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Hi there,

So I have this dillemma and I really just need some advice. I realize that I'm asking random strangers for advice, but I thought it was worth a try.
So, I'm dating this guy, who is a year older than me and going to college next year. We haven't talked about what we are going to do once he goes away, it is one of those things that I really don't want to worry about until I have to make the decision. So...I legitamately love him, and we both talked about taking our relationship to the next level and having sex. Personally, I feel that I'm totaly comfortable with going there, but I'm afraid it might be terribly stupid to take that step and then have him dissapear.
I just don't know what to do. A little advice would be REALLY appriciated.

Thank you!

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If you have any doubts, don't do it. Just the fact that you're having to ask suggests that you're perhaps not ready for it.

There's nothing wrong at all with having sex within a relationship that definitely isn't going anywhere. However, if you wouldn't want to have sex in a futureless relationship (which seems to be the case) then don't.

As much as you don't want to, I think you need to have the discussion about what will happen when he goes to college before you decide whether or not to have sex. Depending on the answer from that, you'll probably have a gut feeling about what you want to do - listen to it.

If you do decide to have sex, obviously make sure to get yourselves sorted with contraception, STD tests if there's any doubt at all, and have a discussion about what you'd do if you got pregnant.

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i would say DO NOT have sex with him until you know the status of your relationship.
if the communication is so poor you dont know if you are still going to be together once he starts college. i would suggest waiting until he has been there for a while and things continue to go smoothly. no need to rush things trying to keep the relationship together. if its going to fall apart it will wether or not you have sex with him.
i wish you luck. LDRs arent hard at all. smile

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Silly_Pickle_PeanutButter
Hi there,

So I have this dillemma and I really just need some advice. I realize that I'm asking random strangers for advice, but I thought it was worth a try.
So, I'm dating this guy, who is a year older than me and going to college next year. We haven't talked about what we are going to do once he goes away, it is one of those things that I really don't want to worry about until I have to make the decision. So...I legitamately love him, and we both talked about taking our relationship to the next level and having sex. Personally, I feel that I'm totaly comfortable with going there, but I'm afraid it might be terribly stupid to take that step and then have him dissapear.
I just don't know what to do. A little advice would be REALLY appriciated.

Thank you!



Ok, you say you are comfortable with this, but I don't thik you are....maybe with the act, but not the morality. Are you ready birth control wise? is there protection? and with him going away to college you think you have to have sex with him to keep him with you? NO, not at all, in fact if you have any doubts don't do it because this is the perfect set up for disaster. Now, after he is there for awhile and keeps up with you and your feelings...maybe.
Look....no matter what anyone says, you can not keep a guy by giving him yourself. Giving yourself to someone is a very special I even call it the ultimate gift. Personally I like to know that someone is going to be there for me when I do that. I like to know someone loves me before I have sex with them....thats just me. Now I am not telling you what to do but rather leave it up to that little voice in your head...lol.

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It all depends on what you want... Lose your virginity to a man you're very much in love with, but then have it more painful when he leaves, OR keep your virginity, and still have it be painful (but slightly less so) when he leaves.

I would personally lose your virginity if I were you; not everyone gets the chance to be in a relationship with someone they truly love. You might not get an opportunity to lose your virginity for years (unless, obviously, you want to do the whole one-night stand thing). Opportunity just passes you by if you don't take it.

Of course, please be careful and safe, and use protection.

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Dont have sex unless you know about what is going to happen. Have that talk first, even if you dont wnat it. Because him breaking up with you when he leaves is a possibility, and even though you are in love, it can happen. Loosing your virginity in that situation makes it worse.

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          If you have any doubts, you're truly not ready.
          If you think he might leave after sex, the relationship must not be very strong.
          Talk to him about it.          User Image


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it kinda sounds like maybe you're rushing into this JUST because hes going to colledge.......dont rush it........ you can have sex plenty of times but you're only a virgin once

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The question you should ask is if you guys call it quits once he leaves for college, would you have regretted having sex with him?

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Abstinence?

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You're posting here and asking, so you obviously feel doubt about the situation.

I wouldn't do anything.

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The exact same thing happened to me last year, actually. My boyfriend at the time was a year older and going off to college while I started my last year of high school, and we did have sex before not seeing each other again (I was moving at the end of the summer).

We tried long distance and made it to a total of a year and two months before I broke it off because of the fighting and the stress. I don't regret the sex, though. If you feel ready, go for it, or forever wish you had. It's not something I ended up regretting.

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        are you willing to stay with a guy who would leave you if you weren't willing to put out for him?

        it would also depend on how strong you both feel about your relationship because chances are (i'm guessing) that he's going to a school bigger than your high school and there are going to be a lot more girls there. plus, how often are you able to see him once he's at school. how many times does he want to see you once he's up there?

        but if you two are going to have sex, then there's really no one stopping you. just be smart about it. (:

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Wow, I wasn't expecting this much of a responce! Thanks everyone who offered advice. Just to clear some things up: We will definitely use protection when the time comes and have a chat about what we would do if we landed in such a situation as a pregnancy. For some reason I am extremely cynical about him going away to college; new people, and more importantly, new girls. Being younger than him, I always think that continuing the relationship with him after he has gone away to college would be holding him back from fully experiencing the freedom of college life. And let me tell you, that scares the s**t out of me. I would never want to end this relationship, I really love him, and I know that he really loves me. I have mentioned our future before, and the only thing he said was "It will be fine, you'll be driving by then, I'll have my car, and we can just make it work." I guess I'm just a little pestamistic for no real reason. Also, he isn't the kind of guy to toss girls around.
As far as the sex goes, I'm fully ready to loose my virginity, I do view it as a very sacred gift, and I know he does too (we're both virgins).
We'll see where it goes from here I guess!

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Silly_Pickle_PeanutButter
Hi there,

So I have this dillemma and I really just need some advice. I realize that I'm asking random strangers for advice, but I thought it was worth a try.
So, I'm dating this guy, who is a year older than me and going to college next year. We haven't talked about what we are going to do once he goes away, it is one of those things that I really don't want to worry about until I have to make the decision. So...I legitamately love him, and we both talked about taking our relationship to the next level and having sex. Personally, I feel that I'm totaly comfortable with going there, but I'm afraid it might be terribly stupid to take that step and then have him dissapear.
I just don't know what to do. A little advice would be REALLY appriciated.

Thank you!


first you need to know where your relationship stands. DONT do it if he's gonna just leave afterwards. if he's serious about you and wants to continue the relationship while he's in college and you both agree on that, then go ahead. just be careful, make sure he cares enough about you that its for YOU and not JUST for SEX.
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