someone else was to say it to me would get quite a different reaction.
It has been one of the hardest and best things I have done.
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