Tћε Uηsεεη Sαviσr Tσ Lαmbs aη∂ Wσℓvεs

[XoX A Secret Dreamer XoX]

Did she want the plane to land faster? Did she want the plane not to land? What did Alice want? She wanted Jasper again…She wanted to be herself again. Alice wanted to be Alice again. Not this unemotional girl who had forgotten how to smile…Fifty years it had been since Alice hadn’t smiled. She didn’t even smile when she found out that she was going home. Alice leaned her head against the plastic of the cover that shielded the window from any light. She wasn’t sure what to do. The girl was so confused. She needed someone that was going to tell her that everything was alright, and that they wouldn’t lie like Caius. Or how Alice lied to those 900 humans.

The woman closed her eyes, and each face of each human that she had killed flashed in her mind. If anything had hurt Alice more besides leaving her family, having to kill all those humans definitely won by a long shot; Having to watch each and every one of their futures die out as Alice killed them. The pixie shivered as she thought about it more. This wasn’t good for her to think of all the people she killed. She needed to think of the husband that was waiting for her, the best friend that needed to always be dressed by Bella, and the brother that always understood Alice if no one else did. If all else fails with your husband and your best friend, go to the mind-reading brother.

The girl tried to smile about thinking of her family, but her lips wouldn’t turn up at the corners like she wanted them to. Nothing would happen like Alice wanted it to. Nothing ever seemed like it was going to happen the way that Alice wanted it to. At first she thought that she was going to be able to rejoin her family for eternity when she came back with Nahuel and Huilen. Then Alice thought that the last fifty years in Volterra was going to be just like the first fifty. And then that she could handle the punishment from Caius for twenty-five years. Finally, Alice thought that she was never going to be broken by Caius. Well, things just didn’t happen the way some people wanted them to be like.

The plane landed, and Alice momentarily stopped breathing. She was in Seattle. No one would know that she was here; Alice was always the one that saw the surprises. Edward was going to be tricky, but Alice didn’t really care about her idiotic brother that never thought things through. It was totally random, but Alice missed their chess games. Sometimes the lasted thirty seconds, and sometimes they lasted thirty hours. It was crazy, and most of the time was spent staring at the board, but it was still fun. It was Edward and Alice’s game. No one else really got their chess games besides Edward and Alice. It was just…it was just Edward and Alice’s thing.

And then there was the random little looks that Alice and Jasper gave each other. Simple glances, nothing more. Even Edward who could read thoughts didn’t get Jasper and Alice. No one really got how two people so different, yet so alike, were so in love. Alice missed Jasper more than anything. She needed him to hold her hand, and the pixie needed one of their awkward hugs where Jasper would hold Alice against him, only by leaning over slightly and snaking his arms around her shoulders. Alice would wrap her arms around Jasper’s waist, and just nuzzle her head into his chest. His scent…Alice hadn’t smelled his scent in a century. She just wanted to have her husband.

And her best friend. Alice shook her head as she walked through the airport, her black sweater wrapped tightly around her, and the pixie’s arms crossed in front of her chest. Bella was so complicated, so trivial, yet so simple. Isabella Cullen was just Isabella Cullen. You could say she was stubborn, and you could say she was curious and secluded in her own world. But you couldn’t describe Bella as anything other than just that: Bella. There wasn’t any word to fit Bella perfectly. Bella was her own word, her own person. You couldn’t break Bella if you had a thousand Caius’s. You couldn’t break someone as unique as Bella. Anyone who tried was an idiot.

Alice found a cab pretty quickly, and the pixie nodded towards the man and gave him her address. Or at least the address that every Cullen gave a cab driver if they needed to take one. The pixie leaned her head against the cool glass, her own skin unaffected by the temperature of the window. Alice tried to find another reason to smile. There was Esme’s warmth. Carlisle’s natural peace. Rose’s protective nature over her family. Emmett’s jester-like attitude. Jake’s sarcasm. Alice imagined Renesmee’s personality, and tried to think exactly how her niece looked like now. The psychic wondered if Renesmee Cullen was Renesmee Black. She hoped she was. Alice didn’t want Renesmee and Jake to wait on a wedding just because Alice was in Volterra. Alice wanted it to be in the first fifty years, and not the last fifty where Alice was being tortured, besides the natural pain that she felt of having her family gone.

Alice sat there, and thought about the day that she had left her family for a hundred years. The day that Alice had signed her soul to the devil…

I stood there in the clearing, Jasper’s hand in my own. I stared at Aro, the man who dared to ruin my family. The many months that I spent without my parents, my siblings, my best friend and niece…I secretly prayed that karma would return to Aro extremely quickly so he could suffer like my family was suffering now. My golden eyes looked around the battlefield, and I sighed. Why couldn’t Aro just make a decision? Caius voted no, Marcus voted keep Renesmee alive, and Aro was just standing there. What did he want already? Why did he have to take so long?

My mind was snapped out of the future, and the still image of Edward holding a sobbing, hysterical Bella. She kept screaming ‘why?’ By the time that my mind was out of the future, I started thinking of what it was going to take to be able to save my family. I briefly looked up at Jasper, and then out of the corner of my eye, Edward. This was going to tear Jasper apart.

“Aro, I’ll be a member of your guard.” Gasps sounded throughout the entire clearing, and countless pairs of eyes were staring at me. Only a few moments later, and Jasper kneeled down beside me, his hands on my arms. My husband jerked me to look at him, and I bit my lip at the pained expression on his face.

“No!” Bella practically screeched at me, and she was soon by my side, Renesmee looking confused in her arms.

“Alice, please, no!” Esme was the next one, and she shakily took her hand from Carlisle’s and was soon also near me. Jasper was still staring at me, I could feel his eyes boring into my skin, but I just couldn’t look at him…It hurt way too much to look at his face.

Everyone else in my family came rushing towards me, saying all different types of things. I just shook my head and looked towards Aro. The man smiled curiously. How the hell could he find a reason to smile?

“Why have you seemed to come to this new revelation, Alice?” I sighed, and stepped slightly closer to Jazz. He immediately wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Because, Aro. You know that I have the ability to see the future, and I want to make a deal with you. You think that Renesmee, my darling niece, is harm, a threat, to the secret of our kind. You must also know that if Renesmee were to break the law, per se, I can see it and then help my family to cover anything up. Well, in Italy, that's kind of hard to do so. So, I'll join your guard to say that I am willing to leave my family to prove my niece’s innocence. In my mind, and in my family's mind, there is no need to be able to help them, for Renesmee is perfectly safe. If I have a vision, you will know, and you can take action. Though, there is a catch. You have to let me leave after a century. Renesmee will be Nahuel's age by then, and will not age and she will be safe.” Bella looked at Renesmee, then to Edward who was also walking over, and then at me. She was shaking her head, and her eyes were both frustrated and confused.

“Well, that seeming as a viable reason, yes, Alice. I’d be delighted to have you join our guard. Even if just for a century.” Jasper shook his head violently, and looked up at me. I was finally able to look at his topaz eyes, and I just smiled softly at him, and ran my fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down. Of course, that was impossible practically to calm Jasper now, but I could try at least.

“Alice, please.” Bella whispered, and I turned around at my best friend and smiled as well. Jasper’s arms dropped, but he kept one of his own hands holding my own. Immediately, I stood up on my toes and hugged her. Bella sighed, and hugged me just as tightly.

“It’ll go by like I was gone only a year, Bella.” I whispered. She wasn’t used to the vampire sense of time. She needed some comfort. Bella just barely unhinged me, but I reached for Renesmee. She gave her to me, and I held my niece close. What was she going to look like when I got back?

“Aunt Alice, why are you going away?” I looked at Renesmee, and kissed her forehead softly, and tucked a red curl behind her ear.

“Because I love you, darling. Listen to me for a minute though: I’m not going to be here to be able to tell you all of this, so I’m going to tell you this now. You’ve got my best friend, and the best brother in the world-“Emmett scoffed at my remark. Of course he would still be the court-jester. “-as parents and you’re going to be a teenager soon. Considering you also have the two most stubborn people in the world as your mother and father, so that’s most likely going to be given to you. When you and your father or your mother get in an argument, assume that they are right and just hug them for me. Sometimes, you will be right, but they are going to be distracted by me being gone, so you need to be their angel even more then you already are.” Tears formed in my niece’s eyes, but she nodded. I knew she understood everything that I said. Bella took her back and held her even closer, just barely being able to not crush her. Before I could turn to Edward, I was already a foot off the ground and being hugged by him. I laughed softly, and then squeezed out of his grasp.

“Don’t be an idiot. That’s all I can really say. You tend to do that sometimes. And don’t you dare play any chess games with anyone while I’m gone.” Edward smiled and nodded. The smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Are you sure about this, Alice?” Rose’s golden voice behind me made me turn around, and I just turned towards my tenacious sister and nodded. She gave me a hug, softer this time, and then Emmett hugged me too.

“I won’t be a total idiot either, Alice.” I smiled and nodded. Emmett was sometimes severely oblivious to things, but he was still intelligent…somewhat.

“We just got you back, Alice.” Esme whispered, and I looked at my mother. She was leaning against Carlisle, their fingers interlaced. I sighed and hugged my mom’s waist, and Esme broke her hold of Carlisle and hugged me as well.

“Don’t worry, Mom. This time you know I’ll be coming back. You know has fast a century goes by for us.” Esme kissed my hair, and handed me off to Carlisle who hugged me as well.

“Hurry back to your family, Alice. We’ll all be counting the hours until you’re back with us again.” I nodded, and kissed my father’s cheek, before turning back to Jasper. He immediately hugged me tightly, burying his head into my neck. I wrapped my arms around his neck and did the same. We stayed like that for a few minutes, and then Jasper whispered in my ear: “I’ll go with you.”

“No, Jazz. No. You aren’t going back to a life of fighting. You need some peace here with the rest of the family.” Jazz kissed my neck, and I shivered slightly. This was a lot harder than I thought.

“I don’t have peace without you, Alice.” We both winced, and I just sighed, and looked my husband in the eyes.

“Find it, Jazz. I’m going to sound cruel, but find it. I’ll be back, do not worry. A hundred years without me is going to be like an hour compared to the rest time of we are going to have together. I’ll be back, Jasper Hale. I love you.“I looked down, and caught sight of the choker around my neck. It had the same crest that all the men had on a bracelet, and it was the same crest on Esme’s bracelet too, and then Rose’s necklace. Bella hadn’t gotten one yet. Smiling at Jasper, I took the choker off, and grabbed Jasper’s hand, letting the necklace fall in his pale hand. I closed his hand, and then smiled at my husband again.

“I know you’ll never be able to not forget me, but I want you to keep this while I’m gone. Let the whole family hold onto it for a bit sometimes. But, this will be my peace for you.” I kissed Jasper softly, and he almost fell limp against me. Pulling away, I walked out of the circle of my family, and across the field. The sound of Jasper immediately getting up made me cringe, but Edward and Emmett, and I think someone else, grabbed him.

“Alice! Please! Don’t go! I need you!” I sighed, and it killed me not to look back at my husband. He needed me. Why couldn’t I just back out of the deal? No. My family needed to be safe. Jake and Nessie needed to be safe.

Once I got over to the other side, I looked back towards my family, and waved good-bye. Of course, I knew I was going to be back. Aro kept his word. Blowing my family a kiss, I mouthed ‘see you soon’ and watched my husband mouth ‘I love you’ back.

Turning around as the rest of the Volturi did so, I became Alice of the Volturi guard.

Alice sighed, and watched as the snow fell around Forks, Washington. It looked so innocent and peaceful as it fell to the ground. The girl’s golden eyes caught every flake as it joined the rest of the endless white on the roads and trees and hills that the taxi passed. It was quite beautiful, the serene elegance of the snow. She kept silent as the taxi kept going towards its destination. All the pixie did was just watch the snow, and thought about the snow. Every other thought was just too painful to recognize as a thought, or led down a road of thoughts to something just as excruciating.

“We’re here, miss.” Alice didn’t notice how short of a time it was. The girl looked at the clock on the car dashboard: it was just about noon. The pixie grabbed her purse and handed the man his rightful dues. This was the trail to her house. Alice crossed her arms, and slowly began walking through the snow. It was just packed enough not to let her shoes get too dreadfully wet. Besides, Alice really didn’t mind anyways, considering the fact that she was still almost scared of going home to her family. The pixie was still frightened about the fact that her family was going to be expecting the old Alice, and then almost be hurt by the way she was now.

I’m home, Edward. I’m home.

Alice briefly thought towards her brother. He would understand at least. He had changed so much when he had left Bella; he would have to get the changes in Alice’s own self, right? Jasper would…those years that he spent as Maria’s general…he had changed greatly. Jasper had to understand. Bella might…Alice wasn’t sure about Bella. The girl was so unexpected; that Alice really couldn’t fathom even trying to guess what Bella would do when she found out Alice was home. Alice knew that Esme and Carlisle would hug her…She knew that Rose would most likely tell her how stupid she was. Emmett would laugh and swing Alice around. Jake would chuckle and call her ‘Shortie’ like he had when Bella was pregnant. Alice wasn’t sure about Nessie either…Alice hoped that she wouldn’t hold anything against her for leaving when she was just a child.

The girl looked around her as she walked. Her sharp eyes caught a few holes in every other tree. The pixie knew exactly where they were from. The lights that Alice had strung for the graduation party and the wedding. Alice sighed and kept walking; her black cardigan was wrapped tightly around her. The girl’s pale skin shone through slightly, the snow almost as pale as she was. If that was even possible to believe. Alice just really wasn’t sure about what she was going to do now. Plan more weddings and parties and pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t? Smile and be happy and dance around like she used to, when she felt like she had failed her family?

The white house came into view, and Alice stopped in front of home. Her home. That thought was such a nice one to think…Her vampire memory had preserved the looks of her house perfectly, but standing in front of it now, it just felt so right knowing that she was about to walk into her house, and see her best friend, her husband, and the rest of the family. They would tell her everything was going to be alright, and they wouldn’t lie to Alice either. The pixie sighed, and stepped forward towards the front steps. Once again, Alice paused in front of the door. Her hand was outstretched, just above the doorknob. Alice was going to be safe again. Or at least, her own body and sanity was going to be safe. Her mind was already in pieces from the pain and guilt.

Closing her eyes, Alice opened the door, and closed it behind her. She walked upstairs silently, and stood in the middle of the floor. She looked behind her to the steps, and remembered how she had been calming down Bella on the day of her wedding so she didn’t freak and pass out. Alice turned back towards the rest of the rooms, and sighed. She really didn’t know what to say.

“I’m home.” Alice whispered, and waited for someone to come out and see her. Alice needed to see someone, and she needed to see someone soon. Jasper, Bella, Edward…anyone. Anyone at all would make her feel at least somewhat better.

[ooc] outfit [/ooc]

[The Nymph Kamalia]

tab tab tab

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A century. One hundred years. One thousand two hundred months. Four hundred thirty-eight thousand days. Ten million five hundred twelve thousand hours. Six hundred thirty million seven hundred twenty thousand minutes. Thirty-seven billion eight hundred forty-three million two hundred thousand seconds. That was how long it had been since Bella had last seen the face of her best friend, give or take a few hours. A century. That had been the bargain made that day on the battlefield between Aro and Alice. After a century he had to let her come home to her family. It was because the century was over with that the Cullens and Blacks had moved back to Forks. They had wanted to be in the same place for Alice when she came home. If she came home. Bella didn't want to think it, but she knew she was not alone. The big question wasn't when Alice was coming home. No. The big question was if she was coming home. Everyone wanted to believe her words, Bella especially, but after her words having been proven false she had lost some hope.

You see, Alice's goodbye to her was saying that it would be as if only a year had gone by before she was back. That was far from the case, though. Every second ticked by at a snail's pace as Bella watched her family in pain, Jasper being the worst off. Every second she watched as more 'tears' fell, finally knowing just what it felt like to 'cry' herself. Every second she watched as the world grew a little dimmer, a little colder. Every second Bella felt the loss of her best friend and knew that Alice leaving with the Volturi had struck a cord deep in the foundation of the Cullen family that left everyone feeling cold and empty. There were no more smiles. No more laughs. No more games. No more music. The Cullen family became as Bella had originally imagined vampires to be; sullen and secluded in the dark. Jasper faded into the background. Edward no longer played or composed music. Carlisle remained a doctor, but the warmth was gone. Esme no longer smiled. Renesmee did the best she could to do as Alice had asked, but even she was weighed down by the sadness. Jacob made no more remarks. Even Rosalie and Emmett had mellowed out. Emmett wasn't quite the jester and Rosalie was a little softer in her attitude with the rest of her family.

Bella? Well, some things both good and bad had changed for her. Though still stubborn, Bella rarely found a reason to smile or laugh anymore. Everywhere she looked she saw reminders of their lost pixie and her best friend. Even her hair seemed determined to remind her as it began to darken over the years. Finally, after twenty-five years of her hair darkening to an almost black she just finished the job. At first she received endless glares from Jasper as well as shocked looks from Esme, but Bella didn't care. If she wanted to do something as simple as dye her hair black so she felt like she was somehow still connected to her best friend then she sure as hell was going to do it. On top of the hair, Bella's fashion sense changed drastically. Out went the old Bella who hated fashion and was good with a pair of grungy jeans and a t-shirt and in was the new Bella who lived off of fashion. Maybe it was because Alice wasn't there to be the fashionista of the family that Bella fell into the roll, though subdued as no one spoke of fashion outside of the clothes they wore. All Bella knew was that both her hair and change in style had first been a way to try to keep herself connected to something that felt harder and harder to hold onto every second that passed, but over time the changes simply became a part of who she was. As much as she hated to admit it, part of her had stopped trying to hold onto Alice a long time ago as she knew it was a fruitless goal. Alice was gone. Even if no one would say it verbally, she was sure that everyone thought it. Alice was gone and whether or not she was coming back, they all knew that their pixie wouldn't be they saw if she decided to come home. One hundred years with the Volturi would change anyone. Bella was almost positive it would eventually get to someone even as stubborn as her.

These thoughts and more spurred Bella on as she raced down the road from Seattle to Forks. She had gone out to go shopping again to give her some space. The day, as it marked one hundred years since the fateful one on the battlefield, had felt extra heavy at the house so she had decided to leave for a few hours to do something that was almost a mindless task and wasn't filled with nearly as much mirth as it would be if the circumstances were different. All through the trip she had thought about the day that Alice had left. The day she had given to Aro's number one desire in order to give her daughter a chance to live. Bella didn't know how she would ever repay Alice, if she ever could. As much as Bella hated that Alice had left and wanted her back, Edward had pulled her aside later that day to explain the vision to her that Alice had seen...

The blow from the end result with the Volturi hit us all hard. Though we had all survived, it felt as if we hadn't. In fact, it would have nicer if the Volturi had killed us. Instead they took her; Alice. They took my best friend. It was with this thought filled with both anger and hurt that I returned to my cottage with Renesmee in my arms. If I could have cried I would have and began to hate that I couldn't. Instead of the tears spilling over, the burning feeling of needing to cry just kept building up. There was no relief from it. No relief I could find. Even the fact that I had my daughter in my arms, who was silently looking up at me, was not enough to bring any large amount of relief. Yes, I was happy that my baby was still with me, that Renesmee was safe, but at what price was that gained? A price too high and that struck too hard to make what should have been a victorious feeling one full of pain and doubt. Alice was gone. She had signed over her life for a century of servitude to the Volturi all over making Aro believe that she would be able to see if anything happened with Renesmee they should be worried about; something that everyone in the family knew was a lie as Alice couldn't see Renesmee or Jacob and therefore wouldn't be able to see anything directly involved with them. However, no one spoke up again what Alice said. It may have been because we were all too shocked and stunned, but no one contradicted what we knew wasn't the truth. No one had barely moved.

Renesmee broke my train of thoughts, something I was glad I had to myself and Edward couldn't peer into thanks to my mental block, when she placed her hand on my cheek and showed me pictures of her last moment with Alice as well as a feeling of loss and confusion. I glanced down at her and became envious when I saw tears spilling from her deep brown eyes. Renesmee could cry, she could alleviate the pain even slightly. It wasn't fair. However, I kept those thoughts to myself as I tried to comfort my daughter as she did the same for me.

"I know, sweetie. We all miss her, but she'll be back . . ." I couldn't say anything else to my daughter as I closed my eyes and placed my head on top of hers and 'cried'.

It was then when Edward walked in. He had gone back to the main house for a little bit, but was now back. As I looked at him I saw the smile gone from his eyes and only empty holes. He had lost his best friend just as I had. What was the devilish duo was now only a lonely solo. He merely stood with our daughter and I in silence as I turned to lean my head against him. I don't know how long we stood there like that outside that it was dark outside and Renesmee was asleep in my arms. Neither Edward or myself had moved a muscle or taken an unneeded breath. We had merely stood there in silent comfort as we tried to comfort each other as well as our daughter who felt the same loss and confusion that ran through me. She also felt like this, how her father and I were acting, was exactly what Alice had been telling her so she kept repeating Alice's words that she would be back through her thoughts and gave them to the two of us until she passed out from exhaustion, both physical and emotional.

"I'll get her into bed." Edward's voice was soft, but I could still hear the pain in it as I nodded and carefully passed out daughter to him.

As much as I knew Jacob wanted to be with Renesmee, he had been respectful enough to give us the evening and night with just the three of us and I would thank him later for that when he showed up in the morning. Without Renesmee in my arms I turned and sprinted out of the house and disappeared into the forest behind it. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so much pain, hurt, anger, and confusion that I had to let it out or I would explode. So that's what I did, I let it out. Edward found me like that, taking it out on the trees as I 'cried' and merely let me get whatever I had built up out before approaching me carefully and wrapping his arms around me from behind, pulling me to his chest. I stood there, my shoulders slumped in defeat, with my back turned to him for a while before turning around in his arms and laying my head on his chest.

"Alice saw a vision were Renesmee was dead. She saw you in hysterics and me trying to comfort you. That was why she offered to join the guard. She did it to give Ness a chance to live." Edward explained what he had seen through Alice's mind and though it gave a reason to help clear my confusion up, it didn't help with the pain.

If anything, the explanation caused more pain as I know knew why Alice had signed over her life to Aro and the Volturi. It made me feel guilty and like I was at fault for it which made the pain on Edward's face much more difficult to bare . . .




Bella snapped back to the present as she turned onto the winding road that led to the main house. Since coming back her and Edward had yet to move back into the cottage seeing as Bella didn't want to be separated from the family any more than she wanted to 'wake up' and deal with the pain should Alice not return. She had to return, though. If nothing else, Alice had promised them. She had promised she would be back and Bella was determined to believe she would be, despite the doubts. If she had to she would go to Volterra herself and drag Alice back kicking and screaming. Whatever it took. No, it wouldn't heal the pain if Alice didn't come back on her own, but the family needed to heal; Jasper especially. They needed the day exactly one hundred years ago to finally become a thing of the past . . .

I stood awaiting the votes. I was sure of what Caius would vote, but Marcus was up in the air. I could only hold my breath and wait, knowing that unless some miracle happened things would turn ugly quick and the battle would begin.

"Before we vote," he began.

I shook my head angrily. I was tired of this charade. The bloodlust was igniting me again, and I was sorry that I would help the others more by standing still. I wanted to fight.

"Let me remind you," Aro continued, "whatever the council's decision, there need be no violence here."

Edward snarled out a dark laugh.

Aro stared at him sadly. "It will be a regrettable waste to our kind to lose any of you. But you especially, young Edward, and your newborn mate. The Volturi would be glad to welcome many of you into your ranks. Bella, Benjamin, Zafrina, Kate. There are many choices before you. Consider them."

Chelsea's attempt to sway us fluttered impotently against my shield. Aro's gaze swept across our hard eyes, looking for any indication of hesitation. From his expression, he found none. I knew he was desperate to keep Edward and me, to imprison us the way he had hoped to enslave Alice. But this fight was too big. He would not win if I lived. I was fiercely glad to be so powerful that I left him no way not to kill me.

"Let us vote, then," he said with apparent reluctance.

The next few seconds went by quickly as Caius, as expected, voted to kill my daughter and Marcus voted to keep her alive. That left it down to Aro, something I hated and mentally prepared for his vote that would lead to a battle. Suddenly, Edward stiffened at my side.

"Yes!" he hissed.

I risked glancing at him. His face glowed with an expression of triumph that I didn't understand-it was the expression an angel of destruction might wear while the world burned. Beautiful and terrifying. There was a low reaction from the guard, and uneasy murmur. It became apparent that Edward's sudden change of mood daunted on them that things may not be as good for them as they thought. Why else would someone who was about to have his daughter convicted seem so positive. Before I could ask him what it was, though, Edward turned his focus to Aro.

"Aro?" Edward called, nearly shouted, undisguised victory in his voice.

I waited for Aro to reply, unable to help the small smirk at his hesitation to reply due to the sudden new mood Edward seemed in. "Yes, Edward? You have something further . . . ?"

"Perhaps." This caught my attention. What did Edward mean? What was there left that I wasn't understanding. "First, if I could clarify one point?" What point! I found myself growing frustrated the longer this went on.

"Certainly." At Aro's reply and tone my teeth ground together; Aro was never more dangerous than when he was gracious.

"The danger you foresee from my daughter-this stems entirely from out inability to guess how she will develop? That is the crux of the matter?" What was with the rhetorical question? I found myself less patient than Aro as Aro replied.

"Yes, friend Edward,"

Ha! Friend. That made me laugh some. As if anyone of my family or our friends were friends with Aro of anyone in his guard. The leeches, yes leeches, were here ready to kill us all if that is what happened and yet Aro had the gall to call anyone of us friends even now? That made my blood boil some more as the bloodlust returned to its heightened state. I almost didn't heard the rest of the conversation as I glared at Aro with the blood pounding in my ears.

"If we could but be positive . . . be sure that, as she grows, she will be able to stay concealed from the human world-not endanger the safety of our obscurity . . ."

"So, if we could only know for sure exactly what she will become . . . then there would be no need for a council at all?" Again with the rhetorical question; it was getting on my nerves at this point and I wanted Edward to just get to the point. I didn't dare voice my opinion, though, as I focused on my shield and let Edward carry out whatever plan he now had.

"If there was some way to be absolutely sure," I heard Aro agree, his feathery voice slightly more shrill. He couldn't see where Edward was leading him. Neither could I, which was what bothered me to the point of annoyance. "Then, yes, there would be no question to debate."

"And we would part in peace, good friends once again?"

I about screamed at Edward at this point. I was already tense and the endless rhetorical questions was getting old. I wanted to scream at him to get to the point, but Aro replied first.

"Of course, my young friend. Nothing would please me more."

I laughed inwardly at that. Right, as if anyone on our side believed a single lie within that reply. Even with proof, Aro would find a reason for conviction. Well, based on what the proof was. What was it, anyways? Edward's constant dogging of telling what it was that made his mood change so suddenly had better end soon or I wouldn't be able to stop myself from cutting into the conversation; one that continued further until something was said, a name, that made me paused.

"Why don't you join us, Alice?"

Alice! Alice, Alice, Alice! Relief and joy surged through me. It took all my will to keep the shield where it was. Alec's mist still tested, seeking a weakness-Jane would see if I left any holes. And then I heard running through the forest, flying, closing the distance as quickly as they could with no slowing effort at silence. Both sides were motionless in expectation. The Volturi witnesses scowled in fresh confusion. Then Alice danced into the clearing from the soutweat, and I felt like the bliss of seeing her face again might knock me off my feet as I watched Jasper and then three strangers followed her. As the last stranger, a young man not quite as fast nor quite a fluid in his run, neared I became shocked at what I heard. Another heartbeat, accelerated with exertion. It was then that I was filled with hope. Here was proof that my daughter would be fine. She would grow up and at one point stop aging just at Nahuel had. She would be safe and wouldn't be a danger or threat to the secrecy that was key to maintain. If I could have, I would have swung Alice around in joy and thankfulness for finding proof to save my daughter.

However, things became dark quickly. As we awaited Aro's decision after learning about the truth Alice said something that sent shock through me and struck me to the core.

"Aro, I'll be a member of your guard."

What was Alice saying? Become a member of the guard? Why? She had brought proof that Renesmee wouldn't be a threat. She had brought evidence; living, breathing evidence. Why did she . . . my thoughts ran cold as I realized it must not be enough. Aro for whatever reason was still going to try to bring this to a fight. Why though?! There was no more grounds upon which he could hope to claim some sort of injustice.

"No!" I practically screeched, unable to remain quiet any longer, as I went to her side, Renesmee in my arms at this point. There was no way that Alice would become a member of the Volturi. Just the thought alone was repulsive.

"Alice, please, no!" "Alice!" "You can't!" I didn't pay attention to anything anyone else in my family said as I stared at my best friend. She was crazy. She had to be. There was no way she could think that joining the Volturi was the right move. What exactly had she realized to cause such a reaction?

"Why have you seemed to come to this new revelation, Alice?" I wanted to turn and rip Aro's throat out at this point. In my mind, this no longer concerned him or the Volturi, even though the topic now at hand was Alice joining the guard.

"Because, Aro. You know that I have the ability to see the future, and I want to me a deal with you. You think that Renesmee, my darling niece, is harm, a threat, to the secret of our kind. You must also know that if Renesmee were to break the law, per se, I can see it and then help my family to cover anything up. Well, in Italy, that's kind of hard to do so. So I'll join your guard to say that I am willing to leave my family to prove my niece's innocence. In my mind, and in my family's mind, there is no need to be able to help them, for Renesmee if perfectly safe. If I have a vision, you will know, and you can take action. Though, there is a catch. You have to let me leave after a century. Renesmee will be Nahuel's age by then, and will not age and she will be safe."

I stopped paying attention to the conversation at that point. I looked to Renesmee, then Edward as he walked over to where I was, and then at Alice. In my frustration and confusion I could do nothing but shake my head. Nothing Alice had just said was making any sense in my brain as I tried to find the reason as to why my best friend was giving up her life like this. What would possess her to make such a move? I wasn't even aware of Aro agreeing to the deal or anyone else's reactions as I just stared at my best friend.

"Alice, please." The words barely came out a whisper, I was surprised I found even that much of my voice in all honesty, as I begged Alice to reconsider, to take back the deal, to stay. However, she seemed set as she hugged me and I returned it tightly, never wanting to let her go.

"It'll go by like I was gone only a year, Bella." The words brought me no comfort as I just managed to unhinge myself from her before Alice reached for Renesmee.

At that point I heard nothing past Renesmee's question. It was well known that Renesmee could talk, but she preferred to use her gift to speak with others. Hearing her breaking her preference to verbally ask Alice why she was leaving was the last straw for me as I turned to Edward for what little comfort could be found until I took Renesmee back and stood there with her, trying to keep away the cold feeling growing deep inside me and spreading. I remained like that, barely able to stop myself from crushing my daughter, as the others took their turns saying goodbye and speaking with Alice. I remained as still as a statue as I listened to my daughter's heartbeat and breathing, not daring to listen to anything else. Well, at least until Jasper's last cry out to Alice cut through my barrier and left a mark deep inside me. It was then and only then I glanced up from Renesmee's face and watched as Alice left with the guard, now a member of the Volturi . . .

Bella pulled herself from the memory as she stopped her car inside the garage. Taking a deep breath to steady herself as she turned off the engine she leaned her head back against the driver's seat. She had promised herself she wouldn't slip into the memories today of all days yet remembering the aftermath had given way to recalling those terrible memories that haunted her. In all honesty, Bella was glad she no longer slept. If she had she knew that nightmares of that last image of Alice that had remained carved into her mind would constantly plague her. Yes, there was some benefits to being a vampire now. However, the downside to that was that pain never fully healed. The past century had gone by slowly and each day was a painful reminder. Sure, everyone had sort of found ways to live on, her own methods had been her hair and change in fashion, but it was still painful. It still hurt to think of Alice and as Bella got out of the car, grabbing the bags full of the things she bought, she wished the pain away; despite knowing it was there to stay.

As she entered the house through the garage she saw the note she had left earlier that morning still sitting where she left it.

"I'm back." Bella called out, not really seeing a reason to state it but doing so anyways.

She then went through the seconds it took to throw the note she left away before starting up the stairs. However, as she neared the stairs she stopped dead in her tracks. There was a scent that was familiar, yet different. A scent that came from the front door and moved up the stairs. A scent she hadn't smelt in a century. A scent that momentarily sent hope through Bella's being as she dropped the bags, no longer caring about what was in them and dashed up the stairs before stopping when she saw her. Alice. Alice was here. She was home. Bella was stunned, unable to say anything at first as she merely stared at the one person she had feared she would never see again. She was so stunned she didn't even notice the differences that were there right away.

"Alice . . ." Bella whispered, both shock and joy evident in her voice as she stood at the top of the stairs, too stunned to move. Her best friend was home.

[glitz and prada - xox]

she was there-expecting me naturally. "you've kept me waiting a long time." she said
And I ducked my head like a good southern gentlemen, and said,
"i'm sorry ma am." She held out her hand and I took it without stopping
to think about what I was doing. for the first time, in nearly a century,
i felt hope.

indentIt was a lonely century. One century, that felt like a million. Many days had passed by and nothing happened. A smile never formed on any of the Cullen's faces, no one laughed, no one tried to lift up the mood, it was full of so much depression that there was no longer a way to change the moods. Jasper, oh dear Jasper, how long had it been since he spoke? What day was it? When was the last time he had checked the calender? It didn't matter anymore. It wasn't worth it. Living was nothing but torture. If he had to live, couldn't he do it with Alice? Just the name made him cringe. It was like nails on a chalkboard. That pixie, his little pixie had left him in the dust without taking one look back. She was the only thing that kept him from breaking down, but she left and he was that same Jasper Whitlock he had been back in 1800s when Maria had put him through pain, depression, grief, and worst of all, loneliness. It was all replaying, like a said tale through his head. He didn't stared at Alice's picture anymore before he fell asleep. He never laid in bed because her scent was still on the fabric, no one could fathom going into that room anymore, not even Jasper. So he roamed outside under the stars that were up in outerspace.

Jasper was alone in a cold world of depression, hurt, and sadness. He was angry nor frustrated with his little pixie, he was just the Jazzi he used to be before he met her. Renesmee and Jacob had gotten married, no one dared mention her name around him, and everyone continued to live, is that's what it is called when you're in a family that lived off of one person. She held the family together, she was the glue. When you lose the glue, what happens? You fall apart. Jasper was in the background in the Cullen Family now. He was no longer apart of the family, he just stayed to himself which was his content place to be. He rarely came back to the house to see if anyone was around. The last time had spoken, haunted him. Being in the presence of the Volturi guard was not an easy position. Trying to persuade them was much harder, as well. As I stood there stiff and hard as stone, like most of the time when I was riding to fight, I watched the movements go on throughout the field. Feet shuffled and moving awkwardly around, nerves were building and I could feel them. All the emotions, strained, nervous, upset, angry, violent, it was all alot to take in. The clearing held two very horrible memories, I didn't want for there to be another one.

As Caius made his decision, not surprising at all that he could be as heartless as he was, I heard a few angry grunts, feet moving once more but more angerly. I tried to ignore the annoying whispers that vibrated through the crowd, but it was hard. I turned my head back in the direction of the three brothers, trying to not look to Jane or Alec, since they would think I wanted a challenge. Marcus voted no, also not surprising since he was very careless and always bored with anything that went on around him, this came down to Aro. Carlisle, who stood with Esme, watched with a calm expression, waiting as the man comtimplated about his decision. That's when his little pixie, her hand in his eyes, stiffed and went limb. What had she seen? I couldn't ask anything, it seemed, so I stayed silent and compose my emotions. Fear vibrated over her and then, she suddenly came back. Then she spoke. 8 words; a million times the pain. Jasper nearly lost his step, he felt oddly dizzy and couldn't help my need to burst out like a rapid animal. I wanted to rip anyone apart, even if it would be someone in my family. Alice, she was mine, she didn't belong with those vulgar monsters. She belonged with me, not to be tortured or poked with a stick. She wasn't to be a prized jewel that was used! How. Could. She. Do. This? Her words ran through my head.

As gasps sounded out within the ground, I stood there stiff but limb. But then, not able to control myself, I kneeled down in front of her, taking her arms, jerking her lightly so she would look to me. What was happening? This couldn't be right. . This was a nightmare, but I wasn't asleep, I couldn't sleep. So I kneeled there, staring at my pixie's face. Her features glowing brightly. The hurt on my face showed how much pain I was experiencing. If she was leaving. . where did that leave me? What could I do to change her mind? When Alice spoke to Aro, mu eyes closed and i couldn't help but try and fight the urge to rip Aro apart for saying what he said next. It wasn't something that was bad, but it was something that stabbed me in the chest, and made me purse my lips together. I shook my head so hard it felt like my brain banged against my skull. I looked at her and finally she looked at me, but only to smile which only stabbed me more. She ran her hands through my hair but I couldn't help but grow more angry. My pixie was leaving me. . She would never care to be next to me again after she finished with the Volturi. I wasn't sure if she would even be coming back after a century which made my jaw stiffened.

If they didn't, I wouldn't be scared to come and get her myself. Even if she wasn't the same Alice she would still be my Alice. I didn't care. As my pixie turned towards Bella, not dropping her attention from me, my arm fell and I stared as they spoke. As she said her goodbyes to practically everyone, I sat staring at her as she tried to act like she wasn't hurting herself in this situation as well. I closed my eyes, even know I never wanted to cry before in my years of being a vampire, at that moment, when I realized that I really wouldn't be smelling her scent anymore, looking into her eyes, or even hearing her light steps, I felt the depression build itself up in my chest. My eyes were full of agony and pain, as if Jane were shooting pain into me, but this was wore. I was never, ever, ever, going to be seeing this same Alice ever again. It would be a miracle if, or when, she came back she would be the same as she was at this moment. The depression got heavier inside of me, I didn't want. . but it was there waiting to explode,waiting to capture me into it's sad atmosphere. Suddenly I snapped out of it and looked to Alice as she turned to me, and quickly pulled her into a firm hug. As my head was in her neck, I tried to not think about what was happening, trying to be pretend that she was only heading into Port Angeles and we were for some odd reason hugging goodbye.

"I'll go with you." I whispered, trying to hold the hurt out of my voice. It was of no use, it was easy to hear that my voice was strained. When she responded, I winced kissing her neck lightly. The excitement rolling off of Aro made my jaw tightened. I pulled away a little, but stilll had her in a hug, "I don't have peace without you, Alice." I winced again and felt her pull away to look into my eyes. Her eyes stung mine, I couldn't help but look towards the ground, but when she spoke, it was worse. Like diggars being thrown into me. Cold and hard. A hundred years. A hundred years without my wife. That was like a divorce, minus the divorce part. I felt something drop into my hand and looked, my face written out with pure pain. No worse, the depression had captured me. I looked to her shaking my head, my eyes stinging. At this moment I swore tears were in my eyes, well atleast I imagined it. I didn't kiss her back, I just went somewhat numb and stared after her. No, I wouldn't be alone. Before I found Alice, I was alone. But I found a way to pull myself up, but only to be stopped by Edward and Emmett, I kicked and punched them in the chests angerly. "Alice! Please! Don't go! I need you!" I felt my left arm loosen and took that as an advantage but it was captured again which made me go limb. As she looked back, his pixie. . he fell in defeat to the ground and mouthed 'i love you', then watched her turn around.

It was that day when Jasper had lost his wife and best friend. It hurt too much to fathom it. After Alice had left, Jasper had slipped slowly into his old self. When he haunted he wasn't as slick and smooth as he used to be. He lost all energy and walked and walked and walked for miles. Seth occasionally joined him, but that was only once in awhile. Like Alice said that it would be like only one hour had passed in his life, he would never, and could never, feel that way. Without Alice around he was the lost, empty, forgotten member of the Cullen family. The volturi were not intimidating, they were vicious and wouldn't give anyone mercy. Not even his little pixie. As he walked, Jazzi swayed like he was a cardboard cut out that followed the woods rhythm. What was he to do when Alice had left? Smile? Laugh? Pretend that his life was going on like he wasn't broken. . that wasn't possible. He couldn't smile, laugh, talk, there was no way. . His lips stayed in a hard tight line, or a frown, either way his emotions and look at life changed after that one day in the opening. Jasper didn't know what day it was, what time it was, or where he was, he kept walking until he felt like he was far enough away from the reality he hated.

If he had a chance to redo what happened the day, he would've. He would've gone off to the Volturi himself instead of Alice going to risk her life. Jasper had gone through training to fight, and they could use him, but he wasn't the thing they wanted. . sure he had a power but he didn't have what Edward and Alice did. As the blonde looked up and realized just where he was, he fell to his knee's. Where had he ended up? The place that haunted him at night, the place that made the depression inside of him rise and his anger somewhat sink to the soles of his feet. He felt nowhere that what he had for the past century, he would never be the same. As he sat there, in the opening, on his knee's, he stared around the large empty area with a blank expression. The scents of the Volturi had disappeared along with his families, the wolf pack, and his love. This wasn't the first time he had stepped foot into the opening, he had come many times before, but never realized why. He was trying to pretend that nothing had happened, living in a life of denial, living in a body that belonged to a monster, and being alone to suffer the depression that had sucked him in.

At Renesmee's and Jacob's wedding he had tried hard to smile and seem atleast simi-happy, but he couldn't. It was of no use. Jasper stood up and released a low sad sigh, walking slowly, even slow for a human, through the woods again. He continued, at this speed, to the house, where he walked in through then backdoor and headed upstairs to take a shower. Everyone was obviously up and probably knew that it was him who had arrived, since he went in the direction of Alice's room, not his since he hadn't been in there for a while. He opened the door and the scents flew towards him. His face went to such pain that it seemed like he would probably die from them. He walked into the bathroom, trying not to think of Alice, and stepped into the shower after pulling off his clothes. It was a rather slow shower, as he thought throughout the whole thing, like usual. Jasper pulled a towel off of one of those hooks on the door and wrapped it arounded his body. He threw his clothes into the empty waste basket. Looking to his reflection in the mirror, Jazzi shook his head angerly, banging the counter, watching it crack slightly.

He walked back to his closet and pulled on some clothes, holding his breath so he wouldn't smell the scent. He pulled on a plain why t-shirt with some jeans, he walked down the hallway and smelt two scents. One belonged to Bella, and another belonged to one person that made him stop in his tracks. He closed his eyes and held his breath, even know he didn't need to. Jasper took a step forward, standing behind Bella, staring down at his pixie. Oh how he wanted to break out into smiles, but he didn't have it in him. He just stared at her, taking in the looks on her face. they made her drink human blood. . oh I'll kill them!! He felt like growling, but couldn't. She was there. Alice, a different Alice, but it was still his Alice. The pain, depression, and sadness suddenly thickened, if that were possible and he looked to Bella, gulping down the lump in his throat. He tried to remember how to work his lips, instead of speaking, once he got them working, he mouthed, 'My pixie. .' He slipped past Bella, walking down the stair's still having that heartbreaking expression on his face.

Jasper pulled Alice into his arms, he didn't care what she had turned into, or what she had done, this women in his arms was his wife. Though his arms were limb and his expression was still depressed, his thoughts were jumping around in his head, but not excited thoughts. She had turned into one of them. At the thought Jazzi pulled away, looking at her with soft but hurt eyes, 'What happened. .' He mouthed, gulping down yet another lump that came to his throat. He couldn't look into her eyes, it made the hurt burn inside of him. He looked over her head, and thought to himself, even if Edward was listening, she's changed. .



Over this century, I have lost myself, slipping into a dark cloud
of depression and sadness. My dear, I'm not Jasper
anymore. I can't smile anymore, I've been clouded over for
the last hundred years. I can't look you in the eyes and say I love you,
I've disappeared, my love, and I don't know where I went. .


[ooc];;sorry for typo's! need to go take a shower and wanted to get this up!;;[coo]

[XoX A Secret Dreamer XoX]

You think that Alice would be relieved that she was finally back with her family, but as Alice looked around…All of the pictures and memories brought an immense amount of pain. She looked over to the cross that Carlisle had made, and Alice remembered the day that Edward had brought Bella home to meet the family and had told Carlisle of his human past. The reaction was involuntary to have Carlisle’s past run through her head, and she winced at the reminder of who Carlisle had lived with for awhile. Alice’s torturers, the pixie’s hell-bringers…and to think that they were the peace keepers for the supernatural world…The girl silently scoffed at this fact. She wrapped her arms around her chest, as if to hold herself together, as she stood in the middle of the floor.

The sound of footsteps rang in the pixie’s ears, and she turned around, just to see her best friend, Bella, standing there. Alice looked at Bella. The old Alice would have told her how beautiful she looked in those clothes. How the yellow and the black looked perfect with her skin tone. But instead, the pixie’s eyes glazed over in shock, not just at the clothes, but at her hair. Alice stared at Bella’s hair. Why did she do that? Alice knew the real reason: Bella most likely wanted to stay close to Alice, in some way that she knew was possible. The pixie’s jaw dropped, and she just stood there. What was Alice supposed to say? As much as she wanted her flawless talent for lying back, as much as Alice knew that she could still lie like the words on her lips were the truth, Alice couldn’t mask the pain, guilt, and depression in her eyes.

“I was the only one that was supposed to change.” Alice whispered, not saying anything else. There was no use hiding it: one look at Alice and anyone who knew her beforehand knew that she had to have changed. It was impossible not to see that Alice had changed. She wasn’t emotionless anymore; well, Alice never really was emotionless when Caius finally had broken Alice. She had become numb. The depression lingered and the pain wavered in her heart, but she just didn’t want to deal with what Caius would inflict on them. When Alice left Volterra…her heart entered a void of depression for her heart to even think about healing. If Alice ever did heal, she didn’t know if she was going to be able to the same pixie again.

Another set of footsteps, and Alice’s eyes broke out of their glaze. Her golden eyes watched behind Bella as someone else was walking…

“Jazz.” Alice barely whispered as Jasper stood there behind Bella. Why couldn’t Alice at least hide her hurt from Jazz? The guilt, depression, and pain were still going to be felt by Jasper’s power. There was no away around that. The joy of seeing her husband again flickered in her golden eyes, but she couldn’t make herself smile. Why couldn’t Alice smile? It had been so easy to do so, until Caius had stepped in and ruined Alice’s life. Was it impossible now? She had smiled on the battlefield, and she had even smiled when she was looking for a hybrid. But now, when Alice was getting reunited with her family for the first time, Alice couldn’t even smile at her husband and best friend, then at least make it seem like she was normal on the outside.

And the thing that Alice needed most happened. Jasper wrapped his arms around Alice and held her close. The pixie could feel his limpness, but she stayed stiff, almost like she was having a vision. After a few seconds, Alice relaxed and snaked her own arms around Jasper, letting her head fall against his chest. She took a deep breath in and sighed, taking in his scent. Dear, God, oh how Alice missed Jasper’s scent. It was warm, it was comforting. It made Alice feel safe. She closed her eyes and pressed herself deeper and deeper into Jasper, never wanting to let go of her husband and face the reality of her husband. Alice whimpered softly, just under her breath, trying not ‘cry’ as she held on to Jasper. Alice never should have gone off to Volterra like she did.

Jasper pulled away, and Alice looked at him. She knew he couldn’t stand the look in her golden eyes. If Alice was Jasper, she wouldn’t have let go so she wouldn’t have to look at her eyes. The question he mouthed…Alice’s mouth opened, and she tried to forge some lie to make it seem like she wasn’t hurting, that she wasn’t guilty and ashamed of herself about killing all of those people, that she wasn’t depressed from being broken by Caius. Part of her wanted to lie and pretend that everything was better, and the other part of her just wanted to ‘cry’ right then and there, and collapse in Jasper’s arms. Alice closed her mouth, and looked behind to see Renesmee walk up and stand by her mother.

That about did it for Alice, looking at her niece, all grown up…Renesmee smiled brightly, and tears welled in her deep brown eyes as she looked at Alice. She looked so much like Edward and Bella. Alice then noticed the wedding ring on Renesmee’s hands. Nessie caught Alice’s eyes on her ring, and Nessie’s face fell as she put her left arm behind her back. The pixie kept her eyes affixed on where the ring was before…It wasn’t like Alice was hurt by the fact that Renesmee was now married. She just…it was such a shock, seeing Nessie now. Married. A grown woman. She looked younger than Bella, but she still looked beautiful. Gorgeous…Alice sighed, and looked towards Jasper.

“Th-they were very kin-“The word was half way out of Alice’s mouth, when her own golden eyes caught Jasper’s, and the pixie just really couldn’t take it anymore. In a flash, Alice’s feet were hovering above the ground, and her arms were locked around Jasper’s neck. The pixie started to ‘cry’ as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. Alice’s eyes were shut tight, and the ‘sobs’ racked her body. So much for making it look like she was fine.

“Everything was fine…for fifty years…and then Caius…he’d torture me with Jane and Alec…Twenty-five years passed…he then wouldn’t let me…feed…Finally…I gave in…I killed a human, Jazz.” Alice sighed, and the ‘tears’ stopped for a few moments. “I’m so sorry, Jazz. I’m so sorry that I failed.” Alice whispered, and hugged Jasper tighter. She hadn’t just failed Jasper. She failed her whole family. Alice had just…she had just failed. Nothing else more to it than that.

[glitz and prada - xox]

she was there-expecting me naturally. "you've kept me waiting a long time." she said
And I ducked my head like a good southern gentlemen, and said,
"i'm sorry ma am." She held out her hand and I took it without stopping
to think about what I was doing. for the first time, in nearly a century,
i felt hope.

indentJasper noticed that at first Alice was stiff, that wasn't what the old Alice would've done, she would've hugged him right away, she would've smiled, she would've done something to show that she still had some personality inside of her. She had changed more than he thought. It seemed like they both had, instead Jasper didn't change into another person, he just changed into what he used to be. The depressed, saddened, and lost Jasper that walked around with that same frown, or blank expression, that showed he was in a sea of confusion. His face never really changed, it was like a stoned composed unrealistic imagination of someone that was widowed. It was close. It seemed the Alice felt the same way, but instead her face showed no emotions, just a replica of Jane. That made his cringe, his pixie would never be another Jane. She wasn't evil, how could he possibly think that? Jazzi watched as his wife hesitated, her mouth was open as if to respond but he could see that she wasn't and decided that his question was to be left unanswered. If it were his decision, if it was his choice, he would've gone to Volterra, be tortured by Caius, change but never would he let them torture him.

His fighting skills and strength to pursue through any type of pain was better to get through Jane and Alec's powers, but Alice didn't deserve that. All of a sudden a large whiff of a scent hit him, and it made him turn to glance at Renesmee, had she been up this whole time? As he looked up at his beautiful neice, he could feel the emotions booming. He kept as still as a statue and stood with his back to niece, and his eyes over Alice's head. Jasper closed his eyes and pursed her lips together, if only he could sleep, if only he could dream of another world. If only Jasper wasn't Jasper, if he could be somebody else, somebody different, he would've been strong enough to get through the years without his wife, he would've be okay. But who was Jasper without Alice? He was an unknown stranger. If Jasper had lost Alice, if she was really, truly, gone. . what would've Jazzi done? If he was alone, really, and undeniabley, alone, he would've done everything in his power to get himself killed too. Jasper wouldn't be ok. But she was there, right in front of him and he couldn't do anything, anything at all, to smile or say a word to respond because he had been so depressed for so long that he couldn't remember how.

Jasper let out a soft sigh and looked to Alice as she began to speak, when her eyes looked into his, and he could see himself in her eyes, he looked down and suddenly felt arms wrapped around his neck. He looked to Alice and felt her emotions, he stiffened. Though he did wrap his arms around her waist and winced, her scent was so real. So he couldn't be dreaming, it had to be real, but for so many nights, so many days, he had dreamed of being reunited but it was always so far away. Now that she was back, what could he say or do to make her feel anything close to happy? He kept silent as he rubbed her back gentley, not knowing what else to do. Since he couldn't speak, he just focused on how much pain she was in, he shook his head violently when she began speaking, "Th-Th-They. . ma-made you. . drin-drink human blo-blood?" He wasn't stiff anymore, he held her in his arms, tight to his chest, he didn't want to think about how much pleasure Jane and Alec had with putting his pixie through that kind of torture. "Y-You are not. . a dis-disappointment, Alice. You've ne-never been a disap-disappointment to me. .

Those words were more than true. Of course his stuttering didn't help, but it was his fault that he hadn't spoken to ven one person, not even to himself, and that proved how much pain he went through. It wasn't that Jasper was disappointed in Alice, if he was disappointed in anyone, it would be himself. Jazzi shouldn't have let this depression thing suck him up. But that one day, that single day when he realized he was going to have no one, and be alone like he had been for so many years, it shattered him. When she walked away, it took everything he had not to show that the depression took over, but that night is when his family finally realized that they had lost Jasper. Jazzi was no longer that one that would actually speak, or be around them, he wasn't going to be like that ever again. Sure his wife was back but that didn't mean it wasn't going to just take Alice to make him go back to his old self. "They forced you, Alice, it's not your fault. ." He whispered, pulling away and looking into her eyes, not looking at himself this time, and nodding once, glancing over his shoulder to Bella.

Though something came to his mind. Carlisle. . what would he do? Alice had broken the rules, but of course she was part of the family so he would never do anything about the situation, but what if he did? Carlisle had stuck to the fact that animals were their prey, not humans. But wouldn't he understand that Alice was in a position where she cracked? If he didn't, what could possibly happen? Jazzi didn't like the thoughts of his family suddenly freaking out on his wife, they had just got her back, no one in their right mind's would do that. Jasper turned away from Bella and took a step back, motioning towards Alice, she was all hers, "I-I'll be right back." He breathed, squeezing past Bella once more and heading towards his bedroom, not caring about the scent anymore, it didn't make his heartbreak more than it already had. He had her back, why wasn't his depression going away? He walked over to the calender and flipped through the months he had missed, the hundred years he had lost. The days marked were Alice's birthday, nothing else was on it. Jasper shook his head, his emotions getting the best of him as he threw the calenders to the ground, scattering months everywhere, he squated and held his face in his hands.

Where had he been? Where had he disappeared to? Jazzi was gone. . there was no sign of him, but why couldn't he just return and smile to his wife, tell her he loved her more than anything. That would atleast make him feel semi-good. As he stayed in the position, like a statue that would never be moved, he realized that there was one thing he hadn't realized. Had he affected his family? Was his depression like a dark cloud that hung over their heads? I should've left, I shouldn't have stayed. . putting them through this wasn't right. Now he felt worse, his family had suffered from two losses; Alice and Jasper. Though, if he hadn't affected him then he was just probably an annoying tick that kept returning unwelcomed. But he had a right. . nothing more to it than that. If anything, all Jasper wanted was to be back to his old self. Rolling his eyes at his bipolar mood swings, Jasper stood up in a somewhat stiff-looking position and looking around his pratically empty room. It felt like it was missing something, or someone, and for that reason he looked to his door, wondering if Alice could sense his sudden emotional jerk. It wasn't like him to just leave like that, unless something bad had occured, but Jasper knew that she could most likely tell his mood was different.

It was obvious, since the hurt in her eyes proved that she was thinking about how much pain she put him through, he wasn't going to deny that, but he was going to deny his emptiness inside with out her, Though, the family would probably tell her other wise. Alice had tried to lie to him, which he understood completely, but he knew that no matter what, lying wasn't the right way to go. The Volturi had cruel medistic minds that could manipulate and destroy you, their powers didn't help either. Aro came off as somewhat charming and sentimental, but the thing that made him evil was just that. He played a game that no one knew that instructions for; playby his rules, you win, but the thing is. . no one knows the rules and that's the point. Aro gets amuse because his knowledge is 'much more higher than most', or so he thinks. Edward would beat him in a game of chest. .maybe. They would both be playing with their minds, listening to eachothers thoughts to discover their moods. But Aro could only listen into one mind, while Edward could listen into every single mind, as long as you were close enough.

Somehow Jasper's mind taveled to a totally different subject, this one had to do with Bella. It also destroyed Bella when Alice left, but there was two different kinds of 'destroyed' between the two of them. Bella worked through the pain with 'bettering' herself. First by dying her hair which ticked him off, that's why he rarely came near her, it hurt too much to see that she was doing it for her own selfish needs. When he was around her, he usually stared daggers into her until he felt her uncomfortable or guilty mood towards him, which made him feel that his job was complete. Sure it was jerky but it didn't matter, she annoyed him at times and she didn't know what pain was. Thens he had to go off and suddenly get a fashion sense, which didn't piss him off once bit, he didn't care, but he knew the reasons behind it so he could've annoyed him. That's why Jasper didn't hang around his family, where there was many reasons, but she was one of them. Jazzi looked across thorugh and noticed a frame face down. He knew why, but he didn't dare remember it. The day he saw the picture of his love sitting on the side table, the day he had lost her and knew this picture in the frama was all that was left. . it hurt too much so he had to put it down. The picture wasn't in the frame, though, it was somewhere else. In a hidden place that only he knew where it was. It was actually filled with many memories of him and Alice, he just hadn't taken a look at it for a while. The pain was too fresh, but even know it was still there, he was sure he could handle looking into the box.

Pushing the doors opening, Jazzi searched with his eyes and spotted, in the far back corner, the small crack in the wall that was dark as coal. It was a box that had white lace wrapped around the outside, it was tied into a knot that he had tightened five thousand times before. He walked over, like a graceful god, and kneeled down beside it, picking it up into his hands and quickly figuring out the complicated knot. He opened it and felt a jolt in his chest. It held as much as it ever could. The necklace that Alice had given to him sat in clear few, ontop of many photographs, letters he had never sent, and many other things. He picked it up into his hand and held it in front of his face, looking at it in pain. He sighed and closed the box, keeping the thing in his hand, as he tied the box back up and tucked it away. As he made his way out of the room, his grip tightened around the necklace. He walked down the stairs, not looking to Alice as he walked behind her and took the necklace from his hand, then putting it around her neck, watching it same in place. He nodded, pursing his lips together, and knew either she was going to flip out on him or 'cry', either way he wasn't ready for it.






Over this century, I have lost myself, slipping into a dark cloud
of depression and sadness. My dear, I'm not Jasper
anymore. I can't smile anymore, I've been clouded over for
the last hundred years. I can't look you in the eyes and say I love you,
I've disappeared, my love, and I don't know where I went. .

[The Nymph Kamalia]

Hey you!
Ya, you.
No, not you. You!
Ugh! No. Not. You. YOU!
Yes! You!
What do you mean what do I want?
Well, do you want to know or not?
I don't have to tell you.
Oh, so you want me to tell you?
You sure?
Alright . . .

HI! Yup, that was it.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ninety years? A century? A century and a half? Allira couldn't remember off the top of her head how long she had been searching for the uncle everyone thought was dead. The uncle who current state she knew better about, even more so now as she was a vampire herself. The search truly hadn't begun till after she learned of her gift as a vampire, but even in her human days she had started. Once the search truly began it all became a game of follow-the-leader in which the leader left an unknown path in the overgrowth you had to somehow find. After a while she began to wonder if her uncle had survived, lived out his human days somewhere, and passed away when she didn't seem to be making any ground. However, she had a gut feeling, even when she could no longer sleep to see which spirits and souls visited her, that he was alive. She was alive, after all, and it was a possibility that he had a similar thing happen to him. So, she continued the search.

Many, many years went by. All those she knew and loved passed away, if she hadn't killed them in her first few years as a vampire, and she was a traveler. In the beginning she stuck to smaller towns and fed when she needed to. Too many people would be risky yet too little people who cause suspicion. Needless to say, it was tricky finding just the right towns where feeding wouldn't be difficult. When she wasn't feeding, Allira was going over anything she had found out, not matter how small. Along the way a family name caught her attention a couple of times, the "Cullens", but by the time she located where they were last supposed to be they were no longer there. Seeing as their name surfaced on more than one occasion and over the long period of time she was looking she figured it had to be a coven of vampires; nothing else really explained the strange things tied to the family name. You see, it was always the same whenever she asked anyone in any of the small towns the Cullens had lived in at one point; "Oh ya, I remember the Cullens. Dr. Cullen and his wife moved here with their adoptive kids. However the good doctor go an offer in a bigger city and they left when he accepted it. They didn't stay for more than a few years. Young couple, good kids." Anyone she asked, whatever they had to say was something along those lines. After a while, Allira gave up following leads with the Cullens and it didn't seem to get her anywhere and she honestly didn't think it would do anything but satisfy her curiosity.

During the years traveling, Allira learned that she could live on animal blood when she went a while without reaching towns large enough to feed from the humans. This opened a new door for her and she decided to stick with animals. In the beginning feeding off humans wasn't bothersome and she didn't think much of it, but after a while it began to get to her and she began to feel guilty when she would push herself to her limits in her blood lust and she had to feed. Discovering she could live off of animal blood had been a gift in its own right and she had yet to look back. If she knew she needed to go into town she would feast on every ounce of animal blood beforehand that she could. Outside making it easier to be around humans, Allira began to note that over time her eyes began to shift from the blood red they usually were to a golden color. While still a little weird, this made conversing with humans easier as she didn’t have to worry about contacts or sunglasses all the time. If anything, most of those that saw her eyes probably thought she had on a strange pair of colored-contacts for whatever reason.

Life continued like this for a while. The longer she stuck with animal blood, the easier it became to be around humans and she even found she began to hold up jobs and places to live when she wanted to settle for a couple of years. Allira never gave up the search for her uncle, still positive that he was alive, but she also stopped making that her number one priority. Instead it became almost like a hobby, though an important one as she knew her father always blamed himself for his baby brother’s death. Allira had vowed to find her uncle no matter how many years it took if for nothing other than letting her dad finally rest in peace when she could prove he had nothing to feel guilty about. It wasn’t until recently that she finally caught the break she was looking for.

Allira had traveled up into Alaska and it was there she met a clan of vegetarian vampires with golden eyes much like her. At first when she arrived in the small town they seemed weary of her and her of them. This was the first time she had come across such a large group living in the town and she thought they were the Cullens. However, they explained they were not, though they knew them, and asked what she was doing in Alaska. Allira explained that she was looking for her uncle and at that Kate said she reminded her of someone, but she couldn’t think of just who it was. The others in the coven seemed to suddenly think the same, but couldn’t think of exactly why she seemed familiar, yet not. So, in an attempt to get to know her a little better and maybe figure out what seemed familiar they offered her a place at their house instead of her having to rent a place somewhere else in town. Allira was a little cautious about the offer, but accepted it with a smile, more worried about continuing her search than their passing fancy of her seeming familiar despite her having never met them before. Anyone else agree that she should have guessed why before Kate finally discovered the reason? I mean it was pretty obvious, right? Maybe she was just too focused on herself and not enough on her surrounds. Whatever the case, it wasn’t till Kate claimed she knew why Allira seemed familiar that things became clear.

Kate asked if her uncle’s name was Emmett and when Allira confirmed that to be the case she was told all about the Cullens and Emmett. Apparently Emmett had indeed been attacked by a bear, but Rosalie, another vampire in the Cullen family, found him and saved him. After that, Carlisle, the father figure of the coven changed him per Rosalie’s request and the two of them have been inseparable since. Allira figured out that this ‘Rosalie’ might cause some problems long before anyone in the Denali coven told her so, but Allira didn’t care. She had finally found out her uncle was alive and was planning on seeing him. The Denali coven explained that the Cullens should be moving back to Forks by now so she would be able to find Emmett there. Allira was out the door before they could warn her of any of the circumstances the Cullens were in at the moment.




It was this discovery that led Allira to be speeding her way down the road, having driven through the night, towards Forks, Washington. She knew nothing of the circumstances the Cullens were in and, as she did not know, could not care at the moment or take a minute to rethink how she was going to do this. All she had in her mind was getting to Forks, finding the Cullens, and finally putting an end to the search for her uncle so that her dad could rest in piece and she could finally prove she had been right all along; her uncle wasn’t killed by the bear. When she arrived in Forks she stopped outside a little restaurant and entered, glad that there was cloud cover seeing as it was daytime, and looked around before walking up to a waitress who had a smile on her face.

“Where would you like to sit, darlin’?” The plump, warm, elder woman said, ready to seat Allira down.

“Actually, I am just here to find out where I can find the Cullens.” Allira replied, giving a small apologetic smile. Internally she was bouncing up and down at being so close to seeing her uncle, but she was slightly afraid if she started bouncing up and down the elder woman might have a heart attack in shock so she tones it down on the outside as she waited for the reply.

“Take the main road back out of town and drive for a while, their drive connects directly with the main road.” The elder woman said. “Now are you sure I can’t get nothin’ for you?”

“No. Thank you for your help.” Allira replied before walking back out of the restaurant, barely able to keep a fast human pace under control.

Once back in her car she took off. Finally she was going to see her uncle. Finally she would be able to prove she was right. The day that this all began started to play through Allira’s mind and she couldn’t find the will to stop it at the moment as she was getting too hyper and excited at finally finding the last direct family member she knew . . .


”But, daddy, mama, I know Uncle Em ain’t dead!” I protest for the fifteenth time.

“And how do you s’pose you know that, darlin’?” My mother’s soft and warm, yet tired voice said.

“’Cause Uncle Em ain’t visited me in my dreams yet. Everyone in our family that has died in the past one hundred years or so has come to visit me.” I replied, my hands firmly on my hips.

I was tired of daddy and mamma not listening to me. Here I had proof that my dad’s younger brother, Emmett, my uncle, was alive and no matter how many times I told them so neither of them would listen. I was tired of seeing my dad blame himself every day for his brother’s ‘death’ and was trying to explain yet again he had no reason to feel guilty as Uncle Emmett, or Uncle Em for short, was alive somewhere.

“Shug, stop this nonsense. We all know you believe you speak with people’s spirits in your dreams, but that’s all just foolish child thoughts. Why don’t you go get ready for suppa. I don’t want no sloppy manners at the table.” My mother explained before sighing and turning to my dad who was glaring at me. However, I was too stubborn for my own good and pressed the matter.

“But I know Uncle Em is ali-!” My father’s hand cut me off as I felt him slap me.

“Stop this foolish nonsense right now, young lady. My baby brother was killed by a bear while hiking. End of story. Stop uses the excuse of your dreams as ways to get more attention!”

“Jarold! I know she ain’t behavin’ right, but-“

“No! I won’t listen to her nonsense anymore. I forbid any more of this nonsense. I don’t want to hear it ever again!” My father had stormed off for his night shift on the railroad going through town after that.

I was frozen in place for a while and didn’t realize I had been crying till my mother sighed and knelt down to my level. “No, shug, you gotta stop bringing up your father’s younger brother.” She took her apron and wiped away some of my tears. “No be a good little girl and go get washed up? Suppa’s in ten minutes.”
It was then I vowed I would prove my father wrong. However, it wasn’t just to prove him wrong, it was also to let him stop blaming himself for his brother’s death when he wasn’t at fault . . .

Allira sighed as the memory faded. That one night had started a search that had dragged out over a century. However, that search was finally about to come to a close and she could feel her excitement slipping through her barriers as she finished the last few bends of the long drive and stopped outside a large white house. At seeing it she couldn’t help but whistle. Dang. The Cullens had money. Sure, she had gained some over the century and some odd years she been alive, proof being in the car she drove, but something about this house and the atmosphere it carried screamed money, and lots of it. However, she tried to not let this distract her as she turned off the engine and got out, quickly making her way to the front door to ring the doorbell. However, not even half a second passed and she grew too impatient so she tried the door, surprised to find it unlocked before she opened it just slightly and poked her head in.

”Hello?” Allira called out, her eyes going wide at the simple, yet elegant interior. Yup, money.

[XoX A Secret Dreamer XoX]

dashingmenarehandsome

What were you really like? What made you mad? How did you know that you were in love with Jasper? When did you realize that you were best friends with Mom? What were you thinking when you had your first vision? What was your first vision? What was your human life like, Alice? What do you remember of it? What do you not remember? What’s your favorite color? What do you do when you feel sad? Do you miss us? Do you wonder about what I look like, now? How is Volterra? How badly are you hurting, if you are at all? Are they treating you right? Are they letting you drink animal blood? Are you even alive? Are you mad that I got married without you? I’m sorry if you are, Alice. When are you coming back?

Renesmee asked the same questions in her mind that she always asked the Alice in her mind when she thought about her MIA aunt. The girl sighed as she walked around the forest surrounding her house. The snow that fell around her melted as soon as it hit her 105 degree warm skin; there were definitely some perks to having really warm skin. She really shouldn’t have been thinking about Alice on today of all days. It was the hundred year anniversary of the day that Alice had left the Cullen coven, promising to enslave herself for a hundred years, just to save Renesmee’s, and all the rest of the Cullens’, lives.

It was crazy, the way that Renesmee felt about Alice and how she left. The words that Alice spoke to her that day still would echo in her head occasionally. Her dad had winced a couple times in the very beginning when he would hear her thinking about Alice. After that, whenever Nessie thought about Alice, she would leave her house…the white house…her parents’ cottage, where ever she was, and then go on a walk to think about Alice, and try to imagine her. Renesmee remembered exactly what Alice looked like, but she still didn’t really know Alice. It was almost like it wasn’t the fact that Alice had left that hurt Renesmee the most, but it was the fact that Alice leaved before Renesmee could really know her aunt was the thing that really kind of hurt the most.

Rosalie was extremely tenacious, but she still cared so badly about her family, not wanting any intruders into their secret life of the supernatural. Emmett loved to laugh, only loving Rose, and making other people laugh, more. Carlisle was always so calm, and he kind of made everything steady. He was the calm of a storm. He loved his family, but it was Esme that really made him shine. Esme was the Sun of the family, everyone circling around her warmth. She had lost a lot of it since Alice left, but when someone just missed Alice a little too much and they started getting angry or something, Esme always calmed them down. Her dad was a total early 1900s gentleman. He never played the piano, but you could occasionally catch him tapping his fingers on his leg, like he would play a piano. Her mom loved Renesmee and Edward more than anything, and was Renesmee’s personal little therapist whenever she wanted some help. Jasper was always calm. Since Alice left, he had turned inside of himself, becoming this creature of the night that would never open up to anyone, but his own mind and thoughts.

But Alice…All Renesmee knew of her is that she liked dressing people up, and that she was always so bubbly. She was the closest to Jasper in the family, and then followed by Edward, and finally Bella. She was four-ten, and was always stubborn about everything once her mind was set to it. Nothing could sway her off of her course. Maybe that was why Alice couldn’t be persuaded to stay with the family. It weighed heavily on Renesmee’s shoulders, knowing that Alice had seen her parents crying over her death. It was almost like Renesmee was the reason that Alice had left, that the whole family was stuck in this slump. It sounded horrible, but she rather much would have been dead than have the whole family be suffering. If Renesmee had never been born…Bella would most likely be dead, just as well as Edward. There was no way around that….Alice might have changed Bella. Yet again, Bella and Edward had gotten married, so Edward would have to bring his side of the deal.

And then there was the wedding. Hot tears started forming in Renesmee’s eyes as she thought about her all but failed wedding. Renesmee was happy that she was getting married, but she wanted Alice to have planned the wedding. Not Esme and Rose. Bella had told Renesmee how perfect Edward and Bella’s wedding was, all because Alice had planned it like angels had made it. Everything from the flowers to the timing so no Cullen would all of a sudden start sparkling. Renesmee’s wedding was still perfect…but that Alice sparkle was missing it. Maybe because Alice wasn’t there, but there was just something gone that was supposed to be there. It was most likely the happiness that was missing, even if Jake was beaming. Nothing was really the same without Alice, not really at all.

Renesmee blinked away the tears as she found the river and walked alongside of it. Being married had been a lot less happy than she thought. Her honeymoon was perfect. It was the only week in the whole hundred years that Renesmee didn’t think of Alice and her family in sadness. There was only Jake and Renesmee. That was all the other needed, that was all that mattered to the other. Their connection through the imprint made everything that much more special, that much more intimate in every moment that they shared. Their honeymoon was paradise. You couldn’t say anything much more than that to be able to describe what their honeymoon had felt like.

And then Renesmee ruined the spell of it all when they got back, a few months later. The high of being newlyweds was still there for the two of them, even if they were surrounded by such a deep atmosphere of depression from the rest of their family. She was walking in the woods, just like she was doing now, except with Jake by her side, and Renesmee was just kind of glazed over with everything from how deep in thought she was. Their connection with the imprint made Jake alert of it immediately, and he had asked what was wrong…Renesmee winced as she thought about the painful day.

“Ness, what’s wrong?” Jake stopped walking, and I bit my lip. He would be mad at me for thinking what I was thinking. Extremely so. We had gotten in little tiffs before, but this was definitely going to make him extremely mad.

“Um…It’s just that…I’ve been thinking.” Jake nodded, and I sighed, and laced both of my fingers with both of his hands. Jake’s dark eyes were worried as his gaze bore into my skin.

“About our wedding…I’ve been wondering if we should have gotten married at all.” Jake’s jaw dropped, and his black eyes hardened. Lovely. He was ticked.

“What. Do. You. Mean.” I sighed, and rested my hands on Jake’s chest. He couldn’t really resist my touch, and wrapped his arms around my waist. He was still ticked.

“It’s just that…” I sighed, and let my head hang. It was just going to be easier if I communicated with Jake my way.

I feel bad…Kind of guilty that we got married without Alice there. No one was happy about the fact that we were getting married with her gone.

Jake sighed, and he looked at me. He didn’t really seem mad, but his eyes held all the anger.

“Alice left. It was her own choice. We are in love. There shouldn’t be a reason that you are feeling guilty about the wedding.” I sighed and groaned. But there were so many other reasons.

Shouldn’t a wedding be happy, though? Jasper was ticked as hell, no matter how much that he tried not to let it show. My own parents really weren’t that happy. Everyone was miserable. And Alice is most likely going to be ticked when she finds out that we got married without her.

“Screw her. It was time for us to get married. We got married. When she gets back, and she’s mad, she would be an idiot. It was like we could just wait a hundred years for her.

“But that’s IT!” I was starting to get angry as well. There was no way in hell that Jake was going to pull that on me. “We could have, Jake! And never say just to screw, Alice. She let herself be enslaved so I could live! You and I could have been able to stay engaged for ninety years. Alice is going to be changed when she comes back, and I don’t want her to be hurt by the fact that we got married without her. You know how much that kind of stuff means to her.” I wasn’t really yelling, but my voice was definitely raised.

“I do, Ness! But you’ve got to understand, if she really does love you, she would understand.” Jake sighed and placed his hands on the back of his head and shook it. He was laughing, but more in shock. I winced at the pain laced in it.

“How do you know if she’s even going to be coming back?” That one hurt a lot. Tears filled on the edges of her eyes.

“Don’t. You. Dare ever even think about the idea that Alice isn’t coming back.” Jake sighed, and wrapped his arms around Nessie and she broke down in his arms.

“Ness. I’m sorry.” Jake sighed and kissed my head. I didn’t want to feel sorry, though. Turning upwards, I kissed my husband and locked my arms around his neck. No love was in my kiss. Well, I loved Jake, so there definitely was some love. But, there was mostly some hungry, angry, passion in it…

Jake fell back against the tree as I wrapped my legs around his hips.

Renesmee shivered as she remembered the last of the memories. She had had sex with Jake before (one word: honeymoon) but she had never done something so…animalistic. Every time before that was so pure and so loving. Ness almost felt bad that she had kind of attacked Jake like that. The girl had been crying throughout the whole act, practically. It really wasn’t the best memory to think about the two of them. But, considering the day that it was, the whole day was going to be filled with painful memories of everyone.

Nessie sighed, figuring that she was going to have to finally go back home. She needed to be with someone anyways. The girl crossed her arms and walked back inside, dusting off any snow that hadn’t already melted on her skin. Oblivious to what was happening upstairs, Nessie walked up the stairs. She took in three scents…One being Jasper’s…One being her mother’s…Renesmee’s feet immediately sped up as she walked upstairs, and there Alice was. Renesmee stood by her mom, and broke out into a bright smile at her aunt. Alice looked at Nessie, and Renesmee just stood there, smiling. The pixie’s eyes went down to Renesmee’s hand, and the brunette followed…Oh crap. The wedding ring. Renesmee’s face fell and she hid her hand behind her back. Was Alice mad? Nessie really wanted to say something, anything. Was an apology going to be able to work? Was an apology enough?

Alice started speaking, and Renesmee was almost glad that it sounded like they were kind to her aunt. But then Nessie blinked, and all she could see of Alice was the top of her head, and then the arms wrapped around Jasper’s neck. She spoke, and Nessie’s jaw dropped. They had made her drink human blood?! Nessie had human blood a billion times before when she was a child, but it was all donated. But Alice had killed people…Nessie wasn’t sure to stay shock, or growl in anger. The girl grimaced as Alice apologized. How did she think that she failed? None of this was her fault. None of it at all. Nessie grabbed her mother’s hand, and let a thought seep through their skin and into her mother’s mind.

I thought they were good people. They are supposed to be the peace-keepers. Why do they keep raining down on us? Why do they have to be the monsters to us, Mom?

Nessie looked at her mother, and stopped the thought. She still held her mother’s hand, only in comfort, but Renesmee’s thoughts stayed in her own head. What really was going to happen to Alice? They wanted Alice back, but not this Alice. Was this going to take another century to be able to get the Alice that everyone missed back? Or were they going to have this pained, broken, girl forever now?

Nessie watched Jasper and Alice, the tears of joy turning into tears of sadness as she watched Jasper and Alice. Renesmee couldn’t see Jasper’s face, but Alice’s held all the pain that she could bear to see. As Jasper spoke to her, Alice just looked at him. When he told her that it wasn’t her fault, Alice didn’t say anything, but her golden eyes held her answer: She thought it was her fault, no matter the fact that the Volturi had forced her. Nessie leaned against her mother, feeling her icy skin through her sweater. What was happening to the family?

Jasper left the scene momentarily, and Alice pulled her sweater around her pixie body, and looked down at the ground, “I’m sorry.” Alice whispered. Nessie knew that her mother was going to be able to hear it perfectly, but Nessie could just barely hear Alice’s apology. That shattered her heart really more than anything. Why did Alice think she needed to apologize?

Jasper came back, and Renesmee identified what was in his hand immediately. The necklace that Alice had given to him the day that she had left in the clearing. Alice was still looking down towards the floor, but when Jasper put the necklace around her neck, she stiffened, almost as if the necklace was strangling her. When Jasper snapped it shut, Alice winced at the small sound. What really had happened to her? The pixie shut her eyes tight and shook her head. Her pale hand reached up toward the necklace, almost as if to rip it from her neck, but when it reached the fabric, Alice’s hand dropped. She relaxed slightly, but then stiffened slightly. Renesmee looked at her mother in confusion. What the heck was happening? Alice loosened up again, and Renesmee looked at her curiously. The pixie’s teeth gritted, and her lips pressed down in a hard line.

“Emmett isn’t here at the moment, Allira.” The pure…anguish…in Alice’s soprano voice made Renesmee cringe next to her mother. “And if you please, could you please leave with your unfathomable enthusiasm. It hurts others who can’t find it in them to be able to do the same.” Renesmee looked at her mom. What had happened to their beloved Alice? The hot tears were stinging Renesmee’s eyes. She wanted some security. What couldn’t anything be able to just let the Cullens be?

[ooc] usually, when Nessie is passing a thought into someone else's mind, it'll just be in italics. had to bold it for the flashback, though. [/ooc]

[The Nymph Kamalia]

tab tab tab

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

It was surreal. Bella almost couldn’t believe she was standing there, right in front of her. Alice was back. Bella had to repeat the thought a couple of times as her mind tried to remember how to speak and think clearly, but eventually blinked as some of the shock passed. Next settled in was the doubt. Was she really back? Was Bella actually seeing Alice or was it her mind playing foul tricks on her due to what she had just previously been thinking over on the drive back from Seattle? Bella thought over that probability for a half a second before mentally shaking her head. No, this couldn’t be a trick. Her best friend had to really be standing in front of her . . . right?

Sure, it was indeed Alice, but just as Alice spoke to her and made the comment about her changes Bella’s mind finally broke fully through the shock and saw Alice for the first time. Things were different. Alice wasn’t . . . Alice. Well, she was in the sense that it was indeed Alice standing there and who had just spoken, but it didn’t feel like Alice. At least not the Alice Bella remembered. No, this Alice was different. This Alice was . . . broken. Gone were the smiles. Gone was the life in her eyes. Gone was the fire that Bella remembered. Gone; the pixie was gone. Not that Bella blamed Alice, far from in all truth. She had known that when Alice came back things would be different. A century as a member of the Volturi guard was sure to change anyone. Those who tried to protest they were fine were just lying. Still, Bella had hoped some of the Alice she remembered and held onto through the past century was there. Even if it was so small she had to strain to find it. However, nothing was there.

Before she could find how to speak again, though, Bella caught the sounds of someone else coming up behind her and glanced to see Jasper. As soon as she saw him she faded into the background. This was his and Alice’s moment, she would be an idiot to try to intervene. Out of everyone who was hurting, it was Jasper that had hurt the most and needed Alice the most. Besides, Bella would bet that Alice needed him just as much. Sure, family was nice, but nothing could compare to your soul mate. Even if everyone else could help, only a soul mate could truly make things even slightly better. So she stood silently as Jasper and Alice embraced and, for once, was glad that tears were unable to fall from her eyes. That wasn’t the case for her daughter, though, and as Renesmee came to stand beside her Bella saw the tears in her brown eyes, the same deep color hers was when she was human, and smiled sadly.

Out of everyone that was hurting, besides Jasper, Renesmee was the one that Bella felt the most for in the given circumstances. Her daughter didn’t know Alice well yet had to see them all suffer from the loss. On top of that, Alice had said something to her in the field that still brought sadness to Bella’s heart. She had tried for her daughter’s sake to smile when she was at least around, but it had been so difficult. Even at her’s and Jacob’s wedding she had only managed a semi-smile a few times. What should have been a joyous event like her own wedding had been, minus the glitches, had been one full of those in pain. Bella let out a small sigh before movement from her daughter caught her attention and she saw her move her arm behind her that held the hand with her wedding ring. That brought about a new sting. The wedding was a touchy subject. Bella had been both for it and against it and knew that her indecision didn’t help with her daughter’s insecurities about being married at all. What should be a happy marriage like everyone else had the chance to experience before the day in the battlefield was full of doubt and problems that only put more strain on her daughter and, now, son-in-law. It wasn’t fair to either of them, but no matter how hard she told herself that, she couldn’t change the part of her that had been against the wedding at the time. Trying to give her daughter some comfort at the moment, Bella placed her hand on her daughter’s shoulder and squeezed it slightly, offering a small smile before looking back to Alice as she began to speak.

What was said, though, was not expected and Bella once more found herself in shock. They had made her drink human blood? They made her do so by starving her to the point where it was either feed from a human or starve to death?! Bella felt the repulsion hit her, though it was not casted at Alice. No, this feeling was directed just from the thought of the guard being so sick as to do such a thing. No doubt Alice had held her ground as long as she could, but once they tortured her by not letting her feed . . . Bella couldn’t imagine that torture and what it had put Alice through to finally quench the burning in her throat with that of a human’s blood. Involuntarily her mind snapped back to the first time she had met the Volturi and they were leaving as the group of humans walked to their death. . .




Demetri gestured that we should follow, and then set off the way we’d come in, the only exit by the look of things. Edward pulled me swiftly along beside him. Alice was close by my other side, her face hard.

“Not fast enough,” she muttered.

I stared up at her, frightened, but she only seemed chagrined. It was then that I first heard the babbly of voices-loud, rough voices-come from the antechamber.

“Well this is unusual,” a man’s coarse voice boomed.

“So medieval,” and unpleasantly shrill, female voice gushed back.

A large crowd was coming through the little door, filling the smaller stone chamber. Demetri motioned for us to make room. We pressed back against the cold wall to let them pass. The couple in front, Americans, from the sound of them, glanced around themselves with appraising eyes.

“Welcome guests! Welcome to Volterra!” I could hear Aro sing from the big turret room.

The rest of them, maybe forty or more, filed in after the couple. Some studied the setting like tourists. A few even snapped pictures. Others looked confused, as if the story that had led them to this room was no making sense anymore. I noticed one small, dark woman in particular. Around her neck was a rosary, and she gripped the cross tightly in one hand. She walked more slowly than the others, touching someone now and then and asking a question in an unfamiliar language. No one seemed to understand her, and her voice grew more panicked. Edward pulled my face against his chest, but it was too late. I already understood. As soon as the smallest break appeared, Edward pushed me quickly toward the door. I could feel the horrified expression on my face, and the tears beginning to pool in my eyes. The ornate golden hallway was quiet, empty except for one gorgeous, statuesque woman. She stared at us curiously, me in particular.

“Welcome home, Heidi.” Demetri greeted her from behind us.

Heidi smiled absently. She reminded me of Rosalie, though they looked nothing alike-it was just that her beauty, too, was exceptional, unforgettable. I couldn’t even seem to look away. She was dressed to emphasize that beauty. Her amazingly long legs, darkened with tights, were exposed by the shortest of miniskirts. Her top was long-sleeved and high-necked, but extremely close-fitting, and constructed or red vinyl. Her long mahogany hair was lustrous, and her eyes were the strangest shade of violet-a color that might result from blue-tinted contacts over red irises.

“Demetri,” she responded in a silky voice, her eyes flickering between my face and Edward’s gray cloak.

“Nice fishing,” Demetri complimented her, and I suddenly understood the attention-grabbing outfit she wore . . . she was not only the fisherman, but also the bait.

“Thanks.” She flashed a stunning smile. “Aren’t you coming?”

“In a minute. Save a few for me.”

Heidi nodded and ducked through the door with one last curious look at me. Edward set a pace that had me running to keep up. But we still couldn’t get through the ornate door at the end of the hallway before the screaming started . . . (New Moon, 482-484)

Bella was pulled from the horrifying memory as she felt Renesmee grab her hand before sending a thought into her head. At the question she couldn’t help the sharp internal laugh. The Volturi good people? Ha! However Bella couldn’t blame her daughter for her confusion. Since the day Alice had left the name nor had anything attached to them been discussed so her daughter only had rumors to go off of. Bella looked to her daughter and squeezed her hand in comfort with a silent promise to talk later about her questions before turning to looked at Alice as Jasper said he would be right back. Once he was gone Bella could hold it back no longer and walked up to her best friend, hugging her.

”You have no reason to feel like you should be sorry. We’re just glad you’re home.” Bella whispered softly as she hugged her best friend, ‘crying’.

When Jasper came back, though, she backed up to stand near her daughter once more as she watched what Jasper had brought. Bella was ready to turn and let Jasper and Alice have some true alone time to start to heal when Alice stiffened and Bella found herself holding her breath until she loosened up. Renesmee was confused, as she could see clearly in her daughter’s eyes, but before she could reply Alice speak a split second after a, ”Hello?” made it’s way from the front door. Bella raised an eyebrow before glancing at Alice and then starting for the stairs.

”I’ll handle it.” Bella said softly as she began down the stairs, raising her eyebrow higher when she saw the head of a girl poked into the house through the front door; no doubt the ‘Allira’ Alice was talking about.

[The Nymph Kamalia]

Hey you!
Ya, you.
No, not you. You!
Ugh! No. Not. You. YOU!
Yes! You!
What do you mean what do I want?
Well, do you want to know or not?
I don't have to tell you.
Oh, so you want me to tell you?
You sure?
Alright . . .

HI! Yup, that was it.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Emmett isn't here at the moment, Allira." The reply had come not even a full second after she had poked her head into the house. That must have been Alice, the one with the ability to see the future. However, her tone of voice put a sudden frown on Allira's face. Anguish. Great. She prayed that this whole family wasn't one full of depressed people. It would be an all-time low if she had finally found her uncle only to find he kept himself in the company of depressed, blasé people. "And if you please, could you please leave with your unfathomable enthusiams. It hurts others who can't find it in them to be able to do the same." Yup, she had come across a personal hell-hole.

Wonderful. However, before she had much time to react to the things said to her by whom she guessed was Alice she spotted someone coming down the steps. It may have been childish, but when she saw the heels she was wearing she internally hoped to see the woman trip and fall. It was apparent by her pale skin, practically white, and grace that she was a vampire, though, and therefore had sure footing. Still, Allira didn't get girls and their heels, with vampires at least they had the grace and balance to help them walk around in them, but anytime she saw a human female she laughed as she walked and saw her ankles shaking a little in her unsure footing. Really, flat-soled shoes were much more practical and there was less of a chance of you snapping your ankle bone just from misstepping slightly.

"Can I help you?" Definitely vampire.

If the pale, white skin, gold eyes, and grace weren't enough, the voice that rang like bells was. Allira looked at the woman who, even in the heels, stood shorter than her. She was very beautiful; pale, white skin that practically glowed on its own without the help from the sun, gold eyes much like her own, though this color was a little muted as if she hadn't feed very recently, jet-black hair that fell in silky waves. Yes, very beautiful. However, something about the girl screamed young. She physically appeared older than Allira, but something about her presence and the age in her eyes was younger than her own. Still, unlike whom she had guessed was Alice, this woman didn't just shove her foot in her mouth and hope to send her packing and, as Allira looked into her eyes, she saw the pain she was trying hard to keep personal and rose an eyebrow.



"Great. So I finally find my uncle, my blood uncle, only to find him in a hell-hole." Allira replied at first, letting out a soft 'tsk' and a sigh as she shook her head.

"Can I help you?" The female repeated, this time her voice wasn't as giving and had a hard edge to it. Good, at least that was something other than depression, anguish, pain, and anything else radiating in this place.

"Ya, you can tell me where I can find my Uncle Em." There was no way she was coming all this way not to see him.

Allira knew that Emmett was part of this family, though silently prayed he wasn't like those she had met so far, and wasn't going to leave until she saw him. There was no way after the century and some odd years that she was just going to take a 'he's not here at the moment' and be satisfied. If anything that made her more determined to see her uncle.

"As Alice explained, Emmett is not here at the moment. I'm not sure-"

"Fine. I'll wait for him to show up. I'm not finally ending my search without getting to see him." Allira replied, crossing her arms over her chest. She was very serious and didn't care how long she had to wait. In all circumstances she had already waited a long time. A little while longer wouldn't kill her, annoy her, especially if moods didn't change around here, but it wouldn't be enough to kill her. Allira rose an eyebrow in challenge when the girl before her sighed. "Look, I don't know what y'all have going on here, but there is definitely something as evid'nt by Alice's voice and your mood, but I'm not gonna have spent that last part of a good century and a half looking for my uncle I knew wasn't dead, only to accept a 'he's not here at the moment', and be happy. If he isn't here at the moment, fine. I. Will. Wait." Allira replied, giving a small sigh as she shook off the mood in the atmosphere; she didn't think it would kill her to wait here.

"Alright. Could you please wait outside, though, until he arrives? We had our own things to attend to." The raven-haired female said in a soft voice, a mother's voice. As much as Allira wanted to argue, she knew waiting in her car would be better than stepping further into the house without a good reason to. Besides, she really didn't want to be in the house if Emmett was there yet as that would just irritate her more from the atmosphere and take away the fun in finally finding her uncle.

"Fine." Allira replied before heading back down the porch and steps to wait by her car, her clothes a clear contrast with the current weather and snow blanketing the area. Already she felt better and realized that she had been so excited to finally meet her uncle she hadn't realized the very obvious mood surrounding the place up to a good five feet from the house. Dang. These people had to have been like this a while if the feeling came out so far from the house. However, Allira focused more on the joy and excitement she felt and being so close to her goal. All she had to do was wait for Emmett to show up and it would be perfect. And wait she was prepared to do as evident when she leaned up against her car and crossed her arms, staring back into the house, who's front door was already closed as she could hear the woman who had come to it turning to head back up to the stairs.

[XoX A Secret Dreamer XoX]

Alice could feel the shockwave pass through the room at her statement of her diet that had been forced upon her. Did they realize it wasn’t only one human, though? Were they all able to compromise the torture that Alice had been put through, long after Jane and Alec were in the equation? No one could. Not even Edward, whose thoughts could really be considered his own could even bear the weight on Alice’s shoulders. Jasper would, most likely. He understood the complete, unwavering guilt that circled around the pixie at all time, slowly feeding off of any emotion at all that made Alice feel like Alice. Not this suffering and tortured soul. You can’t have a will to live when you don’t even really have a life.

That was the thing. Alice wanted to be herself, but she couldn’t find the strength within her to be able to try and heal. She couldn’t even find enough willpower within her to support to measly small life that was Alice’s now. If you could even call a life that didn’t have any real happiness, laughter, or anything to it, a life. Alice wanted to pull herself closer to Jasper, and try to feel something for her husband, for her family. She knew the happiness and relief and security was buried down deep inside her, but it was so lost under all of the shame, disappointment, and guilt, that Alice could barely even feel the ripples of the comfort of her family beneath all the layers of depression. Alice was hidden there somewhere. Alice just didn’t know where.

"Y-You are not. . a dis-disappointment, Alice. You've ne-never been a disap-disappointment to me. .” Jasper’s words brought only a small wave of warmth to the ice that she felt inside. Yet, it was the same thing that Jasper always sad to Alice, no matter what happened. In Jasper’s eyes, Alice could never fall or be a failure or have anything wrong with her. He loved her too much for anything to be wrong with Alice, even if she had done the worst possible thing ever by leaving him and the family to save Nessie’s life. She knew Jasper would fall hard because of this, but Alice thought that, at the time, she had healed Jasper once, and if he needed it again, she would, of course, help him heal again. This time around, however, Alice and Jasper were going to need to help each other heal their scars. It would take time, but even if Alice couldn’t necessarily sense it, she loved Jasper with her entire being, and would be there for him every step of the way.

"They forced you, Alice, it's not your fault. ." Alice knew it wasn’t her fault that she drank from a human. She was forced into it. It was either that or suffer through the pain as it would build and build as Alice would have gone on without a drop of blood. But, why did Alice feel so guilty then? Alice wanted to forgive herself and move on with her life so she could go back to her old self and dress up Bella, be latched on to Jasper’s arm when she could since his hand was above her’s and it was weird to reach for it, or play a game of chess with Edward. Adore Renesmee some more, and dance around Emmett with her tiny frame against his large one. Go on walks with Esme. Talk with Carlisle about…whatever. Go shopping with Rose. She wanted to do so many things that were like her old self, but she just couldn’t really imagine doing that before she forgave herself and moved on. And that seemed like an impossible task for the pixie when the guilt was pressing down on her at all angles.

Alice looked up at Jasper’s eyes, and ignored her own reflection in his irises. She nodded as he left, and pulled her sweater tight across her body, the pixie looked down at the ground, and barely whispered an “I’m sorry.” She was kind of ashamed of her outburst, in a way. Bella came up and hugged Alice. The dye in Bella’s hair didn’t change her scent. That made Alice somewhat relieved that even if Bella changed herself that Bella hadn’t really changed. Even when it would send a fistful of flames down her throat, Alice always liked Bella’s scent. Everyone kind of liked Bella’s scent…It was warm. Not quite as homey as Esme’s or Carlisle’s, but definitely warm.

Alice wanted to say something to Bella, but she knew that the pain laced in her voice wasn’t going to really help anyone feel better about the broken pixie. Nothing was going to help anyone feel better about Alice getting back, unless Alice healed. And that wasn’t happening anytime soon, so it was just going to be better if Alice didn’t talk so no one heard her broken voice, and if she looked down at the floor so no one could see the depression in her eyes. It was just going to be better if Alice stood in the background for now. Everyone was going to want her back, but no one was really going to want this Alice back. It was just going to be better for everyone.

But what about Jasper? Did he deserve for Alice just to fade into the background? He didn’t deserve any of this. Jasper deserved the old Alice. Jasper deserved the Alice that never lied to him, no matter what, and she was always by his side. She always smiled. She danced when she walked. She loved everyone, and was always this bright life. Jasper deserved better than the Alice that stood in the middle of the floor. Esme and Carlisle deserved a better daughter, Emmett, Rose, and Edward deserved a better sister, Bella deserved a better best friend, and Renesmee deserved a better aunt. Everyone deserved a better Alice. After Alice had left for a hundred years, everyone deserved a better Alice. She was just going to have to try and heal faster for everyone else. If some scars weren’t going to be able to be fully healed, she needed to at least try.

Footsteps echoed behind her, and Alice knew by the rhythm of the gait that it was Jasper. She didn’t know what he was going to put around her neck, however. Alice stiffened as the fabric of her choker hit her neck, almost as if it was strangling the breath out of her lungs. When the clasp snapped, Alice cringed slightly. She shut her eyes tight and shook her head. The pixie reached her pale hand to take the necklace off; she wasn’t worthy of being a Cullen. But, Alice had to at least pretend that she was happy about being home. The girl’s hand dropped, but her mind was snapped into the future, As soon as she came out, Alice’s eyes stayed shut as her teeth gritted, and her lips pressed down into a hard line.

“Emmett isn’t here at the moment, Allira. And if you please, could you please leave with your unfathomable enthusiasm. It hurts others who can’t find it in them to be able to do the same.” So much for hiding the fact that Alice was depressed and couldn’t really be happy. Or at least feel happiness at that point in time…The girl stayed stone still as Bella sneaked down, and then Nessie. The pixie sighed and buried her face in her hands. What was she going to do? There was no way on Earth that Alice was going to be able to pretend that she was okay. Maybe just trying to heal and not be so helpless would be enough for her family. They deserved more than that, but that was all Alice was going to be able to handle.

The pixie turned towards her husband, and looked at him for a few moments, before turning her head back down towards the floor. She slowly wrapped her arms around Jasper, and relaxed slightly as she sighed softly. Alice nuzzled her head against Jasper’s chest, and hugged herself tighter against him. She needed someone to be able to tell her that she hadn’t hurt everyone too badly. The shock mixed with joy on everyone’s face proved that she had to have stung some people. Hell, the fact that everyone had begged and pleaded her to go when she left was proof that she had hurt people. Maybe the hurt that Alice was experiencing now was kind of like karma getting back to her.

“I know I hurt you by leaving, Jazz. I promised as being your wife that I’d never do that to you, but I did. I can’t apologize enough for that.” Alice sighed, and then hugged herself tighter against her husband. “I love you, Jasper.” The pixie whispered, and nuzzled her head against Jazz’s chest. She so badly wanted Jasper to at least wrap his arms around her. Alice needed the comfort more than she thought she did.

"Can we talk, Mom?" Alice heard Nessie softly ask from downstairs as she heard Allira stalk off towards her car. It seems as though everyone needed a little comfort now.

[The Nymph Kamalia]

tab tab tab

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

It was all very bittersweet. Alice was back, but she wasn't. Sure was there, physically, but the bright pixie that almost always had a smile on her face seemed broken, lost. Bella wasn't sure if she was sad or mad about getting her best friend, yet not. Most likely the case was it was a bit of both. Sad at seeing the change and hearing what the Volturi forced her to and anger at the Volturi for taking the family pixie and breaking her wings. This was flowing through Bella as she descended the stairs quickly to deal with this 'Allira' at the door. At the moment she didn't really have the patience to deal with anyone else outside the family, but she also knew she probably had the most patience out of those currently present so she would just get it over with as soon as she could.

"Can I help you?" Bella asked as she neared the door and stared at the head that was poke inside the door before the owner to it opened the door a little more. The gold eyes caught Bella a little off guard as she had not met any other vegetarian vampires outside the Denali tribe, but that surprise was quickly passed over at what the woman said.

"Great. So I finally find my uncle, my blood uncle, only to find him in a hell-hole."

Uncle? Blood uncle? Emmett? Bella became both curious and annoyed. Curious at what the girl said, but annoyed with exactly how she had said it. Mentioning the house as a hell-hole was not the best move given the current circumstances and Bella wanted to snap out at her and get rid of some of her building annoyance and anger; annoyance with the appearance of Allira at just this moment in time and anger with having Alice back, but not thanks to the Volturi.

"Can I help you?" Bella decided to repeat in a sharper tone, repeating the question that Allira had yet to answer.

"Ya, you can tell me where I can find my Uncle Em."

Allira was getting a little on her nerves and Bella just managed to not snap. Alice had already called out to tell her that Emmett wasn't here, but this girl seemed persistent and she had to agree with Alice that the aura of excitement and joy coming from Allira was starting to really rub her nerves against the grain.

"As Alice explained, Emmett is not here at the moment." Bella was feeling a bit like a broken record player, but that seemed to be the only way to get anything through Allira's bubble of joy at the moment. "I'm not sure-" Her eyes narrowed as Allira interrupted her.

"Fine. I'll wait for him to show up. I'm not finally ending my search without getting to see him." Bella rose an eyebrow just miniscule as Allira crossed her arms over her chest. Well, at least this mood was different than the annoying bubble of joy. "Look, I don't know what ya'll have going on here," Bella would have never guessed, "but there is definitely something as evid'nt by Alice's voice and your mood," give the girl a prize, "but I'm not gonna have spent the last part of a good century and a half looking for my uncle I knew wasn't dead only to accept a 'he's not here at the moment', and be happy. If he isn't here at the moment, fine. I. Will. Wait."




Bella had to collect herself and wasn't sure if it was just from an emotional drain or Jasper playing some part in her mood mellowing out, but whatever the case, Bella managed to reply without seeming as annoyed and irritated. "Alright. Could you please wait outside, though, until he arrives? We have our own things to attend to." Her voice had come out almost motherly and Bella internally rolled her eyes at that before turning away and closing the door when Allira agreed. As she turned on the spot she was his with a memory that made everything that much worse . . .

Edward was taking me to meet his family for the first time. I was nervous and had butterflies in my stomach as he pulled onto the road I soon came to realize was their long driveway. After getting over my initial shock at seeing the house I made myself gain enough courage to enter the house, Edward at my side. Immediately inside the front door Dr. Carlisle and his wife were there to great us. It was through meeting them I gained a little more courage before a musical voice, much lighter and airier voice came from up the stairs.

"Hey, Edward!" The little girl I had seen around school before, but never gotten to know, called as she ran down the stairs, a streak of black hair and white skin, before coming to a sudden and graceful stop in front of me. Carlisle and Esme shot warning glances at her, but I liked it. I was natural - for her, anyway. "Hi, Bella! She said, as she bounced forward to kiss my cheek.

It became very still very suddenly. If Carlisle and Esme had looked cautious before, they now looked staggered. There was shock in my eyes, too, but I was pleased that she seemed to approve of me so entirely. I had been so worried about Edward's family not liking me that this helped alleviate even more stress than the success with meeting Carlisle and Esme had already done. I was startled, however, to feel Edward stiffen at my side. I glanced at his face, but his expression was unreadable.

"You do smell nice, I never noticed before," she commented, to my extreme embarrassment . . .

Bella sighed as the memory faded and she came back to the present to see that her daughter was standing almost in the same exact place Alice had back then. When she heard what Renesmee said she looked at her daughter a little worried by her tone, but nodded her head. "Of course. Why don't we head out?" Bella replied, motioning for her daughter to follow her as she went to the back of the house and slipped out the back door.

She wanted to give Alice and Jasper time to themselves for a little bit and, with everyone either gone or wrapped up in something in their own parts of the house, she figured heading outside would work. Besides, the fresh air with the falling snow was welcoming and put the smallest hint of a smile on her face as she headed out into it, not missing that her skin could now compete with the snow when it came to the shade of white it was. Already being pale when she was human, becoming a vampire had made her even more pale and at most times her skin almost looked exactly like white marble that held a soft glow even when not in the sunlight due to just how pale she was. Bella sighed as she walked to the frozen over river nearby and stopped near some larger rocks, offering a place to sit if Renesmee wanted to do so while they spoke; Bella would most likely remain standing though, as she didn't feel particular to either way since both were fine and equally comfortable.

"What is it, sweetie? I know you have some unanswered questions and I think it's time you get them answered." Bella said once she stopped, smiling softly, a mother's smile, as she turned to look at her daughter.

[XoX A Secret Dreamer XoX]

dashingmenarehandsome

Nessie watched Alice as she held on to her mother’s hand, but Bella soon slipped down to go look at this ‘Allira’ person that wanted to see Emmett or something. A few seconds later when Alice turned back around to Jasper, Nessie did the same. She wanted to really get to know Alice better, but the Alice that stood upstairs was not that Alice that Nessie wanted to know. Renesmee wanted to know the same Alice that had been there when Renesmee was just a baby. The Alice that was always smiling, always teasing, was the Alice that Nessie wanted to know. She still loved this Alice, but Renesmee just wasn’t sure about this Alice.

Once downstairs, Renesmee kind of hid in the corner, playing with the locket around her neck. It held the sad memory of the time that her life was on the chopping block, Aro and the rest of the Volturi holding the axe above her neck. But, Renesmee still liked wearing it. The French saying on the inside still made Renesmee smile when she was feeling sad, especially when her mom told her of how when she had gotten it, she had come home from making the ‘travel arrangements’ just in case things turned nasty at the battle field. Even if it did…Just not in the way that everyone thought it was going to turn bad with.

Not only had Irina died that day in vain, but Alice had also signed her own self as a person away on that clearing. Everyone had seemed to make some sort of visit to the clearing since Alice had left, all in their own time, except for Renesmee. Edward and Bella went first, together, but had come back only about fifteen minutes after leaving. Rose went by herself, and then Emmett soon after. Jake had run through there as a wolf once or twice. Esme and Carlisle also went together, about fifteen years back. No one really came back happy, and most of them came back with this glassy look in their eyes. You always kind of knew that Jasper had been there once or twice. Whenever he would come back from one of his many walks, he’d have some sort of flame of either anger or regret in his eyes. Ness was so observant that it only took about a week for Nessie to connect the dots.

Bella ended the conversation with the girl, and Nessie stepped forward, her own fingers laced together in front of her as she looked at her mother. “Can we talk, Mom?” Renesmee asked, her tone kind of confused, worries, concerned, and almost afraid at the same time. She didn’t really know exactly what she wanted to talk to her mom about, but with Alice back, Ness’s head was spinning at about a million miles a minute. She would have preferred to send the thought into Bella’s mind from across the room, but since Renesmee wasn’t talented enough to do that yet, she was stuck with skin contact, and the girl just needed some air. Alice was back, but she wasn’t Alice. Renesmee had always kind of dreamed of the day that Alice was back. She would come in bursting through the front door, smiling and laughing, nearly screaming ‘I’m home!’ despite the fact that everyone could still hear her. Bella and Edward would both smile, Bella and Alice embracing immediately. Edward and Alice would smile at each other for a few seconds, and then Alice would wrap her arms around her brother’s waist. Rose and Emmett would be next, everyone smiling and laughing. Esme would just about attack Alice with a hug and Alice would just beam up at Carlisle like usual. Alice would hug Nessie, she’d try to hug Jake, but he’d just muss her hair up, and everyone would laugh. Then Jasper would walk down the stairs, and Alice and Jasper would just stare at each other for a few moments, then they would come and kiss. Jasper would spin Alice around, and everyone would smile, happy that their pixie was back.

Renesmee watched too many movies…That dream was a fantasy world that Renesmee wasn’t going to be getting back in awhile. Alice was broken. To who was a pixie that would light up the whole world, her wings were now broken. Alice couldn’t fly anymore. She had been forced to kill so many people, that Renesmee could imagine that tall of those humans’ deaths drained the life out of her. The girl nodded when her mother agreed to talk with Nessie, and crossed her arms across her chest nervously as they both walked outside. She watched her mother as they both walked, Nessie’s movements clumsy and irregular next to her mother’s graceful and fluid stride. You kind of got insecure really quickly living with a family full of beautiful, graceful vampires.

Bella motioned for Ness to sit down, and Renesmee nodded and sat on the boulder. She motioned her head towards the rock for Bella to sit down as well. Her statement about her unanswered questions was completely true, but Renesmee just stared down at the ground, her leg nervously tapping the ground. The brunette looked up at her mom, how the snow just fell into her hair, the white specks against the black looking radiant, and stayed on her skin, while the snow felt like rain on Renesmee’s skin, each snowflake melting as soon as it hit her skin or hair. Renesmee sighed, and ran a hand through her bronze curls. The exact same shade that her dad had in his own hair. The brunette leaned forward, and pressed her hand against her mom’s arm.

Can you tell me about her? No one ever did before…All I have is a month or so of knowing who she really was. If it hurts too much, I understand. I won’t mind hearing the story of when you realized that you and Dad were in love again.

Renesmee retrieved her hand from her mom’s arm, and sighed, looking down at the ground as she let her curls fall around her head. After a few seconds, she looked back up at her mom and smiling softly, trying to put up some hopeless façade that she was even decently okay in her own mind.

[The Nymph Kamalia]

tab tab tab

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Can you tell me about her? It was a simple enough question; there weren't any loopholes or hidden questions. Yet, Bella found herself paused at it as she looked at her daughter before glancing up at the falling snow. It was a simple question, and she had said she would answer any of her daughter's questions knowing that at least most of them would be about Alice, but she found it hard to actually 'hear' the question through Renesmee's gift. She stood there for a second as she pondered just where to start. Al the memories after her change were crystal clear, but she had some fuzzy ones from when she was a human with Alice around. Bella would almost bet she had any of those ones simply because of how Alice had been. When she saw her daughter looking down to the ground she smiled sadly before reaching a hand out and pulling some of her hair back so it didn't hide her face.

"First thing to understand about Alice is, up until the day in the field, she was the most energetic, drive-you-insane-sometimes, who-knew-someone-so-small-could-be-such-trouble, pixie." Bella started, a smile on her face as she tucked the hair behind Renesmee's ear before looking out at the frozen river, or at least mostly frozen. "My human memories aren't as sharp as after I was changed, but I think the ones about Alice are as clear as they are because of who she was. I can sort of remember the first time I really met her. Your father was taking me to what was just his family's house at the time to meet his family. He had told me a little bit about some of his family members before we arrived, but I was still nervous beyond belief. I am sure your father has told you plenty of times I didn't have the proper fear of vampires, and that played in then, too. You see, I wasn't afraid of the fact they were vampires, I was afraid they wouldn't like me. When it came time to meet his family I met Carlisle and Esme first, though had already seen Carlisle at the hospital, and it went well enough I gained some courage. That's when Alice enters the memory. She can streaking down the stairs to stop right in front of me. Words were exchanged and spoken and before I knew it she had placed a kiss on my cheek and everyone else was a little startled, including myself. I was happy that she approved of me, though, and didn't really think much of the 'danger'." She explained, going to the first fuzzy memory of really getting to meet Alice.

"After that my life became . . . well, a little more complicated. Alice didn't like my fashion sense back then and loved to torture me with treating me like a life-size barbie doll. I was put through countless hours of her sitting me down and putting on make-up and who knows what else before having to go through the process of trying on other things. It used to drive me crazy and I never looked forward to it. Despite it all, though, Alice was my best friend . . . is." Bella took a second to pause as she tried to sort out the rest of the fuzzy memories. "I owe a lot to her and don't think I will ever be able to repay her for everything she has done up to this point. It was Alice who helped me save your father before he did something stupid to get himself killed. It was Alice who planned your . . ." She stopped on the matter, as it was a touchy one with her daughter and veered onto new matter. "It was Alice who gave me what I needed to prepare yours and Jake's escape if things turned sour that day in the field. She was the one who trusted me enough to keep it a secret from everyone until the time came. She gave me the strength enough to know that if I had to let you go, you would be in good hands, even after your father and I were gone . . ." Bella started again, placing a hand on her daughter's head briefly and glancing at her with 'tears'. "I don't ever want to be faced with a decision like that again, though." She added before looking back out at the landscape and holding out a hand to watch some of the snow settle into her palm without melting due to her cold skin.




"When Alice originally left after having the vision about the Volturi, I thought it was to keep Aro away from her. Something I felt a little hurt about, but came to realize was for the best. She had given the family things to do that would possibly help the situation so we focused on those; my own personal task was to locate J. Jenks and figure out what Alice was sending me to do. I didn't imagine that she had left to try and find proof that your existence wouldn't be a hazard to the secrecy of our world. When she came back to the field that day, though, it became clear and I could have hugged her to death if it was possible. Not only had she brought proof that your existence wasn't a threat, but she alleviated a fear your father and I shared; that you would grow old and die by the time you were fifteen or so." Bella continued, pausing for a minute as the memories from the field came flooding back. "Who could have guessed Aro wouldn't back down, though, even with proof. That's when Alice did the next thing that both stung as well as shocked. She signed her life over to the Volturi guard for a century to prove your innocence and to give you the chance to live. It wasn't something she should have had to do, Aro and the others all had clear evidence, but your father explained to me later that Alice had seen a vision just before offering the deal of you dead and him trying to console me . . . what should have been enough wasn't and we had to lose Alice because of it." She finished, letting out a small sigh.

Bella let a minute pass for all this to sink in and clear up any confusions Renesmee had as well as weed out some of the questions to see what was left. She was not done, yet, but she did want to give her daughter a minute as well as take a second to figure out how to get to the subject that was the most touchy; hers and Jacob's wedding. Bella knew that her daughter worried about Alice being mad they hadn't waited. She knew that part of her, herself, had wished her daughter and Jacob waited, but that didn't mean their wedding was a bad thing. Being married to the one you love despite the circumstances was what made a good wedding. Yes, everyone had been depressed and sullen. Yes, the wedding's mood did not hold the traditional one that it should have. Yes it should have been a happier occasion and Bella partially blamed herself as she was only able to smile a few times during the entire thing. Bella just hoped that the honeymoon had made up for the depressing wedding, though she wouldn't go into details with her daughter on that. She may not think of anything about Jacob in that matter anymore as their relationship was just as friends now that they each had the one they were meant for, Bella couldn't even remember well when she had any sort of feelings for Jacob, but at one point in time she had indeed had feelings for him and would honestly, rather not hear about any of that. Besides, it was her baby girl and Bella couldn't guarantee she wouldn't try to rip Jacob's head from his body if she heard any of the details, even in a muted form.

"Look, Ness. I know the wedding is a big thing on your mind a lot. And don't try to deny it. We may not have spoken about it directly, before, but your body language and expressions are clear enough." Bella started up, glancing back in the direction of the house and then to her daughter. "If you want, we can hold another wedding, this time with Alice. I can't promise it will be right away due to circumstances, but if it would make you feel better to have Alice be a part of it and have the entire family then I am sure we can work it out. Besides, I don't think Jacob would mind seeing you walk down the isle again. Most men wouldn't mind. you father has tried to bring up the subject of another wedding for us, but I told him one big white day is enough for me personally." She explained, smiling at end with a roll of her eyes at the comment about Edward. "I know you didn't get a proper wedding, though, and I feel responsible for that. I want your big white day to be happy and exhilarating like mine was." Bella continued, 'tears' in her eyes again as she played with her daughter's hair a little like she had when she was still letting before stopping and placing her hand on her shoulder. "What do you say? If you don't want a wedding again, it's fine, but if you do I am sure we can work it out." She finished, finally falling silent.

[glitz and prada - xox]

she was there-expecting me naturally. "you've kept me waiting a long time." she said
And I ducked my head like a good southern gentlemen, and said,
"i'm sorry ma am." She held out her hand and I took it without stopping
to think about what I was doing. for the first time, in nearly a century,
i felt hope.

indentThe sudden stiff figure in his wife made Jasper take many steps back from her, he didn't know what to think of her trying to take the necklace off. One, he didn't to, and two, he was confused about it. Had she tried to rip it off because he would put it around her neck and it was uncomfortable? Or was it because she didn't want to be a Cullen anymore? That sent a sudden jolt and anger and hatred through him. He didn't know if it was towards the Volturi or himself, but either way he was suddenly full of rage. But his face was of course it's normal depressed-looking face. He wasn't good at showing his emotions anymore; hard as stone.

Even if it seemed something hadn't affected him, it always did, no matter how small and meaninless it could be. Jasper watched as Alice's hand dropped; faking happiness? His form stiffened, if that was possible, and he became nothing but stone. How could that be? The old Alice never faked happ- But she wasn't the old Alice, she was the new, emotionless, unreal, Alice. And that by itself broke Jasper completely. Not that he hadn't been broken before but just seeing how she changed hurt him more then he could've ever imagined possible.

Jasper thought he would've been happy about seeing Alice, not hurt even more. He just denied the truth; Alice would change. He knew that from the time she walked away with the cruel monsters, but he never admitted the truth to himself. As she spoke, his pixie that suddenly turned into something unbelieveably mean, his frown disappeared and a different expression came upon his face. His lips came into firm and hard line that seemed unbreakable. Her harsh tone was unreal; scaring. Never had Jasper heard Alice speak the way she had to a person like that before. Jazzi didn't move to see who this Allira girl was that was looking for Emmett, he didn't care much.

His topaz eyes stayed on the wall, not moving to watch as Bella took it in her own hands to go and deal with Allira. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around him but he didn't dare look down to see who it was, his eyes didn't peel away from the pale wall. When she pulled herself closer to him the pain was obvious in his eyes, yet his lips were now formed into a slight frown/blank look. Jasper breathed in a sharp breath as she mentioned her leaving. Oh why did she have to bring it up? Sure he was thinking of it but by her bringing it up it just hurt so much more. "You didn't hurt m-" But he stopped with his dumb lie and pursed his lips together.

It was obvious she had and he wouldn't deny that he was idiotic for trying to lie that he hadn't felt pain. The pain that was worse then Jane's intense stares and Alec's blackness that made you feel like you were alone. He was alone that whole hundred years and it was hard to explain how much lonelieness he had felt. When she said 'i love you jasper', he didn't know how to say it. He didn't know what to do other then have pure agony all over his face. She needed to be comforted. . but they both did, and it was hard when Jasper knew that he had lost his old wife.

"I-I love you too. ." He whispered. It almost sounded like he had been kicked in the gut but a boulder. "I always have," And that was the truth. Of course he loved her, no matter what, but he was blinded by the hurt that was still alive inside of him. It was raw and no matter what he knew it always would be inside of him, waiting to pop out again, but that was when it was gone. It wasn't yet, and he knew it would take sometime, though, like before, him and Alice would heal together. He breathed in sharply and felt his face suddenly soften, that was a first in a long time. "Always will." He rested his chin on the top of her head.


((Not the best. Sorry it took so long!))




Over this century, I have lost myself, slipping into a dark cloud
of depression and sadness. My dear, I'm not Jasper
anymore. I can't smile anymore, I've been clouded over for
the last hundred years. I can't look you in the eyes and say I love you,
I've disappeared, my love, and I don't know where I went. .

[XoX A Secret Dreamer XoX]

Screwed up...
It'll Be Up Later