Feeling Drugged...Ugh...

[Xzaro]

I'm curious to know how you're doing now

I once took medications for about 2 years for some issues I had that nobody could pinpoint exactly what it was. The diagnosis started as a typical depression issue and then went to bipolar, manic episodes/ psychosis, and at a certain point delusions and shizophrenia. All of these diagnosis and medications for them would change within a span of a few weeks, so I would take something until the side effects appeared to be worse, and then I would take something for those side effects which made the problem more complex. Worst years of my life. I never imagined myself being in a psych ward, never had a history of abuse or emotional illness, but somehow a small existential crisis about "what am I going to do after highschool?" and a baker act later... this spiraled into a web of convoluted thought processes... That might be similar to how you ended up taking 10 medications?

Along with the psychological side effects, I found out I was allergic to some of them and even had anatomical effects. My appetite fluctuated between medications, I had diahrrea, my skin got bad acne and keloids (some of which I haven't been able to get rid of to this day), and worst of all my liver enzymes were eating away at my insides. I was literally dying because of these damn "medicines"

I don't remember half the crap I took and I don't want to know, but the last thing I remember was getting taken off of valium because of an allergic reaction and being placed on invega. Everything was weened off slowly after that point, and invega was the last to go because it was the most effective mood stabilizer after all the trauma I went through. The doctor wanted me to stay on a certain dosage for another year though but after I reached 6mg (or was it 3?) I weened myself off. I wasn't going to take another year of this hell. Parkinsonism and extreme dry mouth, and a constant trance like state kept me from being able to carry on a normal human to human conversation or encounter and even though that was one of the milder side effects of all the medications I had taken, I just wanted to be free. I wanted to be myself. I wanted the me from two years ago. This wasn't it.

So yes, I could relate. Not to the extent of what you have gone through but because you've taken medications for about 7 times the amount of time I have and for basically the entirety of your life I could only imagine how powerful you've had to become.Despite this, in the short time i had gone through the experiences I felt like I have seen and felt some of the things you described (an 8 year old at a psych ward crying, the shadow thing, and the question of do I want to live) and that's why I've written what I've written. I am not a psychiatrist nor am I telling you what to do, but if I were going through the same experience, I would research into some of the side effects of x medication and the side effects when mixed with y and z medication and desparately try to live with at least one less medication, because that's how hope starts. The withdrawals after getting off a med or slowly taking less of one are expected, but if it means one less pill to take in the day it's worth it (for me)

And by the way, I'm very interested in the shadow thing you mentioned.. because I find it odd how the descriptions you (or another Gaian) left behind match perfectly what I saw in my shadow thing. I would literally sit next to a nightlight to feel safe.. something a 3 year old would do... but only because that thing was THAT disturbing, The closest image to portray what I see has been M83's album cover art. It was a blurry maybe feathery creature with an elongated nose and red eyes when clearly visible, but most other times it was just a shadow

[29Dreams]

MegaTurkey

AngelsDreadedFear

Opidreams

AngelsDreadedFear

Opidreams

What sorta meds are you taking? I have mental health problems and the only way I can even vaguely cope with life is by taking drugs, and it sometimes makes me feel ill in itself. Or tired. Quite often tired, actually.

I'm taking antidepressants, antipsychotics, and mood stabilizers. 10 different medications total.

In which case, I'd make a quick guess that there'll be some interaction between at least some of these meds and this is what's having a bad effect on you. Also - how in the world do doctors think it's ok to give someone this sheer amount of medications at one time? I'm no medical professional but I can see how it seems unwise.

I know it is because of the combination of medications but when I tell my doctor he just says that he is against decreasing or getting rid of any medications. I think it is because my condition is so atypical. So my doctor is afraid that I would go downhill. I know I am going to be on medications for the rest of my life...I just hate feeling drugged all the time. It is hard to go through the day. It takes every effort and I have been taking medications long enough to know how to hide it, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Why come online and listen to someone with absolutely no idea what they're talking about second guess a professional personally managing your care? Think about that for a moment - it's absurd! If you have any concerns about your treatment, see your GP (family doctor) or psychiatrist; ideally whoever prescribed you many of those drugs; be honest and they will help, in fact only they can help anyway and they'll know what they're doing too. smile All the best.

I have such an atypical case that my psychiatrist is afraid to change anything. My psychiatrist doesn't want me to go downhill anymore because it is too dangerous. I am also out of options with medications. I have tried all that is possible and what I am on now is I guess the best fit. My psychiatrist told me that I have no more medication options and that whatever goes on, I must deal with it myself and let the medications lessen the severity.

[MegaTurkey]

AngelsDreadedFear

Opidreams

AngelsDreadedFear

Opidreams

What sorta meds are you taking? I have mental health problems and the only way I can even vaguely cope with life is by taking drugs, and it sometimes makes me feel ill in itself. Or tired. Quite often tired, actually.

I'm taking antidepressants, antipsychotics, and mood stabilizers. 10 different medications total.

In which case, I'd make a quick guess that there'll be some interaction between at least some of these meds and this is what's having a bad effect on you. Also - how in the world do doctors think it's ok to give someone this sheer amount of medications at one time? I'm no medical professional but I can see how it seems unwise.

I know it is because of the combination of medications but when I tell my doctor he just says that he is against decreasing or getting rid of any medications. I think it is because my condition is so atypical. So my doctor is afraid that I would go downhill. I know I am going to be on medications for the rest of my life...I just hate feeling drugged all the time. It is hard to go through the day. It takes every effort and I have been taking medications long enough to know how to hide it, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Why come online and listen to someone with absolutely no idea what they're talking about second guess a professional personally managing your care? Think about that for a moment - it's absurd! If you have any concerns about your treatment, see your GP (family doctor) or psychiatrist; ideally whoever prescribed you many of those drugs; be honest and they will help, in fact only they can help anyway and they'll know what they're doing too. smile All the best.

[29Dreams]

Opidreams

AngelsDreadedFear

Opidreams

What sorta meds are you taking? I have mental health problems and the only way I can even vaguely cope with life is by taking drugs, and it sometimes makes me feel ill in itself. Or tired. Quite often tired, actually.

I'm taking antidepressants, antipsychotics, and mood stabilizers. 10 different medications total.

In which case, I'd make a quick guess that there'll be some interaction between at least some of these meds and this is what's having a bad effect on you. Also - how in the world do doctors think it's ok to give someone this sheer amount of medications at one time? I'm no medical professional but I can see how it seems unwise.

I know it is because of the combination of medications but when I tell my doctor he just says that he is against decreasing or getting rid of any medications. I think it is because my condition is so atypical. So my doctor is afraid that I would go downhill. I know I am going to be on medications for the rest of my life...I just hate feeling drugged all the time. It is hard to go through the day. It takes every effort and I have been taking medications long enough to know how to hide it, but that doesn't make it any easier.

[Opidreams]

AngelsDreadedFear

Opidreams

What sorta meds are you taking? I have mental health problems and the only way I can even vaguely cope with life is by taking drugs, and it sometimes makes me feel ill in itself. Or tired. Quite often tired, actually.

I'm taking antidepressants, antipsychotics, and mood stabilizers. 10 different medications total.

In which case, I'd make a quick guess that there'll be some interaction between at least some of these meds and this is what's having a bad effect on you. Also - how in the world do doctors think it's ok to give someone this sheer amount of medications at one time? I'm no medical professional but I can see how it seems unwise.

[29Dreams]

Opidreams

What sorta meds are you taking? I have mental health problems and the only way I can even vaguely cope with life is by taking drugs, and it sometimes makes me feel ill in itself. Or tired. Quite often tired, actually.

I'm taking antidepressants, antipsychotics, and mood stabilizers. 10 different medications total.

[Opidreams]

What sorta meds are you taking? I have mental health problems and the only way I can even vaguely cope with life is by taking drugs, and it sometimes makes me feel ill in itself. Or tired. Quite often tired, actually.

[29Dreams]

DabriaBlueWing

AngelsDreadedFear

DabriaBlueWing

Gah I hate the shadow things.
best way to help is to put light were they hide, they dont like the light.

I used an Multi-Color LED Lighting Kit, lined there the thing would go, pushing it out into the opine will be scary but he will be week.
ones its out, dont pay it any mined and it will be gone.

funny how are minds are.

I just have one shadow thing. It changes every so often. Sometimes I can see its face and others it just looks like the form of a man. When I do see The Shadow Thing's face it has red cat eyes, a long nose, an evil grin that is stitched up, and is pale white with a hood. It can't talk since its mouth is stitched up so it communicates through my head...telepathy. It doesn't matter if there is light or no light, it will appear. I call it The Shadow Thing because the first time I saw it, it looked like a shadow but soon after got a form.

and oddly always in a corner of the room or at a door.

Knowing this helps

When your looking at black your eyes can't august to it, exspeshaly when your a kid.
It cant do bark blue tones but not black shadow. that's why the shadows in your room are contracting and expanding at night.
its just you eyes constantly trying to august to it.

Mine appears anywhere at any time. I see my Shadow Thing more than any of my other hallucinations. It follows me everywhere. Sometimes I would be working on something and it would pop up in my face about 2 inches away. That really startles me. I have to leave the area and stop what I was doing because it won't leave. Freaks me out a little.

[29Dreams]

DabriaBlueWing

Gah I hate the shadow things.
best way to help is to put light were they hide, they dont like the light.

I used an Multi-Color LED Lighting Kit, lined there the thing would go, pushing it out into the opine will be scary but he will be week.
ones its out, dont pay it any mined and it will be gone.

funny how are minds are.

I just have one shadow thing. It changes every so often. Sometimes I can see its face and others it just looks like the form of a man. When I do see The Shadow Thing's face it has red cat eyes, a long nose, an evil grin that is stitched up, and is pale white with a hood. It can't talk since its mouth is stitched up so it communicates through my head...telepathy. It doesn't matter if there is light or no light, it will appear. I call it The Shadow Thing because the first time I saw it, it looked like a shadow but soon after got a form.

[29Dreams]

DabriaBlueWing

I don't know why they scream but as long as they don't start naming themselves you can get rid of them easly. I had a girl in my head that had a name. kinda took me 3 months to get rid of her.
I know it sounds odd but you have to ignore them, don't even think about them. Thinking about them gives them attengin. There parts on you that broke off and some want out, little personalities. If you bake in time one can take over and it can turn into split personality disorder when you turn 30 or so.
It happens to me dad, hes in there somewhere.
They stare you to bake you then ones you brake there out, but even when there out there not happy. There only happy when there hole and that part they need is you.
Ignore them, don't look at them don't talk to then don't even think about them, they will slowly start to do back and be a part of you.
Sleep with a light on so shadows don't move as much.

The screaming girl wasn't in my head. She was in the hospital with me. She was a real girl that was being traumatized by life. The nurses did lock her up. Everyone heard her. My first day in the hospital I asked the other patents and staff and that is when I found out about the poor girl.

But I do have hallucinations...I used to have 4...kinda more...

I had Mason, he was nice and helped me when no one could. I had him for my whole life until 10/26/13 at 8:30. I found him stabbed to death in my bed.

Then there was Jason who appeared two weeks after Mason. It was Mason's son, Jason. He was eight and an orphan because his mom did not survive the pregnancy. So Jason stuck around, I guess you could say that he took the place of Mason. On 11/29/14 at 3:30, I watched Jason get killed.

I still have what killed both Mason and Jason. I call it The Shadow Thing. But it's not the worst.

There is Jenny...when she is around I see blood...everywhere. Along with the blood I see dead bodies, everywhere. Hanging or just piled up on the floor. One time I was in a meeting and when the person I was talking to said that she needed to go get something a dead body appeared leaning up against me. It was a male and he was sitting in a chair, holding his head in his lap. I saw the blood, I felt the blood...I wanted to scream myself. The person finally came back 15 minutes later and I had the body on me the whole time. Along with that, Jenny and The Shadow Thing were arguing.

I felt so bad and terrified that I wanted to die. I was trapped. I could not leave because it was an extremely important meeting. I would have been rejected if I left and it was crucial to not get rejected. Once the meeting was over, I couldn't get outta there fast enough.