Introversion--I need help

[Xennrea]

I'm just posting this as a quick topic because I need help soon. I've asked quite a few people, but most of the people I ask in real life are extroverts and haven't been very helpful...

So here's the situation:

I'm going to a friend's house for the weekend for Thanksgiving. I'm not a shy person, but I am an introvert and I know everyone at the party is an extrovert.
Now, I have no problem with extroverts. They are the way they are, and I am the way I am. I don't hate people for being extroverted.

However, it does vex me when I am at a party and everyone else there spends their entire time texting or chatting on MySpace, or generally isolating themselves from everyone else around them. I find it extremely disrespectful. I would like to go to a party and mingle with people and make friends.

I'm kind of "old-fashioned" in a way. I find it rude when people bring any kind of electronics at the dinner table. The teens at the party text constantly, even while we eat Thanksgiving dinner! This happens every time I go to this friend's house and I'm sure it will happen again.

I would rather not go to a party with disrespectful teenagers, but it's a family get-together and I kind of have to...can anyone please help me overcome my problem so I won't feel so bad while I'm there? I've tried reasoning with these teens before, but they all treat as if I am an unsocial loser just because I don't text 24/7. One guy even suggested that I "Get a life!" This person of course never met me before...

I'm not asking to become more extroverted. I don't want to be the kind of person who loves texting all the time, or engages in small talk. But I do want help dealing with people who are this way.

Also, I realize not all extroverted people text often, but I think they generally text more often than introverts. They are good at starting conversations even over the phone (a skill I sometimes wish I had). There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't like it when people do it a party, when they should be interacting with the people around them.

I'm not sure if this is the correct place for this thread...introversion and extroversion are part of social psychology, so I think it is...I would appreciate some solid advice.

[Agent Cougar Draven]

You can't "deal" with extroverts. The most you can do is ask that they give you your space if and when you need it.

Also, you sound more extroverted than you realize. Just wanting to mingle makes the difference.

[CH1YO]

Xennrea

I'm just posting this as a quick topic because I need help soon. I've asked quite a few people, but most of the people I ask in real life are extroverts and haven't been very helpful...

Very well.

Xennrea

So here's the situation:

I'm going to a friend's house for the weekend for Thanksgiving. I'm not a shy person, but I am an introvert and I know everyone at the party is an extrovert.
Now, I have no problem with extroverts. They are the way they are, and I am the way I am. I don't hate people for being extroverted.

There's no such thing as an introvert,an extrovert.

Xennrea

However, it does vex me when I am at a party and everyone else there spends their entire time texting or chatting on MySpace, or generally isolating themselves from everyone else around them. I find it extremely disrespectful. I would like to go to a party and mingle with people and make friends.

I honestly can't imagine why people would do that- it's truly absurd.

Xennrea

I'm kind of "old-fashioned" in a way. I find it rude when people bring any kind of electronics at the dinner table. The teens at the party text constantly, even while we eat Thanksgiving dinner! This happens every time I go to this friend's house and I'm sure it will happen again.

That's something you just have to accept- their house their rules.

Xennrea

I would rather not go to a party with disrespectful teenagers, but it's a family get-together and I kind of have to...can anyone please help me overcome my problem so I won't feel so bad while I'm there? I've tried reasoning with these teens before, but they all treat as if I am an unsocial loser just because I don't text 24/7. One guy even suggested that I "Get a life!" This person of course never met me before...

Your problems are a room full of inane teens, I can't in good conscience help you to overcome them.

Xennrea

I'm not asking to become more extroverted. I don't want to be the kind of person who loves texting all the time, or engages in small talk. But I do want help dealing with people who are this way.

Just let them get on with it- there's nothing much to do- but realise it's not a personal slight, their lack of attention is non vectoral.

Xennrea

Also, I realize not all extroverted people text often, but I think they generally text more often than introverts. They are good at starting conversations even over the phone (a skill I sometimes wish I had). There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't like it when people do it a party, when they should be interacting with the people around them.

Interject yourself- you're there and have a greater claim to relevance.

Xennrea

I'm not sure if this is the correct place for this thread...introversion and extroversion are part of social psychology, so I think it is...I would appreciate some solid advice.

Introversion and Extroversion are not parts of social psychology and this topic isn't about them but I'm not going to complain.

[Agent Cougar Draven]

CH1YO

There's no such thing as an introvert,an extrovert.

What are you talking about?

[kepstein8888]

To start off, I think it would help to mentally separate the teens from the rest of the group.

Family isn't "cool" when you're a teen. You feel like you're being dragged to family events, and would rather be with your friends than hear Aunt Martha talk about the year of the flood again. Some teens aren't like that, but odds are that they'll be aloof--text or not. Better to let them do their text thing than to watch them sit there and mope because they're bored with all of the geeky grown-ups.

As for any adults who text at the dinner table, I agree it's kind of rude. What's the point of getting together if everybody's inside their blackberry or cell phone? But that's today's world. What can you do?

Even if the adults do engage with you, prepare to be disappointed if they're all extroverts. Chances are that they'll blab about personal details of their lives, or the weather...Don't expect to have too many meaningful conversations because, like you said, they're extroverts.

As an introvert who's been to parties and family events, I understand your dilemma. I'd suggest you bring some sort of distraction for yourself, perhaps a blackberry with internet access. It may sound contradictory and hypocritical, but in a sense, it's the perfect answer if you want to survive and keep your sanity. Nobody can complain about it because everybody's doing it.

When there's opportunity to chat about something interesting, you can look up from your gadget and jump in if you want. But based on my experience, sitting there waiting for a meaningful conversation with extroverts at a chaotic party is setting yourself up for disappointment.

[CH1YO]

Agent Cougar Draven

What are you talking about?

Living in reality, rather than ideal-psychological-world.

[Xennrea]

What bugs me about the whole situation is that it is being hosted by adults and they have only one kid. The other kids who come over are just his friends, and they are all disrespectful to everyone, including the adults who are feeding them.

So saying, "It's their house and their rules" hardly applies. But thanks anyway; I understand I don't have the authority to tell them to change, but I wish people would be more considerate. Especially around the adults who provide for them.

The adults aren't the ones texting, it's only the kids. I would bring my own friends along so I could actually have fun there, but I feel it is rude to invite someone when the host doesn't know the person you are inviting. Am I being old-fashioned again?

Bringing something along for entertainment is what I tried to do. I don't text people for entertainment unless there is something constructive to talk about. Instead I read a good book. Last time when the boy saw me doing this, that was when he told me to "Get a life."

So to him, reading means not having a life. I can't stand people with that mindset.

Maybe it's just me, and the way I try to be a well-mannered guest. I suppose my personality has no place in today's society? Especially given the fact that I myself am a teenager.

Anyway, thanks all for the advice so far. I guess I should just try to accept the fact that this is the way people are. I'll only be with them for a couple of days.

And I need to find a better place for this thread...

[CH1YO]

Xennrea

What bugs me about the whole situation is that it is being hosted by adults and they have only one kid. The other kids who come over are just his friends, and they are all disrespectful to everyone, including the adults who are feeding them.

So saying, "It's their house and their rules" hardly applies. But thanks anyway; I understand I don't have the authority to tell them to change, but I wish people would be more considerate. Especially around the adults who provide for them.

The adults aren't the ones texting, it's only the kids. I would bring my own friends along so I could actually have fun there, but I feel it is rude to invite someone when the host doesn't know the person you are inviting. Am I being old-fashioned again?

Bringing something along for entertainment is what I tried to do. I don't text people for entertainment unless there is something constructive to talk about. Instead I read a good book. Last time when the boy saw me doing this, that was when he told me to "Get a life."

So to him, reading means not having a life. I can't stand people with that mindset.

Maybe it's just me, and the way I try to be a well-mannered guest. I suppose my personality has no place in today's society? Especially given the fact that I myself am a teenager.

Anyway, thanks all for the advice so far. I guess I should just try to accept the fact that this is the way people are. I'll only be with them for a couple of days.

And I need to find a better place for this thread...

Guests are entitled to exercise any freedoms offered by the host, it may be rude and churlish but they are very much entitled to behave in this strange way.

You're quite in the right if that helps anything, hopefully you can find a way to contribute positively.

If you're a guest it is best form to interact with the hosts or other guests, reading can be intrinsically antisocial.

You adopted a communication adverse behaviour at a social gathering, granted though he may very well have been a philistine.

You'd do fine by me, perhaps you should try to engage more, you seem resigned.

I'd be rather sad now if you moved it away from me.

[SuchSweetSadism]

CH1YO

Xennrea

What bugs me about the whole situation is that it is being hosted by adults and they have only one kid. The other kids who come over are just his friends, and they are all disrespectful to everyone, including the adults who are feeding them.

So saying, "It's their house and their rules" hardly applies. But thanks anyway; I understand I don't have the authority to tell them to change, but I wish people would be more considerate. Especially around the adults who provide for them.

The adults aren't the ones texting, it's only the kids. I would bring my own friends along so I could actually have fun there, but I feel it is rude to invite someone when the host doesn't know the person you are inviting. Am I being old-fashioned again?

Bringing something along for entertainment is what I tried to do. I don't text people for entertainment unless there is something constructive to talk about. Instead I read a good book. Last time when the boy saw me doing this, that was when he told me to "Get a life."

So to him, reading means not having a life. I can't stand people with that mindset.

Maybe it's just me, and the way I try to be a well-mannered guest. I suppose my personality has no place in today's society? Especially given the fact that I myself am a teenager.

Anyway, thanks all for the advice so far. I guess I should just try to accept the fact that this is the way people are. I'll only be with them for a couple of days.

And I need to find a better place for this thread...

Guests are entitled to exercise any freedoms offered by the host, it may be rude and churlish but they are very much entitled to behave in this strange way.

You're quite in the right if that helps anything, hopefully you can find a way to contribute positively.

If you're a guest it is best form to interact with the hosts or other guests, reading can be intrinsically antisocial.

You adopted a communication adverse behaviour at a social gathering, granted though he may very well have been a philistine.

You'd do fine by me, perhaps you should try to engage more, you seem resigned.

I'd be rather sad now if you moved it away from me.

The dumb child has left out a word before time!


---

It is certainly sad that reading is equivalent to not having a life now, I wouldn't really be all that offended. Usually the person who feels they have no time to read misses out on a world of opportunity, not only in books but in gaining knowledge and linguistic skills necessary to survive in a world more and more aching for those who write well.

I sympathize almost completely in the antipathy for the lot of teenagers that are so into their cellphones, being one myself. I must confess I do text myself, however I cannot bare to have a conversation with someone and then after 35 seconds lose them to a vibration of their mobile phone. For old-fashioned, I find it's similar to having someone look at their watch, only worse since they are talking to it too now.

Personally, I would just pay them no mind, and stand out as the one among the group to be the most social, as social is supposed to be in that type of gathering. I would find their behavior more acceptable if it were at a party consisting solely of that sort of clique, usually with the inclusion of alcohol further eliminating their abilities to behave properly as they hadn't been in the first place.



I think I may have come off more harsh than I intended too. I'm not really annoyed by extroverts or introverts, I feel I am somewhere in between, however I am extremelly disconcerted by teenagers that are obnoxiously disrespectful and any person of any age group that has a problem with someone else spending time excersing their brain with reading.

[Nicolaes Rose]

Hun, teens are so absorbed by their gadgets that it's become a necessity for them. As sad as it sounds, it's the truth. The young adults are your best bet. They weren't raised with the damn things and don't get so into it. Converse with them. Sounds like the kids don't want to talk to you. If someone does approach you with a cell phone in hand, tell them to leave you alone until they can respect you enough to stop texting and give you their full attention.

[Xennrea]

All very good points. I enjoy exchanging ideas and opinions about relatively "deep" subjects.

I'm not seeking to be in the center of attention, but when people want to talk to me, I would appreciate it if they gave me the respect I deserve as a human being. If they can't give me their full attention, or at least a good majority, then they should wait and ascertain their priorities.

Nicolaes Rose, I agree. Many teens these days act as though they can't live without their electronics. I go on MySpace (and Gaia of course), I text people, I use electronics to communicate with my friends as well. But when it interferes with your ability to socialize in a respectful, appropriate manner, then I think it's a problem.

Unfortunately, being disrespectful has become the norm and now seems more acceptable than being considerate. It's a shame...personally I think it just takes too much effort for some people to be considerate of other peoples' feelings.

I also text my friends, but not in the presence of others, not when I should be mingling. I don't see the point in being with someone physically when you're not going to be with them spiritually. Especially at a party where people should be getting to know one another. If I must telecommunicate, I want to include the people around me in that conversation, unless of course it's private.

CH1YO, you are absolutely right about reading at a party. It is not antisocial in the sense that it is antagonsitic, but it is isolating to say the least. I was being a hypocrite.

Adiabolist, you are right that people do miss out when they don't read. Not assuming that extroverts or obsessive texters are illiterate dolts, but I admit I sometimes wonder...where are they going in life? And what could they possibly be texting about for hours on end?

Personally, I would rather engage in a meaningful conversation with someone face-to-face, than in a frivolous exchange of fragments via text.

Although it may be difficult for me to accomplish in practice, I very much like the idea of either pronouncing myself at the party, or simply embracing my quiet attitude. These are contradictory apporaches, but sound good in theory. If you can't beat them, join them. Or forget them and realize they aren't worth your time.

I hope I wasn't being to harsh anywhere...

~~~~~

I have been unsuccessful in finding an appropriate location for this thread, due partially to me being busy and also being lazy. And, I just don't know where to put it. I will leave it here until we feel we have discussed enough. Thanks again for your ideas.

[mrs_chester_bennington]

You can't do anything about it, just ignore it, move on, and don't let it get to you, by choosing not to. You can't change other people's behaviour only your own, and how you choose to behave will affect your night. It's a little annoying when people text at the table but so what? It's not that big a deal.

[I got bored one day]

Introduce a game that requires 6 or more players. It's likely they'll play and intermingle from there.

[Phaelyn]

I am so completely baffled by the first post...


Being an Extrovert has nothing whatsoever to do with using your phone/computer a lot. Nothing.

In fact it's Extroverts that prefer to chat and mingler and stuff, and Introverts who prefer to be isolated....and neither of these things have anything to do with what your post is about!

[DearSX]

I think people who are texting when in good company are scared of life and failure. A lot of extroverted acting folks are not very self conscious imo. I've often been introverted, but switch to being more extroverted much more often. I wanna feel good having fun, even if the people around me are critical. I worked on recovering from my issues and self esteem and such and its much easier now. I'm still quite around some people, but still less so. I think dealing with ones own issues come first. Others will continue doing all kinds of crazy things that come to mind, it does not mean its fun. Or that they are being rude imo. Like was said, everyone comes to the party on their own terms.