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This week, we've got an adorable update to Yemaya's Pearl, sinister new poses from the Infernal Spirit, a cutting-edge firmware revision for the Nano-C and the very first evolution of the Nartian Rock-- complete with a special mini-comic from the item's creator! Check out the full report below to take a gander.



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For more informative fun and a Nartian Rock mini-comic, scroll down to see the full report from Dr. Singh and Timmy!




Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's top-rated source for the most trustworthy EI news. I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my little friend... Timmy? Goodness, where is that tardy little rascal?

Timmy: *Pant* Wait! Don't start the show, Doc! Here I am!

Dr. Singh: Good grief, Timmy, you look absolutely terrible. And you're late! What in the world is the matter?

Timmy: I don't know, Doc... it's like I can't get to sleep till three AM, then I sleep all afternoon and wake up surly and confrontational! Plus, I got all these awful spots on my face, and boy howdy, I'm greasy as a two-dollar pizza. What's wrong with me?

Dr. Singh: Oh dear... it's progressing much more rapidly than I anticipated.

Timmy: What's progressin'? Am I gonna mutate again?

Dr. Singh: Yes, Timmy. But this time it's not an evil mutation brought on by toxic waste or tainted Gro-Gain: this time, it's an evil mutation caused by your pituitary gland, a mutation we must all face sooner or later. Heaven help you, Timmy, you're in for a terrible couple of years.

Timmy: Say it ain't so, Doc! You mean the spots and the tallness and the disturbing dreams are gonna get even worse?

Dr. Singh: I'm afraid so, Timmy. But the good news is this: nobody cares! It's time to talk about this week's items, so let's quit dwelling on you and your rioting hormones, shall we?

Timmy: Good point, Doc! Let's get this show on the road! I don't wanna speak outta turn, but is it time for the Nartian Rock to evolve yet!? I'm super excited about that one!

Dr. Singh: It is, you observant little scamp! This week marks the first evolution of this dandy meteorite, and I think we're beginning to see what it's all about-- there seems to be a strange little visitor inside! In fact, the Evolving Item Report's researchers managed to get this exclusive glimpse of the modish invader:

Timmy: His name is Kink? That's gonna get pretty interesting!

Dr. Singh: Right you are, Timmy-- we're sure to see some unusual things from this one! I'm also getting word this week that the creators of the high-tech Nano-C have released another firmware update to this nanotech wonder-- this time, we're seeing some mega-cool cybernetic enhancements, plus a mean energy rifle to really show 'em who's boss.

Timmy: An energy rifle! Wow! It looks like it's got a multi-mode core that can operate in electrostatic, endothermic or exothermic modes for maximum lethal versatility! Gee whiz, Doc, you could probably blow a four-foot hole in a steel wall with this thing! Can I fire it? Huh? Please? Just this once?

Dr. Singh: No! For the last time, you'd incinerate that fluffy head of yours. Since when do you know so much about high-tech weaponry, Timmy?

Timmy: I play a lot of video games.

Dr. Singh: Fair enough. Next on this week's roster is an awe-inspiring update to the Infernal Spirit... as this item moves ever closer to its fiery conclusion, it seems to have taken a disturbing turn: the warrior's soul seems to have fallen from grace and is now on the path of darkness...

Timmy: You mean it's turnin' evil? Jeepers!

Dr. Singh: Precisely, Timmy. Only time will tell if it can be redeemed, or if it will be totally consumed by wickedness in the end. Finally, we end on a lighter note with Yemaya's Pearl, which brings us some cute aquatic accessories formed of that most mysterious of sea creatures: the noble jellyfish. What a delightful surprise!

Timmy: Yay! I love jellyfish, Doc! As long as they're not stingin' meEEee... wh--what the heck was that!?

Dr. Singh: Well, Timmy, it sounds like your voice just dropped an octave for a moment, then excruciatingly squeaked back up into its usual grating register like a fingernail on a chalkboard. It was a godawful sound, Timmy, but I'm afraid you'll just have to get used to it, because that's only the beginning of the pubescent misery you're about to endure.

Timmy: No! It can't be true!

Dr. Singh: Yep! It's gonna be bad, little buddy! That's just about it for this week's show, ladies and gentlemen, but before we go, we should remind you to vote in our EI poll and let us know which items are your favorites for the week. See you next Friday, folks!