Hi Hoshioni! This is my first time posting in one of your threads! I am super excited!
At first I felt a little bit of pity for you because I too would have understood your mainstream style! However eight years have passed and I am no longer 14, so I'm afraid the loss of my soul and artistic integrity has prevented me from appreciating your work.
I will take the road less traveled, as your favorite poet Robert Frost has suggested, and I will comment solely on plot and presentation.
Well, I would, except there is no plot. It's just badly presented sparring. I can't tell at all what's happening. You said yourself that it is based on something that happened to you, but how am I supposed to know what that is? I just see two people fighting. I don't know who they are. I don't care who they are. I don't care at all what happens to them. There is no plot whatsoever to speak of.
As for your presentation, it is terrible. There are no word bubbles and so it is hard to keep with any flow of action there may be. There is no inking and the paneling is awful. In fact, I will do you the honor of not even calling this a presentation. A presentation is prepared, and this was clearly not. What you have are doodles with side notes attached to them, with no refinement whatsoever.
So coming to the conclusion that there is no presentation or plot to rate, I will simply direct my critique at you.
Grow up.
