anotherobscurediamond
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- Posted: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 17:40:11 +0000
A few years ago, I was actually somewhat religious (or was at least trying to be), I used to study the bible. I'm not religious anymore, for now I believe I'm an atheist, and I don't have any future plans on changing my views. ... I just don't see the bible as a literal piece, I see it more from the literature point-of-view. Another book that is full of lessons and characters to embody and express those lessons, be them good or bad... I've always had the hardest time praying, until I finally realized, after years of trying, that I just didn't believe there is a God, or any superior being at all. It just didn't come natural to me. And instead of going with the "biblical" message (I put it in parentheses because even though many believe the message is one way, I believe it can be interpreted in many. Again, I don't see the bible as a literal piece.), I was rebelling against it.
For instance, back then (when I studied the bible), I had an issue with pornography. To me, it was something I had to watch hidden from other eyes (of course) but, since I believed that God was an actual, living creature, I felt extremely guilty after it, and yet... continued watching it after many prayers of redemption... it's a very strange and illogical thing from one point of view. But, if you see it in another light, it makes sense. Since I didn't actually believe in a higher being, but hadn't fully grasped that concept and accepted myself as I am, I was struggling to find myself. And, since I was still trying to find myself (and will forever be getting to know myself), I was not able to look deep within me and see how I really felt about it, and about many other things. I only had what "God" thought was correct and hadn't known how to control myself since "He" was controlling me mentally, which lead to "Him" controlling my actions. (It wasn't really "God", it was just the biblical interpretation I was given of the bible.)
With pornography, I felt "alive" (I feel so disgusted with myself when admitting that), and I became highly addicted to it. I began to believe that it didn't affect me, when it really drained me psychologically and emotionally. I have learnt that, when I truly look into the nature of pornography, that it's very repulsive and unappealingly grotesque. On a "surface leveled" analogy, porn is exhibiting two human beings having the most physical intimacy possible, sex. And by us (humanity) watching and enjoying that intimate exhibition, which should always stay intimate (not public) in my eyes, we are just exhibiting what emotionless (in the sense of not giving a woot about others feelings/privacy and are being extremely selfish) creatures we are capable of becoming. And just shows me how corrupt we can become and to what extents we can extend our coldness as a people, how we sever boundaries that are the closest thing to "holy" in my mind. And ultimately, we are promoting that "Sex sells".
Furthermore, I believe that our ethical and moral standards are almost nonexistent, and our standards are in a all-time-low as a society (and yes, I am aware that since forever humans have found a way to either watch or expand eroticism, but, I feel like with technology it's become more accessible to anyone, of any age, and now it's affected our population, the world, as a whole due to the rapidly growing pornographic industry). And it's perfectly fine to feel sexual needs and have "naughty" thoughts once in a while, as long as you don't think about it too often or make it too significant in your life that you become willing to hurt someone else and/or yourself in any way. And, in my mind, having "sex" or whatever you want to call it, is fine as long as we give it a deeper meaning, instead of it being sex, viewing it as making love. Because It's a truly beautiful and magical experience, I believe, to be able to connect with the person you deeply respect and love (on a romantic level) in the most intimate form of physical connection in existence.
That's one of the reasons why I believe that pornography is such a hurtful entertainment, it gives a message that you should feel a certain detachment towards your sexual partner (or partners), like a one night stand, and mold's the minds of those who watch it (which sadly more and more children are watching, which are vulnerable, inexperienced and easily tricked) to believe that sex is like that, something you aren't supposed to feel beyond sexual pleasure. It also exhibits the "sexual experience" as inaccurate in many cases, creating some deceptive ideas that aren't realistic. Because not all females have loud ear wrenching orgasms, or not all couples when being intimate last as long as others, or want to.
Moreover, as a society we place to much value to sexual experiences and things that involve sex. Which, is repulsive and depressing. Because once you place so much importance onto one subject, especially a momentary pleasure that is sex, you lose the ability to fully grasp and feel the true meaning of life (which varies between people) to this "leech" which is controlling you, and not allowing you to live in balance and in control of your life. ... Life, in my eyes, is not and should not be seen as a sexual experiment of some sort. ... Unless you are contributing to science/society in some way, like Sigmund Freud, which I highly praise as a scientist and human being (for leaving such a well ingrained footstep). But, the thing with Freud is that he didn't actually partake in the sexual activity, he actually felt nothing at all towards the matter. You could say he was asexual, and that's why he was such a good contender when studying sexuality and things of that nature. ... But, anyway, as I was saying, to me, that's just a pity waste of life.
I feel ashamed to have ever contributed to such a heartless, greedy, and capitalist industry that is the pornographic industry. I feel disgusted to have ever fallen so low and to have been addicted to something so corrupt and so vague. I wish never to fall into that pit again.
As for masturbation, I used to feel disgusting when practicing it. It used to come attached to watching porn and made me feel like the scum of the world when I would finish. Also, since I was religious, that would just intensified my self loathing. But, now, I see it in a different light. I have come to the conclusions that, it's actually very important. In my eyes, it's the most intimate way you can get to know yourself (on a physical level), and it's very important. (I'm not advocating everyone to do it, do what your heart and mind allows, and I especially do not recommend this to juvenile, immature minds. You have to have a certain level of maturity to understand yourself in this level.) I do not think of anyone when doing this, just focus on myself and my liking's. If you can't be comfortable with yourself, you'll never be comfortable with anyone else. It's also very stress relieving to me, a form of relaxation. I, as I said with pornography, do not believe this should be done too often. I do it very minimally, usually months apart from each other, and my mind is not constantly thinking about my next "appointment". Again, I believe life should be seen as more than a giant sexual experience; it should not consume your life.
If you've read this in it's entirety, thank you. I made this post in hopes of helping others who might be addicted to porn or masturbation. I hope that my opinions help someone. It feels great to be heard, it makes me feel special in a way. It makes me feel worthy. Please comment and leave me your thoughts, do you agree with my point of view? Or not? Or agree on somethings and not on others? I am very welcoming to comments, even if they're against my point of view. I love getting to know others perspectives. Also, I wish that this has not offended anyone, and if anyone is, I am very sorry. Those are not my intentions at all. I just wish to be heard.
For instance, back then (when I studied the bible), I had an issue with pornography. To me, it was something I had to watch hidden from other eyes (of course) but, since I believed that God was an actual, living creature, I felt extremely guilty after it, and yet... continued watching it after many prayers of redemption... it's a very strange and illogical thing from one point of view. But, if you see it in another light, it makes sense. Since I didn't actually believe in a higher being, but hadn't fully grasped that concept and accepted myself as I am, I was struggling to find myself. And, since I was still trying to find myself (and will forever be getting to know myself), I was not able to look deep within me and see how I really felt about it, and about many other things. I only had what "God" thought was correct and hadn't known how to control myself since "He" was controlling me mentally, which lead to "Him" controlling my actions. (It wasn't really "God", it was just the biblical interpretation I was given of the bible.)
With pornography, I felt "alive" (I feel so disgusted with myself when admitting that), and I became highly addicted to it. I began to believe that it didn't affect me, when it really drained me psychologically and emotionally. I have learnt that, when I truly look into the nature of pornography, that it's very repulsive and unappealingly grotesque. On a "surface leveled" analogy, porn is exhibiting two human beings having the most physical intimacy possible, sex. And by us (humanity) watching and enjoying that intimate exhibition, which should always stay intimate (not public) in my eyes, we are just exhibiting what emotionless (in the sense of not giving a woot about others feelings/privacy and are being extremely selfish) creatures we are capable of becoming. And just shows me how corrupt we can become and to what extents we can extend our coldness as a people, how we sever boundaries that are the closest thing to "holy" in my mind. And ultimately, we are promoting that "Sex sells".
Furthermore, I believe that our ethical and moral standards are almost nonexistent, and our standards are in a all-time-low as a society (and yes, I am aware that since forever humans have found a way to either watch or expand eroticism, but, I feel like with technology it's become more accessible to anyone, of any age, and now it's affected our population, the world, as a whole due to the rapidly growing pornographic industry). And it's perfectly fine to feel sexual needs and have "naughty" thoughts once in a while, as long as you don't think about it too often or make it too significant in your life that you become willing to hurt someone else and/or yourself in any way. And, in my mind, having "sex" or whatever you want to call it, is fine as long as we give it a deeper meaning, instead of it being sex, viewing it as making love. Because It's a truly beautiful and magical experience, I believe, to be able to connect with the person you deeply respect and love (on a romantic level) in the most intimate form of physical connection in existence.
That's one of the reasons why I believe that pornography is such a hurtful entertainment, it gives a message that you should feel a certain detachment towards your sexual partner (or partners), like a one night stand, and mold's the minds of those who watch it (which sadly more and more children are watching, which are vulnerable, inexperienced and easily tricked) to believe that sex is like that, something you aren't supposed to feel beyond sexual pleasure. It also exhibits the "sexual experience" as inaccurate in many cases, creating some deceptive ideas that aren't realistic. Because not all females have loud ear wrenching orgasms, or not all couples when being intimate last as long as others, or want to.
Moreover, as a society we place to much value to sexual experiences and things that involve sex. Which, is repulsive and depressing. Because once you place so much importance onto one subject, especially a momentary pleasure that is sex, you lose the ability to fully grasp and feel the true meaning of life (which varies between people) to this "leech" which is controlling you, and not allowing you to live in balance and in control of your life. ... Life, in my eyes, is not and should not be seen as a sexual experiment of some sort. ... Unless you are contributing to science/society in some way, like Sigmund Freud, which I highly praise as a scientist and human being (for leaving such a well ingrained footstep). But, the thing with Freud is that he didn't actually partake in the sexual activity, he actually felt nothing at all towards the matter. You could say he was asexual, and that's why he was such a good contender when studying sexuality and things of that nature. ... But, anyway, as I was saying, to me, that's just a pity waste of life.
I feel ashamed to have ever contributed to such a heartless, greedy, and capitalist industry that is the pornographic industry. I feel disgusted to have ever fallen so low and to have been addicted to something so corrupt and so vague. I wish never to fall into that pit again.
As for masturbation, I used to feel disgusting when practicing it. It used to come attached to watching porn and made me feel like the scum of the world when I would finish. Also, since I was religious, that would just intensified my self loathing. But, now, I see it in a different light. I have come to the conclusions that, it's actually very important. In my eyes, it's the most intimate way you can get to know yourself (on a physical level), and it's very important. (I'm not advocating everyone to do it, do what your heart and mind allows, and I especially do not recommend this to juvenile, immature minds. You have to have a certain level of maturity to understand yourself in this level.) I do not think of anyone when doing this, just focus on myself and my liking's. If you can't be comfortable with yourself, you'll never be comfortable with anyone else. It's also very stress relieving to me, a form of relaxation. I, as I said with pornography, do not believe this should be done too often. I do it very minimally, usually months apart from each other, and my mind is not constantly thinking about my next "appointment". Again, I believe life should be seen as more than a giant sexual experience; it should not consume your life.
If you've read this in it's entirety, thank you. I made this post in hopes of helping others who might be addicted to porn or masturbation. I hope that my opinions help someone. It feels great to be heard, it makes me feel special in a way. It makes me feel worthy. Please comment and leave me your thoughts, do you agree with my point of view? Or not? Or agree on somethings and not on others? I am very welcoming to comments, even if they're against my point of view. I love getting to know others perspectives. Also, I wish that this has not offended anyone, and if anyone is, I am very sorry. Those are not my intentions at all. I just wish to be heard.
