Ambient Morning
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- Posted: Sat, 22 Sep 2012 11:12:38 +0000
KatsuneSage
Ambient Morning
Hunny Bunny Beauty
It depends on the disorder and the severity of it. There are some people who are self-aware and some people who aren't and consider themselves and 'their world' normal.
i know i am different or "ill", i know i have delusions, hallucinations, etc. I know when I hear something that isn't real, and although I can be deep into fear, I do realize when a delusion is something most people would consider abnormal.
What other people would call "denial" is that I believe that it doesn't have to be debilitating, nor do I have to take medication for every single day of the rest of my life to act "normal" and to function.
Yes, you do not experience my reality. Does that mean I shouldn't either?
Good point. What does your family think of this?
When I first broke I acted out. They were scared of me and thought I was very angry at them. In reality, in "my world" I was doing everything I could to help my family but it just didn't cross over into "their world". They never really ask me about my experience with voices, but I know that my sisters never ask me to go places with them anymore.
When I do well they attribute it to a therapist or medication, even if my therapist had no part in it or I'm not even taking medication. They don't give credit where credit is due. And if I don't do well, they think it must be my therapist or my medication. No matter what I do, good or bad, its because of the same reason to them. I feel like they think i am incapable of being a normal human that has normal ups and downs because I am "ill". And my mother, at the same time as thinking this, says I have a weak case for disability and basically encourages me to lie to get it (she does not call it lying, but that is what it is).
They think I couldn't raise a kid because of my Mental Illness. They find my concerns about how I am treated by psychiatry invalid. They went from thinking demons were talking to me to saying its a chemical imbalance in my brain and thinking it has no meaning, both extremes have been unhelpful for me.
I can't go to them while I am in a crisis because all they will tell me to do is take medication, something I can do all on my own. If I went to my Mother when regret about a decision looped over and over in my mind to the point I cannot function, I would probably be asked If I have taken my medication every day for a few weeks. If I try to get help from my sisters, they would either ignore me or tiptoe around the situation with answers to my problems that are overly simple and don't really address anything.
I don't go to them for help anymore.