Closed

[Janish]

Thank you for all the responses.

[dollarbillblues]

So he's got a pride problem?
Call his p***s cute.
That'll show the ********.

[Tsundere Succubus]

I'm going sound like the b***h here, and maybe suggest you're just not smart enough. >_< It is frustrating when someone can not contribute to intelligent conversations and give short answers.

[The Color of Death Spiral]

break up

[Willow_T]

That's what I hate about online relationships...you can't REALLY know the person infront of you if you never met him face to face. It is pretty easy to be some kind of made up "character" online, someone that you wish to be, but actually you're anything like that in real life. As much as he tries to show that he's "tough", in reality he sound like he's pretty...on the edge. He doesn't deal well with his situation he's in, just because you're not interested in some topics of his, does not mean you're not intellectual or "smart" enough for him. It's his fault that he raises debates on things that you do not care about. You should tell him that. And if he's being competitive with you online, well, it does sound very very childish to me. Seems like he's in some kind of made-up "bubble" and he expects you to contribute with his selfish acts. So...don't. .

Look. I don't think online relationships will go anywhere if you both don't want to meet online. I don't know how long you've known him, but it seems quite a lot. And now you're afraid that he's drunk i'm pretty sure you're afraid to meet him on real life. I think you should break up, if he doesn't want to change his attitude towards you. You're his "girl", you're not one of the "guys". I'm sure you want him to be more respectful towards you. .And it seems his emotional intelligence equals that of a 11 year old that doesn't know the difference between a "girl friend" and a "boy friend".

[Bewildered Heartbeat]

The problem with having a really prideful boyfriend is this: if you can't stand on equal footing with him when he is on "the attack" he will crush you emotionally. Boys like this can be controlling, not saying he is a bad guy but if you don't stand your ground he is going to walk all over you and make you feel like the smallest person in the world. You are not. He needs to understand that while he may be nice, charming, fun etc. you do not have to obey him or shrink back if he gets upset.
You said he is not an alcoholic...alcoholism exists in many different forms:
Drink alone
Become violent when drinking
Become hostile when asked about drinking
Make excuses to drink
Try to hide alcohol use
These are signs people don't think of as much and no matter what his family situation is, if he is using alcohol to "forget his worries" it will lead him down a bad path. You need to have a serious talk. Don't give up your "firsts" for a man you are unsure of.

[Petrograd]

Being a successful guild leader is certainly reason to be proud, but there's never a good reason to be arrogant and egoistic. He sounds like he has poor self-esteem and therefore takes offense at being ignored. (Self-confidence = think he's skilled, self-esteem = think he's a valuable/"good" person)

Anyhow. As for the drinking. If he has severe issues he may be unable to stop drinking. Evidently he knows this is a problem for you.

I recommend you request he does not contact or talk to you when he's drunk if he repeatedly makes you feel bad during those times. By him being responsible for stopping contact during those times, he won't have to feel ignored.

[Cannibal Girls]

☠I don't have good experiences with military or ex-military men, so my opinion is very biased.
A good percent of military men are JUST LIKE THAT. They think they're hot s**t. And it probably won't ever change.
And the drinking? Yeah. My ex husband was a sailor, and he drank his ******** problems away too. He still continues to drink even though he's no longer in the service because there will always be some kind of problem that will be an excuse to drink.
"Oh no! I've got a hangnail! Guess I'll drink."
:/ And this is an LDR? IMO LDR's are so not worth the heartache.
Good luck. I would hate to be in your position.☠

[Janish]

(closed)

[Mameoyashi]

It sounds like he has some issues that he needs to deal with. He's been in military service you mentioned and comes from a broken home? Sounds like he has a lot of demons following him around and while he may be "successful" it sounds like all of these things have taken their toll on him. He doesn't sound like a guy who has very good interpersonal skills, and it doesn't sound like he has a lot of respect or compassion.

Assertive and aggressive are also NOT synonyms. In fact assertiveness is the mid-point between passivity and aggression. You do not need to get aggressive to stand up for yourself, you do not need to get aggressive to be firm about your wants and needs. I would actually recommend a book called "Boundaries: Where you end and I begin" by Anne Katherine, because I found that it helped me sort out not only what healthy boundaries were, but also how to become more assertive instead of passive or aggressive when I need to solve a problem. I'm still usually a ridiculously passive person, because it's a part of who I am, but I also learned how to step up for myself and take charge of protecting my won personal boundaries, as well as knowing how to set and maintain them.

However you need to keep in mind that you can't change him. If he doesn't want to change, he's not going to. You can't "do" anything about it. You can't change it. You can talk to him, you can discuss and try to work things out with him, hell if you want you can both start going to therapists and seeing what they say and then talk about it together too. But in the end, no matter what you do, he is the one who needs to make the change, make the effort and follow-through. It's hard, and honestly he may not want to change who he is. You are going to have to prepare for a point where he's not going to change. He might, yes, and it is worth a shot to try to talk to him calmly and really use healthy and effective methods of communication to try to sort things out. However, if he is unresponsive (or if he says he'll change and never actually does) you're going to have to decide at what point is enough enough.

It sounds though, as though he may be stubborn to change. If he sees himself as a self-made-man he may not want help and he may not want to change. You are going to have to see this if it's the case. Please do not suck yourself into the trap of "waiting for change" or hoping that you can change someone else. Because it has to come from them. You can help and be a support along the way, but it has to come from them. If he's waiting until he's in person to change, then he's not doing it for himself and he may not really want to embrace the changes that are laid before him.

[Kaname_Is_Here]

Ex military aren't good, and I've always been told to avoid military at all costs.

You are not up for the challeng of a military person. This is nothing to be ashamed of. They need someone just as dark and morbid and as ******** up as they are. This isn't their fault thy've become ******** up, it's just they've witnessed things we can't even imagine.

I very much doubt, this will last very long.

(My 'e' button is half working so excuse my spelling)

He won't ever work on his 'faults' as to him they aren't faults and it's wrong for you to call them that. As for drinking, if that is what helps him openup and deal with the horrible things he has witnessed, then let him. If you're cowering away from a intelligent conversation because you 'have no experience in it' then you shouldn't be there to comfort him when he needs it, which if you haven't noticed, is everytime he drinks.

Drunk minds sober thoughts.

I don't think you should be with him, or constantly talking to him in hope of more, it isn't gunna happen the way you want it to. I would say it's best to get out now.