Welcome to Gaia! ::

This week's big news:

• Brand new evolving item: Gimpi!
  
• Death Whisper, Inari's Beads, Enchanted Book and Yama No Tamago evolve.
  
• Dionaesil will leave the Cash Shop on August 19th.
  
• The terrible saga of Timmy continues with more smooth jazz!

Read on, dear friends, for our full Evolving Item Report!

Timmy: I'm rushing, LG. Gotta cool down a little. Doc's gonna be here soon, and she can't know about my business. We gotta be careful, you dig? When the Doc's here, when those cameras roll, we're all about smooth jazz. No business. We're just a couple of hep dudes who happen to be living well. The Doc doesn't need to know where the money comes from, you feel me?

Labtech Gene: I got it, T-Bone. I won't mention what we did with Ri--

Timmy: Cool it, the Doc's coming. Beards up, Large, time to be a star. You ready to be somebody?

Dr. Singh: Timmy? Gene? Are you guys in there?

Timmy: Right in here, babe. You ready to roll? Let's get your science jive out of the way tout de suite, sugar. We'll let you indulge your little nature trip as long as it doesn't cramp our smooth. Isn't that right, LG?

Labtech Gene: *grrk* *sniff*

Timmy: Look, baby, you're making Gene get all emotional at how right I am. Now get your business taken care of before those tears start rolling.

Dr. Singh: Gladly. First of all, we've got some incredible news this week: the Cash Shop just got a shipment of what appears to be a brand new evolving item! A while back, the Skin Tyte shop in Durem started offering some special potions that could change the very nature of the body. However, it appears that some of the potions didn't turn out quite right…



The Gimpi potion is quite strange: you can't actually drink it, but it seems to be growing on its own! Who knows what might become of this odd concoction? You can swing by the Gaia Cash Shop to see for yourself!

Timmy: As a businessman, I recommend first generation items. Gotta get in on the ground floor to make the big bucks. That's economics, baby.

Dr. Singh: In other news, a bumper crop of our finest items are evolving this week! The Death Whisper is just getting more and more disturbing… I can't wait to see what depths it's sunk to this time. If you prefer things a little softer and cuter, you'll be happy to hear that Inari's Beads have evolved again, too.

Timmy: Ain't nothing in the world softer and cuter than that beard of yours, baby.

Dr. Singh: You flatter me, T-Bone. *shudder* …anyway, the Enchanted Book is still weaving its unbelievable tale, and the strange spirit of the Yama no Tamago is stirring with inscrutable power. And as a final note to all the aspiring botanists out there: this is your last chance to pick up the extraordinary Dionaesil! It'll be leaving the Cash Shop very soon, so don't dawdle.

You can pick up all of these awesome evolving items, including the brand-new Gimpi, at the Gaia Cash Shop!

Timmy: Bravo, baby. Captivating stuff, as always, but now it's time to move on to bigger and better things: who's ready for some smooooooooooooth jaaaaaaazz!?

Labtech Gene: Me! I'm ready for jazz! Pick me!

Timmy: Cool your jets, big guy. There's plenty of smooth jazz for everyone… but a little extra for the fine ladies out there. You ready, Doc? Check your mood ring, we gotta make sure you're mellow enough.

Dr. Singh: What? I don't have a mood ring.


Labtech Gene: I'm freaking out, T-Bone. Freaking out a little over here.

Timmy: Be cool. The lady doesn't have a mood ring. That's unusual and maybe illegal, but we have to work through this for the sake of the smooth jazz. Let's just start the countdown, dig? Awright, number five: Galileo Braingrass hits a new entry to the chart with his ultrasmooth new-age relaxation cut, "Dolphin Healing Crystal Jam."

Dr. Singh: Oooh… I can feel it working… *yawn*

Timmy: Number four this week comes courtesy of the legendary Barry Duke-Wayne, who puts us in an amorous mood with his sultry new single, "Pants Alarm Deployed."

Dr. Singh: Aww, yeah… very… mellow…

Timmy: And coming in at number three, Raoul Champagne returns triumphantly to the charts with his sassy oboe blockbuster, "Felt a Thing Happen (Ooh Yeah Baby Ouch)." Play this one reeeeaal quiet, ladies and gentlemen, so you can detect all the smooth jazz nuance.

Dr. Singh: Smooth jazz… making me so tired…

Timmy: That's right, baby. Tired of not listening to smooth jazz. Number two: let's give it up for the tireless musical efforts of Cassius LaFontaine, who's back this week with "Feather Earhole Touch." Doesn't get much mellower than that, baby.

Dr. Singh: Zzzz… *snork*

Timmy: Nothing is quite so seductive as a fine lady's gentle snore of smooth jazz appreciation. You ready for number one this week, LG?

Labtech Gene: I feel like I'm gonna die if you don't hit me with it right now, T-Bone!

Timmy: Here it is, babies: returning to the number one spot this week, it's the fabulous Royce Breeze with his seductive new slow-jam, "The Hillbilly Handshake!"

Labtech Gene: How'd he make a 1980s-era electric piano sound so much like a banjo, T-Bone? Is he some kind of a god?

Timmy: You said a mouthful, Large. It's best not to contemplate his ways, because even the mind of a jazz genius like me can't begin to understand such things. Say, why isn't the Doc joining in with our discussion of how good smooth jazz is?

Labtech Gene: She's out cold, T-Bone. I think the smooth jazz mellowed her out too much, and she just couldn't take it.

Timmy: You know, Large, at first I was feeling like her squareness and general chumpism was stepping on our toes, but ever since she grew that beard it's become clear that she's actually quite hep.

Labtech Gene: So do we get to tell her about the business? Do we tell her about... The Sacred Tenets of Smooth Jazz!?

Timmy: Soon, LG. We gotta take this slow, so we don't blow her mind. In time, she will know the horrible truth. Dig.

Dr. Singh: Bzzt... *snort*... huh? I'm awake! What about smooth jazz? Oh, drat! Looks like we're all out of time. See you next week, ladies and gentlemen-- if you want to tell us what you think of the items, remember to visit our weekly evolving item poll. Thanks!