virginity---something to be ashamed of?

[Invictus_88]

lumnata

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Invictus_88

elyzia

Wear Prada

People who are a virgin still should be proud.
Many people forgot the meaning of being married, true love etc.

Your virginity is the only gift you can give the person who you really love(your husband). It's something you and him can share.

What's the point if you gave the whole tray out?;] Outside America/UK losing your virginity to anyone but your husband is really bad. No one will ever marry you.

If having sex for the first time is the only gift you can give your husband & the only thing you can share with him, then you've really got no business being married to him in the first place.

Yes, sex is an important part of a relationship, but there are tons of other things about a relationship that are equally important, & that are more important.

The preservation of one's virginity is a hindrance to the acquisition of the various virtues of a good husband or wife?

There seems to be an odd logic behind that statement.

I'd say so. I'd say virginity is irrelevant to whether or not a person will make a good partner, and can in fact make them a bad partner in some cases, because how are you supposed to know that you're sexually compatible with someone without, you know, actually having sex with them?

It's not a blood type, y'know. Sexual compatability grows out of the relationship. Particularly, it grows out of whether or not the two are able to listen to and understand one-another, and find common ground.

Contrary to the beliefs of some, ******** isn't a necessary part of that.

Communication can only get two people so far. For instance, person A wants sex several times a day whereas person B is okay with once a month. With such a vast difference, one or both people are very possibly going to be left resentful. No amount of talking can make a person want sex more or a person want sex less. Another example would be BDSM and fetish stuff or even simply trying new, exciting things. What if someone really, really doesn't want to try something new but their partner is incredibly bored with their sex life? Should the former have to reluctantly consent to something he or she absolutely does not want to do or should the bored person grow to resent the former for not being open-minded?

I disagree that a compatible sex life- be both partners celibate, total pervs, or somewhere in between- is not an important part of many relationships, or even all relationships. You can't MAKE yourself want sex more and you can't make yourself want it less.

These are all very good examples...


...of things which are better resolved through communication and understanding than by sleeping around until you think you match someone.

[lumnata]

Invictus_88

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Invictus_88

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Invictus_88

The preservation of one's virginity is a hindrance to the acquisition of the various virtues of a good husband or wife?

There seems to be an odd logic behind that statement.

I'd say so. I'd say virginity is irrelevant to whether or not a person will make a good partner, and can in fact make them a bad partner in some cases, because how are you supposed to know that you're sexually compatible with someone without, you know, actually having sex with them?

It's not a blood type, y'know. Sexual compatability grows out of the relationship. Particularly, it grows out of whether or not the two are able to listen to and understand one-another, and find common ground.

Contrary to the beliefs of some, ******** isn't a necessary part of that.

Communication can only get two people so far. For instance, person A wants sex several times a day whereas person B is okay with once a month. With such a vast difference, one or both people are very possibly going to be left resentful. No amount of talking can make a person want sex more or a person want sex less. Another example would be BDSM and fetish stuff or even simply trying new, exciting things. What if someone really, really doesn't want to try something new but their partner is incredibly bored with their sex life? Should the former have to reluctantly consent to something he or she absolutely does not want to do or should the bored person grow to resent the former for not being open-minded?

I disagree that a compatible sex life- be both partners celibate, total pervs, or somewhere in between- is not an important part of many relationships, or even all relationships. You can't MAKE yourself want sex more and you can't make yourself want it less.

These are all very good examples...


...of things which are better resolved through communication and understanding than by sleeping around until you think you match someone.

I didn't say you had to sleep around with all sorts of people. Just recommending testing the waters with your potential spouse before making a final lifelong commitment. And no, my examples were of things that can't be fixed just through communication and understanding, unless you're promoting open relationships or some such agreement if one is left sexually frustrated. Oh, and depression is another example. I'm not talking a brief bout, but something that goes on for years and years. Compassion and understanding isn't exactly sexually fulfilling.

[lumnata]

Invictus_88

Particularly, it grows out of whether or not the two are able to listen to and understand one-another, and find common ground.

Also, what if there is no common ground? I'd think it better to find this out before becoming lifelong partners with someone.

[Invictus_88]

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Invictus_88

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Invictus_88

The preservation of one's virginity is a hindrance to the acquisition of the various virtues of a good husband or wife?

There seems to be an odd logic behind that statement.

I'd say so. I'd say virginity is irrelevant to whether or not a person will make a good partner, and can in fact make them a bad partner in some cases, because how are you supposed to know that you're sexually compatible with someone without, you know, actually having sex with them?

It's not a blood type, y'know. Sexual compatability grows out of the relationship. Particularly, it grows out of whether or not the two are able to listen to and understand one-another, and find common ground.

Contrary to the beliefs of some, ******** isn't a necessary part of that.

Communication can only get two people so far. For instance, person A wants sex several times a day whereas person B is okay with once a month. With such a vast difference, one or both people are very possibly going to be left resentful. No amount of talking can make a person want sex more or a person want sex less. Another example would be BDSM and fetish stuff or even simply trying new, exciting things. What if someone really, really doesn't want to try something new but their partner is incredibly bored with their sex life? Should the former have to reluctantly consent to something he or she absolutely does not want to do or should the bored person grow to resent the former for not being open-minded?

I disagree that a compatible sex life- be both partners celibate, total pervs, or somewhere in between- is not an important part of many relationships, or even all relationships. You can't MAKE yourself want sex more and you can't make yourself want it less.

These are all very good examples...


...of things which are better resolved through communication and understanding than by sleeping around until you think you match someone.

I didn't say you had to sleep around with all sorts of people. Just recommending testing the waters with your potential spouse before making a final lifelong commitment. And no, my examples were of things that can't be fixed just through communication and understanding, unless you're promoting open relationships or some such agreement if one is left sexually frustrated. Oh, and depression is another example. I'm not talking a brief bout, but something that goes on for years and years. Compassion and understanding isn't exactly sexually fulfilling.

The compassion and understanding comes before as well as after the a commitment to marriage. 'Testing the waters' is an essential part of coming to understand if you're both possessed of the necessary compassion and understanding to endure as a couple.

All the relevant compatibilities can be discerned without sex, and none of that process is necessarily helped by having sex. Indeed, I imagine most of us can think of couples whose judgement has been blurred by exactly that.

[Invictus_88]

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Invictus_88

Particularly, it grows out of whether or not the two are able to listen to and understand one-another, and find common ground.

Also, what if there is no common ground? I'd think it better to find this out before becoming lifelong partners with someone.

If there's no common ground, it'll be pretty obvious before a d**k goes into a fanny.

xd

[KawaiiMitsuki x]

かわいい みつき ♥

Im not a virgin. But cant really say theres anything wrong with still having your virginity. You have to wait for when you feel ready, and when your with the right person. Theres no point trying if you dont feel comfortable.

[Bienaimee R]

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Invictus_88

The preservation of one's virginity is a hindrance to the acquisition of the various virtues of a good husband or wife?

There seems to be an odd logic behind that statement.

I'd say so. I'd say virginity is irrelevant to whether or not a person will make a good partner, and can in fact make them a bad partner in some cases, because how are you supposed to know that you're sexually compatible with someone without, you know, actually having sex with them?

It's not a blood type, y'know. Sexual compatability grows out of the relationship. Particularly, it grows out of whether or not the two are able to listen to and understand one-another, and find common ground.

Contrary to the beliefs of some, ******** isn't a necessary part of that.

Communication can only get two people so far. For instance, person A wants sex several times a day whereas person B is okay with once a month. With such a vast difference, one or both people are very possibly going to be left resentful. No amount of talking can make a person want sex more or a person want sex less. Another example would be BDSM and fetish stuff or even simply trying new, exciting things. What if someone really, really doesn't want to try something new but their partner is incredibly bored with their sex life? Should the former have to reluctantly consent to something he or she absolutely does not want to do or should the bored person grow to resent the former for not being open-minded?

I disagree that a compatible sex life- be both partners celibate, total pervs, or somewhere in between- is not an important part of many relationships, or even all relationships. You can't MAKE yourself want sex more and you can't make yourself want it less.

These are all very good examples...


...of things which are better resolved through communication and understanding than by sleeping around until you think you match someone.

I didn't say you had to sleep around with all sorts of people. Just recommending testing the waters with your potential spouse before making a final lifelong commitment. And no, my examples were of things that can't be fixed just through communication and understanding, unless you're promoting open relationships or some such agreement if one is left sexually frustrated. Oh, and depression is another example. I'm not talking a brief bout, but something that goes on for years and years. Compassion and understanding isn't exactly sexually fulfilling.

If someone bases survivality of a marriage strictly upon sexual compatability, they're bound to be disappointed with marriage.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying sexual compatability isn't relevant, just that if the lack of a "sample" of your intended spouse's sexual technique gives you doubts about marriage, there are probably many other things lacking in that relationship.

If the man who loves can't be "sure" he wants to marry me without spreading my legs first, I don't see how spreading my legs will assuage his doubts.

[Isis of Magic]

Bienaimee R

lumnata

Invictus_88

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Invictus_88

It's not a blood type, y'know. Sexual compatability grows out of the relationship. Particularly, it grows out of whether or not the two are able to listen to and understand one-another, and find common ground.

Contrary to the beliefs of some, ******** isn't a necessary part of that.

Communication can only get two people so far. For instance, person A wants sex several times a day whereas person B is okay with once a month. With such a vast difference, one or both people are very possibly going to be left resentful. No amount of talking can make a person want sex more or a person want sex less. Another example would be BDSM and fetish stuff or even simply trying new, exciting things. What if someone really, really doesn't want to try something new but their partner is incredibly bored with their sex life? Should the former have to reluctantly consent to something he or she absolutely does not want to do or should the bored person grow to resent the former for not being open-minded?

I disagree that a compatible sex life- be both partners celibate, total pervs, or somewhere in between- is not an important part of many relationships, or even all relationships. You can't MAKE yourself want sex more and you can't make yourself want it less.

These are all very good examples...


...of things which are better resolved through communication and understanding than by sleeping around until you think you match someone.

I didn't say you had to sleep around with all sorts of people. Just recommending testing the waters with your potential spouse before making a final lifelong commitment. And no, my examples were of things that can't be fixed just through communication and understanding, unless you're promoting open relationships or some such agreement if one is left sexually frustrated. Oh, and depression is another example. I'm not talking a brief bout, but something that goes on for years and years. Compassion and understanding isn't exactly sexually fulfilling.

If someone bases survivality of a marriage strictly upon sexual compatability, they're bound to be disappointed with marriage.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying sexual compatability isn't relevant, just that if the lack of a "sample" of your intended spouse's sexual technique gives you doubts about marriage, there are probably many other things lacking in that relationship.

If the man who loves can't be "sure" he wants to marry me without spreading my legs first, I don't see how spreading my legs will assuage his doubts.

Thank you!!!

It really is that simple. If he can't love you for your beliefs, worries or confusion about certain aspects of sex, then he certainly is not a good person...and that goes for the opposite group as well.

Especially if you have dealt with situations that cause you to be more apprehensive about having sex.

If there are already doubts, there either needs to be some couple therapy to fix it or the two people need to move on with their lives--separated.

[lumnata]

Bienaimee R

lumnata

Invictus_88

lumnata

Invictus_88

It's not a blood type, y'know. Sexual compatability grows out of the relationship. Particularly, it grows out of whether or not the two are able to listen to and understand one-another, and find common ground.

Contrary to the beliefs of some, ******** isn't a necessary part of that.

Communication can only get two people so far. For instance, person A wants sex several times a day whereas person B is okay with once a month. With such a vast difference, one or both people are very possibly going to be left resentful. No amount of talking can make a person want sex more or a person want sex less. Another example would be BDSM and fetish stuff or even simply trying new, exciting things. What if someone really, really doesn't want to try something new but their partner is incredibly bored with their sex life? Should the former have to reluctantly consent to something he or she absolutely does not want to do or should the bored person grow to resent the former for not being open-minded?

I disagree that a compatible sex life- be both partners celibate, total pervs, or somewhere in between- is not an important part of many relationships, or even all relationships. You can't MAKE yourself want sex more and you can't make yourself want it less.

These are all very good examples...


...of things which are better resolved through communication and understanding than by sleeping around until you think you match someone.

I didn't say you had to sleep around with all sorts of people. Just recommending testing the waters with your potential spouse before making a final lifelong commitment. And no, my examples were of things that can't be fixed just through communication and understanding, unless you're promoting open relationships or some such agreement if one is left sexually frustrated. Oh, and depression is another example. I'm not talking a brief bout, but something that goes on for years and years. Compassion and understanding isn't exactly sexually fulfilling.

If someone bases survivality of a marriage strictly upon sexual compatability, they're bound to be disappointed with marriage.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying sexual compatability isn't relevant, just that if the lack of a "sample" of your intended spouse's sexual technique gives you doubts about marriage, there are probably many other things lacking in that relationship.

If the man who loves can't be "sure" he wants to marry me without spreading my legs first, I don't see how spreading my legs will assuage his doubts.

I never said survivability should be based only on sexual compatibility, only that that is one aspect that is important to some people, including myself. It's not about having a "sample", as though sex is some sort of product to be used up or tried once to determine the quality. It's about one aspect of general compatibility in an area that can make or break a relationship. If you're not a sexual person and your partner isn't either, then I don't suppose it matters much. If you're a younger person who isn't very sexually experienced (I was there once and I felt the same way as you so that's in no way a hit against you or anything), then I can understand how you might not see the relevancy of sex in a relationship, certainly a more mature relationship (with older people who are more likely to be more sexually experienced and also more experienced in having relationships and dealing with things like sexual compatibility).

For myself, I'm an older person. I've been married- and divorced- twice. For me, sex is important. It's not THE most important thing in my relationships, but it is a very important thing. i have no interest in getting married again for a long, long time, but if I did, we would definitely have to be sexually compatible. While I don't mind teaching someone I love how to pleasure me, I don't want to start from scratch, from the very basics. I want my partner to have a general idea of what he is doing, and have his own technique down that we can build upon. I also want him to have a sex drive that is similar to mine- not too much, but not too little either.

[Kinomi-sempie]

not ashamed of it, but everyone at work makes fun of me for it. its annoying.