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Hoshioni

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Post: 58383553_1 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:06:30 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:06:30 +0000

*yes manga as people who obess over technical terms annoy me*

i never had a chance to proof read and used a chib~ish style intentionally..but mind rating the plot and presentation??i know the art is bad the grammer bad and its more like a picture book..... can someone just read it and rate the thinking and feeling put it alone????

Smegma Princess

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Post: 58383553_2 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:25:05 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:25:05 +0000

The plot: incomprehensible.

The presentation: lazy and amateurish.

Do you have trouble with drawing word balloons or something? This is painful to read, due to both the exceedingly poor quality of the art and layouts, and the fact that all of the text is white-on-black off in the page gutters.

ninathing

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Post: 58383553_3 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:35:53 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:35:53 +0000

Kid, you need some life drawing, stat.

A Man of Wealth and Taste

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Post: 58383553_4 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:46:48 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:46:48 +0000

The linework is an atrocity. You have no comprehension of the human figure. Even stylized to be "Chibi," you have no foundation to build on and it shows.

The presentation is sloppy and the side narration is a complete disconnect from the images. This is not a comic, this is just an illustrated script. There is a difference.

SamDoug

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Post: 58383553_5 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:48:26 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:48:26 +0000

You know, posting something in here and telling us to ignore its single most glaring flaw is tantamount to insanity. "Technical terms" such as "basic anatomy" aren't to be dismissed so lightly.

PS your manga is terrible, thanks for playing.

Sense vs Sensibility

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Post: 58383553_6 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:10:33 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:10:33 +0000

What about people who fuss over spelling. The word you were looking for was Rating. rateing doesn't exist.

As for your line-art:
Going on past experiences of your post you're going to flat out deny that you need to improve anyhow, but seriously, mate, you're not very good. Aside from your anatomy being god awful - even for self-professed chibis, you have no grasp of panel flow or action. Time to brush up on your life drawing and partake in some serious practice.

Additionally, I have only ever seen the dialogue in a side panel done well ONCE and that was in an issue of Jessica Jones' Alias. That worked well because it was a lot of dialogue over a relatively short amount of time and because the art was amazing. You could tell it wasn't just an easy out. Yours however, looks cheap and lazy. I'd reconsider.

Zee Coldwater

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Post: 58383553_7 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:40:58 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:40:58 +0000

The only way this sort of thing could be acceptable is if you were 12 and this was your first-ever attempt at drawing a comic.

I'm sorry, there's nothing salvageable about your art at all. You need to go back to the basics. Get some Loomis!

ninathing

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Post: 58383553_8 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:44:15 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:44:15 +0000

Also, you cannot do this. Using someone else's art without permission is art theft.

ApotheosisPunk

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Post: 58383553_9 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:57:07 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:57:07 +0000

Its okay but put more behind it...whya re they fighting are they practicing and if so what for ?

iianbe

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Post: 58383553_10 created on Wed, 03 Feb 2010 23:13:00 +0000
Posted: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 23:13:00 +0000

Sense vs Sensibility

Additionally, I have only ever seen the dialogue in a side panel done well ONCE and that was in an issue of Jessica Jones' Alias. That worked well because it was a lot of dialogue over a relatively short amount of time and because the art was amazing.

Kyle Baker also did this in "Why I Hate Saturn" but he is Kyle Baker and makes magic with a pen

Sense vs Sensibility

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Post: 58383553_11 created on Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:16:34 +0000
Posted: Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:16:34 +0000

iianbe

Sense vs Sensibility

Kyle Baker also did this in "Why I Hate Saturn" but he is Kyle Baker and makes magic with a pen

basically you need talent.

IronSpike

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Post: 58383553_12 created on Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:51:52 +0000
Posted: Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:51:52 +0000

Jesus Christ, what a mess.

Clicked the first page, let it load for fifteen seconds, closed it the second I realized where things were going.

Jerky Buddy

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Post: 58383553_13 created on Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:03:31 +0000
Posted: Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:03:31 +0000

Basically you are not a good artist and if you want to be one you will need to go back a bit and do some intense art study; Especially in regards to human anatomy and action.

Aoikoori

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Post: 58383553_14 created on Thu, 04 Feb 2010 06:27:30 +0000
Posted: Thu, 04 Feb 2010 06:27:30 +0000

Hm, what you really need is to study anatomy more... I didn't get much of the storyline because well... I couldn't really make out what was going on.
So, you have to work on where you put your text.

TIP: When making a Manga/Comic, make sure that you draw a draft copy before you do a good copy. It makes you see what you want to have happening in the picture, and it will keep it from being cluttered. Read it to yourself and see if it make sense. If it doesn't, then try it again and space the pictures out more.

Hope it helps a bit. I look forward to seeing your art when you get better. :3

xXiKitty kitty-chanXx

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Post: 58383553_15 created on Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:29:51 +0000
Posted: Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:29:51 +0000

you have very good drawing skills but try to work on where you put the speech bubbles and how well they can be read it would probably be cool if i could read it tho!

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