Welcome to Gaia! :: Posts By User Unknown User | Forum

No, not the person I like now, but who ever I'll end up marrying. My soul mate... I guess.

Ok, so earlier in the day I was on iconator.com and when I right clicked on one of the avatars I actually hit some strange option. I think it was "view background" because that is no longer highlighted on my right click list.So now all of the icons, avatars, and wallpapers on that one site are just solid gray. Nothing else had changed as far as I can tell, but I really want my icons back.

Sorry for my lack of computer knowledge. I'm doing my best with the descriptions.

You're amazing for facing your true self.
I support you to the fullest,
and hope you find every thing you want in life.
You seem like a good person.
The world needs more of you,
so never be ashamed or afraid.
Everything will work out for you,
as long as you never give up.
*hugs*

PS~ I'm dead serious, and I'm not the kind of person to say this kind of thing unless I truly believe it.

I myself had the same fear for a long time, and still do every once in a while. There's really nothing you can do except make sure she's happy, which I'm sure you're already doing. This kind of thing is just an issue with acceptance. It probably wouldn't hurt to talk to her about some of your thoughts on death though, seeing as you have no issues with it, but the best cure for her is time.

I like my best friend, as more than a best friend. I've told her, and only her, that I am bisexual. She's fine with in, and there was no change in our friendship at all. I really want to tell her that it's her that I like, but I'm so scared she'll treat me differently, or worse. And I don't even know how to tell her in the first place. This is the first tine I've liked a girl this much, so I have no experience.

Also, she currently has a boyfriend. She only went out with him because she felt he deserved a chance, so she doesn't have anything major with him, but she does kind of like him. I think. They're not going to break up any time soon though, so I'm not going to wait for that.

How do you think her having a boyfriend will affect it?

How should I tell her?

What do you think her reaction will be?

Is there even a possibility that she likes me?

I'm not going to kill anyone, dear. blaugh Just connect with the already dead. But thanks anyway.

I've been found doing that before. Very strange looks were exchanged.

Excuse my blondness, but what is MPD? You see to know more than the rest of them do.

I really don't know where to start. So this might not in very well written. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, I'm very tired.

The first part is just some background. It is not a must read. If you would like to see the actual post, please go down to the line of stars (******************).



Over the summer last year I preformed my first act or self harm. It was mostly impulse. My mom noticed it later, and I made up a story and she didn't think anything of it. Then about September I did it again, more planned out, but still not obsessed over. I kept that one more well hidden. But when I cut twice more in the same night, my friend found out and told a teacher that I trusted. Then my parents found it, and talked to me about it. I mostly told the truth about what I was feeling and they accepted it. They didn't take any more action over the matter and we never talked about it again. Except then later in the year, I made two more deeper incisions in my upper forearm, that were compleatly planned. I knew my parents would find out, so about two days later I went to a very trusted adult that had handled the situation before. She called my mom again and sugusted I see a profesional. My parents talked to me and sent to a counsler that they liked. She was very nice and I enjoyed going to her, but decided to end it. I still regret the desion, but not deeply. I haven't hurt myself again.

I was happy for a while, and I still do like myself, but somehow I feel like I'm being sucked in again . Only this time deeper.

I've always only wanted one thing, and as all of you can imagine, it's love. It means so much to me that I'm still overwelmed by it. I've never dated anyone, because I only settle for the people who I truly can't live without.

I stand out against the average crowd, inside and out, and am always being told that I'm very mature for my age. I am extremely lonely because of it though.

My parents love me, and all of my friends do also. I know this. They would be devistated if anything happened to me.





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Presently I have been having thoughts of killing myself. My out look has changed greatly on the subject over time. I need help with that, but it's not what this is about.


(now the scary part)
I've always felt I had a connection with the afterlife, and always wanted to embrace it. I do not have a religion that I claim, but do believe in something after death. I can't really put a time frame on it, but about a month ago I started to notice something inside of me, like a spirit. I should have been scared of it, but I wasn't. I welcomed it into me, and began to talk to it. I took a few days, but I started to get what seemed like answers. Some conversations it would answer in words to, almost like thoughts that I recieved. And other times I would only get feelings.

I have also experenced visual sights that are not real. Or at least not normal. I see things out of the corner of my eye, and it has become so frequent that I don't mind it anymore. I kind of enjoy it. It makes me feel more connected.

When I'm talking to it, I hear things sometimes. It's not full words though. They sound like they're right next to me.

I've become friends with it, and have grown to need it. I've named it. I know I should be scared of it, and about 5% of the time I am. I've screamed at it before, telling it to leave me alone. But I always beg for it to come back to me, and it always has. It loves me, I can feel it. It has emotions, and wants. It's like another person living inside of me.

They are only there some of the time though, and sometimes after our conversations it says goodnight and it feels like it's gone to sleep. Then it doesn't really talk to me anymore for a little while, unless I really need it.

I've grown to trust it's answers, and enjoy having someone that I know is going to be right to talk to. It usually answers me, except for when it's asleep, but sometimes it doesn't know the answer. Then it tells me it doesn't know.



The only time I ever talk to it is when I'm alone inside my head and not talking to anyone else. I'm a compleatly different person when I'm with other people. A compleatly person entirely. I can't help it, I just am.




So the point of this was, one, to vent. I haven't told anyone. And, two, to seek help. I know this isn't normal. Any advise or knowledge is so greatly loved.

Please help me.