xxx→ L O V ExM E xxxx → L O V ExM E
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xxxxxxx T h a t ' s x a l l x I x a s k x f o r
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xxxxxx » »XH O WXS H O U L DXIXF E E LX?
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★ ┃ ┃ "Hey Tatsuki! You're shift is over, go on home." The manager said.
Eyes as blue and clear as the sea turned to face the older man who had called out her name, informing her that she could clock out for today and head on home. She didn't say so much as a word to him before she turned to return to cleaning up the counter, grabbing the eight dollars that was left on it as that was her tip money from her last customer. She stuffed it into her apron before she grabbed the bin she placed the dirty dishes and glasses in before taking it into the back to have them be washed up by whoever was on dish cleaning duty today. She made sure to stay away from the men who worked within the kitchen, especially when they were constantly moving about filling out the orders that came in. Once she was done with her business there, she headed into the back where the breakroom was, as well as where she left her jacket. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the small wad of cash she had stuffed in there, all of that merely her tip money for taking such good care of the numerous customers she served last night. Yeah, she had been suckered in to working the night shift, mainly just doing some minor bartending and serving food to the customers who sat at the bar to eat. Tatsuki had been running around like crazy taking care of the customers while trying to avoid making them unhappy as they had to wait for their food; although working night paid better since the men usually get drunk and throw their money at any girl they think looks pretty - not that she thinks she is but if they were stupid enough to throw money at her she would take it. Once she was finished counting her tip money she placed it into the pocket of her pants, letting a sigh escape her as she stood there. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to return home and eat, since she had skipped out on dinner and merely snacked on crackers and peanuts when nobody was looking. As she threw her jacket on she looked to see the door open and the manager come walking in. He held out a white envelope to her, saying that it was her paycheck and that she did a great job working yesterday before leaving to return to work.
Tatsuki merely stood there before looking at the envelope, which she stuffed in the pocket inside her jacket. She'd go and deposit the check tomorrow or something, right now going to the bank was the last thing she wanted to do - not like banks were open anyways this early in the morning. What was today anyways? Friday? No, Saturday? With her mind always on work and such, Tatsuki's days were always confused for the most part. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, pressing the button on the side so the front screen would light up and tell her the time. Nine-thirty in the morning? Seriously? By the time she would get home she had no doubt that a certain cousin of hers would be there bright and early to greet her like he usually does every day despite the numerous times she had told him to leave her alone. What was with him anyways? He was just as stubborn as her when it came to listening to someone, but why though? Most of the other family members who tried talking to her either got fed up with her attitude and walked away, or she walked away from them and just decided not to chase her. However, there was on persistant family member who often did chase her, the Ox; god how he just annoyed the crap out of her! The Ox, the one male who just always had a habit of bothering her. Masashi, the Ox, always came by to get her to talk to him, and the only family member she didn't scream at and ran away from most of the time. What was with him anyways? Is he hoping to change her and break her from her angry, unhappy self into some bubbly and smiling bimbo? What was the big deal anyways if she smiled or not? It's been years since she smiled; actually she never smiled even as a kid. She was no idiot child oblivious to the fact her parents and her own brother ignored her like she didn't exist, a ghost you could have probably called her back then. She remembered walking about the house, carrying her blanket as she tried to get her own family to talk to her. Her father completely ignored her, leaving the room whenever she walked in. Her mother made up excuses to not spend time with her and often told Tatsuki to go sit in her room. Then there was her big brother Ichiro, the only kid who was near her age she could attempt to play with. Even Ichiro though refused to acknowledge her, yet he was the only one who really looked at her other than Masashi who was one of her brother's friends. His eyes, the same blue eyes as her, would look at her with hundreds of emotions such as confusion, guilt, but mainly she always felt like he was disgusted of her. For having his own sister turn into a kitten when she had gotten so depressed from being all alone in her room.
Words from the past continue to echo in her mind, years of painful memories always hunting her like they happened just yesterday. Her chest always ached from the memories, especially the ones with her brother. Like any little sibling, she attached herself to her brother who wanted nothing to do with her.
"Ichiro! Ichiro let me play with you!"
"Ichiro, now will you play with me?"
"Big brother? Why...why don't you like me?"
She was foolish to believe that if she was persistant enough, that maybe she'd finally get her brother to pay attention to her. Sadly, it never worked. Her mother or father always got in the way, telling Tatsuki to leave Ichiro alone and to go in her room. Tatsuki's childhood was never a good one that she could say she would always want to remember. If anything, she'd do anything just to forget the pain that came with those memories. As a child, her father never even acknowledged her as his own child while her mother merely kept quiet most of the time. Still, Tatsuki realized she was closer to her mother than her father and her older brother Ichiro. Ichiro was three years older than her, and really the only kid around her age she could play with since her mother never really took her to the park. Her mother always had her stay inside, and she never understood the things that she told Tatsuki when she explained Tatsuki couldn't hug her own brother or father. She never understood anything, but she remembered wanting to find the answers since curiosity got the better of her at the time. She remembered her brother went out one day to play with some of the other kids, and she had managed to sneak out of the house and followed him. All she wanted as a kid was to make friends her own age, including befriending her own brother for that matter. Her brother was so mad at her when he caught her following him, yelling at her to go back home. Tatsuki was a stubborn kid though, so she had refused even when he grabbed her wrist and tried to drag her back home. Tatsuki realized it was at that moment when her life decided to take a turn for the worse, and that she was probably better off listening to her brother than doing what she ended up doing. She had yelled at her brother and pulled her hand free from his grasp, only to realize that her brother had her beads in his hand. She had accidentally let the beads slid off of her wrist; after that she barely remembered anything since she had somewhat blacked out.
How long had it been since that day? That day when she could see her own monsterous reflection in her brother's wide and terrified eyes. He had every reason to run and be disgusted of her, but deep down she had hoped that maybe, just maybe, that sibling bond might have helped her brother at least learn to accept her finally instead of continuing to push her away. Hoping that that was obviously too much, and although her fur isn't tainted black, she felt like she was the unluckiest living being in the world. She only wanted to get out and feel what it was like to play with other kids instead of just watching them from her window, and it's sad to sat that it was the first time her brother ever full looked, spoke, and touched her since the day she came home in that pink blanket from the hospital. Despite having no recollection of the moment during her transformation, she could still remember the feeling of her entire body feeling like she was being burned from the inside out, her head throbbing with the aching pain that clouded her vision from being that strong, and her bones cracking as they shifted and mutated into the monster that was the cat's true form. Her fair skin, petite body, and blue eyes were replaced with a grotesque appearance, lanky body, and eyes as red as freshly drawn blood. She barely remembered the transformation, or even transforming back, but when she did she found herself locked in her room yet again with the beads around her wrist. She could hear her parents talking down the hall despite her bedroom door being shut. She never meant any of it, to go and scare her brother or to even transform in front of him. She remembered crying her eyes out until she eventually fell asleep from mere exhaustion from it all. She could remember though the moment she saw her brother, after weeks of him being confined in his room, that one image that would forever be burned into her memory. She remembered how wide her brother's eyes were, how filled they were with horror upon seeing her even as a human. It was the first time Tatsuki had ever transformed into the cat's other form, and the last time she would ever get to be with her brother again. Her brother was terrified of her, and returning home was probably the biggest mistake she made that day. She never meant to let things happen like that, she never meant for it to happen at all. The amount of guilt she felt for letting it happen, for traumatizing her own brother so much that he couldn't even look at her anymore. It killed her from the inside, breaking her already broken heart into tiny pieces that were then crushed with a sledgehammer until those broken pieces were nothing but dust.
The events that followed after that day only got worse and worse for her, and it was ten times worse because she was still so young. Her mother ended up committing suicide by overdosing herself with medication and by the time she got to the hospital they had informed Tatsuki's father that she was already gone. Tatsuki missed her terribly, since it was her mother after all, however when she found the suicide letter her mother wrote she was heartbroken. The letter written by her mother stated that she couldn't keep living with a child who could turn into such a hideous creature. She remembered holding that letter with shaking hands, eyes stinging with tears and the last hope she had of thinking someone in her family cared about her vanishing. She never thought that words could hurt her the way these words did in a single letter. Her funeral was one of the worst experiences she ever had to go through as a kid, the fact that as she stood there mourning her mother, people were staring her down as if she was a walking disease or better yet, a monster. Nobody dared to even touch her just to console her since she did just lose the woman who brought her into the world. No, Tatsuki was not allowed to have any kind of hope or sympathy from people, not when they believed she was the Grim Reaper who would instantly kill you the moment you placed a hand on her. The funeral took a hard toll on Ichiro, who fell into such a depression that he stopped talking to everyone. However it was probably the worst for Tatsuki's father who couldn't even look at Tatsuki because she looked so much like her mother and yet was the cause of her mother's death. Even after the funeral and she returned home, things remained the same. She would go into her room, and refuse to sleep at night. Why? Because she was afraid of her father, afraid the man would come into her room and try suffocating her in her sleep. Sure she could have tried locking the doors, she didn't think things could get any worse for her, that was until her tenth birthday came around.
For the years Tatsuki lived with her father, she could tell something was wrong with him but never tried speaking to him since she knew he would do nothing but give her the silent treatment like he had been giving her since the day she was born. Still, she never expected the man to do what he did to her. Tatsuki' father had completely lost it and he attacked Tatsuki one night when she came home from school, trying to choke her to death. His hands wrapped around her neck and squeezed hard like a boa constrictor squeezing the life from its prey. Her father was strong too, so between him and trying to keep him from coming into any physical contact with herself, it was a bit hard for the first few minutes of the attack. Tatsuki however was no stranger to fighting, especially with the numerous fights she was getting into at school during the time with other boys. Yeah, that's right, the boys at school often tried having their way with Tatsuki because they thought she was easy since she had no friends and was often alone. They would keep trying and trying, until eventually they either got scared of her after she beat them, or their pride as a guy was broken and they merely wanted to beat her to regain what they lost. Either way, it was her reason why she hated both school and guys in general. Her father was no different from the boys in school, which made her grateful for taking those classes after her mother had passed. Tired of being the pathetically weak girl people thought they could kick around, she decided to take defense classes for herself. She took karate classes and was trained by her father's friend who owned a dojo, and it was even better because it was a female friend of his, so Tatsuki didn't have to focus about coming into physical contact and changing. She taught Tatsuki how to defend herself and Tatsuki learned how to fight back. So when her father tried choking her to death, she fought back which he never expected. He was blinded with rage and anger and his weapons were anything he could throw at Tatsuki; plates, picture frames, just anything he could pick up with ease. The scars on her arms were reminders of the many glass objects he threw at her, which still burn with the pain she felt upon receiving them that day whenever she returns to those old memories. Despite him trying to kill her, Tatsuki never wanted to fight her father or kill him herself, so she mostly tried blocking him and avoid hitting him. She would not go and prove everyone right about thinking of her as a killer, she would show them wrong. She had tried just about everything in her power to hold back from attacking her father back as her last resort, but whenever she tried to escape he would block her at any cost. It was only until Ichiro returned home that he managed to intervene the fight, holding her father back long enough for Tatsuki to run out of the house. She remembered how badly her body ached from all the cuts and bruises that she had, her body extremely weak. It was a miracle that she didn't transform at that time, but eventually it did give and that entire night she slept out on the streets in her feline form until the next morning. Luckily, nobody saw her when she finally transformed back, so after getting dressed in her slightly torn school uniform that was covered in blood stains and dirt, she made her way home. Of course she was hesitant about entering, but when she finally went inside she heard her father talking and she looked to see he was on the phone. At that time, she had no idea who he had called and it was only until a few hours later that Tatsuki learned he called the orphanage to come and take her away. Tatsuki could still feel the anger she had against her father even after all the years that had passed, and it was his fault why Tatsuki stopped trusting people - that is completely anyways. After Masashi left her as a kid for no explained reason, she shut herself from some people but was a naive young child who foolishly trusted people still despite it all.
The orphanage was lonely for the ten year old Tatsuki, yet she was lucky that she didn't stay there long. To her surprise, the God of the Sohma family had requested for her to live at the estate. She didn't trust anybody in her family after she was forced against her will to live there, and because of her rebellious behavior it got her locked in a room for months without even being able to step foot from it. Bar were on the windows, the door locked, and the room felt as if it was submerged in an avalanche since it was that cold. Every week someone would come to see if she was ready to give in to behaving the way the God wanted her to be, and every week she tried fighting her way out. She knew what they wanted, for her spirit to break so she would become the weakling she once was that people could step on. She would not go back to that life, and finally she found a way out of her prison. She had waited for one of the male servants to come and bring her food like always, that was until she tried running and like she thought, the servant ended up embracing her and making her transform into a cat. Of course, she allowed herself to be caught and placed back in her room, and once the servant was gone she slipped through the bars of her window and ran with the clothes she had thrown out the window prior to the servant coming. She ran as fast as she could until she transformed back, and for about a week she struggled to survive. She was rather surprised though to one day run into her sensei, who ended up bringing her home to catch up since she had not seen Tatsuki in a while.
Of course, Tatsuki refused to talk but was surprised to learn that her sensei knew that Tatsuki had been sent to the orphanage. Sayoko Fujishima was her name. Tatsuki remembered how Sayoko told her about how she came to find out, how she had gone to Tatsuki's home after not seeing her for a week to learn that from her father that she was gone. Sayoko had actually gone to the orphanage to find her, but after learning Tatsuki had been adopted and they wouldn't give out the information as to who had adopted her, Sayoko had no leads to go on as to finding a way to find her. Tatsuki's sensei then saw how ill looking Tatsuki was instantly took Tatsuki into her home right away when Tatsuki had mentioned how she ran away. For them to try and find a tabby cat in the city was like trying to find a needle in a haystack, so she wasn't worried about the God's servants finding her anytime soon. Tatsuki then started living with her new gaurdian, her step-mother so to say, but the change didn't really change Tatsuki for the better. When Tatsuki returned to school, she got into more and more fights where the teachers began calling Sayoko to inform her of the incidents Tatsuki got herself involved in. The teachers sort of excused Tatsuki though because they pretty much pityed her when Sayoko went and explained everything from Tatsuki's father beating her to being put in an orphanage.
That didn't help Tatsuki though and it only made her angrier at people, so much that she would ditch her classes and hide in places where she knew people would not bother her. However, Tatsuki was not stupid and oblivious especially when she noticed the amount of stress she was putting on Sayoko. Again that feeling of guilt hit Tatsuki, and the memory of her mother had hit her as well which was all she needed to convince herself that she needed to change. Deep down, Tatsuki was afraid that Sayoko would do the same thing her mother did, something Tatsuki never really wanted to see a repeat of that incident. Her school memories were mainly her tolerating her teachers and classmates up until she was eighteen, when one day she was returning home from her night job and came home to see the police were outside of her home. She had thought that her life was finally getting better for her over the eight years she lived with Sayoko, but once again she was brushed by bad luck. She had thought it was a break in, but never did she expect what was really the reason why the cops were there. Tatsuki had learned that Sayoko had been murdered by a student of hers who held a deep grudge against Tatsuki's step-mother. The cops tried to catch the killer who unfortunately managed to escape, but Tatsuki was angry over the fact that she had lost the one person she finally decided to let in after shutting anyone who tried getting close to her out. What hurt more was the fact Sayoko was killed the week of Tatsuki's eighteenth birthday. Blinded with anger, Tatsuki refused to go home until she found Sayoko's killer. Eventually, after two weeks of searching, she found the guy.
She could remember the look on his face when he saw her, since he knew damn well that she was Sayoko's student and foster daughter. Tatsuki wanted nothing more than to rip off her beads and become the monster that urged to rip the guy limb by limb. Still, even Tatsuki knew Sayoko wouldn't come back to life if she killed her murderer. Tatsuki laughed when the guy pulled out a gun, the same weapon he used to kill her sensei with. This guy apparently had no idea just how agile a cat was, so dodging bullets was not all that hard for her as she ran at him. It was only when she got close enough to the guy did he finally manage to hit her, right in her left shoulder before she tackled him to the ground. She had both her hands wrapped around the guy's neck, watching as he tried to gasp for air.
"She did nothing wrong! You should die for killing her! I should shoot you in the head like you did her and see how the ******** you like it!"
So much anger was built up inside of her as she continued to choke the guy, until finally she stopped and punched the guy in the face, leaving him dazed and confused for a few moments while Tatsuki got up and grabbed the gun. Her fingers were numb from holding the pistol in her hands, her blue eyes covered in a dark veil of hatred as she pointed the gun at the man's face. God how her finger twitched at the urge to just pull the trigger and kill him, and finally the sound of two gunshots went off. Her ears could still hear the painful screams of the guy as he lay there on the ground, blood pouring from the fresh bullet wounds in his legs.
"You deserve to rot in your guilt for the rest of your life, instead of take the easy way out and have me kill you."
Tatsuki left once she heard the sirens in the distance; she figured the sounds of gunshots would attract the cops. With the guy arrested finally, Tatsuki could finally go home. Despite being eighteen and being able to live on her own, her home was now tainted with the memories of her foster mother. Sure she could try and get a new place, but she was only eighteen at the time and had no funds to go and get a new place. That's when Tatsuki learned that Sayoko had left everything, the house and her money, to Tatsuki since she never had any children of her own. The house was the only thing Tatsuki had to remember her sensei by, so she decided to live there and hide from the God. Of course, that only lasted for about a year, since the God did eventually find her again but knew she was going to most likely escape again should he try and lock her up at the estates. Of course, with the God finding out where she lived, it wasn't long before other members of her family found out that she was still alive after disappearing for nine years. Most of them thought she died after running away, thinking she wouldn't be able to handle living out in the world when she had no parents to care for her. She didn't need parents, she didn't need anyone for that matter, but that didn't stop her family members to come by and bother her. Did they think they would be able to cheer her up and make her forget twenty years of pain?
She let out a heavy sigh and looked at the time. She was pretty hungry from not eating, but she wasn't looking forward to cooking this morning. Sure she could grab something now, but she wanted to leave this place now rather than wait for breakfast. Tatsuki was sure she had things that were pretty easy to cook at home, something she could just heat up in the microwave and eat - that is if she wasn't ready to pass out by the time she would get through the front door. She sighed before she pulled her red hair from the short ponytail she had it in, letting it fall loosely before she walked out of the back room and then out of the restaurant. The cold morning air brushed up against her cheeks as she stood there for a moment, groaning at the fact it was raining, before she began walking home. She didn't mind cold weather or snow, it was great weather to give her a reason to curl up in bed and sleep for hours, but rain was a different story. Still, having to walk through it when she was exhausted and ready to just pass out, she wished she brought her motobike now. She had bought the thing with the money her sensei left her, to make it easier to travel than constantly running on foot. Still, to leave it out in the cold rain would most likely ruin in, plus she didn't want to sit on a wet seat the whole ride home.
Luckily for Tatsuki, there was a shortcut home, one she liked to take whenever she walked to and from work and not ride her bike. The shortcut basically led through the park, which often had beautiful scenery be it in spring, summer, fall, or winter. As she walked however, the wind picked up a bit which caused Tatsuki to stop in her tracks. She wiped some of the rain off of her face and groaned loudly now, honestly hating the rain even more. Her face was pale though and her body grew sluggish, making the poor girl look like she was ready to pass out any second. What time was it anyways? Carefully she reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, flipping the little phone open to see the screen and the time which read 10:15AM in big numbers and letters. What the hell? It was already that long since she left her job? She knew it was because of the rain making her all sluggish and slow that it was taking her forever to get home. Seeing the time however, now she was wasting no time getting home. She stumbled a bit as she walked, panting a bit from the cold air burning her lungs a bit as she breathed. As she came to the street her house was located on, she nearly fell as she quickly dodged a wave that nearly splashed all over her as a car came speeding down the road and drove into the large puddle. "********] Tatsuki muttered, glaring at the car as it turned at the corner before she continued walking.
Finally she had made it home, digging for her house key upon arriving at the front door of her house finally. Quickly she headed inside, shutting the door behind herself before she hung up her jacket and removed her shoes at the front door. Thankfully her house was warm, which meant her bed must be just as warm. The cat didn't hesitate to race upstairs and into her room, quickly stripping off her work clothes and throwing them into the laundry basket before replacing them with her night wear clothes, which was a simple pair of black baggy sweatpants and a light gray tank top. Once she was dressed she hopped into bed, pulling the blanket up to where it covered half her face. She could only hope and pray that her cousins would leave her the ******** alone today and let her sleep, otherwise she'd be seriously pissed off if she was disturbed right now. However, the poor cat was unable to sleep at all now that her stomach was beginning to growl at her and give her hunger pains. Now would have been a perfect time to have a genie and wish for the food to be in her room so she didn't have to get up. She sighed deeply and threw the covers off, knowing that there was no way she would be able to sleep with her stomach growling the way it was. Slowly she headed back downstairs and into the kitchen, her face still pale even though she was no longer out in the cold. She rubbed her eyes and covered her mouth as she yawned as she dung through the fridge. She didn't have the urge to cook, so instead she grabbed the gallon of milk she had and a bowl from the cabinet before finding the box of cereal. Cereal didn't require cooking, and it had milk in it which was Tatsuki's favorite. Being the cat and all, she had a lot of feline qualities from a cat's appetite to their agility - just don't expect her to land on her feet if she jumped off a building rooftop.
With the bowl of cereal in hand she made her way back upstairs, very very slowly. She wondered now if it was even worth getting food due to the exhaustion she was enduring at the moment. She shut her bedroom door as she entered her room, sitting on her bed before she began eating. She was in no hurry to eat and once she finished she looked at the time, which read 11:00AM on the clock. Seriously? Where was the time going today? The only thing she wanted to do today was hide in her bed and sleep the day away.
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❝The { e x i s t e n c e } of the CAT is our s a l v a t i o n . . . She's a M O N S T E R even { u g l i e r } than we are, I N F E R I O R to e v e r y t h i n g❞
【L o c a t i o n】 Work to Home ¤ 【M o o d】 Exhausted and weak ¤ 【T h i n k i n g】 ❝I hate the rain...make it go away....❞
❝CAN MY SINS BE FORGIVEN?❞
