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Im nineteen and I really want to be comfortable in my head but my thoughts ******** me I dont even know who I am. I feel like my thoughts put me in a cage. I cant concentrate, live in the now, be confident because of my past and bad choices which sucks because I love people I have empathy for everyone and I know I can be a good friend if I was confident and knew my own voice! I care a lot, my only friends have always fed on my vulnerability and troll my insecurity especially if I open up. I get that they are their own people with their experiences but I wish I knew someone who got me didnt want to make fun of it. I know I acted like a ******** goon my whole life, all the ******** s**t i saw and did. I know I got to this point because of my own choices. More so I wish I was my ******** self instead of voices telling me s**t. Ive meditated and it makes me feel hopeless when my thoughts come back they are taunting and I feel like my minds jacked by some a*****e entity I created or something. Anyone feel me?

Friendly Gaian

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yea feel you. i get the same way. want to tell more about it?
shana_hamilton
yea feel you. i get the same way. want to tell more about it?
Its like when Im talking to people i cant concentrate, almost like theres a monkey playing cymbals in my head. Its like my subconcious prevents me from being real its like Im acting and my subconcious is forcing a script and im fake. I dont want to be ******** fake though. And when im alone my thoughts are torturous and unhealthy and I dont know how to sort this out and fix it. I dont know how to tackle this s**t. And fear kicks in as well. So i turn on some movie or music even though it ******** me over even more and Ill eat junk. I was thinking of seeing a therapist but i really cant afford that. I wish I knew techniques to help bring my inner real me out and rise above the other s**t.

Friendly Gaian

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is it like some anxiety type s**t? or something else? because i remember i felt fake too when i was young because i was literally get so shy that i just wouldnt speak, i would turn bright red and feel the biggest panic and my heart beating so loud i couldnt hear who ever was trying to talk to me, and people thought i was stuck up bc i didn't want to talk but it was the opposite.
I think I just need to chill the hell out and appreciate everything

Lonely Lunatic

are you scared of what people will think of the real you? like your fakeness is a kind of shell that's protecting your soft insides?
Yevpraksiya
are you scared of what people will think of the real you? like your fakeness is a kind of shell that's protecting your soft insides?
Yeah kinda not as much now. Everyday just sucks for me, im stressed out, sad all day, and i could be happy. I want to make things better, my moms so negative and stressed as well shes like REALLY negative though. Its near impossible for me to feel happiness, its ******** shitty. I want to be positive but my experiences and choices with long painful relationships, drugs, my mom, friends, led me to now, what can i do? Im real ******** sad and hopeless, my friends have always been mean to me to the point where i cut contact just cus they really treat me like s**t and bring me way the ******** down. The shittiest part is i cant even spend five minutes alone without feeling like i want to kill myself or explode. I dont even do drugs anymore but i replaced it with food, games, movies and music. But five minutes of silence is like hell for me
I cant face myself without rage of depression and boredom so how am i supposed to have a positive life if i cant even be happy alone? What can i do? I know the answer is stfu i have it great compared to most
Im such an unconfident mook i have trouble looking anyone in the eye or talking to anyone i need advice
Im 19 years old i should have my s**t together by now but i still cant even decide to be christian or not thats what my family is and abandoning that s**t causes intense fear in me and believing it makes me feel like im wrong
And since me and my ex broke up maybe 7 months ago, i dont have a sex drive. At all. Like i used to be an animal, now I dont even think id get hard if i was gonna have sex and i feel i couldnt ever fall in love again.
Sounds like another fellow borderline personality disorder.
You should Google or Wiki that.
If i'm correct about it, i'm sorry.
Yeah that describes me perfectly, what should i do? Does smoking weed help or make it worse?
there is a book called ‘sometimes i act crazy‘. living with borderline personality disorder. by jerold j. kreismen.

or make an account on www.bpdfamily.com
they‘ll help you out.

Friendly Wolf

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From what you said, I don't think weed will help you.
I think perhaps counselling and maybe trying to do something active like martial arts (gives you great confidence! and fights stress) or something calming that you can concentrate on i.e meditating, painting, etc.

I give thee hugs.

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