Worthless Somethings: [Closed Indefinitely]

Have any suggestions for the shop? Send me a PM.

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[Spirrow]

To everyone who made me love being in my shop... thanks for hanging out. I wish we all had a mutual place to hang out, but alas I haven't thought that far ahead. I might reopen someday, but not for a while... I just don't have the time to do it.

To everyone on my waiting list who was expecting a story or work of some kind... I'm an a*****e, but I need to worry about real life things. Sorry.

To everyone else... " "

-Spirrow, Worthless Somethings.

"You must have too much time on your hands if you're here, but imagine how much time I must have to make such a wretched little niche shop. At any rate, you're here, I'm here. Let's get down to business, shall we?" - Spirrow, Owner and Proprietor

1.) Obey the Gaiaonline terms of service. This is a basic function of life in our little community. If you don't know what these are, you probably aren't even reading the rules anyways. It should go without saying... but needless to say, it's been said...

2.) Obey Me. This rule is true unless it contradicts rule # 1. If you do not agree to abide by rule #2, you do not have permission to read the rest of the rules, procure any services I offer or post in this thread. To let me know you have agreed to this rule, as well as the ones to follow, when you make your first post, include the burning_eyes emoticon...

3.) All posting in this thread is by friends and friendly people. Although some of the words within may seem mean spirited, foul, made in poor taste or without tact, bold and unnecessary, expletive in nature, hurtful or disparaging... they aren't. It's just my sense of humor. You are accepting that nothing said in this thread is meant to be mean, hurtful or harassing. The way that I choose to be mean, hurtful and harassing is by ignoring you utterly. It's the only way to kill a whore for attention after all...

4.) You are not smarter, better or more clever than me. That's an illusion you created in your mind because you don't know me and you don't know yourself either. The good news is, I'm not smarter, better or more clever than you. We're equals, just different. As long as you remember that rule, and apply it to everyone and anyone in here we'll get along just swimmingly...

April 21st: Shop is closed and so is the assignment. Feel free to write if that's why you started...
April 10th: Writing assignment on page 51. Anyone interested can participate.... first five people to finish the assignment get 10,000 gold from me just for trying to write something. Post if you intend to write. burning_eyes
March 27th: Ok, I added a whitelist and a blacklist, and I'm constantly restraining myself from adding random assholes from the GCD, but flaming them in my thread isn't very honorable I suppose. It's a real virtue to make use of the ignore feature, even when it seems like a weakness. It will always be true that if you don't have something nice to say, it's better to hate someone silently... then the odds of bad things happening to them are better anyways. burning_eyes Also, I added a playlist of songs to my profile, so check it out... find out what I like listening to, see if we have anything in common. This also means I got rid of the creepy a** crying baby and weird distortion, so you can comment my profile again without getting nightmares... well, less likely to get nightmares.
March 25th: Thanks to all of my recent helper buddies and recent customers. Be patient with me taking so long, I promise to make it worth your while. Also, if you're bored... feel free to check out my DBZ fanfiction. Just for kicks and giggles. It's alittle over 40,000 words, so make sure to bring a bottle of water with you if you try it in one sitting. Tomorrow Dreams of Yesterday. Also for added fun, feel free to raid my photobucket and totally creep me out. ph0tobucket.
February 26th: Not to rain on my February 5th announcement, but this shop really isn't very popular. I guess my prices are a little high, but I don't want to write for poor people anyways. This thread is pretty much here for my own mental masturbation, so I can feel special. This didn't really qualify as an announcement, but who cares? It's my shop. If you haven't noticed already, I do what I please.
February 7th: Did a slight overhaul, giving the shop a more appropriate feel. You like it? I also added some new services, as well as new categories. If you have any ideas of things I should add to the shop, tell me! If it's a good enough idea, it might even get you some gold! Meaning, if I use it in my shop, I'll give you a 1,000 gold donation.
February 6th: I bought an avatar description from a writing shop. It costed 50 gold and I left a 10 gold tip. This is just to let everyone know one thing: You get exactly what you pay for:

Crappy Writing

Spairrow, sat in the class room looking out of the window he glared at the uncorrected papers "Why aren't these students understanding the point I BE FOR E EXCEPT AFTER C ! ". Spirrow scribbled in red pen correcting the spelling mistakes, the glaceed down at his too cats they were pretty much one of his 18 friends. The cats smiled as the pushed a note pad towards him. Spirrow glaceed, "i cannot write wight now i have papers." The cats purred. Spirrow set the papers down he opened a notebook to nothing but papers with no errors come writhing he was one with the talent naturally.

February 5th: Holy s**t, this shop is popular. I think it's a mix of me being awesome and my customers being really smart. Neither would surprise me. Anyways, here's a link to my newly constructed thread. Go there to see different avatars of mine that you WILL draw for me. Yeah, believe it. Spirrow's Thread. (Yeah, that's right.)

[Spirrow]

This is the poetry center of our twisted little universe. Here, you'll find all the areas in which I will provide service. Take a peak, if poetry is your thing. burning_eyes

A limerick is easy to try,
And I'm a limericky guy,
They aren't all that great,
But cost second-rate.
My talent made easy to buy.

I can come up with these super fast like, blink and refresh fast. These work best if they're meant to be funny, and I would love to write a limerick about a particular person or Gaian, if you have them in mind. This is a fun way to spend your gold, in my opinion. But then again, I get the gold for doing something that requires very little. I don't anticipate selling a lot of these, but I imagine they could be nice for birthdays and what not. Tell me what you want, and give me some general info about the person. There are no refunds or return orders. You pay me... I give you a limerick. If you don't like it... don't come back to my shop every again. burning_eyes

Cost of Limerick: 250 Gold
-With Profile Comment Delivery: 300 Gold
-With Mean Content (No Delivery): 500 Gold
-Optional Payment: Avatar Art of Me.

I don't deliver mean limericks to the people they're about. That's just... mean.

Counting on fingers
Is the best way to do this.
Five, seven, five: Sweet.

This takes me longer to do than some other poems, because it mixes math and words. It's like two quarters of my brain are battling to dominate my simple Japanese poetry. Anyways, I can do these for you about pretty much anything. Topics, Gaia Users... et cetera.

Haiku: 300Gold
Haiku Profile Comment Delivery: 400 Gold
Dirty/Mean Haiku(No delivery): 800 Gold
-Optional Payment: Avatar Art of Me. You can draw my current Avi if you'd like, but I have a few favorites. This will buy pretty much anything I have for sale.
No refunds. You'll be noticing a trend in this area. burning_eyes


Buy a poem for your friend
It won't be too hard to see.
You wasted your money in the end,
On something you could've done free.

When ordering a poem, it can be about anything and anyone... just supply me with all the information you need. I will do verses that are either 4 or 5 lines long, and you can supply the rhyme pattern based on what you think sounds good. If you don't know what I mean when I say that, maybe you shouldn't be wasting your money buying poems? (zOMGWTFBBQ?)

Poemetry: 250 Gold Per Verse.
Dirty/Mean Poemetry: 400 Gold Per Verse.
-Optional Payment: Avatar Art of Me. Keep in mind, the longer the poem I write, the better the art. *wink/nudge*

There is no delivery option. Poems can be any length you want, as long as you give me enough to work with.

[Spirrow]

This is the nexus of all creativity. I set no limits, whatsoever, either. Unless of course, you consider your own imagination limiting...or if you want me to write a romance story between Sirius Black and Professor Snape... I mean, Harry and Ron I can understand... there's only so much my imagination can stretch. burning_eyes



...Rain trickled down the outside of the cold apartment window. The balling water formed countless paths upon the glass, each one unique. A single pair of dilated pupils stared out from the inside like two large, black olives. The strong smell of generic incense dulled as he pressed his face closer. The subtle chill on his lips sent a shiver up his spine. The sound of footsteps brought him back from fantasy, forcing him to remember. The needle sensation lingered on his cheeks as regret washed over his face. Joey sat back in the old leather chair, pulling his hands into his sleeves. He wrapped his arms across his chest and rocked gently back and forth. His older brother Frank sat next to the vintage stereo speakers smoking a cigarette, his face caught somewhere between a frown and expressionless. Although they didn’t look at him, a third young boy was pacing in small circles between an old couch and a coffee table.
“Is he gonna be okay?” ...

This is just an example of my writing. It's a paragraph from a short story I wrote. You like? Good, buy something then, ********. If you don't like... good for you, you miserable little s**t. burning_eyes

Short Stories: 2,000 Gold Per Page.
-Optional Payment: Avatar Art of Me. You can draw my current Avi if you'd like, but I have a few favorites. Again, if you want like a 20 page story, the art better be very nice. My time is just as valuable as yours. If I spend 10 hours writing a story for you... return the favor please, so send a sample.

That's quite a ******** deal in my opinion, keeping in mind how much time it'll take. Send me the details of what you want, and I'll quote you on about how many pages it's gonna take. I might ask for a deposit up front, so don't be surprised. Too expensive? Then write your own gosh darned stories.

...“You put up a good fight, but can you stand a minute against me when I’m on the attack?” He broke the melee by disappearing and reappearing behind Trunks. Dakoto began pummeling Trunks with punches and kicks aimed all over his body. Every time he was able to put up a block, it seemed as though it was merely a feinted punch, setting Trunks up for a more devastating one. Trunks made a desperate kick for his opponents face, but the fused being disappeared in a flash. He paused, trying to sense Dakoto’s power. A small white spark flashed in his mind as he turned around barely in time to see Dakoto’s fist, aimed for his face. It was at that moment that time stopped for Trunks. Trunks knew that the attack was perfect. His mind could see no way to dodge the attack. To his challenger he was an open book, about to be slammed shut. It was in that moment that Trunks reached forward and grabbed the fist, pulling it to the side, away from his face.
“Surprise.”...


This is an excerpt from a DBZ fanfiction I'm writing called "Tomorrow Dreams of Yesterday." I can make your fanfiction dreams come true too, if you suck a** at writing but have good ideas... tell me about them, maybe I can help you. I will have to research whatever I'm writing about so, it could end up costing a bit more.

Fanfiction: ??? Per Page.
-Optional Payment: Avatar Art of Me. You can draw my current Avi if you'd like, but I have a few favorites. If your art is truely amazing, and you're a fan geek of some obscure anime I've never seen, and you want me to write you a fanfic... send me a sample of your art, and we'll talk out specifics...

Otherwise, we'll cross that bridge when we reach it.

[Spirrow]

In this area I offer the fluid and abstract thoughts of my mind to all who are seeking truth, justice... and... oh ******** it, I just make most of this s**t up. burning_eyes


"If you want to change the world, start by changing your self."

Yeah, I come up with these little jewels off the top of my head like nuthin! You want some enigmatic crap that could be the secret to unraveling the mysteries of the universe? Or maybe you want some randomly generated words to put in your signature? Why do it yourself, when you can pay me to worry about it!

Wise Words: 500 Gold each.
Wise Words Via Profile Comment: 750 Gold.
Insulting Wise Words(No delivery option): 1,000 Gold
-Optional Payment: Avatar Art of Me. You can draw my current Avi if you'd like, but I have a few favorites.

That gives you license to use the phrase as much as you want! Hell, you can even pretend you came up with it! There is no refund if you don't like or understand the wiser words. Word to the wise, "Don't pay for something before you know what it is." Unfortunately, I only accept cash up front. But seriously, what else are you gonna do with your 500 Gold?

[Spirrow]

That's right, the title says it all. I will either proofread a written work for common errors, or rewrite something dreadful for you. As far as proofreading goes, I will:

-Fix all spelling areas, including typos and commonly misused words that are spelled correctly. (What that means, is maybe you said to, but meant too. Your spell checker won't show you a red squiggle, so you might not investigate the matter further. That's where I come in.
-Take note of all confusing sections, where you might be having difficulty transmitting your thoughts or ideas to your reader.
-Critique it in a positive way, in order to help you eliminate elements such as word redundancy.

I will submit to you a list of suggestions with this service also. Because this is a critical work, but involves little creativity on my behalf, the price is:

Proofreading: 1,000 Gold Per Page.
Less Than a Page: 500 gold.
-Optional Payment: Avatar art, bitches. That's right. Always mention this when ordering.

As far as rewriting goes... I will rewrite your own work to add a bit of my flavor to it, this includes all of the assets of proofreading, except in most cases, I'll just be deleting what you came up with and drawing ideas from it instead. I charge based on how long the finished product is and roughly how long the original work is. In most cases, if you submit 1/2 a page to be rewritten, it'll come back a full page. Enough of this, here's the prices.

Up to Full Rewritten Page: 2,000 Gold.
-Each additional Page: 1,500 Gold.
-Opitional Payment: Avatar art. You guessed it.

[Spirrow]

Here I can add any random service that you desire.



Ever need someone to back you up? That's me. You can hire me as a "friend", not just like paying me to be your friend, but paying me so that I can offer you services. Someone bothering you and you need me to straighten them out? I can do that. Need me to take someone down a peg? That's what I'm good at. I'm not a slave, more like a cruel Genie. Therefore, I'll sell my services in sets of "3 Wishes". Of course, you can't wish for more wishes, and you can't wish for anything ridiculous like that I bump your thread to page 1,000,000...

Cost of 3 Wishes: If you can think of Three wishes, then send me a message and we'll talk price. I'm not a whore, so don't offer me like 50 gold. I'm more or less adding this option so I can flesh out my shop more, not because I'm desperate for money. Besides, this is all going to Charity anyways.
-Optional Payment: Really ******** awesome avatar art = really ******** awesome wishes granted, as long as it's legal in the 48 continental united states.




This is some random crap you might read if you opened a Chinese Cookie. Not wise enough to be in the philosophy section, nor original enough to be anywhere else. Hell, I might just steal a random line of text from somewhere! There is absolutely no guarentee with these. I can send it to you by PM, to a friend by PM, to a profile, to a thread... where the ******** ever. Just don't be upset if your fortune is "...you just wasted your money. burning_eyes ..."

Fortunes?: 100 Gold!

For that much of a deal, it almost doesn't matter what I say!!

[Spirrow]

This is the best part of my shop, in my opinion.

I will be collecting all proceeds and giving them to charity, (or giving them away... whatever). I have enough ways to make money on my own, I just think it's fun to have a shop where I write, because I need more inspiration and incentive. Here is a list of the funds I will have collected, as well as a list of any donations I have made up to date. If you really want to help me out, give me some avi art. That's what I really want. I will be posting a link to galleries of my favorite avis soon, so PM me if you want to draw me.

Funds: 0

Completed Orders: 9
Orders Pending Payment: 0

*My excellent skills have netted me a nice big tip! That's good news for someone in need of charity!

Total Donated: 42,000
Donations: 5


Kitt Unique: 10,000. The first to submit in my writing contest. Worked nicely within the assignment. A lovely tale with a nice twist in the end.

spike401k: 10,000. Second submission. The story was kind of cheesy... but it followed the assignment. Congrats, dewd.

B_Lynn: 10,000. Remind me not to host any more contests. She followed all the rules though. (Barely)

Hakie: 9,000 She reminded me of someone I once knew when I saw her in the GCD, so I decided to donate to her humble "heartstrings quest." She extinguished the last of my money to donate, which is good! It shows how generous I am. :nod:

swimchik27: 3,000 : She paid $10 just so she could go online from a hotel... that could've been 4 MCs!! She deserved something in return, so I donated.

[Spirrow]

This is my Whitelist / Blacklist. This is where I namedrop the people who deserve it. If you're on my whitelist, that means I love you as much as a stranger can love another stranger over the internet. If you're on my blacklist... that means that everyone on the whitelist wishes terrible things to happen to you on Gaia.


____________________________________

'Human Wreckage: She was my first customer... we really connected on a level where two people mutually hate someone for different reasons. I hope she visits me more, because it reminds me of the beautiful bond we share. And as if I didn't like her enough, she immortalized me in pict00r form. heart heart
[Marilyn Merlot]: I tend to like mean people, as long as they're not mean to me. She is proof that you don't need to buy something to be my friend... you just need to make me feel more important than everyone else. heart
'Tahirah: A very talented writer who was impressed by my greatness... that's like two compliments in one! Good conversation, bumpiness and general hanging-outness has earned her a spot on the list- not to mention she draws me pictures, delivers information about AZ... and a whole assortment of other things. She once said I was full of awesome, too. heart heart



_____________________________________

I'm sure there's plenty of them, but none that
have poked their heads into my shop yet.
Oh well, a boy can dream... burning_eyes

Waiting List

1.)SinfulSecrets
2.)Lorelei Yeager
3.) Sweetange
4.)Sakura Haruna Yamazaki
5.)
6.)
7.)

[Rabid Bunnie]

How much would you charge for a rewrite?
For example: I write something, about five - seven paragraphs long. Basically, you would edit it to make it better, but keep the same concept.

(Sorry if we're not allowed to post yet, just tell me and I'll delete my post.)

[Spirrow]

Now Open. Read the rules all ye who enter. burning_eyes

[Spirrow]

burning_eyes

[`Human Wreckage]

You have an amazing concept here.
Really, you do.
I'm thinking I may be purchasing a mean limerick.
burning_eyes

[Spirrow]

`Human Wreckage

You have an amazing concept here.
Really, you do.
I'm thinking I may be purchasing a mean limerick.
burning_eyes

Well, I can only hope it's used to genuinely hurt someone's feelings. burning_eyes

[`Human Wreckage]

Oh. Yes.
Would it be possible to try and 'ruin' him?

[Spirrow]

`Human Wreckage

Oh. Yes.
Would it be possible to try and 'ruin' him?

If ruining someone is in your best interests, might I suggest a multi-versed poem? If it's especially cruel, I could give you a discount. burning_eyes