Sexuality and Attraction

[leviathanskye]

Lately I've come across a lot of debate on how sexuality is defined, specifically in contrast to attraction. Let's say, for example, that there is a man who identifies as heterosexual, but he can find other men attractive even if he only has sex with women. Many of the people I've come across say that because he finds other men physically appealing, he is actually bisexual even if he identifies otherwise and doesn't want to have sex with men. Is sexuality defined by sexual history or by attraction?

[X of Castigation]

sexuality and gender is a mostly fluid oncept which, on close analysis, has little bearing in how human beings actually interact and more to do with how we believe human beings interact.

[Slut Goddess]

Sexuality is extremely fluid. Just because a man can admire the physical attributes of another man doesn't make him bisexual. If he wanted to have sex with other men, that would then technically make him something other than heterosexual. But admiring another person of the same gender for how they look does not make anyone anything that they don't want to identify as.

[low iq 111]

just say their sexuality is irrelevant and they can be attracted to whoever they want to as long as they do not abuse people in the name of this attraction

why does everything always need a label? i suppose they are good but is it necessary for gender?

[Nyx12]

I'm not really good at explaining, but think of it like this. A guy is sexually attracted to girls but does that mean he'll have sex and date everyone of them that walks by? Obviously not. Just because he's attracted to girls does not mean he loves them. Love to me, isn't all about being sexually attracted. Once he finds a girl he is attracted to, he will only look at her (in a hopeful world). This to me, is the same case for same gender relationships.

But it's just my opinion lol

[vwytche]

Have we really come this far, that we think that abstract things like a level of feeling can have a definative label?

Christ next we're going to have words for people that like blue, don't like chocolate or have a favorite season.

Anti-choc, bluite, wintophile wishes to meet same. rolleyes

Can we stop before we start to make ourselves look stupid? redface Whooops, too late.

[Miza_Radioaktiv]

I can actually give you a great example when it comes to sexuality and attraction.

I am a woman who is intellectually, emotionally, physically, and sexually attracted to other women. I find men attractive in the all the same aspects except sexually. By this, I would be considered a lesbian and not bisexual. I don't find men sexually attractive and I cannot imagine being in a sexual relationship with a man. It just doesn't appeal to me.

I believe that sexuality is determined by which genders you find sexually attractive. Building a sexual history with a certain gender(s) doesn't necessarily define your sexuality considering a lot of people tend to force themselves to have sex with a gender in despite of being sexually attracted to them. (Ex.: Forcing oneself to be heterosexual when one isn't.)

I hope that wasn't too confusing. sweatdrop

[Professor Blue]

Sexuality is really a gray scale rather than the binary straight or gay. In reference to the op's example, attraction does not equal sexual behavior. So just because the male is attracted to other males doesn't mean that he will act on the impulse. Thus defining the male as bisexual solely due to attraction rather than actual behavior is nonsense.

[Krazy-Writer]

I am no expert on the subject, but in my Literary Theory class I developed my thoughts about sexuality from Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Experience by Adrienne Rich.

It sways for feminism and is riddled with literary queer theory, but I enjoyed the essay because it helped shape some of my thoughts. I still do believe in the "sexuality is fluid" idea, which seems to be popular, but compulsory heterosexuality (if you read, you'll get it) makes sense too. Biggest reason we have problems defining sexuality and attraction is because, I think, society follows this theory of "compulsory heterosexuality."

According to Rich, "Biologically men have only one innate orientation--a sexual one that draws them to women--while women have two innate orientations, sexual toward men and reproductive toward their young." Apparently, this "compulsory heterosexuality" defines that each sex is supposed to be attracted to the opposite, but of course I think therein lies the biggest issue; assuming that all of this concrete, but it is not. Like I said I do believe, "sexuality is fluid." It's really hard to explain, actually. I just know that there is probably a difference between sexuality and mere attraction. For instance, let me explain my situation. There are definitely men that I desire, but there are definitely women that I desire as well. And by desire I mean, sexually attracted to. However, there is one big confusing thing in my head...I cannot see myself in a relationship with a woman, although, I find her attractive, etc etc.

It's difficult to explain...and...well, this essay may be entirely on the front for women (1980s after all), but I do believe it draws attention to attraction and sexuality in a literary kind of way, if that can supply anyone with food for thought? Give it a try?

[vegan shrimp kabob]

doesn't matter. individuals can identify themselves in whichever way they want. there is no right or wrong or standard way of defining this.

[Krazy-Writer]

remourleia

doesn't matter. individuals can identify themselves in whichever way they want. there is no right or wrong or standard way of defining this.

But I think you just raised the issue of concern, here. Humans have a tendency to need a right and wrong way of doing things, hence why defining this subject is actually really difficult. Makes sense and yes you have a good point; it is very individual. Though we may see it as individual a lot of this sexuality and attraction is in the media and there are a set of "societal standards" that "they" want followed. There are standards and there are ways in which certain people attempt to make an individualized decision very public. Or rather attempt control of the decision by saying what is "right or wrong." If that makes any sense at all to anyone, I'd be surprised.

[NatsuNoYuki]

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Keep in mind that sexuality describes physical attraction, not romantic attraction.
Often times, those two go hand in hand but not all the time.
For example, if your friend is attracted romantically to both men and woman, but has no desire or physical attraction toward men, he could be biromantically heterosexual.

~ ♥ ====================================== ♥ ~
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[vegan shrimp kabob]

Krazy-Writer

remourleia

doesn't matter. individuals can identify themselves in whichever way they want. there is no right or wrong or standard way of defining this.

But I think you just raised the issue of concern, here. Humans have a tendency to need a right and wrong way of doing things, hence why defining this subject is actually really difficult. Makes sense and yes you have a good point; it is very individual. Though we may see it as individual a lot of this sexuality and attraction is in the media and there are a set of "societal standards" that "they" want followed. There are standards and there are ways in which certain people attempt to make an individualized decision very public. Or rather attempt control of the decision by saying what is "right or wrong." If that makes any sense at all to anyone, I'd be surprised.

you're overthinking it.

[Krazy-Writer]

remourleia

Krazy-Writer

remourleia

doesn't matter. individuals can identify themselves in whichever way they want. there is no right or wrong or standard way of defining this.

But I think you just raised the issue of concern, here. Humans have a tendency to need a right and wrong way of doing things, hence why defining this subject is actually really difficult. Makes sense and yes you have a good point; it is very individual. Though we may see it as individual a lot of this sexuality and attraction is in the media and there are a set of "societal standards" that "they" want followed. There are standards and there are ways in which certain people attempt to make an individualized decision very public. Or rather attempt control of the decision by saying what is "right or wrong." If that makes any sense at all to anyone, I'd be surprised.

you're overthinking it.

You're probably right. Forgive me. ;/