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King Kitten

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Multi-Purpose Shop ⊙ω⊙/

Editing

        I'll take all your typos, grammatical errors, and dull vocabulary and flip it right around. ^_^ Whether it's a short story, a roleplay post, or an essay for school, I'll tear out all those flaws and make it all better for you! I will edit literally anything. My rate is generally 10k per word. If you put me on a tight schedule, you're going to have to offer more. Though depending on how many orders I have, how long they are, and how crazy my life is, it should only take me a couple days at the most.
        SLOTS:
        Open / Full / Closed
        1.
        2.
        3.


Critiques

        Sounds a lot like editing, yes? It's not. This is me reviewing your work, whatever it may be. I'm a firm believer in sandwiching negatives between positives, so I will give you a heavy amount of both. I took a class in short story writing and, not to toot my own horn, but I had the best/most helpful critiques in the class. I'll be telling you what areas to improve on and which ones are absolutely amazing. This includes, but is not limited to, character development and voice, aspects of the plot, descriptiveness (remember, too much can be just as bad as not enough), and endings and beginnings. My rate is 5k per word because I absolutely love this, but I still need money. If you put me on a tight schedule, you're going to have to offer more. Though depending on how many orders I have, how long they are, and how crazy my life is, it should only take me a couple days at the most.
        SLOTS:
        Open / Full / Closed
        1.
        2.
        3.


Bumping

        I usually bump to keep a thread on the first page, but I won't bump constantly until I'm done. Once your thread leaves the first page, I will bump. And if you want me to do it any differently, just let me know! My rate is 1mil per 100 bumps.

        Formats - Pick one of mine, or give me the code for one of your own.
        Par:
        0 / 0
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        Silf:
        0 / 0
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        Alphie:
        0 / 0
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        Mags:
        0 / 0
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        SLOTS:
        Open / Full / Closed
        1.
        2.
        3.


Character Development and Bios

        This one's going to require quite a bit of collaboration with you. If you really want it to be your character, we're going to need to PM back and forth quite a bit as I work more on your character. Price will really depend on what and how much you need done, but I'll set the base price at 50mil.
        SLOTS:
        Open / Full / Closed
        1. Yume Yokohama


Character Creation

        Give me a brief description of what you want and I'll make a whole profile for you! A profile skeleton and a picture are usually good, but not necessary. An example of what I usually do will be below. Price will really depend on what and how much you need done, but I'll set the base price at 200mil.
        SLOTS:
        Open / Full / Closed
        1.

King Kitten

User Image
Multi-Purpose Shop ⊙ω⊙/

Examples

        Editing/Writing:
          Moonstruck

          xxxShe was lucky she still had her life. But for how long? She had to run, run like her very existence depended on it. Because it did. Salem fought her tears as she bolted down the busy street. She hugged her tiny body in a vain attempt to stay her shivers. The rain had soaked her through. She wanted desperately to rest, curl up by the fire in a nice warm blanket with a cup of coco, but she knew she wouldn’t survive the night if she did. Otherwise and he would find her, end her.
          xxxWith the complexion of a porcelain doll and long raven hair that fell to her breast, she was surely a beautiful girl. No one could deny that. Neat bangs framed her face and gave her the rare look of innocence. Her features were dainty and every aspect about her made her seem fragile, as if she might shatter into a thousand pieces if you simply reached out and tapped her on the shoulder. Yet she had a look in her eye that gave away the unimaginable hardship she had experienced within these past few days.
          xxxThe cute black dress she wore was tattered and frayed. Oh, how she wished she could go back to the day she had first put it on. Back then she hadn’t questioned her sanity. Back then she hadn’t been scared out of her mind. Back then she had been free.
          xxxIt had been raining that day, too. She loved the rain. It was so peaceful. She could stay inside all day and not be bothered by anyone at all. Most people hated rain for that very reason, but not Salem. She craved the time alone and away from the rest of the world. Away from her troubles…
          xxxBut God knows she didn’t always get what she wanted. She had been going to an engagement party in honour of her friends, Adelaide and Greyson. She was happy enough for them, sure, though personally she found what people called “love” these days to be a bit superficial.
          xxxShe had climbed into her vehicle to begin her journey to the predetermined location of the festivity, but luck would have it that her rusted old can-of-a-car would not start. Perhaps she should have taken this as a warning, but she eventually got it running and was on her way.
          xxxThe roads had been slicker than she’d ever seen them, and Salem’s muscles were strained just trying to keep the beat-up sedan from crossing over the centre line. It didn’t take long before a pair of high-beam headlights came barreling down the road, obscuring her vision. She lost control for only a moment before swerving into a large oak.
          xxxThe shaken young woman rolled out of the car, bruised, but not too badly injured. She shielded her eyes from the rain, blinking the little droplets of water off her eyelashes. The world around her swirled and then suddenly fell dark.
          xxxSalem gasped for air as she surfaced in the middle of what appeared to be a large lake. She panicked, ignorant to how she had come to be in her current situation. Screaming for help and flailing wildly in the water, the cold liquid filled her lungs. She coughed hoarsely, struggling for air.
          xxxOff in the distance – Salem did not notice this – a young man slipped his shirt and shoes off before diving into the lake.
          xxxThe dark-haired woman felt a strong arm around her waist and began to relax as the man swam her to shore. They collapsed on the beach, panting heavily.
          xxx“Thank you,” the bewildered and already exhausted girl murmured, breathless.
          xxx“Yeah, no problem,” her saviour puffed. He cleared his throat and pushed his soaked blonde hair back out of his face. Salem couldn’t help but stare at his eyes. They were the bluest blue she’d ever seen. She felt like she could drown in them. He stood up and offered her his hand.
          xxx“Cae,” he said. Salem blinked up at him as he helped her off the hot sand.
          xxx“Say… what?” she asked, puzzled. The man smiled. His eyes sparkled in the sunlight and her heart turned to slop. Gorgeous…
          xxx“No, not S-A-Y. C-A-E. Cae. That’s my name. And you are…?”
          xxxThe lost and flustered woman cleared her throat and stumbled over her words. “Oh, um… I’m… I’m Salem.”
          xxxCae pulled his white t-shirt over his toned body and slipped his sneakers back onto his feet. “Like the witch city?”
          xxx“Yeah,” she murmured, her heart sinking into her stomach. Is that… bad? That’s bad, isn’t it… she thought nervously. His response reassured her. Until it didn’t.
          xxx“Cool. I like it. Well, Salem, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not out of the woods just yet,” he told her, glancing at the forest that surrounded the lake.
          xxxSalem shuddered and felt panic begin to wash over her once more. She kept her outsides calm and collected, but that didn’t change the fact that her insides screamed Oh God please help me! Not the woods, anything but the woods! Why did it have to be the woods?
          xxxAll at once she was a little girl again, lost, alone, afraid. Surrounded by huge, looming trees. And the sounds… The horrible sounds. Bats, bugs, wolves, and every other nocturnal, bright-eyed creature.
          xxxShe cleared her throat again, blinking repeatedly and biting her lower lip.
          “What… What do you mean?” she asked hesitantly, not sure she really wanted to know. Cae sighed and twisted his jaw, leaning against an old crooked tree he’d wandered over to.
          xxx“Well… This is going to sound a tad crazy… But in a few hours, everything disappears. Trees, caves, any form shelter. This place has a sick moon. It’s always full. And it always makes the people here go… well, raving mad.”
          xxxSalem swallowed hard. Great. Just fantastic.
          xxx“Alright, so how do we get out of here?” She was doing her best to pretend like this whole situation wasn’t completely eating her up inside.
          xxx“We don’t,” Cae murmured gravely. She ran her fingers through her still-soaked hair. “Let me guess – car accident?”
          xxxSalem nodded.
          xxx“Me too,” he said. “Trust me, it’s not a bad dream. I wish to God it was.”
          It didn’t take long for the sun to set and that awful moon to rise. Just as Cae had said, everything vanished. Salem found the lack of dense vegetation comforting, but that moon… huge, unnerving. And it wasn’t just “sick” as her mysterious friend had put it, but it looked sick. It gave off an unhealthy pale green light that enveloped the entire world. Everything below it looked like a ghost.
          xxx“Look out!”
          xxxCae shoved Salem to the ground as a battered and filthy old man came crashing toward her. His eyes were wild, full of madness, and his salt and pepper hair was in tangles. He had a long, curly beard and the woman he’d been trying to attack almost felt sorry for him. There was nothing to him, just skin and bone… She couldn’t shake the feeling that she would be just like him someday if she didn’t get out of here soon.
          xxx“Come on,” Cae ordered, grabbing his new companion’s arm and pulling her along as he ran through the loose sand. Salem lost count of how many times she nearly fell flat on her face.
          xxxThere was nothing. Just a few poor souls wandering aimlessly under that diseased moon. Some rocked back and forth on the ground in fetal positions. Normally, the lost girl might chuckle and roll her eyes, but not now. Her heart was consumed by a horrible combination of pity and fear.
          xxx“Wait, are those… trees?” she inquired as they rushed along, now even more bewildered than before.
          xxx“Yep. Only part of the forest left after sundown.”
          xxx“But I thought you said-”
          xxx“I did. But no one who’s been here very long goes near that section of trees – night or day. Anyone who’s ever gone in never came back out. But if we stay on the outskirts, we should be safe.”
          xxx“We’re going in,” Salem commanded, hoping with all her heart that the terror pounding in her chest hadn’t seeped into her voice. Cae blinked at her. She could see in those dazzling blue eyes that he questioned whether or not the moonlight had already affected her.
          xxx“I mean it,” she assured him. “If anyone who goes in never comes out, it can mean two things: A; they die, or B; that’s our ticket out of this Godforsaken place. Either way, it’s gotta beat ending up like them.” She watched the other stranded beings wander for a moment and hugged herself tight.
          xxxA few minutes later, Salem stood frozen and wide-eyed on the edge of the wood.
          xxx“I can’t,” she murmured over the knot in her throat. “I-”
          xxx“Yes you can.” Cae yanked her along roughly, now driven by the hope of freedom. She could barely breathe. Her lungs felt like they were collapsing in on themselves. Tears finally burst from her eyes.
          xxx“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t! Please, just let me go back!” she cried. The stranger she’d decided to trust – she realized she didn’t have a good reason why – shot her a fiery glare.
          xxx“No! Do you want to get out of here or not?!” he snapped. Her arm ached with the strength of his grip, and even if she’d said no, the terrified young woman didn’t know if she could get away.
          xxx“Cae-”
          xxx“Shut up!”
          xxxSalem retreated. Those beautiful blue eyes weren’t so beautiful anymore… She swore it must have been her imagination, but there was definitely an odd luminescence to them that she hadn’t noticed before. The light was like… like an unhealthy pale green.
          xxxShe couldn’t move. Her muscles would not respond. She crashed onto the ground helplessly as Cae tossed her like a rag doll before him. He grinned sadistically.
          xxx“You know, I can’t remember the last time I had a good meal…” His voice was different. Rough. Twisted. Hungry. He moved toward her like an animal stalking its prey.
          Salem’s vision flashed between present and past, between Cae and that gigantic, looming wolf from her childhood. She whimpered and shuffled backward as fast as she could, sobbing uncontrollably. It was her worst nightmare come true – returned – from the deepest recesses of her mind.
          xxx“Please…” she whispered raspingly. Her attacker laughed.
          xxx“Don’t worry, little girl. I’ll make this every bit as slow and painful as you imagine it will be,” he cackled, running his fingers through a strand of her dark hair and licking her cheek. The helpless woman jerked her head away and shambled back even more.
          Her back pressed against something cold and hard. There was a blinding flash of light, and then nothing. Complete and utter nothingness. Black. Dark. Silent.
          xxxThe moment her senses came back to her, she jumped up and ran for her life, nearly colliding with an SUV in the process.
          xxxShe was breathless, overcome with shock and relief.
          xxxHome.
          xxxBut she knew she wasn’t safe. If she had escaped, so would Cae. And those eyes were not ones to let their target just walk away. She knew nothing would be the same now. She would be hiding until she knew for certain he was dead or captured.
          xxxShe was lucky she still had her life. But for how long? She had to run, run like her very existence depended on it. Because it did. Salem fought against her tears as she bolted down the busy street. She hugged her tiny body in a vain attempt to stay her shivers. The rain had soaked her through. She wanted desperately to rest, curl up by the fire in a nice warm blanket with a cup of coco, but she knew she wouldn’t survive the night if she did. Otherwise and he would find her, end her.

        Critiques:
          Talk about a twist ending! Nice work with that! I never expected things to go so horribly wrong. I love a good surprise! You may want to go a little more in-depth on how Christy died or how Tyler "used" her. I understand that the narrator is upset and may not want to express in detail the circumstances, but it would probably benefit the story if you humoured the reader by explaining at least vaguely what happened.

          Your grammar was definitely shakey. I appreciated it to an extent and I would actually reccomend that you don't fix it completely, as it helps aid the idea of an everyday teenager blogging. But it was very choppy and at some points difficult to read. I would clean it up at least as little.

          Springing off of that, I really liked the blog/diary feel of the piece. It felt personal and it was quite interesting. I don't usually read stuff like this, so a change was pretty nice. I feel like I might really read something like this on a blog somewhere on the internet. I had a little trouble seeing this theme at the beginning though, so you may want to throw in a few dates and times before each "post" to both distinguish the seperation between entries a little more and help the reader see the style in which you are writing.

          Man... Coma? Jail? That's pretty extreme! It really shows the narrator's passionate love for Christy. Very creative!

          I love survival stories! But rarely do you get the addition of two dogs. That was awesome! I love how you kept me in suspense. And I'm glad they saved the dogs from the crash. Most survival stories don't do that.

          I think your biggest issue was pronouns. You used "he" a lot when you had three male characters all in the same spot. It could get a little confusing as to whom you were referring. I would use names and descriptions a bit more often, especially for Carter. I don't really know what he looks like.

          You're writing style is very unique, and I really enjoyed some of your techniques. Your allusion here: "Carter felt like he was in a great fort like El Morro, safe and protected." And whatever this amazing thing was here: "There was clearly nothing in the br-. An agitated clicking came from a small brown squirrel."

          This is just a little thing, but I thought I'd point it out. "Carter, angry and drained from the adrenaline rush, kicked over a small hunk of metal, discovering two things that could potentially help them. Beneath that chunk, was a rifle and a satellite phone. 'Dad!' Carter said, his voice raising a few octaves. Johnnie scooted over, releasing a huge sigh when he saw what his son had found." The first sentence implies that you are keeping a secret, but then you tell us in the very next sentence. It might be best if you move the bolded sentence to to end of the paragraph.

          I think that's it. You did a phenomenal job! The whole thing was very intriguing, and I kept wanting to read more. I think your ending was perfectly fine. I get the feeling of "oh, that was rushed" when I'm writing a story as well. But personally I think it fits just fine. Two thumbs up!

          That sucks... Not the story, I mean Anna's situation! That's a good thing. Well, not for her, but you know, story-wise. You got my attention for sure. I have a number friends who are anorexic/bulimic, so stories like this always hit home for me. Overall, I thought it was very well done. I think there may have been a bit too much showing towards the beginning. Maybe spruce that up with some nice vocabulary and descriptions? I felt like your writing improved as the story went on.

          "'Anna, we need to talk about your career,' he looked her straight in the eye, a wave of cold emotion splashing through his blue eyes. His jaw tightened as he took her shoulder and led her over to the makeup chair. Michelle, the makeup artist was preparing the makeup and waiting for her canvas to stop talking." This paragraph is pure genius. I loved it! I might try to bring this type of imagery to other parts of your piece, like the very beginning. She's only been in the city for three months, so is she adjusted to its crazy sights and sounds yet, or do they still take her by surprise every now and then? Just something to make you think.

          I think the only other suggestion I have is to expand on that ending a little. I like it the way it is; it's kind of a cliffhanger. However, it doesn't really offer any real resolution. Does Anna's condition get bad enough that she has to go to the hospital? Does she get the job? Perhaps something happens during the show?

          I love how Anna's character unfolds throughout the piece. At first she just seems like some plain old ordinary girl, but she manages to grab your attention in the little subtle things about her. It was like meeting an actual person. Great job!

          Mean Girls, holla! Haha! Great concept! This story is something that could actually happen, something my writing is not too familiar with. I like reading stories I wouldn't write, and I think you did a really good job with this one.

          I loved some of your termanology. "She thinks she has some revelation about Austin and I running the bases tonight, if you get my gist. 'Court-' I try to tell her otherwise but she puts her hands up like she’s been caught red-handed and says, 'Hey, I’m just worried about your safety, no glove, no love, Lauren'" and "Besides Ali, Courtney’s the only other one of us who swiped her v-card" helped give me a clear picture of their age and what kind of girls these characters are. Clever!

          Watch your tenses. You shift between past and present at the beginning quite a bit before settling into present for the rest of the story. Your punctuation could use some work, too. Try not to use so many semi-colons. You can usually substitute them with a coma or a period to make the piece smoother. Of course, if a semi-colon is what makes the piece sound better, go with it. You just had so many it got a little choppy at times.

          I was really impressed by the internal conflict Lauren had throughout most of the story without even knowing it; her choice of virginity and Austin's clear desire for sex, the fact that she has to justify her "right" to pick on people, right up to the end with making fun of Sam. (SAMMY!!! <3) It was subtle, but there. And I really enjoyed that. It's hard to do, and you pulled it off well.

          My biggest issue with this is the flow of action. I feel like the story is rather stagnant. I didn't see much of a climax, and the ending sort of just dropped off. There's all this conflict ready to explode, but it never does. Does anything happen with Lauren and Sam? What happens at the party? Does she have sex with Austin? If she does, does she regret it? If she doesn't, what do her friends think? Maybe you should condense some of the events in the middle and tag something on the end?

          Other than that, I thought it was pretty well written, especially for a first draft. The characters are well developed and I could really tell what each one stood for. Thumbs up!

        Profiles:

Forms

        Editing:
          [center][color=purple][size=24][b][i]Editing~[/i][/b][/size][/color]
          [size=9][b]Username:[/b] Your username here
          [b]Piece:[/b] Put it in a spoiler or give me a link, please!
          [b]Time Limit:[/b] If you don't have one, just put N/A
          [b]Notes:[/b] Anything else?[/center]

        Critiquing:
          [center][color=blue][size=24][b][i]Critiquing~[/i][/b][/size][/color]
          [size=9][b]Username:[/b] Your username here
          [b]Piece:[/b] Put it in a spoiler or give me a link, please!
          [b]Time Limit:[/b] If you don't have one, just put N/A
          [b]Notes:[/b] Anything else?[/center]

        Bumping:
          [center][color=orange][size=24][b][i]Bumping~[/i][/b][/size][/color]
          [size=9][b]Username:[/b] Your username here
          [b]Thread:[/b] Where you would like me to bump
          [b]Bumps:[/b] How many?
          [b]Format:[/b] Which bumping picture would you like, or would you like me to use one of your own?
          [b]Notes:[/b] Anything else?[/center]

        Character Development and Bios:
          [center][color=pink][size=24][b][i]Character Development and Bios~[/i][/b][/size][/color]
          [size=9][b]Username:[/b] Your username here
          [b]Character:[/b] Name (if applicable) and a little bit about him/her
          [b]What I Need:[/b] I would like some specifics, please! ^_^
          [b]Notes:[/b] Anything else?[/center]

        Character Creation:
          [center][color=green][size=24][b][i]Character Creation~[/i][/b][/size][/color]
          [size=9][b]Username:[/b] Your username here
          [b]Character:[/b] Name (if applicable) and a basic sense of what you want
          [b]Skeleton:[/b] Profile form you need filled out (if none, put N/A)
          [b]Picture:[/b] Put it in a link or spoiler, please (if none, put N/A or a description of what you want him/her to look like)
          [b]Notes:[/b] Anything else?[/center]

Payments in Art!

        Any payment can be substituted with art of one of my OC's. Let me know if you want to take me up on this offer!

King Kitten

King Kitten

King Kitten

King Kitten

Noble Bookworm

10,650 Points
  • Bookworm 100
  • Noble Shade 100
  • Angelic Alliance 100
Gallifrey Stands

Bumping~
Username: Luxury Soul
Thread I would like you to Bumps: Pixels Shop
Bumps: 500 bumps
Format: Mags, Par, Silf
Notes: Would it be fine with you if you color your bump #s in White color? like I can read it fine, I just don't want to see it number in black color text. Keep it on the first page please smile that would be nice if I get more customers of course wink Would tip (greatly) if bump well ~

King Kitten

Luxury Soul
Bumping~
Username: Luxury Soul
Thread I would like you to Bumps: Pixels Shop
Bumps: 500 bumps
Format: Mags, Par, Silf
Notes: Would it be fine with you if you color your bump #s in White color? like I can read it fine, I just don't want to see it number in black color text. Keep it on the first page please smile that would be nice if I get more customers of course wink Would tip (greatly) if bump well ~

Sure thing! cat_3nodding

Noble Bookworm

10,650 Points
  • Bookworm 100
  • Noble Shade 100
  • Angelic Alliance 100
Gallifrey Stands
Luxury Soul
Bumping~
Username: Luxury Soul
Thread I would like you to Bumps: Pixels Shop
Bumps: 500 bumps
Format: Mags, Par, Silf
Notes: Would it be fine with you if you color your bump #s in White color? like I can read it fine, I just don't want to see it number in black color text. Keep it on the first page please smile that would be nice if I get more customers of course wink Would tip (greatly) if bump well ~

Sure thing! cat_3nodding


If you have any questions, just PM me, dont post in the thread, thank you wink

King Kitten

Isin's Waifu

Bashful Giver

Gallifrey Stands
Hi are you still open? I could use someone to edit a rp post for me.

King Kitten

Yume Yokohama
Hi are you still open? I could use someone to edit a rp post for me.

I am~ ^_^
I was just gone for a couple days, but I'm back now!

Isin's Waifu

Bashful Giver

Gallifrey Stands
Yume Yokohama
Hi are you still open? I could use someone to edit a rp post for me.

I am~ ^_^
I was just gone for a couple days, but I'm back now!
oh okay. Sorry I already had it edited just a while a go.

Isin's Waifu

Bashful Giver

Gallifrey Stands

Sorry again but I have bookmarked your shop to stop by later if I need to. 3nodding Do you do rp bios?

King Kitten

Yume Yokohama
Sorry again but I have bookmarked your shop to stop by later if I need to. 3nodding Do you do rp bios?

I do all the things. ^_^

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