FeArMyFlUfFiNeSs99
You DO know that wikipedia can be edited by ANYBODY?
Usually when you find wrong information on Wikipedia...You can use common sense to figure out if they're lying or not. It's made quite obvious.
I apologize to I_Write_Ivre for straying from the main topic but I cannot help but post this here:
This is the first bogus wikipedia edit I've ever encountered and I hope it entertains you...
English was developed in England, and over time, slowly altered into the language that would become modern English. Hairy bastards from mainland Europe came a long, long time ago. Then, some other people came, and slew but mixed genetically with the hairy bastards. Finally, the French came. They tried to ******** over the language, but failed epically, actually making it better, whilst, and this is important, still not making it French. Each migration into England added to the language. Then, millions of American tribesmen from North America decided they liked it, and, not having anyone of English descent whatsoever living among them, forced Columbus to write 100 copies of Webster's Dictionary. They took a deep fancy to English, more than the languages of their forefathers: Greek, Hebrew, and French, and Latin. As America was divided it into 13 colonies (when it was great), they eventually revolted because they wanted their own language, Columbus was held ransom and they won. Of course, being Americans, they were totally un-original and changed a few simple words so their minds would be capable of understanding English better. They called it "Amerkin" English though the rest of the world generally refers to it as English Inferior or merely as pointless.
English is an unregulated language. This is to confuse foreigners who learn "proper" english, so when they come to England (or any other English speaking country) they sound like absolute retards. Other countries fall for it too. That's why rappers, hillbillies, and idiots have their own vocabulary in the (U.S.) Dictionary.
Contents
[hide]
• 1 Origin of English
• 2 Dumb English
• 3 British English
• 4 English is proven too complex for the lower orders to understand
• 5 English Today
• 6 Chav English
• 7 Common English Phrases and Deir Meanings
• 8 Complete and total correctness of the English
• 9 Spoken Cuntries
• 10 Dialects
• 11 See also
• 12 External links
[edit] Origin of English
This section is delish. What you no like about it.{{{2}}}{{{3}}}
One day satan looked down on Earth to check up on his whole "creating life" idea. After realizing what a shitty idea that was, He saw that the English were getting angsty and let's-go-get-more-land-ish. God didn't like this all that much, so he decided to try and do something about it. First, he gave the English some unfavorable weather. But that didn't shut them up. So then he created the English language and forced them to speak it in hopes that they might straighten up after being given such a horrible and confusing language. Well that didn't work either. A blind man requested "Destroy this s**t!" and ran off never to be seen again... Until Jesus was resurrected again in the form of Chuck Norris.
After the English got down the language, the Americans stole it and added in silly "words" like "y'all" and "howdy", in addition Americans also stole a lot of the place names, for example Manchester, and Dorset. The most stupid being, of course New England. Ever since then in 1600's/1800's, neither country has really been able to understand each other although this might have nothing to do with the language. This is usually because most Americans are stuffed full of McDonalds and KFC while the English usually have McDonalds and Burger King.
The Australians also got ahold of it, adding awesomeness like g'day and barby, which is not proper English. They have reinvented the stolen language just like the reinvented cricket and rugby, showing up england in basically everything they attempt
[edit] Dumb English
The American version of the English language is exceptionally stoopid. This is evident in many cases, for an example, "the soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert." The problem with it is that many of the English words have more than one meaning. This is because some |<//08 |-|34d decided to create our language from 6-7 languages before it was used by America and altered again, the reason being that Americans found the great mental challenge to comprehend multiple meanings above them. Americans are also prone to pronounce all words incorrectly, bless them. For example:
"I have to go on the internet" becomes:
"Ay hayuv tah go on thur innerrr ne'" (note the loss of the last "t" sound on the end of "innerrr ne'" wink
[edit] British English
Some phrases translated.
• Hello I would like some apple cider. (Gday ya old rug munchin f*****t chap munchie)
• Where might I find the restroom? (Yah ol b***h wheres me arse dumper be?)
• Would you like to go on a date friday night with me? (Ye olde queen be floggin me arse dumper tis friday)
• I would like to purchase this,please. ('Oi, can I 'ave this please, yah f*****t!)
• What time is it, good sir? (Can I have yer ********' watch for the time me matey?)
• Are you going to the party tonight? (gonna go to a good ol' strip club tonight! You might wanna join, eh?)
[edit] English is proven too complex for the lower orders to understand
1. Your house burnt up and then it burnt down. So your fire alarm went off by turning on. So you had to fill in your insurance form by filling it out.
2. If teachers taught, why haven't preachers praught???
3. If the plural of tooth is teeth, then why isn't the plural of booth beeth?? (mmmm... beef)
4. You can make amends but you can't make one amend.
5. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Obviously humanitarians eat humanitables, not humans. Otherwise, vegetarians would eat vegans.
6. Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
7. Noses that run and feet that smell?
8. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? For that matter, how can aweful be something bad when awesome is really good?
9. When the stars are out, they are visible. BUT when the lights are out, they are invisible.
10. English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant (but in Britain it's a Courgette), nor ham in hamburger (GB just Burger); neither apple nor pine in pineapple (well). English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries (GB Chips) in France. Sweetmeats are candies (or GB Sweets) while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are a bulls testsicles (GB Bulloks Bolloks).
11. There are 7 different ways to pronounce the letters 'ough' - tough [uf],/ʌf/, cough [off],/ɑf/, bough [ow!],/aʊ/, though [o],/oʊ/, ought [awe],/ɑ/, through [oo],/u/, hiccough [up],/ʌp/.
12. You can be gormless, but what IS gorm? Apparently something that is good to have?
13. If "glasses" is a pair of lenses worn on the head, then why isn't a monocle called a "glass"?
14. You say "tomayto" and we, correctly, say "tomarto". You say "potado" and we, correctly, say "potayto". Let's call the whole thing off.
16. If you fail to perform well, you suck and blow at the same time. Why is a ####### not called a suck job yet sucky jobs often blow?
17. If tinwhistles are made of tin what are foghorns made of?
18. Why is the fear of long words'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia'?
19. If one who does stupid things is "reckless", why can't someone who thinks things through be "reckful"?
20. One of the mice is called a mouse, but one of the dice isn’t a douse, nor one grain of rice called a rouse, nor a cube of ice called an ouse? And why isn’t a house one of the hice or a blouse one of the blice? (And for that matter, why isn't a spouse one of the spice?)
21. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If ice makes icicles, what does a test make?
22. If teachers are teaching and painters are painting, why aren't lawyers lawying? (If you're Australian, that might make sense, since you say that lawyers lawye(lie).)
23. If the prefix "de" means none or the opposite of, how does devoid (void meaning the same thing) still mean "nothing"?
24. You park on a driveway and you drive on a parkway.
25. how comes inaccurate means not accurate when inflammable means flammable? It doesn't, it's a common misconception that inflammable infact means flammable when it doesn't, flammable means flammable and inflammable means not flammable, like fact means a fact and infact means fiction.
26. why is it that a policemen police, workmen work and patrolmen patrol when milkmen dont milk
27. No such thing as a double positive? Yeah, right.
