Sure is underageb& in here. If you aren't thirteen, get out. But, I'm a nice person, so I'm going to tell you why you've been getting low ratings.
It's generic, cliche, and makes no sense. One big thing you need to answer is WHY did this girl get kidnapped, and by who, and make it tie in with the plot. (Or, actually, that's a gigantic chunk of the plot, that you've omitted.) Presumably, the kidnapper will be your antagonist (IE bad guy). He's going to be in conflict with your protagonist(s), her classmate and the demonspawn guy. If that's your conflict, the goal of your story would then be to have the protagonist overcome the antagonist and rescue the damsel in distress (CLICHE).
Second, another huge plot chunk, WHY is demonspawn guy helping rescue this chick? You've provided us with neither of these, so your plot has huge gaping holes in it as far as we can see. And, no, don't think you're withholding the plot twists, or whatever; we need to know what your story is about before we can tell you if we like your story.
Third, don't set it in Japan. Just freaking don't. Set it where you live, or in a made up place, because unless you live in Japan, you don't know what it's like there, no matter how much anime you watch. Make it easier for yourself, and set it someplace where you know the customs and the climate and such firsthand.
Fourth, don't use Japanese names. Just don't. Anyone who actually speaks Japanese will laugh at you, because your meanings will probably be all sorts of messed up. Name them something matching the setting. EG if it's set in America, they've got American names, like Katie or Josh.
Your dialogue is awful. Listen to how people actually speak, and write like that. It needs to sound natural, and not forced, stiff, and artificial. (Also, cliche.)
If you're going to base ANYTHING on mythology, know your mythology first. Put a twist on it if you like, but please, don't set it in hell just 'cuz it's cool and edgy, because it's really, really not.
Either learn to draw, or provide incentive (IE cash/goldz) for the artist.
English class is your friend. They teach you how to write stories.
You read all that? Tl;dr: It's generic and cliche and artists don't work for free.