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Auzrill's avatar

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It's simple: S&M is frowned upon by society because it can be difficult to discern at a glance whether it's abuse, harmless playfulness, or just a very deep and trusting relationship with a few kinks thrown in.

Images of confinement, embarrassment, or being controlled by another to an excessive degree is disturbing to a lot of people. It's the stuff horror movies are made of. For most people, the very idea of a dominant/submissive relationship is counter-intuitive. I'm sure lots of people associate that sort of thing with bad memories, sometimes even traumatic experiences.

On the more practical and personal side, an S&M relationship can be more difficult than the traditional kind. Forget finding someone you can feel safe sleeping beside and waking up to every morning; let's see if you can trust your boyfriend/girlfriend to be so deeply honest with their feelings that they're willing to let you manipulate the dark and twisted aspects of human pleasure inside of them. I know many people who would not trust themselves to not "take it too far and seriously hurt him/her" or would be downright terrified of not being able to properly distinguish pleasure from pain.

This is very good. I think the reason S&M is seen as such a dark culture is because when people hear things about it, they fear it. They do not understand it, it seems strange. But for an S&M relationship to work, there needs to be such a strong bond. The partners have to understand and trust each other to a higher degree because of the activities involved. Another thing people forget is that safety and caring for each other is the most important thing in S&M. Yes, sometimes people do dangerous things, but it is never to harm or injure anyone in a malicious way.
daChaosKitty's avatar

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Because you're viewed as a sexual "deviant," someone outside of the accepted sexual norm. So, of course people will find reasons to find it objectionable. They don't understand it.

As for my opinion? I could be considered part of it.
Halario's avatar

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Well, I completely accept BDSM.
I find it a complete turn on, really.
I'm an accepting person, so BDSM is hardly hard to accept, in my opinion. Things like incest took awhile to accept, but I did. As long as it doesn't get the partner preggers! Heh, I know it's illegal, but honestly, it doesn't matter to me.
I've researched BDSM before, watched a few videos about it. BDSM is completely acceptable, as long as it follows, you know, the three general rules - safe, sane, and consensual.
People are free to do what they want, as long as it doesn't affect others (in a logical way).
Dark Cookiez
the three general rules - safe, sane, and consensual.

Whats sane?

Forgoing biological instinct while accepting pleasure signals without question?
Practising a social ritual frowned upon by probably a majority of society?
And is not defying the three rules the point of the pleasure behind BDSM
Halario's avatar

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Dark Cookiez
the three general rules - safe, sane, and consensual.

Whats sane?

Forgoing biological instinct while accepting pleasure signals without question?
Practising a social ritual frowned upon by probably a majority of society?
And is not defying the three rules the point of the pleasure behind BDSM

Holy crap, not this again.
Sane means that neither partner shall forget that they both have boundaries that neither should cross. Hard limits and soft limits, yes? Never lose yourself in the act of BDSM. If you do, use a safe word. Some people have past experiences that make them scared or uncomfortable - they may then think the situation they're in is what happened to them before, and start panicking. The dominate needs to familiarize him or herself on what the submissive is comfortable and uncomfortable with. If the dominate wants to try something new, he/she needs to read up on it and familiarize him or herself with it. Sane also means knowing what must remain fantasy.
Many people have issues accepting that they're into BDSM, because it's frowned upon by many.
So, no. People question it alright. Forgoing our biological instinct? Really? Who says we need to follow it? I certainly don't plan to. What my 'biological instincts' have in mind for me are to have babies and fear a whole lot of crap. Not having babies, and fear is able to be controlled.
Who cares about society? They can go screw a cat. Life is yours to lead, do what you want with it. Whatever makes you happiest.
No, actually. It's not.
BDSM is about trust between the two partners, and completely letting go or taking control. It can help people get what they never could. Relying on others so completely can be exciting and comforting, and taking complete control can symbolize a persons lack of it.
Safe also goes to the soft and hard limits, but it also makes sure the partners never hurt each other, without consent. The dominate needs to be knowledgeable about these sort of things.
If the submissive is uncomfortable, all he/she needs to do is say the safe word, or whatever they set up. They also need to make sure that neither of them have any transmittable diseases (if so, to always use a condom or make sure their blood doesn't get mixed), and to wrap up and treat any wounds either may have gotten during BDSM play (it's important to note that some partners are emotional after a play, and need comfort). It's also a good idea to have scissors or a shear handy, a key that unlocks all lockable items, and having a first aid kit handy.
Both the submissive and the dominate have to agree to the act of BDSM. If one doesn't agree, it is no longer consensual, and can be classified as rape or sexual harassment. It's what separates the BDSM community from abusers.
No no no.
Committing to the three rules is what brings pleasure to BDSM.
It's not just pain or cruel words - it's about the excitement one gets from it, they know it's not an actual situation. If the hard and soft limits were always breached, it would no longer be safe, sane, or consensual. Not fun for the submissive - it's scary and unwanted.
The complete trust in your partner, and euphoric feelings one may get from it.
Always make sure to make a negotiation before playing.
Project Light's avatar

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So since falling in with the local Kink/Fet/BDSM scene in my community, I've heard more and more about people who feel as though it's morally wrong, or that it's oppressive in nature, or just bad for one reason or another. I've never actually run into any of these people IRL, but I am growing more and more curious about these fanciful moral-unicorns.

So why is it S&M gets such a bad rap? To those of you who feel that it is... well... whatever you feel it is: why do you feel this way? What is your experience with it?

Obviously this is a kids site, so I have no intention for this to turn into some sort of NC-17 chat. But it's still a pretty mature topic I suppose.

Anyway, drop in, share your opinions.

What's your opinion on the BDSM Community/lifestyle?

I am fine with it. It's easy to see why others wouldn't be, though. Part(s) of the community is one person being inferior. In acting out the role, it is usually due to a gender issue. If a woman plays the submissive role, the verbalization is that it is due to her being a woman, regardless of the fact that men may also play the submissive role. The stigma is that the people indulging in these plays either already do or will develop an actual belief of them. That is, if a man says to his submissive partner enough that she is a worthless whore and that women are nothing better than sexual slaves, he would begin to believe it outside of the bedroom and start to treat women who are not his sexual partner as though they are such objects.
This goes beyond submissiveness and into other areas of the BDSM community, such as rape-play and sadism.

As far as I know, there has never been a study as to whether or not this is the case. Namely, because getting internal validity in such a study is near - if not entirely - impossible. Personally, I don't believe this is the case; but it's not hard to see why someone might.
Whats wrong with it? I'm part of my local BDSM scene too. None of the people I tell think its immoral. A bit weird, yeah, but nothing to do with morals.
Wir Sind Eine Von Vielen's avatar

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I'm involved in the lifestyle.

The key elements are CSS - consensual, safe, and sane.
Keep to that and it's just fine.
I don't do it or anything, but I think what two consenting individuals want to do in their own time is none of my business as long as it is agreed to by both parties. Yes? Otherwise, it could be a criminal offense

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