Welcome to Gaia! :: Posts By User Unknown User | Forum

Register FaceBook Login Login

 

 
GST
Topic/Message Replies Forum Post Date
Ask Katara Go to post 5540 Chatterbox Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:44 am
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water

Yeah have her ask him what he means by that and have him tell her but still have him say it at other times taking it for granted that she knows what he is saying now. That way it stays within the audience's mind as an important phrase. I do not like the idea of him telling her straight out that the way to release him is to find out his real name. You could add that as part of his whole explanation of what is going to happen to her if she continues on her path of revenge-she will become a devil and stay one until someone (or the summoner to make it even more unlikely to set free the demon) says aloud their real name.


Thanks so much, KataraChan, ^^ you are a huge help.

I am glad. I worry sometimes that I am being a pest with all my suggestions and critiques.


Nah, you're not being a pest. As I said, I love getting critiquings and suggestions from friends. Otherwise, how else would I become better at what I do? I'm lazy, most of the time I will not go back and fix it myself, unless I am truly disatisfied with it.

Oh so my constant comments actually encourage you to work harder? Yeah I am lazy too. But my laziness makes it difficult to start and finish things. At least you have been able to come to a conclusion.


Yeah, and yeah. That's the first REAL short story I've ever finished. ^^ I've written other short stories, but they were always for school.
Ask Katara Go to post 5540 Chatterbox Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:20 am
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water

Here's my solution to the whole discovering of his true name problem. Asmodiaos repeatedly says Ego diversus sum (I am different) throughout the story. He could mutter it just before he and Syra get into a fight about how different he is from other demons. In this way it has a double meaning. He means to say that he is different than what she thinks but at the same time he is also secretly telling her his name. Whether it is a conscious attempt on his part or unconscious I leave to your own choosing.


Oooh, I love that idea! Should she ask what it means and he tell her? Or he just keeps saying it without telling her its meaning?

Yeah have her ask him what he means by that and have him tell her but still have him say it at other times taking it for granted that she knows what he is saying now. That way it stays within the audience's mind as an important phrase. I do not like the idea of him telling her straight out that the way to release him is to find out his real name. You could add that as part of his whole explanation of what is going to happen to her if she continues on her path of revenge-she will become a devil and stay one until someone (or the summoner to make it even more unlikely to set free the demon) says aloud their real name.


Thanks so much, KataraChan, ^^ you are a huge help.

I am glad. I worry sometimes that I am being a pest with all my suggestions and critiques.


Nah, you're not being a pest. As I said, I love getting critiquings and suggestions from friends. Otherwise, how else would I become better at what I do? I'm lazy, most of the time I will not go back and fix it myself, unless I am truly disatisfied with it.
Ask Katara Go to post 5540 Chatterbox Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:57 pm
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water

But I thought your head was hurting. Go lay down. You can always work on it tomorrow.


Oh, it's not a problem, my I took advil about an hour ago, and with my excitement, it has seemed to have gone away. ^^ I'm working on it now as we speak. The part where it talks about her children though, I cut that out as well, right after he kissed her is where I began my changes. So everything from that point on is deleted. ^^

Here's my solution to the whole discovering of his true name problem. Asmodiaos repeatedly says Ego diversus sum (I am different) throughout the story. He could mutter it just before he and Syra get into a fight about how different he is from other demons. In this way it has a double meaning. He means to say that he is different than what she thinks but at the same time he is also secretly telling her his name. Whether it is a conscious attempt on his part or unconscious I leave to your own choosing.


Oooh, I love that idea! Should she ask what it means and he tell her? Or he just keeps saying it without telling her its meaning?

Yeah have her ask him what he means by that and have him tell her but still have him say it at other times taking it for granted that she knows what he is saying now. That way it stays within the audience's mind as an important phrase. I do not like the idea of him telling her straight out that the way to release him is to find out his real name. You could add that as part of his whole explanation of what is going to happen to her if she continues on her path of revenge-she will become a devil and stay one until someone (or the summoner to make it even more unlikely to set free the demon) says aloud their real name.


Thanks so much, KataraChan, ^^ you are a huge help.
Ask Toph Go to post 1055 Chatterbox Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:45 pm
KataraChan thinks its sexy. xD
Ask Katara Go to post 5540 Chatterbox Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:42 pm
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water

I'm sorry. I would also like to discuss the whole part about the children when you feel better. That bothered me. But you get some rest for now.


Nah, you can ask now, I got myself excited about it and now I'm working on it. xD

But I thought your head was hurting. Go lay down. You can always work on it tomorrow.


Oh, it's not a problem, my I took advil about an hour ago, and with my excitement, it has seemed to have gone away. ^^ I'm working on it now as we speak. The part where it talks about her children though, I cut that out as well, right after he kissed her is where I began my changes. So everything from that point on is deleted. ^^

Here's my solution to the whole discovering of his true name problem. Asmodiaos repeatedly says Ego diversus sum (I am different) throughout the story. He could mutter it just before he and Syra get into a fight about how different he is from other demons. In this way it has a double meaning. He means to say that he is different than what she thinks but at the same time he is also secretly telling her his name. Whether it is a conscious attempt on his part or unconscious I leave to your own choosing.


Oooh, I love that idea! Should she ask what it means and he tell her? Or he just keeps saying it without telling her its meaning?
Ask Toph Go to post 1055 Chatterbox Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:52 am
MellisaP
A man wants to take a meter long step forward but everytime he takes a step its half of the last step he took so the first step he takes is half a meter the next step he takes is a quater of a meter and so on, he can live forever so will he ever reach a meter?


Depends if he can ever stop making a step half of the last step. Otherwise, he will just keep stepping an even short distance without making his goal.
Ask Katara Go to post 5540 Chatterbox Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:38 am
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water
Somehow that seemed sort of anticlimatic. I was expecting Asmodiaos to reveal his love for her and for her to be confused but still wanting to take her revenge to which he would refuse to participate in or something. Then I envisioned her about to cut off Jacob's head when Asmodiaos bursts in and she finally makes the decision not to do it. I also thought the brother might show up at the same moment having been led by the same information. The whole thing with the first devil confused me. I don't understand what that is about. I also guess I expected her to figure out his name in a different manner and Asmodiaos not even telling her that she had to look for it. I am happy that they end up together but I just feel sort of dissatisfied with the ease of the ending and the lack of climax to the thing.


Hmm... you bring up some interesting ideas. Give me a day or two and I'll fix it. ^^ Right now I need to rest my head, it hurts like a b***h.

I'm sorry. I would also like to discuss the whole part about the children when you feel better. That bothered me. But you get some rest for now.


Nah, you can ask now, I got myself excited about it and now I'm working on it. xD

But I thought your head was hurting. Go lay down. You can always work on it tomorrow.


Oh, it's not a problem, my I took advil about an hour ago, and with my excitement, it has seemed to have gone away. ^^ I'm working on it now as we speak. The part where it talks about her children though, I cut that out as well, right after he kissed her is where I began my changes. So everything from that point on is deleted. ^^
Ask Katara Go to post 5540 Chatterbox Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:19 am
Katara daughter of Water
Kottashi and Kuroshi
Katara daughter of Water
Somehow that seemed sort of anticlimatic. I was expecting Asmodiaos to reveal his love for her and for her to be confused but still wanting to take her revenge to which he would refuse to participate in or something. Then I envisioned her about to cut off Jacob's head when Asmodiaos bursts in and she finally makes the decision not to do it. I also thought the brother might show up at the same moment having been led by the same information. The whole thing with the first devil confused me. I don't understand what that is about. I also guess I expected her to figure out his name in a different manner and Asmodiaos not even telling her that she had to look for it. I am happy that they end up together but I just feel sort of dissatisfied with the ease of the ending and the lack of climax to the thing.


Hmm... you bring up some interesting ideas. Give me a day or two and I'll fix it. ^^ Right now I need to rest my head, it hurts like a b***h.

I'm sorry. I would also like to discuss the whole part about the children when you feel better. That bothered me. But you get some rest for now.


Nah, you can ask now, I got myself excited about it and now I'm working on it. xD
Ask Toph Go to post 1055 Chatterbox Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:11 am
Weeeeenise! Wenise, wenise, wenise, wenise, wenise, wenise!!!!
Ask Katara Go to post 5540 Chatterbox Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:04 am
Katara daughter of Water
Somehow that seemed sort of anticlimatic. I was expecting Asmodiaos to reveal his love for her and for her to be confused but still wanting to take her revenge to which he would refuse to participate in or something. Then I envisioned her about to cut off Jacob's head when Asmodiaos bursts in and she finally makes the decision not to do it. I also thought the brother might show up at the same moment having been led by the same information. The whole thing with the first devil confused me. I don't understand what that is about. I also guess I expected her to figure out his name in a different manner and Asmodiaos not even telling her that she had to look for it. I am happy that they end up together but I just feel sort of dissatisfied with the ease of the ending and the lack of climax to the thing.


Hmm... you bring up some interesting ideas. Give me a day or two and I'll fix it. ^^ Right now I need to rest my head, it hurts like a b***h.
  • New posts
  • No new posts
  • Announcement
  • Sticky
  • New posts [ Locked ]
  • No new posts [ Locked ]
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

We will be phasing out support for your browser soon.

Please upgrade to one of these more modern browsers.