I think Meyer, like most of us, has seen enough abusive relationships romanticized in the media to write them fairly well without intending to. Personal experience is not necessary.
1) Please stick a spoiler-warning on your post. I know Death Note has been around for a while, but there still might be people who would be disappointed to your post.
2) Why are you using Light "God complex" Yagami and Misa-Misa-StalkerWithACrush as an example of a healthy relationship? The only reason I hesitate to call Misa an abusive girlfriend is that Light is so clearly worse.
3) Romeo and Juliet didn't tell each other that they were planning on following the other into that Great Big Beyond, they just downed the poison and got up close and personal with the dagger. If Romeo had said "Juliet, when you die, I'm coming with you," that could easily be abusive.
Committing suicide over a boyfriend / girlfriend's death = mentally unwell.
Telling boyfriend / girlfriend that you're planning on doing so = abusive.
4) Misa is saying "I don't think I could live without you", as in: "you are the sole source of meaning in my life right now." This is pretty bad, because it (theoretically) makes Light responsible for her happiness. But Misa's statement is still "in theory", so to speak. Edward's statement is more like "When you were in critical condition in the hospital, I got so freaked out by the idea of losing you that I made specific plans to kill myself."
Specific instance of potential loss + Specific suicide plans =/= misguided "romantic" talk.
Specific instance of potential loss + Specific suicide plans = "My boyfriend will actually kill himself if I take an action that results in my death."
This very quickly leads in to a chain of logic that ultimately restricts the girlfriend's actions in unreasonable ways.
BF will kill self if GF takes action that leads to death.
GF does not want BF to die.
To avoid death of BF, GF must avoid actions that might lead to her death.
GF must not:
- Take up high-intensity sports such as rock climbing or martial arts
- Join the army
- Eat foods high in trans fats
- Drive
- Walk anywhere alone at night
Depending on how neurotic GF is, this risk avoidance can get pretty restrictive pretty fast.
UltimaMage3
~Gait~
Another thing you need to understand is that abuse is all about context. There are SO MANY things abusers do that, in different context, wouldn't actually be abuse.
I'm using it as a comparison because somehow, despite, say, Bella
not minding that Edward watches her sleep, the OP and many others continue to tout
that as abuse, despite the context which proves it not being that way at all.
If you're not going to accept one thing, don't accept another that sounds like it, I'm saying
"Context" refers, first and foremost, to the immediate circumstances surrounding an action. Let's say we're arguing about whether a doctor should give a patient radiation treatment for cancer. What's our first question: "Does the patient currently have an aggressive cancer?" or "Will the patient have an aggressive cancer in five years?" If the patient doesn't have cancer
now, there's no reason to give them radiation treatment. (It won't prevent future cancers.)
Another example. You have just signed a lease on an apartment. You have agreed to move in on August first. On July 23rd, you show up on the front lawn with all your stuff in boxes. Clearly, this is unfair to the people who are still living in that apartment. Even if you know for a fact that the apartment will be yours in a week, you can't move in because it isn't your apartment
now.
With that in mind, the context of Edward watching Bella sleep:
A boy has become fascinated by a girl at school, with whom he has no real relationship. In an effort to understand Girl, Boy climbs up to her window and sneaks into her room while she sleeps. He sits down and watches her, and considers rifling through her personal belongings.
This is pretty freaking creepy. The fact that Bella
later says that she doesn't mind him watching her sleep is not relevant, because
at the time he first enters her room to watch her, they are
not dating, she is
unaware of his presence in her room, and she has
not given him permission to enter her room.
I repeat: the most important part of context is the immediate context - the circumstances as they stand at the time an action is taken. At the time that Edward first took the action of watching Bella sleep, she had not given him permission to do so. Therefore, the relevant context is: Edward has entered Bella's bedroom without her knowledge or permission and is watching her sleep.
~Gait~
IIRC, she only really got concerned and wanted to become a vampire after a dream she had in which she looked like her grandmother while Edward was still immortal and looked as young as when they'd met. Her vanity is not something that Edward can control.
But he can control how often he says something to the effect of "Bella, you're such a fragile human." (I'm agreeing with Gait here.)
~Gait~
Covertly? You're giving far too much credit to Edward for Bella's own stupidity and vanity.
I know it seems like we're painting Edward as a sadistic mastermind, but look at it this way. Edward frequently says things to the effect of, "Because I am a vampire, I can do anything you can do, but better." If he
does not realize that this will make Bella want to become a vampire, he is being very, very stupid. As a mindreader, he should know that many people would consider sunlight a fair trade for superpowers.
If he
does realize that his words will make Bella want to be a vampire, then he's being cruel for teasing her with it and then denying it to her.
